NICOLE WAS ACTUALLY looking forward to the game Friday night. Both she and Hawk had been busy, so she hadn’t had a chance to see him or speak with him in a couple of days. Not that she wasn’t still tingling. The man could work some serious miracles on her body and he was welcome to hone his skills anytime he wanted. She was so impressed, she was actually starting to think that if she’d known him a few months ago, when she’d had her surgeries, he could have cut her healing time in half.
She was still smiling at the memory as she walked into the stadium.
“Hey, Nicole,” one of the kids called.
Nicole sort of recognized her from the group that hung out at the house. There were a few regulars she knew and some that just stopped by every now and then. Eventually she would know them all. She waved as she made her way up to where most of the parents sat.
“Nicole! How’s it going?” Barbara asked.
“We’re going to win tonight,” Dylan, father of Aaron and Kyle, told her.
“I can feel it, too,” she said with a laugh.
There were more greetings. She settled by Missy and Greg, a quiet couple with two boys on the team.
From her bleacher seat, she could see the whole field. She looked around until she saw Hawk, then hoped her smile didn’t give away her quivery insides.
Their deal had been for him to get the sex he wanted and her to get a chance to show people she wasn’t a pity party of one. But she had a feeling she’d gotten the better part of the arrangement, because the sex certainly worked for her in a big way. Maybe tonight after pizza they could…
She caught sight of Raoul and remembered that inviting Hawk by after hours was no longer an option. Still, they were going to have to figure out something. She didn’t want to go weeks between encounters again.
Speaking of encounters, she saw Hawk on the field. When he looked toward the stands, she waved. He didn’t wave back. Nicole frowned. She would have sworn he’d seen her, but then he looked right past her. Of course, she was a long way from the field and it would be easy for him to miss her. Not that he’d ever missed her before.
A few minutes later Raoul spotted her. She half expected him to tell Hawk where she was, but he didn’t. Which was odd. Then Brittany bounced over to her boyfriend. Raoul said something and she looked up toward the stands. When she caught sight of Nicole, she waved her pom-poms and hurried over to her dad.
Anticipation tightened Nicole’s stomach. She tried not to smile, but it was as effective as trying to ignore the sun. She shimmied in her seat and told herself to act cool. Which turned out to be good advice.
Brittany spoke to Hawk, pointed toward the bleachers. Hawk glanced Nicole’s way once, then turned his back and walked away.
Nicole felt as if she’d been hit in the stomach. Her chest hurt and it was hard to breathe. Humiliation washed over her. Hawk had just rejected her-totally and publicly.
Heat burned her cheeks. She pretended to look for something in her purse so she could look down and let her hair hide her face.
What had just happened? Why had he done that? Dismissed her that way? Just a couple of days ago, they’d been laughing and making love in her bed. They hadn’t seen each other since or even spoken on the phone. So what could have gone wrong?
A thousand possibilities flashed through her brain. He hadn’t had as good a time as she’d thought. He’d met someone else. He was tired of pretending. He was repulsed by knowing she’d been stupid enough to marry Drew.
She felt sick and desperately wanted to run away. Unfortunately she was trapped by the crowd and the fact that she always drove kids to the pizza place. If she ducked out now, her absence would be noticed. For some reason, she didn’t want Hawk to know he’d hurt her.
So she raised her head and refused to let anyone see that she’d been humiliated and emotionally kicked in the gut. She was so grateful that Missy and Greg weren’t big talkers. When the game started, she did her best to pay attention, ignoring how the seconds crawled by.
She hadn’t realized how many times Hawk looked her way during his time on the field until he began to ignore her completely. Even though there was no way anyone would notice the difference, she still felt exposed and ashamed. As if she’d done something wrong. Finally the whistle blew and the players lined up to shake hands. Which was usually her cue to go down to the field.
Nicole hesitated. Should she just leave? No, she told herself. She would go down and figure out what had happened. It was the mature thing to do. It would strengthen her character and make her a better person. Then when she got home, she would go upstairs and throw up.
She let the crowd push ahead, then went through the gate and onto the field. Several parents crowded around Hawk, wanting to talk to him about how the game had gone. Nicole had to glance at the scoreboard to figure out if they’d won or not. When life went by in slow motion, it was tough to keep score.
She waited until there was a lull in conversation, then stepped forward.
“Hi,” she said, going for a light, easy tone. Until she knew otherwise, she was going to pretend nothing was wrong.
“Hi,” Hawk said, not looking at her.
She waited, but he didn’t say anything. Then, just when she was going to ask him what was wrong with him, Annie, one of the slutty mothers, strolled up and put both hands on Hawk’s chest.
“So I should just wait for you in the parking lot?” she asked, the lights from the field glinting off her impressive diamond wedding set.
“That’s right. I’ll send the kids to you.”
She smiled into his eyes. “Thanks for asking me to stay tonight, Hawk. I’m really looking forward…to everything.”
“Me, too.”
It was as if he’d slapped her, then reached into her chest and pulled out her heart. This could not be happening. Okay, sure, she and Hawk weren’t actually dating, dating. Not in the traditional sense, but they had a deal and they were having sex and she would never in a million years have believed he was the kind of man to not only go back on his word but also be deliberately cruel.
That’s what got her the most. He was doing this on purpose, as if wanting to exact the most amount of pain. And damn him, it was working.
She turned and hurried off the field. She fought the tears in her eyes, refusing to give in and show weakness until she was by herself. Her to-do list was getting longer. As soon as she got home, she was going to throw up, cry and, oh, yeah, walk the dog.
She’d nearly made it to her car when she felt someone touch her arm. She looked up and saw Raoul standing next to her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low, his expression tight with guilt and pain. “This is my fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Coach. The way he’s acting. It’s my fault.”
Nicole ignored the fresh wave of embarrassment as she realized there had been witnesses to Hawk’s rejection. “Raoul, you have nothing to do with what’s going on.”
“That’s not true. I saw him, the other night. When he was leaving.”
And the hits just kept on coming, Nicole thought, wondering if she was going to have a permanent blush.
“I, ah, told him he shouldn’t hurt you.” Raoul traced a pattern on the parking lot with his spikes. “That you were someone special and that he didn’t get to play any games.”
He’d defended her? Raoul had stood up to his coach to defend her?
Now the need to cry was even stronger, but the reason was totally different.
She hugged him. “I’m twenty-eight years old. I’ve been married. I can take care of myself.”
“I didn’t want him to hurt you.”
“I know. Thank you for that.”
“I’m sorry Coach is being an ass.”
Nicole stepped away. Everything was clear now, including how she was going to handle the situation. “Me, too. Thanks for telling me this, Raoul. And for what you did. It was sweet, but unnecessary.”
He shrugged, looking both uncomfortable and proud.
She pointed to the entrance to the locker room. “Go shower and get changed. I’m going to have a little conversation with Hawk.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
He jogged off.
Filled with purpose and energy, Nicole marched back toward the stadium.
Knowing what had happened was both better and worse, she thought, letting her anger build up so it would peak right when she needed it. While she now knew why Hawk was acting the way he was, it made her like him a whole lot less.
She stepped onto the field. Most of the parents and players were gone, including Annie. She marched right up to Hawk, stuck her index finger in his chest and said, “We have to talk.”
“This isn’t a good time for me.”
“You think I give a shit?”
Hawk narrowed his gaze. “What’s your problem?”
“Apparently you are. You’re acting like a two-year-old, pouting because something didn’t go your way. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong because the last time I saw you, I had a great time. But rather than discuss anything with me, or pretend to be an adult, you sulked and tried to make me feel bad with that surgically enhanced bimbo.”
“Annie is a very nice woman.”
“I can only imagine.” She poked him again. “Raoul was looking out for me. It was totally unnecessary of him, but still really sweet and kind and as this is the guy dating your seventeen-year-old daughter, you should be doing cartwheels. If he’s willing to face you down to look out for me, imagine what he would do for the girl he loves. He’s a hell of a guy and there’s a tiny chance you’re part of the reason. But do you see that? No. You’re far more upset about the fact that he stood up to you so your overinflated male ego is all bruised and broken. Poor Hawk. Your star player is more interested in acting like a man than kissing your ass. You should be proud of him instead of pouting.”
Hawk’s gaze turned icy. “Are you done?”
“Just about. I thought you were different. I thought you were special. You walked away from a dream career to take care of your daughter. You work with these kids, not because you need the money, but because you want to help. At least that’s what you tell people. But the truth is, all of this is about you. About how you look and how much the world worships you. As soon as things don’t go your way, you’re not interested in the game anymore. You don’t want to play and you sure don’t want to play fair. I thought you were someone I wanted to know, but if this is who you really are, I don’t even want to pretend to date you. Go to hell, Hawk.”
She turned and walked away.
She thought he might have a scathing comeback but there was only silence. She was so mad, she was shaking. She also felt sick inside, like she’d just lost something important.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she told herself as she climbed into her car. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. But it did. All of it. It hurt really bad.
THE LAST THING Hawk wanted to do was hang out with his players, but there weren’t a lot of options. He drove to the pizza place and walked inside, only to be greeted by the crowd.
He faked his way through a few short conversations, then glanced at his watch and wondered how long until he could duck out. An hour? Maybe two. Until then, he was stuck.
“Hi, Hawk.”
The low, sultry voice made his skin crawl. Annie. She was here because he’d invited her. Because he was an idiot, and now he was stuck with her.
“I’ve saved us a table,” she said, pointing to a small booth in the corner. One that would seat two. She’d already told him her husband was out of town and that the house was empty and a very lonely place.
He knew better than to encourage women like her. He wasn’t interested and he sure as hell wasn’t going to spend time with a married woman. He’d reacted. Nicole had been right-he’d been pouting.
The reality of how he’d acted crashed in on him. He felt humiliated and stupid and in desperate need of a do-over. But life was like football…the clock only counted down. He couldn’t take back the plays he’d made, he could only deal with the consequences.
He looked Annie square in the eye. “I had a fight with my girlfriend. I was using you to make her feel bad. I acted totally inappropriately. I’m sorry.”
Annie blinked at him. “You’re kidding.”
“No. I’m telling you the truth. Hey, if you were in my position, aren’t you the one you’d pick?”
It was one part shameless flattery and two parts truth. He hoped it was the right combination.
Annie flipped her long, dark hair over her shoulder and then smoothed the front of her tight sweater. “Okay, yeah. I’d pick me, too.” She sighed. “You’re really seeing someone?”
“Her name is Nicole. You can ask Brittany.”
Annie sighed. “Oh, well. I had a feeling it was too good to be true. I’ll let you off this time, Hawk, but don’t make that mistake again, or I’ll expect you to make good on your promises.”
“You have my word.”
She sauntered away.
Hawk glanced around the pizza place until he spotted Raoul, then walked over to speak with him.
“I owe you,” he told the kid. “You were looking out for Nicole and I respect that. Keep doing the right thing, no matter what anyone else says.”
Raoul looked him in the eye. “Even you, Coach?”
“Even me.”
They shook hands. Hawk knew Nicole had been right. He was grateful Raoul was dating his daughter. He knew Raoul would take care of her. Which meant he’d mended all his bridges except one.
He glanced at his watch. He was stuck here for the next couple of hours. Or was he?
He turned back to Raoul. “Can you handle things here for a little while?”
“Sure, Coach.”
“I’ll be back.”
He hurried to his truck and started the engine. The need to talk to Nicole pushed everything else from his brain.
He drove fast enough to get a ticket, but got lucky and wasn’t caught. Less than twenty minutes later he was pounding on her door.
“Nicole, come on. It’s me. Open up. I know you’re in there.”
Finally he heard footsteps. “Go away,” she yelled through the door.
“Nicole, I know you don’t want to see me, but this is important.”
She didn’t say anything.
He pounded on the door again. “I was wrong, okay? I was a jerk. I’ve known Raoul for years now and he’s known you for a couple of months and he stood up to me because of you. I wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t realize he’d become a man. He challenged me. He was willing to take me on. It’s not supposed to be like that.”
The front door opened. Nicole stood in front of him, her face streaked with tears. “Sure it is. The alpha male of the pack always has to fight for his spot. It’s the circle of life.”
She looked both beautiful and miserable and he regretted that he’d made her cry. “Do you wish he’d kicked my ass?”
“Yes.” She sniffed. “Big-time.”
“I’m sorry,” he said and pulled her close. “I’m so sorry. I suck at this relationship thing. The last time I had to get to know a girl, I was fifteen. It was easier not to screw up.”
He hugged her and kissed her. “Nicole, I’m really sorry.”
She swallowed, then nodded. “I know you were just reacting. Besides, this isn’t a real relationship. We have a deal, remember?”
He stared into her blue eyes. A deal? Sure, that’s how things had started, but now?
“I’m not in it for the deal,” he said. “I’m in it for you.”
She sniffed. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, and I have fifty kids waiting for me at the pizza place.”
“Oh, sure. Say something like that and take off. Typical guy.” But she didn’t sound mad anymore.
“Come with me?”
She stepped back. “I can’t. I look terrible.”
“You look fine. Streaky, but women know how to fix that sort of thing with a little, I don’t know, powder or something.”
She smiled. “Okay. Give me five minutes.”
“I’ll wait.”
She turned away.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her against him, then kissed her again. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, his mouth against hers.
“I got that.”
She looked into his eyes and smiled.
It was a soft I-forgive-you smile that made his breath hitch and the world go silent. Because in that moment, there was nothing he wanted more.
NICOLE BENT OVER the textbook. “I don’t like any math problem that starts with two cars traveling toward each other. Why does it have to be cars?”
“Sometimes it’s trains,” Raoul said.
She rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t make it better. Okay, two cars driving toward each other. Car A is going thirty miles per hour. Car B is going forty miles per hour. They begin a mile apart. Where on the one-mile track will they meet and what is the time, assuming it is now 2:00 p.m.?”
Nicole looked at him. “Is this a joke?”
“No.”
“I was afraid of that.”
She picked up the book and flipped back a couple of chapters, hoping to get a hint of how to work the problem. She kept turning back the pages until she reached the front cover.
“Do you want my book from last year?” he asked, grinning at her. “Or my books from middle school?”
“Do you want my help?”
“Maybe not.”
She handed him his textbook. “This is not my thing. I’m sorry, but I was a business major in college. We had a special calculus class. Dummy calculus, according to our instructor. We were mocked by the real calculus students, but I learned to live with that.” She stared at the problem again.
“You’re going to have to convert the miles to feet. And I guess convert the miles per hour to feet per minute. Then write an equation with maybe distance as a function of time for each car. Which gives you time in common. You can solve for time. Does that sound right?”
He picked up his pencil. “I’ll let you know.”
“If it’s not, I’ve exhausted all my higher math knowledge. Seriously, after this, we’ll have to discuss the revolutionary war.”
Raoul sighed. “I’d rather work on math than history.”
“Typical guy. What do you want to study in college?”
“You mean aside from football?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I don’t know. I’d like to work in business. Advertising.”
“Excuses to have expensive lunches with clients?”
He grinned. “I’d be good at that.”
“Especially if the clients were women.”
He laughed. The humor faded. “First I have to get into college.”
“Is there any doubt?” She pointed at the textbook on the kitchen table. “This isn’t dummy math, Raoul. You’re taking hard classes and getting good grades.”
“I guess I meant I have to get my ride lined up.”
“Ah, the football scholarship.”
“That’s the only way I’ll make it to a good school.”
Because there wasn’t any money. Of course there were grants and loans but she understood why Raoul would want a scholarship if one were available.
She wanted to say she’d seen him play and he was brilliant. That of course he’d get a football scholarship, but what did she know?
“What does Coach say?”
“That I’ve got a shot. That I should listen to everything they say and then he’ll help me make the right choice if I want.”
“The colleges come to you?”
“Recruiters. They’re contacting me.”
“You meet with them?”
“They want to take me to dinner or to a Sea-hawks game. That kind of stuff.”
Gee, all she’d gotten from the University of Washington was an application and later a letter of acceptance.
“So do they give you gifts?” she asked eagerly.
“They’re not supposed to.”
“If they offer chocolate, say yes.”
He laughed. “They don’t offer chocolate. It’s football.”
“So you’re more likely to, say, get half a cow.”
“Right.”
“I don’t have the freezer space for that.”
“They want to take me to nice places and tell me how great their school is, talk about the program, the perks, that sort of thing.”
“Sounds like fun.”
He picked up his pencil, then put it down. “I guess. I’m kind of nervous.”
“Don’t be. You’re the talent, Raoul. You’re what they’re looking for. You are their reason for living.”
He didn’t smile. Instead he ducked his head and said, “There’s a guy coming in next week. He wants to take me to dinner. Would you come with me? To the dinner?” He glanced at her, then looked away. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be asking, so I thought you could help with that.”
Nicole was stunned and flattered. “Shouldn’t Hawk go with you?”
“He is. But I want you there, too.”
Warmth spread through her. She touched his arm. “I would be honored to help in any way I can.”
NICOLE PARKED in the garage and pulled out her Nordstrom’s bag. She’d had a great afternoon of shopping with Claire. They’d started with brunch at The Cheesecake Factory, then had shopped for a killer dress for the recruiter dinner. Nicole wanted to make Raoul proud and Hawk whimper. While there was now a sizable balance on her credit card, she’d accomplished her mission. Life was good.
She carried her bag inside and found Raoul standing by the back door. She’d noticed Brittany’s car out front, but didn’t see the girl anywhere.
“Hi,” she said. “I bought an amazing dress. It’s…”
She paused. Raoul looked uneasy, in a trying-to-act-casual sort of way.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Where’s Brittany?”
“In the bathroom.”
She swore under her breath. “Were you two having sex? Raoul, we’ve talked about this. Not in my house. Hawk will kill both of you. You’re too young and this is not something I want to deal with.”
She hadn’t even thought about leaving them alone. Should she have to? Was it her job to monitor them every second?
He flushed. “We didn’t have sex. I swear. She’s just in the bathroom. With all her clothes on.”
As if on cue, water rushed down the pipes from the upstairs bathroom. The sound of footsteps clattered on the stairs.
Raoul muttered something Nicole didn’t quite catch. It almost sounded like a prayer. Then Brittany burst into the kitchen. She looked both happy and terrified and there was something in her hand. Something white and plastic and sort of Popsicle-stick shaped. She held it out in front of her.
“Look,” she said, glancing between Raoul and Nicole.
Nicole felt the floor shift. Blood turned solid in her veins, and she couldn’t breathe.
“I wasn’t sure,” Brittany continued. “I’d sort of guessed because I haven’t been feeling good. Now we know for sure.” She turned to Raoul. “I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”