NICK PACED THE LENGTH of Garth’s office. He’d stopped by to see his friend because he didn’t know what else to do.
“You have to stop this,” he said forcefully, turning back to stare at the one person he’d considered his family. The one person he trusted above all.
“Going after the Titans?” Garth leaned back in his chair and slowly shook his head. “Nick, don’t get involved in this. You’re helping Izzy. Make that enough.”
“You’re going after her family. A prostitution ring? What the fuck?”
Garth smiled. “Come on. You have to admire the inventiveness of it. That on top of the treason charges should keep Jed Titan in jail for a long time.”
“Did he do any of it?”
Garth shrugged. “Does it matter?”
“Yeah, it does. When did you become the asshole who did the wrong thing?”
Garth’s easy smile faded. “When I was fourteen and Jed threw me out onto the street. When I watched my mother nearly die and then lose herself because we didn’t have the money to get the surgery done in time.”
“Jed’s a bastard. I get it. But his daughters didn’t know about you. Why are you taking this out on them?”
“Because I can. Because anything that hurts the old man makes it a good day.”
Nick walked to the front of the desk and braced his hands against the hard surface. “It doesn’t hurt him. He doesn’t care about his daughters. I doubt he ever has. He came to see Izzy last week. He told her that because she was still blind, she was no use to him. That’s not even human. I understand he turned his back on you. I understand he has to pay, but the Titan women are innocent.”
“They’ve got you snowed.”
Nick read the truth in his eyes. He’d been avoiding it because he wanted his friend to be someone different. He didn’t know when Garth had changed-when he’d decided the end justified the means-but he had. Everything was different now.
Nick understood that he’d been living an illusion a long time. The friendship he’d counted on, that had shaped his life, was over.
He straightened. “I’m out of the company. I’ll be selling my shares over the next few weeks.” He pulled a letter out of his back pocket and dropped it on the blotter. “I’m resigning from the board of directors.”
Garth ignored the letter. “You’re going to choose a piece of ass over a guy you’ve known nearly twenty years?”
Nick moved like the wind. One second he was on the other side of the desk, the next he was spinning Garth’s chair toward him and wrapping his hand around the other man’s neck.
The skills were there, along with the strength. He’d learned how to protect himself with nothing but his body to use as a weapon and he’d learned every trick.
He stared into Garth’s dark eyes. “I won’t squeeze because of our shared past. Because until today, you were all the family I had. But don’t cross me. Don’t test me and don’t come after the Titan sisters again. Hang Jed Titan if you want. He’s yours, but they are not.”
He stepped back.
Garth stood. “So this is it?” he asked. “They matter more than what we’ve been through?” He pulled open his shirt, exposing the scars that matched Nick’s. “This never happened?”
“It happened,” Nick said slowly. “My regret for what you had to endure goes to the bone. But that doesn’t make what you’re doing here right. The Titan women aren’t up for grabs. Cross them and you cross me.”
Garth slowly rebuttoned his shirt. “Izzy doesn’t know, does she? That you know me. That we’ve been friends for years.”
“Let me guess. You’re going to tell her.” Nick didn’t know how to stop him. The truth-would she understand? Or would she blame him and walk away from all the progress she’d made just to punish him?
“Are you?” Garth asked.
“After she has the surgery.” He wanted to put it off as long as possible. He wanted to get her well first.
Which sounded good, but there was another truth. He didn’t want to lose her. Somehow she’d become important to him. He could trust her and that was hard for him to admit. There might be something more, but he wasn’t willing to go there. Not now, probably not ever.
“You’ll want to make sure she hears it from you,” Garth said, the threat obvious. “If it comes from someone else, it could break her heart. Or worse.”
“Don’t threaten me,” Nick told him, then started for the door.
Garth called him back. “You’re going to regret this. We’re like brothers, Nick. We always have been. Don’t give that up because of a woman.”
“Izzy isn’t a part of this, but you can’t understand that. And that’s why I’m walking away.”
IZZY FULLY EXPECTED to confront Nick after her sisters left, but he disappeared and being nearly blind meant a serious handicap on her part when trying to search a large open area, like a ranch. Then at dinner, Aaron upset her whole day by telling her that three kids were coming to visit for the Labor Day weekend.
“It’s Labor Day already?” she asked, then shook her head. “Never mind. What kind of kids? What if they don’t like me? What if I mess up?”
“Did you count the number of I’s in that sentence, young lady?” Aaron asked. “Who should this conversation be about?”
“The kids. I know, the kids. What was I thinking?”
But she wasn’t thinking. She found herself oddly nervous at the thought of dealing with kids who had issues.
“What kind of issues?” she asked. “Like physical handicaps?”
“Not usually. We don’t have any special facilities for wheelchairs or kids on crutches. Mostly we get kids who have been through something really tough.” He sounded uncharacteristically subdued.
“Like?”
“Like we’re not supposed to know. We get a general outline of the issues so we don’t schedule fireworks for a child who’s lived through a gunfight, but nothing specific. Two of the kids have been here before, though, so I know their story. Their mom shot their dad and then killed herself. They were in the room when it happened. The old man had been beating them for years, but still.”
Izzy pushed away her plate as her stomach got queasy. Where was Nick? Hearing this would be slightly easier if he was around.
“What are we supposed to do for them?” she asked.
“Let them get away from their regular lives. They ride horses, walk the rope bridge. They get to play and run without anyone pointing.”
“I could point, I just wouldn’t know the right direction,” Izzy murmured. “What if I mess up?”
“You won’t. You’re a nice person.” He sounded way too cheerful as he spoke.
“What does that mean? What aren’t you telling me?”
Aaron sighed. “We’re getting a difficult case. Her name is Heidi. She’s twelve. Two years ago, her uncle raped her and then set her on fire, trying to kill her so she wouldn’t tell on him.”
Izzy’s dinner did a slow, uncomfortable turn in her belly. “I read about that in the paper. The uncle was arrested then killed in prison.”
“Sometimes the criminal justice system works,” Aaron told her. “Anyway, Heidi has been through a dozen or so reconstructive surgeries. She’s sarcastic, unfriendly and hates the world. Nick and I thought you’d be great with her.”
“What?”
“We’re not saying you’re like that, but you have some attitude on you. I think you’re young enough for her to relate to without being too young.”
Izzy held up both hands. “I don’t think this is going to work. Shouldn’t we have a professional dealing with her?”
“She has plenty of those. We’re talking a long weekend, girlfriend. You can suck it up for that long. At the end of the day, she’s still burned and you get to be pretty. So manage.”
“Ouch,” Izzy murmured. “That hurt.”
“I’m sorry. Heidi needs help. You need to try. I’m just saying.”
“Okay.” She felt stupid and small, but understood his point.
“You’ll like it,” he said, his voice softening. “Trust me. These kids can break your heart, but in a good way.”
“So why not have them here for more than a long weekend at a time?”
Aaron was quiet for so long, she wondered if he’d left the room.
“I don’t know,” he said at last. “I’ve tried to talk to Nick about it, but he won’t listen. He says it would be too complicated. We’d need a full-time staff of health care professionals.”
“Is it a money thing?”
“Have you seen Nick’s bank account balance?”
“No.”
“Oh, right. It’s not a money thing.”
“Then what?” she asked before she could stop herself. She knew the reason. It was fear. Fear that he would do more damage than good. Fear that he could destroy even more. Because he hadn’t forgiven himself. He probably never would.
“You’ll have to ask him yourself,” Aaron told her.
“Sure,” she said, knowing she didn’t have to.
IZZY PACED NERVOUSLY outside the barn. She and Rita had discussed the best choices for horses for the kids. The two who had been on the ranch before had some experience, but as far as Izzy could tell, Heidi had never been on a horse. Izzy felt that Flower was the right mount. An even-tempered mare with a maternal streak, Flower was patient and gentle with the most skittish of riders, but she had plenty of speed for a good, long ride.
“They’re here,” Rita said, seconds before Izzy heard the SUV approaching.
“You’re good,” Izzy murmured and wiped her hands on her jeans. Everything would be fine, she told herself. This wasn’t a big deal. Kids loved horses. Her fears that she would say or do something so wrong as to damage Heidi was an inflation of her importance in the girl’s life. Which sounded good but didn’t take away the knot in her stomach.
She turned toward the sound of running feet and saw two blurry shapes hurrying toward them. Rita hugged both kids and introduced Izzy.
“Are we going riding soon?” the girl, Emily, asked.
“Very soon,” Rita promised.
“Where’s Heidi?” Izzy asked.
“She’s scared,” Ned, Emily’s brother, said. “She looked like she was going to cry the whole way here.”
“New places can be confusing,” Izzy said as she walked toward the SUV. She could see Nick unloading luggage. As she approached, a tall girl climbed out of the car.
“You must be Heidi,” Izzy said cheerfully. “Hi. Nice to meet you. Do you want to get settled or would you like to come meet your horse for the weekend? Flower is very excited about all the riding we’re going to do.”
There was something odd about the girl’s posture. She was bent over, as if…
The burns, Izzy thought, mentally slapping herself. She was hiding her face.
“I’d rather go to my room,” Heidi whispered.
“Okay. I’ll show you the way.” She pointed at the suitcases. “Which one is yours?”
“The green one.”
Which was less helpful, Izzy thought as she stared at the dark-colored luggage. Nick handed her one. She smiled at him. “Thanks.”
Izzy took the suitcase and led the way inside. As there were only three guests, all the kids were sleeping in the main house. She went up the stairs and walked into the bright, cheery bedroom Norma and Aaron had prepared.
“Here you go,” Izzy told Heidi. “You have your own bathroom, which is pretty cool. I hate sharing a bathroom. Even with my sisters. I should probably get over that, I know, but here it’s not an issue. Now do you want to unpack first or come meet Flower?”
“I don’t want to meet a stupid horse. I’m only here because my doctor said I had to come. I’m going to stay in my room and read until it’s time to go home. You can go now.”
Izzy dropped the suitcase and put her hands on her hips. “Oh, really. Because you think you’re in charge?”
“No. Not really.” Heidi took a step back. “I, um, don’t like horses.”
So the bravado had serious limits. Good to know. Izzy wasn’t sure what to say or the best way to deal with the situation. They only had three days, which meant she couldn’t outwait Heidi.
“How many horses have you met?”
Heidi cleared her throat and hunched over. “Not many.”
“As in none?”
“Yes.” The word was barely audible.
“Okay, then you’re going to meet Flower because she’s really nice. I think you’ll get along. But if I’m wrong, we’ll renegotiate. Sound fair?”
She took the heavy sigh as a yes and motioned for Heidi to follow her out of the house.
Minutes later they were in Flower’s stall.
“Flower, this is Heidi,” Izzy said as she patted the mare’s neck. “It’s okay, Heidi. Flower’s a sweetie. She won’t hurt you.”
But Heidi stood in the doorway, unmoving, not speaking. Izzy couldn’t read her expression so she wasn’t sure what was wrong.
“Don’t you want to pat her?”
“No.”
“But you’re a girl. Girls love horses.”
“Not me. She’s too big. She’ll bite me. Or worse.”
“I see,” Izzy said. “Wait here.”
Seconds later she was back with one of the barn cats in her arms. “This is Alfredo. Are you good with cats?”
“I like cats.” Heidi moved toward her and gently stroked Alfredo. “He’s small.”
“He’s still a kitten. He was born here in the barn. Now I think you’re bigger than Alfredo.”
Heidi actually giggled. “Well, yeah. He’s a cat.”
“Good. Now remember that.” Izzy put Alfredo down.
“What are you doing?” Heidi shrieked. “He’ll be killed.”
“He’ll be fine. Horses and cats usually get along. Watch.”
Izzy couldn’t see very much, but she’d grown up around barn cats and horses. She knew that Alfredo would be fearless in the stall. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Heidi gasped.
“Flower likes him. She’s kind of petting him with her nose. He’s drinking her water.”
“Really? So maybe now you’re not so afraid of Flower?”
“Maybe. But I don’t want to ride her. It’s too high. What if I fall?”
“Then you lie on the ground feeling stupid. Trust me, I’ve done it a thousand times.”
“I’m not riding. Why do you care if I ride?” Heidi’s voice rose with her words until she was practically shouting.
“Because you can’t be afraid all the time. Because you need to learn how to live again and this is a start.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ve never been set on fire. You can’t know what I go through every day. Don’t talk to me about being afraid. You don’t know anything.”
Izzy blocked the doorway, so Heidi couldn’t get past her and Izzy had no plans to move. She felt bad about the girl’s quiet crying, but she wasn’t going to back down.
“I was in an explosion,” she said. “Does that count?”
There was a sniff, then, “What do you mean?”
“I was on an oil rig that exploded. I don’t remember what happened, mostly because I was busy being tossed up in the air, falling through fire and then landing in the water. I could have drowned. Huh. I never thought of that before. Anyway, I was in the explosion. I had a few cuts and bruises but the big thing is I’m blind. Well, I have thirty percent of my sight, which is pretty darned close.”
“You’re not blind.”
Izzy laughed. “Tell that to my doctor.”
“But you’re so pretty.”
“Thanks, but that doesn’t matter. I get around, but I can’t read or drive.”
Heidi moved closer. “You can’t see me?”
“I can see your shape and the light and dark of colors. Not details.”
“So you don’t know what my face looks like.”
“No. Why? Is there something wrong with it?”
As soon as she asked the question, Izzy wanted to shoot herself. What a stupid thing to say. And here it had only been what? Twenty minutes?
“I’m hideous,” Heidi said, turning away. “A freak. Children run screaming when they see me.”
“So basically you never have to wait in line when you go to Disneyland.”
For the second time in as many minutes Izzy spoke without thinking. But before she could bang her head into the side of the stall, she heard a faint giggle. She breathed a sigh of relief.
“It’s not funny,” Heidi said, even as she giggled harder.
“You’re the one laughing, not me.”
“I know.” She cleared her throat, then chuckled again. “No one talks about how I look except my surgeon and his staff. And my therapist. We’re all supposed to pretend I’m normal.”
“Is that bad?”
“I don’t know. I’m not normal. I’ve had so many surgeries and I’m going to have more. I get scared because it hurts and I just want to be like everyone else.”
“Not an option, kid. Sorry. You’re going to have to be yourself. But you know what? That’s not so bad.”
“That’s what my mom says.”
Izzy winced. “So you’re saying I’m old and mom-like? I’m crushed.”
Heidi laughed again, then stepped toward Flower and patted her neck. “You’re funny.”
“Gee, thanks.”
A loud bell sounded.
“Mealtime,” Izzy said. “You are literally saved by the bell. By the time we’re done with dinner, it will be too late to go riding, so first thing tomorrow, we’re going to take this pony out and see what she can do.”
“Really?”
“You’ll love it. I promise. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“But you’re blind.”
“So?”
“You ride horses?”
“Honey, I do everything. Well, e-mail is a challenge. I need to get one of those talking programs.”
“You’re not like anyone I know.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” Izzy said, grabbing Alfredo and walking out of the stall. She set the cat down, then waited until Heidi followed her before securing the low door. “See you tomorrow, Flower.”
The horse neighed.
“Does she understand you?” Heidi asked, sounding intrigued.
“Most of the time. Horses are people, too.”
Heidi laughed.
AFTER DINNER, Heidi followed Izzy into the living room while the other two kids went with Aaron to watch movies in the media room of the main guesthouse.
“Is your hair naturally curly?” Heidi asked as she bounced onto the sofa. “Do you like it?”
“It’s natural and sometimes I like it. Sometimes I want really straight hair, but I’ve learned to live with it.”
“I have straight hair,” Heidi said.
Izzy reached out and touched the silky strands. “Nice. Very soft.”
“My mom buys me this fancy conditioner that makes it shiny and stuff but…”
“But what?”
“No one’s looking at my hair. The scars are all along one side of my face. I’ve got a patch of hair missing where the follicles burned away. My surgeon said we can talk about a transplant, but he says that’s just minor stuff.”
“He’s not a twelve-year-old girl,” Izzy said, aching for her.
“Yeah.” Heidi sighed. “Sometimes I get scared about growing up. About being accepted and stuff.”
“Me, too.”
“What?”
“I have two brilliant and beautiful sisters. Lexi, the oldest, started her own business. It’s a day spa and it’s really successful. My other sister, Skye, runs a foundation. She inherited a bunch of money from our mom and is using most of it to feed hungry children.”
“Wow.”
“Exactly. I’m the screwup. I didn’t go to college and I look for crazy jobs, like ski patrol. I was an underwater welder on an oil rig, which is where the explosion occurred. Now I’m blind and I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Don’t you work here?”
“Sort of. It’s temporary. Until I can get my life back together.”
“What do you want to do?” Heidi asked.
“I haven’t a clue.”
“Me, either.”
“You’re twelve. You get to be confused. I’m supposed to have figured it all out by now.”
“You’re good with the horses.”
“I enjoy working with them.” But she wanted something more. The question was what?
“You’re easy to talk to,” Heidi told her.
“Thanks. So are you.”
Later that night, after Heidi had gone to bed, Izzy went looking for Nick. She found him in his office.
“If I didn’t know better, I would say you were hiding,” she told him as she entered.
“Sorry. I’ve been busy getting ready for the kids this weekend. There’s a lot of paperwork.”
For the thousandth time, she wished she could see his face. She wanted to know what he was really thinking. “Are you worried I’m going to get all girly because we slept together?”
“No. I never worry about that with you.”
She sat down. “Good. Because I’m not. Are you?”
“No.”
She heard the humor in his voice.
“I like Heidi,” she said. “She’s not what I expected. Things have got to be hard for her, but she’s a great kid.”
“Most of them are.”
“She didn’t deserve what happened to her. I guess no one does. I was scared of not knowing what to say or do, but she doesn’t need me to make anything better. I’m just a friend.”
“That’s good.”
Feelings welled up inside her. It took her a second to figure out her point.
“I’m not curing cancer or anything, but I think this helps. This experience. And I’m a part of that. I’ve never been a part of anything like this before. So I wanted to say thank-you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She stood to leave, then turned back to him. “You don’t get involved with the kids who come here?”
“I have other things I need to do.”
“No, you don’t. You should meet the people you help, Nick. You might just be surprised by how good that makes you feel.”
“WHAT KIND OF TREES are those?” Heidi asked the next afternoon when they left the corral and started actually riding out in the open.
“Like I can see them?” Izzy asked with a laugh. “Did you get the whole blind thing?”
“Oh, right. Sorry. They’re nice. I live in Southern California. Not so much on the trees there. I thought Texas had lots of wildflowers. I don’t see any.”
“They happen in spring. It’s too hot now.”
Heidi provided a running commentary on everything they rode by, which could have been wearing but was actually nice. She was enthused, happy and acting just like a kid. And it had only been a day. What would she be like after a week or a month in a place like this?
She thought about the facilities already in place. Couldn’t Nick host kids all summer and save the corporate stuff for the rest of the year? Maybe have families visit on weekends, but during the week, kids only? It could work. He would need a full-time staff of psychologists and maybe a couple of nurses, but that was all doable. If it was a summer program, they could hire school psychologists who were experienced with kids and still had the time off.
“Oh, look, Izzy,” Heidi whispered. “Look.”
“I can’t,” she whispered back.
“There’s a deer. She’s so beautiful. I’ve never seen a deer, except at the zoo. She’s real and everything. Look how she walks. She’s eating.” Heidi’s voice rose. “She’s eating and, oh, look.”
Izzy glanced around at the blurry world and waited until the deer had moved on. Heidi urged Flower forward.
“That was so cool,” the girl said, sounding excited. “I love riding. Can we go every day I’m here?”
“Of course. Flower would like that.”
“I’m going to call my mom tonight and tell her I want to take lessons. I don’t care if people stare. It’s too much fun. I can’t hide in my room forever, right?”
“Right.” Izzy felt all bright and light inside, like she could float away on a bubble of happiness. “By the way, have you ever been rock climbing?”
“No.”
“We’ll have to try that when we get back.”
“Is it fun?”
“I think you’re going to love it.”
MONDAY CAME TOO QUICKLY, Izzy thought as she hugged Heidi goodbye.
“You’ll call me?” the girl asked, tears thickening her voice.
“I’m going to have to. It’s not like I can do e-mail.”
Heidi hugged her again. “You’re the best. I had such a good time. Thanks for everything.”
“You’re welcome.” Izzy let go and straightened. She fought the burning in her eyes. There was no way she was going to cry. At least not in front of Heidi.
The girl climbed in the SUV and closed the door. Izzy waved and had no idea if Heidi was waving back. When the SUV pulled away, she turned and practically ran into Nick.
He caught her and held her in front of him. “You okay?”
“Yes. Just a little choked up. I didn’t know it would be like this. She’s amazing and tough and still sees the wonder in things. After what happened to her, how is that possible?”
“She’s strong. You were good with her. I saw you two together.”
“I hope I helped. I loved hanging out with her.” She hesitated. “Whatever you went through, whatever you did, if it brought you here, then it’s not as bad as you think. This is worth it, Nick. This is magic. You’re helping children in a profound way. You’re making them believe in themselves. It’s amazing. Don’t believe me. Ask their parents.”
“None of this makes up for what I did.”
“Maybe not, but did it ever occur to you that you had to make that mistake to get here? To make this kind of a difference? How many others are there like Heidi? How many others will you help?”
“Not enough.”
He was so stubborn. “You won’t be able to reach them all, but each child is a chance. Why can’t you see the good you do?”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about them.”
“Maybe it’s about all of us.” She touched his arm. “I want to have the surgery.”
He didn’t say anything.
She shrugged. “It’s time. I get it. After spending the weekend with Heidi, how can I still be afraid?”
He touched her face with his fingertips, then pulled her close.
“Will you take me?” she asked, her words muffled against his shoulder. “I don’t want my sisters to know until after the surgery. I don’t want them to worry.”
“Yes.”
She waited. “That’s it? No ‘I told you so’ or ‘You should have done this weeks ago’?”
“No.”
“Can I stay here while I recover?”
He kissed her. His mouth was warm and sexy and tempting. “If you tried to leave, I’d drag you back.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”