“THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE,” Hawk insisted. “There’s something else going on. There’s no way I wouldn’t know.”
“I can’t wait to hear the explanation,” Nicole told him, obviously still upset. “He’s a kid, Hawk. I don’t care that he just turned eighteen and legally he’s an adult. He shouldn’t have to deal with crap like this. Living alone in a run-down building?”
“He’s not.” Raoul couldn’t be. Hawk would have known. He cared about his players. He was involved in their lives.
A few minutes later he heard the guys start to arrive. He sent several out to Nicole’s car to collect the desserts she’d brought and asked Raoul to join them in his office.
Hawk watched him as he entered the room. The teen looked exactly the same. There was no hint that anything was wrong.
Maybe Nicole had overreacted, he thought. Maybe she’d misunderstood the situation.
“Have a seat,” Hawk said.
Raoul looked between them. “What’s going on?”
Nicole tried to smile. “Nothing too scary. Don’t worry. We aren’t sending you off to aliens for medical experiments.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that.”
“It happens more than you think.”
Nicole’s attempt at humor didn’t make Raoul seem any more comfortable.
She sighed, then held out his paycheck. “I forgot to give this to you on Thursday. You didn’t work yesterday and I didn’t want you to wait to have the money. So I drove by your address, thinking I’d give it to you.”
Raoul stiffened slightly. Color darkened his skin and he ducked his head. He also didn’t take the check.
“I can explain,” he mumbled.
Hawk’s gut tightened. Dammit all to hell, how had this happened? He wanted to yell at someone, but no one in the room deserved that, except maybe himself.
“We’re listening,” he said, doing his best to sound neutral and calm.
Raoul shifted his weight. “I got kicked out of my foster home a few weeks ago. The guy was hitting the kids and his wife. I tried to stay out of it, you know. Because I was so close to turning eighteen. But I hated it, so one day I decided to show him what it felt like to be beat up by someone.”
He looked at Hawk. “I didn’t hurt him, I swear. I just roughed him up.”
“I know you didn’t hurt him.” Even if the bastard deserved to have a few bones broken.
“He threw me out. I figured they wouldn’t say anything to social services if I didn’t. That they’d just keep the money. They did. I have an appointment for next week with my social worker. To report the guy. But I wanted to wait until I was eighteen and out of the system.”
Raoul swallowed. “I’ve known about that old building for a long time. No one goes there. It’s pretty safe. So I set myself up there. It’s okay, Coach. I’m okay.”
Hawk didn’t know which emotion was stronger-the desire to find the guy who’d been hitting his kids and finish what Raoul had started or pride at the young man his player had become.
Nicole glared at him. “You didn’t know about any of this, did you?” She turned her fury on Raoul. “You’re living alone in an abandoned building? That’s so not okay. Pretty safe isn’t good enough. You need to be living in a real home, with plumbing and heat and a roof that doesn’t leak in forty-seven places.”
“It’s-” Raoul started, but stopped when Nicole glared at him.
“Don’t you dare say it’s fine,” she yelled. “It’s not fine. Nothing about this is fine.”
Hawk appreciated her passion and energy on the subject and knew she was right. Raoul couldn’t live like that. On a purely practical level, winter was coming. He’d freeze his ass off without heat.
“I’m not going to a shelter,” Raoul said, backing up. “I mean it. I won’t live there.”
Something about the way he spoke told Hawk the kid had been in a shelter before. What had happened that he knew so little about his star player? He thought he knew everything about his guys. And why hadn’t Raoul come to him for help?
“You’re not going to a shelter,” Hawk said. “We’ll figure something out. In the meantime, you can come live with me.”
Nicole and Raoul both stared at him.
“Not a good idea,” she said.
“Coach, that’s really great, but…”
Then Hawk got it. “Brittany,” he muttered. Having her boyfriend living under the same roof wasn’t smart.
He thought about the other parents he knew. Who would be willing to take in Raoul? He was legally an adult. Did that make the situation easier or harder? There wouldn’t be any need to go through the foster system, but he was hardly some cute, little, cuddly kid.
Nicole muttered something under her breath then said, “He can live with me.”
Hawk stared at her. Raoul looked stunned.
“What?” she asked them both. “I have a spare room at my house. I’m in the school district. He already works for me. Someone responsible has to keep an eye on him.”
She turned to Raoul. “If we do this, there will be rules. No parties, you keep my hours. You do your homework, you go to class. You’re an adult now, so you’re expected to act like one. But a responsible one. Not some jerk who comes and goes as he pleases. If that’s too much for you, then you need to be somewhere else.”
Hawk couldn’t believe it. Nicole taking in Raoul? He held in a smile. Damn, she was better than he’d first thought.
Raoul nodded slowly. “Your rules are reasonable,” he told Nicole. “I’ll follow them.”
“You’d better. I mean it. I run a very strict household. You’ll feel trapped, I promise.”
“Trapped is good,” Raoul said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
Hawk felt the need to smile, too. Nicole thought she came off as so tough, but the truth was, she was completely soft on the inside.
He liked that. He liked that a lot.
JESSE STOOD on the doorstep of Matt’s condo for a long time. She stared at the door, remembering how she’d first come here with him when he’d been looking for a place of his own. They’d been so happy then. So in love. She knew she’d totally blown it. What she didn’t know was if she could fix it.
Her whole body hurt. She’d heard that pregnancy was supposed to be a miracle, that she should be glowing. Instead she felt beat up. She couldn’t stop crying. How was it possible for one person to lose everything so quickly? And yet she had.
She rang the bell and waited. Her stomach writhed from nerves and fears. She fought back tears. He had to believe her. Somehow she would make him understand.
The door opened and Matt stood in front of her. She stared at him, feasting on seeing him for the first time in weeks.
He looked good. Tall and thin, but filling out from their regular visits to the gym. She’d been the one to introduce him to the idea of working out to build muscle and then he’d taken her to bed and rewarded her for her good ideas. He was very good at rewarding her, and telling her he loved her. He got this light in his eyes and what she called his special smile. Only he wasn’t smiling now.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he told her and started to close the door.
She threw herself against it and managed to squeeze inside. “We have to talk.”
“You may have to talk but I don’t have to listen.”
God, he sounded so cold, she thought grimly. As if he hated her. Was that possible? Had hate replaced love? Didn’t she matter at all to him?
She couldn’t think about it because, if she did, she would fall apart. He was everything to her. She loved him. She who had vowed never to risk her heart had fallen for a geeky computer nerd with beautiful eyes and a smile that made her soul float.
“Matt, please,” she whispered. “Please. Just hear me out. I love you.”
His gaze narrowed. “Do you think your words mean anything to me? Do you think you do? I learn fast, Jesse. I always have. I trusted you. I gave you every part of me. I loved you. Hell, I wanted to marry you. I bought a ring. Which makes me an idiot, but it’s not a mistake I’m going to make again.”
She felt the tears on her cheeks and the slicing pain in her heart. “I love you, Matt.”
“Bullshit. I was some fun project. Did you get a kick out of screwing the socially inept genius? Did you laugh about me with your friends?”
“It wasn’t like that and you know it.”
“I don’t know shit about you. This was a game. You won, I lost, now get the hell away from me.”
“No. I won’t go until you listen. Until you understand.”
“Understand what? That while you were sleeping with me, pretending to care about me, you were screwing Drew? Who else, Jess? How many other guys? I’m not asking for a total number. I doubt you can count that high. But say in the past five months. Less than a hundred? Less than twenty? Just give me a ballpark idea.”
She cried harder, hating his words and the distance she saw in his eyes. “Stop. I’m not like that anymore.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“I didn’t sleep with Drew,” she screamed. “We used to talk. I could talk to him about stuff the way I could never talk to Nicole. That was it. Then one night he started kissing me and I freaked. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I’m not interested,” Matt told her. “There’s nothing you can say to make me care. Once a slut, always a slut. Everyone was right about you.”
He was using her past against her, she thought in disbelief. She’d trusted him with her secrets, her shameful moments, and now he was judging her.
“Matt, stop,” she said, her voice breaking on a sob. “Don’t do this. Don’t take us to a place where we can’t get back.”
“Why not? You think you matter to me anymore? Just get out. I never want to see you again.”
It hurt too much, she thought, using all her strength to keep from sinking to the floor.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
He stared at her, then shrugged. “So what?”
She flinched as if he’d hit her. “I told you. I didn’t sleep with Drew. I’m having your baby.”
“No, you’re not.” He spoke casually, as if he’d never considered the possibility that the child might be his.
She grabbed his arm. “Matt, listen to me. This is your baby. Even if you hate me, you have to care about your child. I’m not lying. I can prove it. As soon as the baby’s born, we’ll take a DNA test.”
He looked at her for a long time, then pulled free of her grip and walked to the door. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care, Jess. You’re nothing to me but a regret. I don’t believe that baby is mine and even if it is, I don’t want a child with you. I don’t want anything with you. Ever. I want you to go away. I never want to see you again. No matter what.”
What scared her the most was how calmly he spoke. How easily he mouthed the words that ripped her soul apart.
She looked down, half expecting to see her body torn open and bleeding, but all the pain was on the inside.
“Matt, please,” she begged.
He pulled the door open and stared outside. “Just go.”
Walking took all her strength. Jesse barely made it down the stairs to her car. She crawled into the front seat and cried until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Until the emptiness threatened to swallow her. Until there was nothing left.
Which was the ugly truth of her life. No one she’d ever loved wanted anything to do with her. No one believed her. No one was willing to give her a chance.
NICOLE WATCHED RAOUL carry in his possessions. She eyed the black trash bags and made a mental note to buy the guy a couple of suitcases the next time she was out. No one should have to carry everything he owned in a trash bag.
“The bedrooms are upstairs,” she said as she led the way. “I’m putting you in the guest room.”
She’d debated putting him in Jesse’s room instead, but had decided against it. Despite everything going on, she assumed that at some point her sister would be moving back. Not that Nicole could ever imagine that happening right now, but eventually…maybe.
“Thanks for doing this,” Raoul said.
“You’re welcome.” She motioned for him to enter the guest room. “The bathroom is through there. The towels are out. There are more in the bottom drawer. In here you have a TV. I don’t care what you watch, but I’d appreciate you keeping the sound down after nine. I’ve put a phone in. I get up early, so no late calls, okay?”
He looked uncomfortable as he nodded.
“This is weird,” she said, which hadn’t been part of her planned speech. “We don’t know each other that well. I’m your boss. So we’re both uncomfortable. But it will get easier.”
“I know.” He shoved his hands into his front pockets. “You can tell me what to do. It’s okay. I’ll listen.”
Good to know. If only her sister had listened, things would have been a lot easier.
“So I can be bossy?” she asked, trying to dissipate some of the tension.
“Sure.”
She smiled. “Come on downstairs. You can tell me which of my food choices are too girly and make suggestions.”
They went into the kitchen where she wrote down his requests for cereal, soda and snacks.
“You eat lunch at school?” she asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s fine. Let me know if you’re not going to be home for dinner. Oh, and if you’re getting low on anything, just write it down and I’ll buy more.” She showed him where she kept the list.
“You don’t have to be this nice,” he told her.
“You can’t stay in that building, Raoul. No one should live like that.” She looked into his eyes. He looked both hopeful and ashamed. She wanted to tell him that none of this was his fault. That he’d been failed by a lot of people-his family, the system, who knows who else.
“This situation may create some awkward moments,” she said, wishing they didn’t have to discuss it, but knowing it was going to come up. “People might talk. I mean, because we’re living together.”
She paused and felt herself blushing. Was she going to have to spell it out for him?
His expression cleared and suddenly he looked a whole lot older than eighteen. “Because I’m living with a beautiful woman who is single?”
Smooth, she thought, fighting a smile. Very smooth. In a couple of years, he was going to be able to give Hawk a run for his money.
“Something like that.”
“It’s a good problem to have,” he said. “I’m okay with what people say. Brittany knows I love her and that I would never do anything to hurt her.”
Nicole found herself envying a high school cheerleader. Too bad Drew didn’t have the same loyalty in him-it would have solved a lot of problems.
“I think that covers everything,” she said. “You can park your car on the street. There’s no room in the garage, but this is a pretty safe neighborhood.”
Her brain went from his car, to the fact that he didn’t have enough money to buy doughnuts a few weeks ago, back to his car.
“Do you have car insurance?” she asked.
His startled look told her what she needed to know. “Bad enough to do that as a minor,” she said. “You’re an adult now. They get crabby when you don’t follow the law. Get some. I’ll front you the money. You can pay me back.”
He straightened. “I’m fine.”
“You need insurance. If you get in an accident, you could be screwed for the rest of your life. Do you really want to have to deal with some big settlement or someone else’s medical bills? Take the money, say thank you and pay me back when you’re a famous football player. Got that?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, but he was blinking fast and turned away.
“Good. I think that’s everything.”
He cleared his throat. “You didn’t have to do this.”
She thought about Jesse. She was trying to push her sister from her mind, but it was impossible. Was this her twisted way of trying to make up for messing things up with her? She wasn’t sure.
“I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.”
“I won’t make you regret it.”
Nicole smiled. “Be careful with those promises, Raoul. I can be incredibly difficult and demanding.”
That made him chuckle. “I’ll remember.”
“Go get settled, then we’ll argue about what we’re having for dinner tonight.”
“I’d like that.”
DINNER ACTUALLY ARRIVED in the form of takeout, delivered by Brittany and Hawk. Raoul lit up when his girlfriend walked into the room and Nicole was a little afraid that she got glowy, too, at the sight of Hawk strolling into her house.
She always seemed to forget how big he was, how tall and muscular. Which was dumb. She’d seen the man naked-the image of him should be burned into her brain. Not that she minded the little jolt of awareness she experienced when he moved toward her and gave her a light kiss on the mouth.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“We’re getting settled. So far he hasn’t left the toilet seat up so I haven’t killed him.”
“That’s a deal breaker for you?”
“It can be.”
“Good to know.”
He smiled and she got all hot and flustered. Just hormones, she reminded herself, enjoying the sensation. After all she’d been through, she deserved a little fun in her life.
“We brought Chinese,” Brittany said, carrying the large bag into the kitchen. “There’s a ton of food, so you can have leftovers.”
“They’re the best part of Chinese,” Nicole said.
“I know.” Brittany put the bag on the counter. “I’m glad you’re letting Raoul stay here. It’s so much nicer than that old abandoned building. It was cold and windy in the summer. I didn’t think he could stay there all winter.”
Brittany stopped talking, seemed to realize what she’d said and covered her mouth with her hand.
Hawk stepped toward her. “You knew about Raoul being kicked out of his foster home and living on the streets?”
“Sort of, and he wasn’t living on the streets.”
“Close enough.”
“Coach,” Raoul began, but Nicole grabbed his arm and shook her head.
She had a feeling it was better for him to stay out of it. Brittany seemed like the kind of kid who was used to charming her father into getting her way. Nicole doubted Hawk would stay mad at her for long.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d get upset,” Brittany began. “Plus, if you knew, you’d have to tell someone and we didn’t know where Raoul might end up. It seemed better to let him stay there until he turned eighteen and was an adult. Daddy, I’m sorry if I upset you.”
Nicole waited for Hawk to figure out his daughter was apologizing for getting caught, but not for actually lying. When he nodded and gave her a hug, she tried to figure out if he hadn’t noticed or simply didn’t want to deal with it at that moment.
“Don’t keep secrets,” he told his daughter.
“I won’t, Daddy.”
Nicole thought about all the crap Jesse had pulled. Didn’t Hawk worry about his daughter? The promise to not keep secrets aside, Raoul had been living in that building for at least a few weeks and Brittany had visited him there. Which meant they had been alone together for hours. Sex was a likely outcome.
Maybe Hawk didn’t mind that. Maybe Brittany was on birth control. Not that it always worked.
Another problem for another time, she told herself.
“Why don’t you two grab some plates and set the table,” Hawk said. “Then pick out a couple of movies for tonight.”
The teenagers did as he asked and moved out of the kitchen. The second they were gone, Hawk grabbed her and pulled her close.
“This is going to be a problem,” he murmured before he kissed her.
She let herself get lost in the heat of his mouth on hers, the feel of him against her.
“You have a kid,” he said between kisses. “I have a kid. So much for you being my sex kitten.”
She laughed, then ran her hands up and down his chest. “We’re going to have to figure something out.”
One eyebrow raised. “Want a repeat of last time?”
She thought of how he’d made her feel, how he’d touched her all over and made her every cell cry out in surrender.
“Absolutely.”
He grinned. “Me, too.”
He kissed her again, his mouth firm against hers. When she parted, he slipped his tongue inside and aroused her with an erotic dance. She rubbed against him. He was already hard, which made her thighs tremble.
When he backed her up against the counter, she wondered if the height was right. When he eased a hand between them and cupped her breast, she decided that right or not, they could make the counter work. When she heard Brittany laugh, she swore in frustration.
“Tell me about it,” Hawk grumbled, resting his forehead on hers. “Can we send them out to a movie?”
“It’s a school night.”
“I don’t think I can wait until the weekend.”
She smiled. “What’s your schedule like? Got any free time this week?”
“With you as the reward, I’ll find it.”