HAWK STOOD by the garage as his daughter drove her car inside. He’d always prided himself on being in control but he’d never had to struggle so hard to keep it all together. Relief battled with anger. He wanted to hold Brittany close to prove to himself that she was all right, then he wanted to lock her in her room for the next hundred and fifty years. She’d scared the hell out of him.
She climbed out of her car and walked toward him. Her expression was wary, as if she wasn’t sure how mad he was going to be. Indecision pulled at her mouth. No doubt she was trying to figure out the best way to play him.
Nicole had been right about him taking the easy way out with Brittany. He hadn’t wanted to hear that truth and he’d taken a lot of his temper out on the messenger, but he’d been unable to escape reality. Somewhere in the past few years, Brittany had turned into a spoiled brat.
“Oh, Daddy, I’m so happy to see you,” she said, rushing toward him. “I missed you, Daddy. I missed you so much.”
So she’d decided to play the loving daughter game. He accepted her hug, patted her back, then led the way into the house. When they were in the kitchen, she walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of soda.
“I feel really bad about worrying you,” she said as she popped the top. “I should have called sooner. Raoul and I hadn’t planned to run away. It just sort of happened. We were talking and then we were packing and then we were gone.”
She paused and smiled, blinking her eyes. “It was very immature of me.”
Did she really think he was that stupid? Hawk shook his head. He already knew the answer to that. Of course she did or she wouldn’t be working the program so hard.
“It was a spontaneous decision to run off?” he asked.
She sipped. “Uh-huh.”
“You just happened to have a fake ID in your back pocket?”
Her eyes widened. “Um, no. It was just lying around.”
“A fake ID in your name with your picture on it.”
“I don’t know where that came from.”
Better to play innocent than come up with a crappy lie, he thought.
“Either you got it or Raoul got it,” he continued. “I’m guessing it has to be Raoul. You’d never do anything like that, would you?”
Her eyes widened even more. “No, Daddy.” Her smile trembled a little at the corners.
“It’s illegal. Getting a minor a fake ID. The police know about it. I should probably warn Nicole they’ll be by to arrest him. Damn. We’re going into the play-offs, too. If Raoul has to miss games because he’s in jail, we’ll never win. It’s his senior year, too. If he doesn’t play, the colleges are going to forget about him. But hey, he earned it, right? He screwed up and now he has to face the consequences.”
Brittany’s face crumbled. She put her soda on the counter and reached out for him. “Daddy, no. Don’t talk like that. Raoul can’t go to jail.”
“Sorry, Brittany. He has to learn his lesson.”
“No. That’s not fair.”
The tears fell faster. Normally Hawk would do anything to make her stop crying, but not this time. He felt oddly detached from the moment. She was his daughter and he would always love her, but he was tired of her calling the shots.
He turned to walk out of the kitchen. Brittany followed him, then grabbed his arm. “It was me,” she said, sobbing and gasping for breath. “It was me. I got the fake ID. It was my idea to use it so we could get married. Raoul didn’t want to. He’s really sweet, Daddy. He worships you. He would never do anything to hurt you or me.”
Hawk did his best not to think about Raoul sleeping with his daughter. While he would consider that crossing the line, Raoul and Brittany wouldn’t see it that way.
“You lied to me,” he said, his voice low.
“I know. I know. I’m so sorry. I just thought…I wanted to get married. I wanted to start my life with Raoul. I wanted us to be happy and a family. Just like you and Mom.”
He put his arm around his daughter and led her into the family room. When she was settled on the sofa, he sat on the coffee table in front of her and took one of her hands in his.
“I loved your mom more than anything,” he said slowly. “I still remember the first time I saw her. She was laughing and the sound cut through me. I knew she was the one, that we would always be together, that I would marry her. There was never a question. She knew, too.”
Brittany wiped away her tears. “Just like me and Raoul.”
He ignored that. “We got together and fell in love. We had plans. Then she turned up pregnant.”
“I know this part.”
“No, you don’t. You know what we told you. Your mom and I were worried that if you knew the truth, you’d feel you weren’t wanted, weren’t loved. I don’t know if it was the right decision, but it’s the one we made. You’ve only heard half the story, Brittany. There’s more I need to tell you.”
“Like what?”
“Like how your mom cried every night for six months because her parents turned their backs on her. How after we were married, we hardly ever saw each other. We were living in my room at my mom’s house, both working two jobs to save as much money as possible because once I went to Oklahoma and started playing football, there wouldn’t be any time for me to work.”
Brittany shifted in her seat. “But that was only for a few weeks. Then you were together.”
“Then I was at practice or in class. Your mom was alone in a strange city where she didn’t know anyone. She was given a job as a receptionist, but she was the youngest person there. She had nothing in common with the other women who were single and going out all the time. She went home to an empty house and waited for me to come home. She spent four years waiting.”
“But then she had me.”
“Yeah, she had a baby. So now she was alone and responsible for an infant. She had no friends, no one to call. Her own mother didn’t speak to her for over a year.”
“But what about the alumni? You said they helped.”
“They did. They brought casseroles and sometimes babysat. They gave us names of doctors and helped with the bills. They made it possible, but it was never easy. There were times your mom and I fought so much we made you cry. There were weeks we hated each other and if we’d had the money, we would have gotten divorced a hundred times over.”
Tears filled Brittany’s eyes again. “Daddy, no.”
He squeezed her fingers. “We worked it out. We realized we loved each other and we were going to have to try harder. Then I signed with the NFL and we were able to move back here. Life got easier. You started school and Serena and I could finally spend some time together. We made it, but just barely.”
“I thought it was different. I thought it was a fairy tale.”
“I know. Maybe that was a mistake.”
Nicole had been right. He and Serena had paved the way to this disaster. They’d practically illustrated a manual on how to screw up a life.
“There’s no baby,” Brittany whispered. “I was sad before, but maybe it’s a good thing. I guess I should go on birth control, Dad.”
Not a conversation he wanted to have.
“You’ll have plenty of time to think about how you want to handle that,” he said. “You already have an appointment with your doctor in two weeks.”
She pulled back her hand. “Dad! That’s so embarrassing.”
“So’s getting pregnant at seventeen. Not that I see that happening again anytime soon.”
“What do you mean?”
“You won’t be going out with Raoul for a while.”
She glared at him. “You can’t make me break up with him. He’s my boyfriend and I love him.”
“I’m sure you do, but this isn’t about him. This is about you. You lied to me about your relationship. You moved out, you ran off, you got a fake ID. I’ve always trusted you and given you a lot of freedom. Obviously you’re not mature enough to handle it.”
“What?”
He stood. “You’re grounded, Brittany. You won’t be dating anyone for a while. You’ll go to school, then sit in my office and do homework until I’m ready to leave.”
“That’s crazy. I’ll drive myself home.”
“I’m taking away your car.”
“What? You can’t!” She shrieked loud enough to injure the neighborhood dogs. “Daddy, no!”
“No car for a month. You’re grounded for six weeks. The last two weeks are to test your ability to be responsible. If you can’t handle it, you’ll lose the car completely until you’re eighteen. For now I’m letting you keep your cell phone and Internet privileges, but let me be clear. They are privileges. I can take them away, too.”
She pushed past him, turned and glared. “You can’t do this.”
“I can and I have.”
“It’s not fair. I wasn’t that bad.”
“You were that bad and worse. I worried so much about how you felt after your mom died. I wanted to make things easy for you and I did. Too easy. You’re spoiled, Brittany. If something doesn’t change, you’re going to become the kind of person no one likes. I don’t want that. I want to be proud of you again.”
She began to cry again. “Daddy, don’t.”
He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to stop, but he didn’t care. He walked past her and entered the kitchen. Her car keys were lying on the counter. He pocketed them.
Brittany ran into the kitchen. “You can’t do this. You can’t treat me like a child.”
“You’re acting like one.”
“This is so unfair. I hate you.”
“Right now, you’re not my favorite person, either. I love you, Brittany, but you’ve crossed the line.”
She turned and raced out of the room. He heard her footsteps on the stairs, followed by the sound of her slamming her door. When there was silence, he leaned against the counter and wondered how the hell he was going to get through the next month.
It would be hard. There were more laws to lay down and Brittany wasn’t going to take any of it well. He was fighting uphill-he should have done this years ago. But with luck, he could still turn her around.
He walked into his study, but couldn’t sit. He felt too restless. Something was still wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He felt uncomfortable. Like he didn’t fit in his skin anymore.
Brittany was back, he’d done the father thing. Everything was right. What did he have that was…
Nicole, he thought. He needed to talk to Nicole. They’d fought and he’d hurt her. She’d only been telling him the truth, saying what he needed to hear. He respected that, and he missed her.
He walked upstairs and knocked on Brittany’s door.
“Go away,” she yelled.
“Keep talking like that and you’ll lose your phone.”
There were a couple of seconds of silence followed by her opening her bedroom door.
Her face was pale and streaked with tears. “Okay,” she said, then sniffed.
His knee-jerk reaction was to tell her not to worry, that they could put this all behind them. But he knew that would be a mistake.
“I’m going to see Nicole,” he said. “I’ll be gone a while.”
“You’re leaving? Now? After ripping my life apart and destroying me?”
Good to know Brittany hadn’t lost her flair for the dramatic. “Just wanted you to know I was gone. I’m taking your car keys with me, so don’t think you can sneak out. I expect you to stay up here and think about what you did wrong.”
“Daddy, no. You can’t leave. Not now.” More tears slid down her cheeks. “Don’t. Don’t go to Nicole.”
“Why not? I want to spend time with her.”
“If I can’t go out, you can’t go out.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “You didn’t just say that.”
She swallowed. “Sorry. No. I didn’t mean that. It’s just I don’t want you to be gone right now. You hurt me.”
“I punished you. There’s a difference.”
“But, Daddy…” Her voice was a high-pitched whine. One that grated on his last nerve.
“What’s the real problem here?”
“I don’t know. It’s just…How much do you like her?”
Interesting question. “I like her a lot.”
Brittany’s eyes widened. “You mean, like it’s serious?”
“Yes.” More than serious, he thought. “She’s very important to me.”
“But you said you were just dating. You said it didn’t matter.”
“That was before.” When they’d had a deal. But the deal had turned out to be real.
“You’re not supposed to be with anyone but Mom. You promised.”
“I will always love Serena, but it’s been five years, Brittany. I’m allowed to have a life.”
“No, you’re not. You’re my dad. You can’t care about someone more than me. Is that it? Do you love her? Do you?”
Did he? Love? He’d never thought about that. He’d always had fun with women, but he didn’t get involved. Not seriously. Love.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, turning the idea over in his mind. Love?
“I hate you,” Brittany screamed. “I hate you and I hate her.”
Her door slammed. Hawk ignored the sound and his daughter’s tantrum.
Why hadn’t he seen it before? How important Nicole had become to him? How much he looked forward to seeing her? How he counted on her and trusted her and needed her in his life?
Love. Who would have guessed it was possible?
“I’M SO EXCITED,” Claire said, grabbing Nicole by the arms and bouncing up and down. “This is wonderful and amazing. How did it happen?”
Nicole wasn’t in the mood to bounce. She pulled back and walked into the kitchen. “The usual way.”
“You’re pregnant.” Claire sounded far too happy.
“I know. I’m the one who told you.”
“You should be happier. Pregnant. That means a baby.”
“I’m clear on the biological ramifications of the event.”
Claire shook her head. “Why aren’t you more excited? I thought you wanted a family.”
“I do.”
“Now you and Hawk can get married.”
Nicole ignored the stab of pain that ripped through her. If only. But that wasn’t going to be happening.
“It’s a new century,” she said. “Getting married because the girl gets pregnant is no longer required.”
“But you really like Hawk. Actually, you love him.”
“So not the point.”
“Why?”
Nicole crossed to the freezer and pulled out two pints of Ben & Jerry’s. She really hated to share her stash, but Claire wasn’t going to simply sit by and watch her eat ice cream alone. It was unnatural.
“There are complications,” she said setting the cartons on the table and grabbing spoons. “I’m not sure Hawk is over his late wife. His house is a shrine to Serena. He has this vision in his mind about her and no mortal woman can measure up.”
“You can handle that.”
“There’s more.” Nicole sat across from her sister and picked up one of the pints. “He has a spoiled princess of a daughter who isn’t going to deal with any of this well.”
“Brittany will be graduating in June and leaving for college. She’s a short-term problem.”
Possibly. But there was still one more thing.
Nicole waited until Claire had swallowed before saying, “Hawk and I weren’t really going out. I made a deal with him to be my pretend boyfriend. I was tired of everyone feeling sorry for me because of Jesse and Drew. He was coming on to me, so I traded him sex in return for pretending to date me. We’re not really going out.”
Claire dropped her spoon. “You lied about your relationship?”
“Yes.”
“To me?”
“Yes.”
Claire’s face got all scrunchy, like she’d just been hit in the stomach. Nicole felt sick.
“It’s not what you think,” she said quickly. “Everyone seemed overly concerned. I hated that. And Drew was showing up every fifteen minutes telling me I had to take him back because no one else would ever want me. I felt completely undesirable. Then I met Hawk and he was interested in sex, which isn’t exactly a love match, but he’s hunky and appealing and I thought it would be better to make people think we were together.”
“You lied to me.”
“I know. It was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Claire nodded slowly. “I guess I’ve been a bad sister, if you thought you had to trick me.”
Nicole felt herself shrinking. “Don’t go there. You’re taking it wrong. This is all about me. You’ve been great and patient and I appreciate that.”
“You hate me.”
Nicole wanted to pound her head against the table. “This isn’t about you,” she yelled. “Don’t you see? This is about me feeling like crap about my life. I was humiliated by what happened and then you found Wyatt and you’re so damn happy. It was really annoying. And you were worried and Wyatt was worried and I couldn’t stand it.”
Claire licked her spoon. “Was the sex good?”
“Amazing.”
“That’s something.”
Nicole took a deep breath. “Are you still mad?”
“I’ll get over it. Tell me about Hawk.”
“There’s nothing to say. We had sex, I got pregnant.”
“You fell in love with him.”
“Yeah, that, too. Not very smart, huh?”
“You can’t control your heart.”
“Right now I can’t control anything in my life.”
“What do you want from Hawk?” Claire asked.
“A happy ending. But I’m not fooling myself. I know that’s not going to happen.”
“It might.”
“Unlikely,” Nicole muttered. “He doesn’t want more children. He never gets involved. His life is complete. He doesn’t need me.”
“On the surface.”
“Have I ever mentioned how your ongoing optimism gets on my nerves?”
“Everything gets on your nerves.”
That was true.
“Are you happy about the baby?” Claire asked.
Nicole felt the need to touch her stomach, as if that would connect her to the child growing inside. “Sort of. How crazy is that? Like I need more responsibility in my life.”
“Oh, please. You love responsibility. You always have.”
Nicole glared at her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I know a lot more than you think. You thrive on responsibility. Why else would you have kept the bakery? You could have sold it years ago, taken the money and done something else with your life. It’s in a great location. Just the land has to be worth a couple million. So you’re there because you want to be there. You love Jesse, so as much as she bugged you, you never wanted to get rid of her. Even now. With all she’s done, you miss her. It will be the same with the baby. You’ll eat up the responsibility.”
Nicole didn’t know if she should be impressed by Claire’s insights or totally pissed off.
“It’s kind of cool that we’re all pregnant,” Claire said. “The three Keyes sisters. The timing is pretty amazing.”
“So’s the fact that none of us are married,” Nicole said, not wanting to think about Jesse pregnant and gone. “Although you’re engaged, so you’re almost married.”
Claire squeezed her arm. “You’re having a baby. Aren’t you excited?”
Despite everything, Nicole smiled. “I am. I’m also terrified.”
“Me, too. The mom thing. What if I don’t know how?”
“You know. You lead with your heart. Sometimes that’s very annoying.”
“You know, too. You’ve had practice.”
“I didn’t do a great job with Jesse.”
“You did. She created a lot of the problems herself. Plus, you were just a kid.”
Nicole nodded slowly. “I miss her. I keep wanting to go find her.”
“And then what?”
Nicole didn’t have an answer for that. “My head tells me I have to let her go. My heart says she’ll never make it on her own. I don’t know which one is right.”
Claire squeezed her arm again. “You’ll figure it out.”
“I hope so.”
RAOUL ARRIVED a few minutes after Claire left. Nicole hugged him hard, then hit the back of his head.
“Don’t run off again. You scared me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Sheila missed you. I had to explain to the puppies where you were. I won’t cover for you again.”
“You won’t have to.”
They stood smiling at each other. Nicole felt as if some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Go unpack,” she said. “If you’re lucky, I’ll cook dinner later.”
“I’d like that.”
He carried his duffel bag upstairs.
She watched him go. Life would be a whole lot easier if he would stop seeing Brittany, but she doubted her luck was that good. She would guess it was just a matter of time until Hawk’s daughter showed up, so she might as well cook enough for three.
She headed into the kitchen, then made a detour to the front door when the bell rang. She half expected to see Brittany on her doorstep, but instead found herself staring at Drew.
This was so not how she wanted to spend her evening.
“Hi, Nicole,” he said. “May I please come in for a few minutes?”
Her instinct was to say no. She wasn’t in the mood for his rants right now. But it would probably be faster to let him say whatever he wanted and then get him the hell out of here.
She stepped back to let him enter. He closed the door behind him and gave her a tentative smile.
“You’re looking good,” he said as he shoved his hands into his pockets, then pulled them out again. “Better than good. Great. Really great.”
“Is this about money?” she asked. “Do you need a loan?”
“No. It’s not about money. It’s about…” He looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m here to tell you that I was wrong about, you know, everything. I hurt you. You were great to me, Nicole. I never appreciated you the way I should have. I’m sorry about what happened with Jesse. I take full responsibility for that.”
Her first thought was that he was on drugs. Her second was that he’d had his body hijacked by some kind of space alien.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.
“Then let me talk. I still love you, Nicole. I’ve never stopped loving you. I know coming on to Jesse the way I did was totally wrong. I was messed up in the head. But I’m clear now and I know what I want. I want you. I want us back together, the way it used to be.”
An apology at last. He was taking responsibility. While she appreciated it, she knew it was too little too late.
“The divorce will be final in a couple of weeks,” she said.
“We can get married again. It will be great.”
She studied him, his blue eyes, the way his smile was slightly lopsided. At one time she’d done her best to convince herself he was the one.
“Why?” she asked, curious rather than angry. “Why do you want to be with me?”
He frowned. “Because I love you.”
“Do you like me?”
“Sure.”
“What do you like about me?”
“I don’t understand.”
She shrugged. “We don’t have very much in common. You like to party and it’s not really my thing. You enjoy going out every night and I like staying in. I’m sort of a morning person and you’re a night owl. You never liked that I work at the bakery, I don’t really like your friends. We don’t have very much in common, Drew.”
He looked at the floor, then back at her. “I’m at my best when I’m with you.”
Which was kind of sweet and still all about him. “Maybe you should try being your best on your own.”
“But…”
“Drew, you don’t really love me. I’m not sure you like me all that much. You weren’t happy married to me. Were you? Really?”
He slowly shook his head.
“We’re not in love,” she told him. “It’s over. I think you need to go find someone who likes what you like, who understands you.”
“I guess.” He looked at her. “But you loved me. You know, before, right?”
She thought about how she felt about Hawk. It was so different, so powerful, so unlike anything she’d felt before. That was love. Really deep, lasting love. But there was no win in hurting Drew and that’s all the truth would do.
“I loved you,” she lied.
“Well that’s something.” He gave her a small smile. “I guess I should go.”
She moved around him and opened the door. “Goodbye, Drew.”
He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Bye, Nicole.”
And then he was gone.
She leaned against the closed door. Life was nothing if not interesting.
She’d barely gotten halfway across the room when there was another knock. Nicole sighed. She was just going to have to get mean. She didn’t want to hurt Drew, but the situation was getting out of hand.
She turned around, crossed to the door and pulled it open. But instead of Drew, Hawk stood on her porch.
Her body reacted as it always did, with heat and longing. Her heart fluttered. She wanted to throw herself at him, to kiss him and then take him to bed. None of which was going to happen.
“What do you want to blame me for this time?” she asked.
“Nothing. Do I do it that often?”
“More than I would like,” she muttered, stepping back and letting him in. “I take it Brittany got home.”
“A couple of hours ago. We had a talk. How are you? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He cupped her face and kissed her. “Brittany’s grounded. I took her car away from her.”
Nicole didn’t know what to say. “That’s a good thing?”
“You were right about me not acting like her parent. I didn’t take responsibility and I didn’t make her take responsibility. I kept hearing your voice in my head, Nicole. The one telling me the right thing to do. That’s what’s happened. When I wasn’t paying attention, you crawled inside of me. I never thought I’d care about anyone again. But I do. I love you.”
He stood there looking so hopeful and proud. Nicole told herself she should be happy-that this was everything she’d ever wanted. Only she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. She didn’t know what had brought Hawk to this point, but she had a bad feeling it wasn’t reality.
She desperately wanted to believe, to hope, to have this be the moment her dreams came true. But she wasn’t comfortable taking that leap of faith. Not with her heart on the line.
“You don’t love me,” she said as she pulled back. “You can’t possibly have room in your life or your house.”
“What does my house have to do with anything?”
“It’s a shrine to Serena. I know she was your wife and you loved her, but it’s been what, five years? Six? Nothing has changed. You’ve never moved on. You still use her to keep everyone at bay and when that doesn’t work, you use Brittany. You’re happy just being on a team of two. There’s no room for anyone else, Hawk, and you don’t want there to be. You’re trading on your looks and your charm.”
He glared at her. “If you’re not interested, just say so.”
“I wish I wasn’t, but I am. This isn’t about me trying to hurt you or be mean.”
“The hell it isn’t. I love you.”
The words cut so deeply because she wanted to believe them so much.
“Do you?” she asked. “Seriously? You love me? Are you sure? Are we getting serious now? Are you proposing?”
He took a slight step back. “I want us to get serious.”
“How serious? What about a family? Do you want kids with me?”
He took another step back. “It seems early to be having that conversation.”
“I guess. I just wondered where you saw this going.”
She waited, hoping she wasn’t reading the look of panic correctly, even though she knew she was.
“I don’t know what you want,” he told her. “I care about you. Isn’t that enough for now?”
It was as if he wanted to be rewarded for suddenly realizing she was more than a convenience. Talk about special, she thought with a sigh. She might as well get it all out there right now.
“I’m pregnant,” she said, staring into his eyes as she spoke. “We’re having a baby.”
She held her breath, hoping she was wrong, desperate for him to be happy. She wanted to see him smile, then laugh. She wanted him to say that they would work everything out now that they were having a baby together. She wanted him to know the truth and then tell her he loved her.
Instead he turned and walked away.