“HAVE YOU TASTED Skye’s cookies?” Aaron asked as he followed Izzy down the hall. “Silly question. Of course you have. How could you grow up with cookies like that in the house and not weigh four hundred pounds? They’re fabulous.” He lowered his voice. “Don’t tell Norma I said that. She’d cut me off her biscuits for weeks.”
“I won’t say a word,” Izzy promised, staring at the half-closed door to Nick’s bedroom.
She wanted to check on him. The doctor had let him out of the hospital that morning only after Nick had promised to take it easy, including staying in bed for a couple more days. She’d agreed to make sure he followed the doctor’s orders. But she had a feeling he wasn’t the type to do what he was told, which meant he was probably doing jumping jacks right this second.
She had to go make sure. The only problem was, she couldn’t seem to bring herself to walk into his room.
“Would you look in on Nick and make sure he’s resting?”
Aaron frowned at her. “Why? Aren’t you two speaking?”
“We’re fine. The man saved me from a rattlesnake. He gets a free pass for at least a month. I just don’t want to hover too much.”
“Okay.”
Aaron poked his head in the room, then backed out. “He’s either asleep or faking being asleep,” he said in a low voice.
“Good. He’s lying down, which is important.”
They walked to the living room.
“Tell me what happened during the rest of the weekend,” Izzy said. “The guys were gone when we brought Nick home.”
“I kicked them out Sunday morning. They didn’t seem all that upset to go.”
“I’m sure they’re sorry they ever signed up for the retreat in the first place,” she said. “They were all morons. I just hope they aren’t working on something important, like third-world financing.”
“I’m with you on that,” Aaron told her. “I don’t know that Nick is going to go forward with wanting to press charges.”
She looked at him. “He has to. He could have died.”
“I think he’s more concerned that you could have died and doesn’t want to put you through that.”
His words made her feel funny. All hot and squishy on the inside. And a little sick to her stomach. “We can talk about it later.”
“Are you all right?” Aaron asked. “You’re acting very strange.”
“I’m fine. Just dealing with the stress of what happened.”
He didn’t look convinced. “Did something happen that I don’t know about? You know I hate being the last to know anything.”
“I’m not keeping secrets,” she promised, knowing it was true. She couldn’t keep a secret about something she wasn’t willing to admit even to herself.
“What are you going to do now?” he asked.
“Take care of the horses.”
“Not look after Nick?”
“I’ll check in on him later. He’s a big boy. He can survive a few hours by himself.”
“A few minutes ago you said you were worried about hovering too much.”
“Right. Well, I can’t hover in the stable. I need to go or Rita will be screaming.”
“Rita never screams. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.”
She made her escape and ducked outside. But once there, she didn’t feel any more comfortable. The need to run, to hide, to move, to do something was as powerful as it was unexplained. She felt like jumping out of her skin.
It was the whole incident with the snake, she told herself as she walked toward the barn. It had been terrifying. Her delayed reaction made perfect sense. She’d never seen anything like that in her life. Nick could have died. She could have died. She would be better in a few days.
As she went into the barn and walked toward Jackson’s stall, she felt both hot and cold, as if she were coming down with the flu. But it was also different. Uncomfortable and scary and…
She stopped in the middle of the stable and stared into Jackson’s big, brown eyes. Possibilities flashed through her mind, each more frightening than the one before. Would she? Had she?
She’d been terrified about Nick’s snake bite. The drive to the hospital had seemed endless and she’d been unable to stop crying, no matter how many times Nick calmly promised he would be fine. It was only after the doctor had sworn he was out of danger that she’d allowed herself to hope.
Nick was a friend, she told herself. Of course she would worry about him. Only she knew it was more than that. Much more. Losing Nick would have crushed her in ways she’d never experienced. The reason she was confused, the reason she didn’t know how to act or what to say was that everything was suddenly different. At least from her end.
Love.
Sometime, when she wasn’t paying attention, she’d fallen in love with him. She, who had never loved anyone. Who never got involved. She’d fallen for a man who had vowed to never let himself be happy or connect with anyone else. Which was pretty much just her luck.
NICK WATCHED Izzy carry in his tray for dinner. She brought it over to the bed and set it on the low table Aaron had already settled across his lap.
“Thanks,” he said, more interested in looking at her than the food. “I haven’t seen you all day.”
“I’ve been around,” she said, not quite looking at him. “You know, busy. There’s so much to do. Things to get caught up on. Despite appearances, you are more than a pretty face. I’m trying to pick up the slack.”
She sounded fine, but something wasn’t right. He could tell. “It’s been three days. There isn’t much slack to pick up.”
“I like staying current,” she murmured. “Anyway, here’s your dinner. Norma made all your favorites, which you should really mention. She said it about three times. And she kept Aaron from eating all the biscuits. Here’s my question. How does he eat so much and stay so damn skinny? It’s annoying.”
She gave him a tight smile that looked more pained than happy, then started backing out of the room. “I’ll just let you eat in peace.”
“Or you could keep me company.”
She froze, momentarily looked trapped, then gave him the fake smile again. “Sure. If you’d like. That would be great. Really nice.” She pulled over the armchair from the corner.
“Go ahead,” she said. “Eat. I’ll do the talking. I’m good at that.” She paused as if searching for a topic. “I, ah, got the catalog from the community college. I missed the fall semester start by three weeks. Which is okay. I can take my time and figure out my major. Not that I have to declare right away.”
He cut into the roast beef. “I thought you were studying psychology.”
“I am, but there are a lot of choices in the field. Not at the community college level, of course, but you know, um, later.”
“Izzy, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” She smiled again and this time did a better job of faking it. “You’re getting tons of get-well cards. You’re way more popular than I would have guessed. Aaron has them all. He’ll bring them by later. I’m sure small but tasteful gifts will be arriving soon. Oh, look at the time.”
She started to stand. He grabbed her arm and held her in place.
“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s going on.”
She stared at him, wide-eyed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re acting strange.”
“No, I’m not. It’s the snake bite, isn’t it? Your brain is addled.”
He frowned. “You don’t say things like addled. What happened?”
“Nothing. Seriously, I’m good. And I really have to go. I’ll see you later.”
She slipped free of his grasp and walked out of the room.
Nick thought about going after her, but wondered if she needed time to deal with whatever it was that had…What? Scared her? It would be his first guess, only very little scared Izzy. She was tough and gentle, an impossible combination.
He would give it time, but eventually he would figure it out. Something had happened. Something that had her running scared and he was going to find out what it was.
THE KNIVES CAME OUT of the darkness. Nick recognized the burning as the blades cut through him. It was always the same, he thought, doing his best to fight. Silence, then the burn, then the warm trickle of blood followed by the intense pain. They liked to cut in a place that had almost healed. It hurt more that way. Sometimes they jabbed under his fingernails or the bottom of his feet. He never knew where they would strike or when. Or how long it would last.
The burning continued and he waited for the agony. Only it wasn’t there this time. And a part of him knew he was dreaming. This wasn’t real. But it felt real, he told himself, even as he fought the bone-chilling fear. It felt more real than it had for years.
The venom, he remembered. The snake bite. That’s what was different. He was weak-he who hadn’t allowed himself to be weak since his escape.
He fought the memories, the heat and told himself he would escape again, as he had before. He knew the way. He could…
Something cold stroked his face. A soft voice whispered for him to come back. It promised safety. A hand held on to his, guiding him, drawing him up and up until he opened his eyes and saw Izzy leaning over him.
“You made it,” she said. “You were dreaming. The jungle?”
He nodded. “What time is it?”
“Just after midnight.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Watching over you.”
Being around him was safe, or so Izzy had thought. While Nick was asleep she was at less risk of giving herself away. So she’d curled up in the big chair a couple of hours ago, prepared to spend the night. She’d nearly been asleep when she’d heard him moaning.
She dipped the washcloth in the basin of water, squeezed it, then placed it back on his forehead.
“I want to check for a fever,” she said. “You feel hot.”
“Not as good as looking hot,” he teased.
“Someone’s been hanging out with Aaron just a little too much.”
“Is that possible?”
She smiled. “You certainly sound all right.”
“I’m fine.”
He looked better. The color had returned to his face. She dropped the washcloth into the basin and straightened.
“You should try to go back to sleep,” she told him. “I’m sure the nightmare has passed.”
His eyes were so green, she thought as she stared into them. She’d gotten used to everything about him except his eyes. They still startled her when she looked at him. Although not as much as the realization that she loved him. There was a piece of news designed to make her stagger from shock.
He cupped her face with his palm, then slid his fingers into her hair.
“You’re so damn beautiful,” he murmured.
Words that made her heart beat faster. Words that could make her want to believe. “Yeah, yeah, I look the same as I did yesterday. Now go to sleep.”
“Tell me what has you spooked.”
She drew back. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He kept looking at her. “Tell me. I can help.”
“Actually you’re the last person who can fix this problem,” she said before she could stop herself, then wanted to scream. Talk about a stupid thing to say.
He was going to ask a thousand questions. She would bet her last breath on it. He would come after her, relentless, determined to know, to “help” without realizing he was most of the problem.
“Izzy,” he began as he sat up in bed.
She panicked. Later she would even be able to admit it to herself. She panicked and did the only thing she could think of to distract him.
She kissed him.
At first he didn’t respond. She kept her lips against his, mostly to keep him from talking, but after a couple of seconds because it felt good. Really good. Then his mouth moved against hers in a way that told her he wasn’t interested in questions. Not when this was the alternative.
As he reached for her, she leaned in close. The night was around them, but the lamps in the room chased away the darkness. They were safe-maybe because she was always safe when she was with him.
He cupped the back of her head, then slid his hand down her back. She wore the same clothes she’d had on earlier that day and regretted not changing into something with less layers.
She tilted her head and felt the light stroke of his tongue against her lower lip. She parted for him, wanting to deepen the kiss, wanting to tease and arouse and get lost in what they were doing.
He plunged into her mouth, claiming her with an intensity that took her breath away. She remembered the last time they’d made love, how he’d reduced her to a puddle of satisfaction. The knowledge of how she would feel in a few minutes combined with the pleasure of his mouth on hers to make her whimper.
It was just a kiss, she thought as need shot through her. But that didn’t seem to matter. Not when her breasts already ached and she could feel herself swelling in anticipation.
She clung to him, then wanted more and tugged at his T-shirt. He pulled back enough to pull it off. She did the same, then reached behind her for the hooks of her bra, only to freeze in place.
She’d never seen his chest before. She’d touched it, had stroked the scarred flesh, but she’d never seen the crisscross marks that were proof of all he’d suffered. There were thin scars and thick ones. They made a patchwork pattern of ugliness and pain. Of course the purpose had simply been to punish him. Francisco had done his job well.
“Don’t,” Nick said, touching her chin and forcing her to meet his gaze. “Don’t get lost there. They don’t hurt, Izzy. They don’t matter.”
He was wrong about both. Of course they still hurt. They haunted his dreams. But that was a conversation for another time.
As much as she wanted to press her mouth to each of the scars, perhaps to heal, perhaps just to tell him she cared, she knew it would be a mistake. He wouldn’t understand what she meant and he would think she pitied him. So she reached behind her and unfastened her bra, then dropped it onto the chair next to the bed. She took his hands in hers and raised them to her breasts.
“These are for you.”
One corner of his mouth tilted up. “Exactly what I wanted.”
“Really? Because I can take them back if you don’t like them.”
“They’re perfect.”
“I’m glad you think so. They’re-”
He leaned in and took her left nipple in his mouth. She’d had more that she planned to say, but suddenly none of it was important. She wanted to feel everything he was doing to her. Feel his body against hers. Feel him inside her. Yes, the pleasure would be great, but she wanted the intimacy-the connection, more than she ever had before.
He moved between her breasts, licking and sucking her nipples, making her squirm and wish she were more naked. She ran her hands up and down his back, feeling the scars, but doing her best not to think about how he got them. That was for later. Tonight was about them being together.
He raised his head and pressed his mouth to hers. Their tongues tangled. She loved kissing him, but there were more pressing matters. She pulled back enough to kick off her sandals, then pushed down her jeans and thong. He removed his sweatpants and briefs. When he reached for her, she shook her head and pointed to the bandage on his arm.
“I’ll take charge,” she told him. “You’re not supposed to put any weight on that.” She knelt over him, straddling his hips and smiled. “I’m going to boss you around.”
“Or so you think.”
“Try me.”
She lowered her head so her hair teased his chest and belly, then kissed him. He cupped her face as he slid his tongue into her mouth. She clamped her lips around him and sucked. He groaned, dropped his hands to her hips and urged her back. She felt his erection flex against her.
He was already hard, which worked for her. She was already wet and ready. She lowered herself onto him. He squeezed his fingers into her hips.
“Not yet,” he said. “I have plans for you.”
“Excuse me, but who’s in charge? I believe that person is me.” She straightened and lowered herself onto him, taking all of him deep inside her.
His breath came out as a hiss.
Izzy loved the idea of controlling such a strong man. She had always believed that sex should be as much about play as it was about passion. So she locked her gaze with his and slowly raised her arms until they rested on top of her head. Then she moved up and down, watching him watch her, seeing what the sensation, not to mention the show, did to him.
He got harder. Muscles tensed in his jaw as if he were trying to get and keep control. Foolish man. Didn’t he know this was about losing control? She moved up and down in a steady rhythm, stealing his ability to determine his fate.
There was only one flaw in her plan-she enjoyed it, too. He filled every part of her and each time she raised and lowered herself, he drove in deeper, arousing her, pushing her to the edge. Nothing in her body cooperated. Her skin was sensitized to every brush of his. Her heart pumped faster and faster. Her breasts bounced as if showing off and her muscles kept tensing in anticipation of a release she was determined to resist.
Nick moved his hand down her belly in a slow, sexy movement that mesmerized her. She knew where he was going but was less sure what he would do when he got there. She sucked in her breath, determined to be strong, then he cupped her center and pushed his middle finger between her curls to find that single spot of pleasure.
He circled it slowly, as if exploring, remembering. Around and around, never touching it exactly. She rocked her hips, hoping to push him onto the spot, resisting the need to guide his hand with her own. He knew exactly what he was looking for. If he wasn’t touching it, it was on purpose.
She could do this, she told herself, moving a little faster. She could hold off just as long as he could. She wouldn’t give in to the pleasure shooting through her.
Around and around. Up and down. Eyes locked, bodies straining, they moved in a sensual dance that left her gasping.
She tightened her muscles around him. He tensed but didn’t surrender. She went faster, so did he. Then he shifted slightly so his fingers pressed directly on that knot of nerves.
Izzy came in an unexpected rush of ecstasy. The shudders started deep inside of her and worked their way out. It was beyond pleasure-it was a new plane of being, of feeling. Then Nick pushed up hard and groaned, losing himself in her. She knew because she could see it in his eyes. They continued to stare at each other all through their release, barely blinking, seeing all that was there and into each other’s soul.
When they were done, she slid off him and started to climb off the bed. He pulled her down next to him, rolling onto his side so they faced each other. Once again she stared into his eyes. He touched her cheek, her bottom lip, then he kissed her.
It was just a kiss. Soft and gentle. Almost like a promise. They moved together, her leg over his hip, him entering her again. She didn’t ask how he was already hard or why she was suddenly so close. He filled her, shorter strokes because of their position, but still satisfying.
Like before, they stared at each other. She knew she could get lost in his green eyes, possibly forever. And what would happen if she couldn’t find her way back? This was the man she loved. Terrifying but true. But what would he do with her heart? Could she trust him? Then the pleasure swept through her and she couldn’t think anymore. There was only the magic of being with this man. Maybe it was enough.
IZZY RUBBED DOWN Jackson. The horse stood in the sun, seeming to enjoy the attention. Every now and then he gave her a friendly head butt.
“You’re getting sassy,” she told him. “I’m not sure that’s such a good thing.”
He snorted.
“Of course you think it’s fine. You already know you’re a darned handsome horse, don’t you. It’s important to be all nice and clean for the weekend. We have three more kids coming.”
Aaron had told her that morning. At least she was pretty sure that’s what he’d said. It was hard to tell with the glow from last night still burning inside her.
For the first time in her life, she knew the difference between having sex and making love. It wasn’t in the act itself. She’d enjoyed the physical part of what she and Nick had done. What had made it different, what had made it matter, was how she’d felt after. There had been a sense of belonging. Just as scary, she knew she’d exposed a part of herself to him. An intimate part she never showed anyone.
Love. It was terrifying. What did it mean? And more confusing, what was she supposed to do? Tell him?
“No,” she said aloud. “That’s not a good plan.”
Because she knew in her gut Nick didn’t want to hear the words. Not from her and not from anyone else. He wouldn’t believe it was okay for him to love anyone and certainly wouldn’t think he was someone who should be loved. There was a whole lifetime of punishment in his future. Or so he thought.
She had to figure out a way to make him see that he’d set himself on an impossible task. The rules were such that he couldn’t win. Of course he’d made a mistake, but at some point didn’t he get to have a life, too? Didn’t the good outweigh the bad?
The problem was he was trying to earn forgiveness, which was yet another impossible task. Forgiveness was a state of grace. Like faith, it either existed or it didn’t.
“Deep thoughts,” she told Jackson. “And I’ve only had one cup of coffee. Impressive, huh? Okay. Back to those kids.”
Aaron hadn’t told her much about them, mostly because he hadn’t been told either. She knew it was their first visit and that they’d been involved in domestic violence. The possible horrors were endless, but that wasn’t her concern. She was going to help them learn to ride so they could have fun and forget about whatever bad thing existed.
She heard footsteps and turned, expecting either Aaron or Nick. Instead her visitor was Garth Duncan.
Izzy wouldn’t have been more shocked to see a talking garden gnome, or the devil.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded, wishing she’d thought to bring a gun. Not that she knew if Nick kept any around. She was going to have to ask.
“So the operation was a success,” he said.
“What?”
“You can see me.”
“Better to be blind.”
Garth smiled. “You’re always a challenge, Izzy. I like that about you.”
Righteous anger filled her, giving her strength. “Is that why you tried to kill me? To show your affection?”
His expression hardened. “That wasn’t me. I had nothing to do with the explosion.”
“Right. And of course I’ll believe you.”
He wore jeans, a long-sleeved shirt and boots. Despite his billions, he looked at home in the barn. Maybe he was one of those men who looked at home anywhere.
“Ask me about any of the other incidents,” he said. “I’ll tell the truth. I didn’t have anything to do with what happened to you.”
For a second she wanted to believe him. There was something in his dark eyes-the truth maybe? She wasn’t sure. Then she shook her head. There was no way she was getting weak when it came to Garth.
“Are you saying that in the battle to ruin my family, you have limits? I don’t think so.”
“You’re wrong,” he said, “but that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to check on Nick.”
She frowned. “How do you know anything happened to him?”
Garth smiled. “We’re old friends. Didn’t he tell you?”
Despite the shock and pain that ripped through her, she refused to go for the bait. “Sell it somewhere else.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“Why should I? You’re a known liar.”
“I do many things, Izzy, but I don’t lie. I know Nick. I have for years. We were roommates in college.” He chuckled at the memory. “What a geek. He was fifteen or sixteen, clueless when it came to anything about girls. But he was smart. Scary smart, and a good kid. We became friends.”
She didn’t believe him. She repeated the words over and over because it was the only way to make them true. He had to be lying, because if he wasn’t, then Nick had kept his relationship with Garth from her. Nick had known what was going on and not said a word. He’d betrayed her.
“After college he went to work for my company,” Garth continued as he reached for the front of his shirt and started unbuttoning it. “Did he tell you about finding oil in South America? Did he tell you what happened next?”
She didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see the proof, but she couldn’t turn her head. Garth pulled apart the fabric and exposed a network of scars eerily similar to the ones Nick carried.
Her legs nearly gave way. She leaned against Jackson to stay standing.
“No,” she whispered, even though she knew it was true. All of it.
“I kept him alive all those months, then he carried me out. Nick and I are like brothers. He’s on my board of directors, Izzy. Why do you think you’re here? I arranged it.”
She couldn’t breathe. Her throat had tightened to the point where she could barely speak.
“Nick knew I wanted you here, so he brought you.”
“No,” she whispered.
“He’s known from the beginning. In the battle for Nick’s soul, I’ll always win.” He buttoned his shirt and shrugged. “There are some things a person can’t get over. You know Nick. Tell me-do you think there’s anything you can say or do that compares to what he and I went through?”
She was going to pass out. The shock was too great. Everything she’d thought, everything she’d believed…She’d trusted him, cared about him, fallen in love with him.
“Nick works for me,” Garth told her. “He always has. This is nothing but a game for him. I guess you didn’t figure that out.”
“Get out,” she said weakly.
“Sure. No problem.” He walked away a few feet, then turned back to her. “Ask him, Izzy. He’ll confirm everything.”
“Get the hell out!” she yelled.
“Right.”
He walked around the barn. A few seconds later, she heard a car engine start.
Ask Nick, he’d said. But she didn’t have to. She already knew the truth.