“GO AWAY,” Nicole said by way of greeting.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Amazingly I do.”
She thought about standing on the porch and refusing to go in the house, but wasn’t excited about providing entertainment for her neighbors.
She went inside, knowing he would follow, walked to the center of the room, then faced him.
“Say what you have to say and get out.”
“That’s not very friendly.”
“What a surprise.”
She was pleased to see that the gouge on his cheek wasn’t healing all that fast. The last time Drew had come calling, it had been the middle of the night. Claire had still been staying there. She’d attacked him with a high-heeled shoe that had done an impressive amount of damage.
Drew didn’t seem bothered by her lack of welcome. He smiled at her. “I’ve missed you, babe, and I know you’ve missed me.”
He still had the ability to leave her speechless, she thought, stunned by his arrogance. “What am I supposed to miss? You sleeping with my sister?”
He threw up his hands. “When are you going to let that go?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe when I feel as if either of you are the least bit remorseful about what you did. You’ve never apologized or admitted you did anything wrong.”
Jesse hadn’t. She kept complaining that Nicole wouldn’t believe her. So far she hadn’t heard anything that would excuse their actions.
“It wasn’t what you think,” Drew grumbled. “You’re taking it all wrong.”
That made Nicole wish she knew how to throw a knife. Or hit really, really hard. “You were in my sister’s bedroom, on her bed, kissing her. Her shirt was off and your hand was on her bare breast. What about that isn’t what I think?”
Drew shifted uncomfortably. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough.”
“This is so typical,” he said, his voice getting angry. “You take everything so seriously. Yeah, I made a mistake. People do that. Even you. I told you Jesse shouldn’t be here after we were married.”
“After you moved into my house and no longer had to pay rent, you mean.”
“Don’t do this, Nicole. Don’t be hard.”
What was she supposed to be? Happy?
“If Jesse hadn’t been here…” he began.
“So you’re saying it’s my fault you were tempted and gave in to that temptation. That you have no responsibility for what you did?”
“You’re twisting my words. You always do that.”
She looked at the man she’d married. He was reasonably good-looking, but he didn’t make her heart beat faster. He’d been a mistake-one she would be recovering from for a while.
“You need to take me back,” he told her.
She shook her head. “There’s no way you just said that.”
“It’s true. I love you. No one is going to love you like me.”
He was trying to hurt her. Or maybe just scare her. “People in love don’t cheat.”
“Sure they do.”
“I don’t.” She shook her head. “You can’t make this right. I can’t trust you, Drew, and I don’t want to try.”
His expression hardened. “You’re going to be alone forever. Is that what you want?”
She knew she shouldn’t listen to him. The fact that he was speaking her deepest fears didn’t make them the truth.
“I don’t believe that,” she said with a conviction she didn’t feel. “You’re a loser, Drew. My mistake was hooking up with you in the first place.”
“My mistake was trying to make it work. No one’s surprised I cheated on you, Nicole. You’re not easy to love. You’re closed off and distant and you can be a real bitch, but I’m trying here.”
She felt as if he’d slapped her. Knowing he was trying to hurt her didn’t make the words any less painful.
“Aren’t you magnanimous,” she murmured. “How did I get so lucky? Tell you what, Drew. You stop trying to win me back with your own peculiar brand of charm and I’ll do my best to get over you.”
“You don’t want to get over me. That’s your problem.”
“Get out,” she said as she walked to the door and held it open. “Don’t bother coming back.”
He hesitated, as if he had more to say, then he left. She shut the door behind him and locked it, then told herself she wouldn’t cry.
When she was alone, she crossed to the sofa and sank onto a cushion. She had no idea what Drew’s visit had been about. Did he just want to punish her? Did he actually think they could make their marriage work and that insulting her was the best way to win her back? No one was that stupid.
So why didn’t he want to let her go? Pride? The fact that she was a great meal ticket? She doubted he still loved her. Maybe he never had.
Doubts crowded in on her. She hated how they made her feel. She needed a distraction.
Just then the phone rang. She jumped up and ran into the kitchen.
“Hello?”
“Hi. How’s it going?”
While hearing from Claire wasn’t as exciting as an inappropriate sexual advance from Hawk, it was still better than thinking about Drew.
“Okay. How are you?”
“Still waiting to look pregnant. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”
Nicole hesitated. Did she want to spend the evening with her sister and Wyatt, watching them coo over each other as the waves of their love filled the room with more hormones than should be allowed by any state agency?
“Thanks, but I’m going to pass.”
Claire sighed. “You’re spending too much time alone.”
“No, I’m not. I was just at the bakery.”
“Work doesn’t count. Don’t be crabby. I’m worried because I love you. That’s a good thing.”
Nicole didn’t want to remember Drew telling her she wasn’t easy to love, but the words popped into her brain.
“You’ve been dealing with a lot of crap,” Claire said. “Come over and have fun.”
There it was-just like with Maggie. Pity. Nicole hated being pitied.
“You’re sweet to worry,” she said, trying not to clench her teeth. “But I’m great. Better than great. Another time.”
“You need to get out.”
“With a guy, right? You’d stop worrying about me if I showed up with a fabulous guy, wouldn’t you?”
Claire laughed. “Actually, I would.”
That made Nicole smile. “So you don’t actually care about how I feel. This is all about you.”
“Well, maybe. But you’re a part of it.”
“And I appreciate that. Look, I’m fine. I swear. I’ve gotta run. Talk to you later.”
She hung up and grabbed her purse. As she opened the front door and stepped out, the phone was already ringing again. She ignored it, even as she wished she had somewhere to go.
HAWK STACKED the DVDs he’d made of the raw footage from the game. He’d already been over the material and knew the points he wanted to emphasize. Normally he would use the few minutes he had before the guys started arriving to make notes, but on this Sunday, he kept checking his watch and wondering when Nicole was going to show.
He knew he was acting like a kid around her. And even when he wasn’t around her. He couldn’t seem to stop thinking about her. Okay-thinking was a stretch. Fantasizing would be better. He kept picturing her naked and begging. In his fantasy he was always happy to oblige. It was just the kind of man he was.
He didn’t know why she got to him, but he was enjoying the ride. She was funny and sarcastic. She challenged him. She had attitude. He liked attitude in a woman.
He heard footsteps in the hallway outside the meeting room. Light footsteps that didn’t belong to any of his players. His gut clenched in anticipation. Sure enough, Nicole entered the room.
“I have about six boxes of desserts in my car,” she said. “Want to help me carry them?”
“Sure,” he said, wondering if there was time to kiss her before his students started arriving. He moved toward her, stopping when he saw something dark and painful flicker in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you,” he told her. “Something happened.”
Now that he studied her, he could see it in the slight slump of her shoulders and the paleness of her skin. “Someone hurt you.”
“I’m fine,” she told him, then shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
“I was married for twelve years. ‘Nothing’ in this context is female code for ‘you’re going to have to keep asking to prove you’re seriously interested.’ What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m not letting this go.” He wouldn’t until he knew who or what had upset her.
She sighed. “I’m…I’m having a little trouble with my ex.”
What kind of trouble? “You’re divorced?”
“I’m in the process. The papers have been filed and the terms agreed to. I’m waiting out the time.”
“You still miss him?” Hawk asked, not wanting to know the answer. What if she said yes?
“Not even a little. He came by yesterday. He wants me back. His way of convincing me is to be insulting and mean.”
Hawk bristled. “Did he hurt you.”
She managed a smile. “Not really.”
“I can beat him up for you.”
Her smile widened. “I’m sure you’d do so with amazing efficiency, but no.”
He really wanted to. “I don’t mind. I’m always looking for new ways to stay in shape.”
“It wouldn’t be much of a workout for you.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure of it. You’re nice to offer, though. Thanks.”
There was more. He could read it in her eyes. The problem with an ex was that person knew the best way to hurt. He or she knew the weak spots, the soft underbelly. Apparently her ex wasn’t afraid to attack there.
He touched her cheek. “He’s wrong.”
“About what?”
“Whatever he said.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do.”
Hawk’s expression was kind, his touch comforting and just a little sexy. He was exactly what she needed, Nicole thought.
His gaze dropped from her eyes to her mouth. Her body reacted with tingles and little sighs, and the man wasn’t even kissing her. How did he do that?
Before she could find out, there was the sound of several teenagers in the hallway. She stepped back.
“Reinforcements,” he said lightly. “I’ll get them to bring in the boxes.”
Which meant it could be done in a single trip, leaving her no excuse to stay and, for some reason, she wanted to stay.
“I have your change.” She dug in her jeans pocket and pulled out the money.
“Keep that for next time,” he said. “I’ll be ordering in a week.”
“Okay.”
“You’re going to stay for the meeting, aren’t you?”
“I, ah, sure.” Because the alternative was going home and avoiding her friends who all currently felt sorry for her.
Hawk sent several of the guys out to get the desserts she’d brought. Raoul returned with them and called out a greeting. She moved over to help with the setup.
“Am I freaking you out by being here?” she asked. “Is it too much like your boss being around in your personal life?”
He smiled. “No one says freaking anymore.”
“Sure they do.”
“Because you’re so hip?”
“No one says hip. I know that much.”
The teenager laughed. “It’s fine if you stay.”
“Good. Maybe I can give you a few pointers.”
“Maybe. Coach says women are a mysterious island and a smart man always knows the limits of his abilities.”
It was an interesting mixed metaphor. She didn’t doubt that Hawk had more experience than the average guy and that Raoul would be smart to listen to him.
In a matter of minutes, everyone was settled on folding chairs. Nicole found herself sitting next to Hawk, which made her happy. He was exactly the distraction she needed.
He pushed a remote. The lights went down and a grainy image of the game came on the big screen on the wall.
“You guys got lucky,” he said. “The snap was sloppy. Fundamentals are everything. Wilson, you were two seconds late off the line. Green, you’re supposed to be covering the quarterback. Their guys get through, we don’t score. It’s that simple.”
He dissected every second of the game, offering praise where it was deserved-which didn’t seem that often-and giving constructive criticism. He explained things simply. Even Nicole was able to follow what he was saying…at least for the first ten minutes or so. Then she felt a hand lightly brush her arm.
The unexpected contact nearly made her jump. She managed to stay in her seat and casually glanced down to see him running his fingers across the inside of her wrist. Slowly, gently, without once looking at her.
In theory there was nothing sexual about the contact. It shouldn’t have been meaningful. But there was something about the heat of his skin, the way he brushed his thumb across the inside of her palm, that made her want to squirm. She had to consciously control her breathing. After about ten minutes, she had to tell herself that throwing herself into his arms was completely inappropriate.
They took a break at halftime. The guys dove into the cupcakes and brownies, consuming everything she’d brought in a matter of seconds. Hawk leaned back in his chair.
“You enjoying the game?” he asked.
He sounds so damn casual, she thought, more than a little annoyed. With the lights on, they weren’t touching. He was acting like nothing had happened. Like they were little more than people who’d run into each other at the grocery store. She felt all squishy and swollen inside and desperately hungry for more than a light brush against her arm.
“I’m learning a lot,” she told him, determined not to let him know how he got to her. “I’ve never been into sports. It’s a lot more complicated than I’d realized.”
“Most things are. Want to get something to eat after this? Or head back to your place?”
“You’re very comfortable just going for it, aren’t you?” she asked, keeping her voice low and checking to make sure no one could hear them.
“I know what I want.”
Her? She shifted on the seat, then wished she hadn’t as her insides whimpered.
“Hawk, I…” What? Did she want to say yes?
Scratch that. Of course she wanted to say yes, but there were a thousand reasons why she shouldn’t. Sleeping with Hawk might be a momentary distraction, but she’d never been into easy. Or casual sex. She wasn’t sure reacting to Drew’s scathing comments by jumping into bed with someone else was smart.
“I should go.”
His dark gaze settled on her face. “How long are you going to run from me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it.”
“How very bumper sticker of you.”
She stood. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close.
“At least admit you’re tempted,” he murmured.
“More than you know.”
“HELLO?” Nicole said Monday afternoon as she answered the phone. She’d just left work and was looking forward to a little lounging time.
“Nicole? It’s Martin Bashear.”
Her lawyer. “Hi, Martin. How’s it going?”
“Well. I have a few things I want to talk to you about.”
“Am I going to like hearing them?”
“Probably not.”
She mentally braced herself. “Okay. What?”
“We’re at a crossroads with the Jesse situation. We either have to pursue prosecution or let it go.”
“You know what I want.”
“I do, but as your lawyer, it’s my job to give you advice. I’m going to advise you to drop the charges.”
She tightened her grip on the phone. “She stole the family recipe. A world-famous recipe. She baked Keyes chocolate cakes and sold them on the Internet. I can’t let her get away with that.”
“I agree that her behavior was reprehensible.”
That almost made her smile. Martin always talked like he had a stick up his butt. Usually she was the stuffy one in any relationship but with him she was, by comparison, the free spirit.
“She stole, Martin,” she repeated, feeling the outrage swell up inside of her.
It wasn’t enough that Jesse had screwed Drew. No. She had to go and steal the Keyes chocolate cake, too.
“I want her punished.”
“Rightfully so. But, Nicole, consider the consequences. This will be an expensive and drawn-out process. Family drama never plays well in court. Jesse could get the jury’s sympathy vote. We can do our best to paint her as the bad guy, but that doesn’t always work. She lost her parents when she was very young-”
“So did I,” Nicole snapped.
“Yes, but you’re the older sister. People may blame you for her behavior.”
“That’s hardly news.”
“Other matters might come to light.”
Translation-the defense could bring up Jesse sleeping with Drew. While that should help Nicole, in truth it might make some members of the jury think the case was about revenge.
“There’s also the matter of her being pregnant. We don’t want that to be an issue, but by the time this got to court, she would be close to her due date. That would be in her favor.”
Nicole was fairly sure that Martin kept talking, but she couldn’t hear him. Not with the ringing in her ears.
“Did you say pregnant?” she asked, barely able to say the words.
There was a pause. “I’m sorry,” Martin told her. “I thought you knew.”
Knew? That Jesse was pregnant? Nicole stood. For once, she didn’t need her cane. “How far along?”
“I’m not exactly sure. Four months. Maybe a little more.”
Nicole swore. Jesse was having Drew’s baby.
Heat climbed her cheeks. Humiliation? she wondered. Or good, old-fashioned rage? Pregnant. She shouldn’t even be surprised.
She felt as if she was going to throw up. The room seemed to tilt.
“I have to go,” she managed.
“Nicole, I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
“Drop the charges.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded then remembered he couldn’t see her. “Drop them. You’re right. This is a losing battle.”
She hung up without saying goodbye, then closed her eyes and let the pain wash over her.
There’d been too much betrayal, she thought, trying to breathe through the ache in her chest. Too much loss. She’d given her baby sister everything, had sacrificed for her, loved her, dreamed for her, wanted only the best. And this was her reward.
A baby. Jesse was having a baby.
Nicole touched her own flat, empty stomach, then sank back into her chair. It wasn’t that she wanted a child with Drew, but a family…she’d always wanted a family. And someone to love, who loved her best. What she got instead was stabbed in the back.
How fair was-
The doorbell rang. She crossed to the front of the house and opened the door. A middle-aged woman with dark hair stood on the porch.
“Hello,” the woman said. “I’m looking for Jesse Keyes.”
“And you are?” Nicole asked.
“Paula Fenner. Jesse is dating my son, Matt. I need to speak with her. I’ve left several messages, but she won’t return my calls.”
“She doesn’t live here anymore,” Nicole said, knowing if Jesse was still in the house, she would kick her out all over again.
Paula frowned. “Where is she? She’s not living with Matt.”
“I have no idea.” Nicole refused to care. Jesse was twenty-two. She could take care of herself.
“May I ask why she moved out?” Paula’s expression was curious and determined.
Nicole hesitated. Her first instinct was to protect her sister, to not tell the truth. Then she remembered all Jesse had done to her, how Nicole had taken care of her, worried about her, loved her, and Jesse’s way of repaying her had been to sleep with Drew and get pregnant.
The anger always lurking under the surface exploded into something hot and demanding.
“I found her in bed with my husband,” Nicole said flatly. “I kicked her out.”
Paula’s face paled. “I’m sorry. I’m not surprised, but I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Nicole said. She stepped back into the house and shut the door. She was sorry about a lot of things. Mostly caring about someone who had never thought about anyone but herself.
NICOLE WAITED impatiently on Wyatt’s front porch, then rang the bell again. Claire answered the door.
“Did you know?” Nicole demanded.
Claire frowned. “Know what?”
“That Jesse’s pregnant?”
Claire went pale. “Oh my God. Are you sure?”
“Reasonably. I heard it from my lawyer.”
“I didn’t know. I swear.”
Nicole believed her. Claire was talented in many ways, but she was a lousy liar. It was a good quality in a sister. Jesse, on the other hand, was an expert at avoiding the truth.
Claire stepped back to let her in. “I can’t believe it. Pregnant. Is it…”
Nicole entered the living room, wanting to hit something with her cane. “Drew’s? Based on the timing, it seems likely. I guess the boyfriend could be a possibility, along with whoever else she was sleeping with. But with my luck, the baby’s Drew’s. I know when I caught them together but who knows how long they’d been sleeping together before that.”
In her house. Making a fool of her. Lying to her. Pretending they both loved her while they were sneaking around and laughing at her.
She swallowed hard and vowed she wouldn’t cry. That was her new rule-no tears wasted on people who didn’t matter.
“I don’t know what to say,” Claire admitted. “This is awful. Have you talked to her?”
“No. There’s nothing to say. She’ll deny the whole thing. It’s what she’s good at.”
“But maybe-”
Nicole cut her off with a look. “This is not a good time to play the middle child.” She sank onto the sofa. “I just don’t get it. What went wrong? Why would she do this to me?”
“I don’t think it was totally about you. I think it just happened.”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “Is that what she told you? And you believe her?”
“You can’t know she was trying to hurt you.”
“Maybe not, but I have a good idea. She was angry with me. She hated that her half of the bakery was tied up in a trust until she was twenty-five. She was bugging me to buy her out now so she could go do who knows what.”
Claire sat next to her and touched her hand. “I know she was difficult and you did your best. She got into a lot of trouble, but to do something like this? And what about Matt? Didn’t she care about him?”
Nicole no longer had an answer. Jesse changed guys as easily as most other women changed shoes. But Matt had been different, or so she’d thought. Jesse had dated him for a few months and really seemed to care about him.
“Maybe she was playing him, too,” she said slowly. “She swore she loved him, that he was the one. It was all a big game to her.”
“I’m sorry.” Claire hugged her. “I’m so sorry.”
Sympathy was a little too close to pity for Nicole’s taste. She accepted the hug, reminded herself she wasn’t crying ever again, then stood.
“I should go.”
“No. You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I’m fine,” Nicole insisted. Suddenly the large room seemed too small. “I haven’t told Drew. I’m not going to. That’s Jesse’s job.”
“I won’t say anything and Wyatt won’t, either.”
Because Claire would tell her fiancé, who just happened to be Drew’s stepbrother. Talk about a mess.
Claire walked her to the door. “What can I do to help?”
“Knowing you’re here helps.”
“Are you sure?”
Nicole nodded. “I’ll call if I need anything else.”
She walked to her SUV and got inside. After starting the engine, she stared out the windshield. Where was she supposed to go now? What was she supposed to do? Her sister was pregnant by her soon-to-be ex-husband. Nicole was a cliché. She could be a character in a soap.
Jesse was unlikely to keep this kind of information to herself which meant soon everyone would know. Talk about humiliating.
She reached into her purse for a tissue and fumbled with a business card instead. She pulled it out and stared at the printing on the front, then reached for her cell phone and dialed.
When the phone was answered, she asked for the extension on the card.
“Hawkins.”
“It’s Nicole,” she said, doing her best to keep her voice from shaking. This was not a good idea but it was the only one she could come up with.
“You’re an unexpected surprise.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“I like surprises.”
His voice was teasing. That gave her courage. “Can you talk for a second?”
“Sure. Is this a regular conversation or should I close my door?”
“You might want to close it.”
There was a moment of silence, followed by a chuckle. “Okay. I wouldn’t have figured you were into phone sex. I’ll admit I’ve never done it, but I’m a fast learner.”
She squeezed the cell phone so tight, her fingers hurt. “I have to ask you a question. Did you mean what you said before? What you’ve been hinting at? Do you want to sleep with me or is it all a game?”
“Nicole, what’s going on?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Of course I’m interested.”
Thank God. She sucked in a breath. “Then here’s the deal. I’ll be your personal sex kitten. I’ll be available when, where and how you want.”
“That’s a hell of an offer.”
“There’s a catch.”
“I almost don’t care what it is.”
Now came the scary part. “I want you to pretend to be my adoring boyfriend. I want us to be seen in public. I want you to be all over me. You’ll be faithful, you won’t flirt with anyone else. I get to show you off to all my friends and in a few weeks, I want to publicly dump you.”
He was going to say no, she told herself. She was asking for too much. Worse, he was going to know she’d asked and that would be a whole new level of humiliation.
The silence stretched between them. She closed her eyes and held her breath. He was going to say no. Why wouldn’t he?
“Why?” he asked.
“I have something to prove.” And her pride to salvage.
“Is this about your ex-husband?”
“A little.”
“Are you still in love with him?”
“No.”
“You sure?”
“More than sure. He cheated and I’m angry, but I’m not hurt. He wants to get back together. I don’t. I’m just tired of how everyone’s acting. The pity is the worst. The knowing looks. I want to prove I’m totally fine.”
It was as close to the truth as she could get and not start sobbing.
“I don’t do relationships,” he said. “Not serious ones. I like serial monogamy, but I don’t do permanent.”
“Me, either.” Wait a second. Did that mean he was saying yes?
“Brittany would have to be told that we weren’t serious. I don’t want her worrying.”
“Just don’t tell her the specifics of the deal and I’m good with that.”
“Not a problem. I don’t discuss my sex life with her and I don’t need her knowing I had to make a deal to get you into bed.”
Her heart thudded in her chest. “So you agree?”
“Yes. When do you turn into my…what was it you said? Oh, yeah. When do you turn into my personal sex kitten?”
Relief tasted sweet. It was immediately followed by sexual anticipation and an ache between her legs.
“Whenever you want.”
“I can be at your place in twenty minutes,” he said.
“I’ll be waiting.”
“Can you be waiting naked?”
“If it’s important to you.”
“It is.”