CLAIRE CALLED AHEAD to make sure Wyatt was at his office, then drove over before he could head out to a job site. She spent the thirty-minute trip alternating between total happiness and a gnawing worry about what he was going to say.
In a perfect world he would be as excited about the baby as she was. She wasn’t going to hold her breath for that, though. She figured the best she could hope for was neutrality.
She walked into the building and was directed back to his private office. Wyatt hung up the phone as she entered, smiled and moved toward her.
“An unexpected pleasure,” he told her, pulling her close and kissing her. “The best kind.”
His mouth was warm on hers, making her tummy clench in anticipation. Blood moved faster and the instant desire made her want to throw herself at him.
She pulled back, laughing. “How do you do that? Turn me on with just a kiss?”
“I’m gifted.”
He was more than that. He was everything she’d ever wanted. Strong, yet gentle. Caring, determined, even stubborn. She loved so much about him, including how much he loved his daughter. Would he be willing to give their child the same amount of caring?
He put his hand on her waist and kissed her again. “If you’re here for something quick on my desk, I can tell you that I’m open to the possibility. In the name of making all your fantasies come true.”
She touched his face. “You’re so generous.”
“I know.”
“While I appreciate the offer, I stopped by to tell you some happy news.”
Wyatt stiffened. “Okay.”
“What?”
“Your happy may not be my happy. Are you leaving?”
She hadn’t expected him to say that. “Leaving for New York?”
“You will eventually. Your work is there. You can’t give up the piano forever.”
A fierce longing gripped her. She was less surprised by it this time-it seemed to happen more and more lately. The need to create, to be one with the music. To let it fill her up and spill out of her.
“I’m not leaving,” she told him. Not yet, a voice whispered. She ignored it and looked at Wyatt. “I’m pregnant.”
Everything about him seemed to freeze in place. Then he was moving, putting space between them.
“You’re sure?”
His words sounded so cold and distant. She held in a shiver.
“Yes. Very sure.”
He nodded once, then swore. The bubble of hope she’d barely allowed herself to admit was there burst.
“Wyatt,” she began, “This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
His expression turned angry. She could see him visibly trying to get control. “It is for me. I never wanted any part of this. Not a baby. I can’t believe it’s happening again.”
She knew the “it” was his sense of being trapped. Of being forced into a relationship, a marriage, a responsibility he didn’t want.
He glared at her. “I know you didn’t do this on purpose, but it sure as hell feels that way to me.”
“That’s not fair and you know it.”
“You’re right. Just like I know you’re going to expect me to marry you, then you’ll go back to your fancy life, leaving me with another kid to raise.”
Even though they weren’t a shock, his words still hurt her.
“I’m not trapping you,” she said, wishing he could have been at least a tiny bit happy, if not for himself, then for her.
“So you say.”
He didn’t believe her? “You don’t know me at all, if that’s what you think.”
“I know enough. I know you’re used to getting what you want.”
What? “Since when?”
“When have you not?”
It wasn’t a fair question. She thought of all the things in her life she hadn’t wanted. But he wasn’t in the mood to listen. “I thought…”
“That I would be happy?” he asked, interrupting. “Why? I should have used protection. I shouldn’t have assumed. Not that I was thinking that day. Look, it’s fine. We’ll deal. Somehow.”
He sounded resigned, as well as angry. He was being magnanimous enough not to blame her totally, but he still expected to get screwed.
It hurt, she thought sadly. It hurt to have him so disconnected from the joy. They’d made a baby. Didn’t that matter to him at all? They’d created life. They should be celebrating. But he didn’t see it that way and she wouldn’t see it any other.
“You don’t have to be any part of this,” she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “I thought you might want to be a father to our child, but if you don’t, that’s perfectly fine. I can be a single mother.”
He didn’t look convinced. “You mean you’ll hire staff. Isn’t that what you said you’d do? Hire a nanny?”
She’d known there was a chance he wouldn’t be excited. More than a chance. But she’d never thought he would be deliberately mean. She squared her shoulders and raised her chin.
“I can see this is a bad time for us to discuss anything,” she said, determined to keep her voice calm. She didn’t want him to know how deeply he’d cut her. “We’ll talk later. For the record, I don’t want anything from you. I also don’t expect you to believe that. I’m sorry you’re not happy but I can’t ever be sorry there’s a baby.”
She turned then, and left without saying anything else. She had to hurry to get to her car before she started to cry.
CLAIRE BIT DOWN on the Kidd Valley onion ring and waited for the yummy flavor to brighten her mood.
“You want to talk about what’s wrong or do you just want to eat and sulk?” Jesse asked from across the table.
Claire smiled. “I’m not sulking. Not seriously, anyway. I’m just…” She sighed. “I’m pregnant.”
Jesse dropped her hamburger back on the paper. “You’re what? Are you sure?”
“I’m triple sure.”
“Who’s the guy? Some musician back in New York? A married conductor?”
“You’re the one who seems to favor married men,” Claire said.
Jesse took a bite of her hamburger. “Sure,” she mumbled. “That’s what you all think.”
Claire waited until her sister had swallowed, then said, “Wyatt.”
Jesse’s eyes widened. “Are you serious? You slept with Wyatt? Does Nicole know?”
“Yes to both. She knows about him and she knows about the baby. She’s not the problem. He is.”
Claire gave a brief rundown of her last conversation with him. “He’s so distant and cold. I would almost wish he was angry because then I would know he was feeling something. He thinks I’m trapping him, which I’m not. I’m so happy about the baby, but he doesn’t see it that way.”
Jesse put down her burger and wiped her hands. “Nicole isn’t mad? She doesn’t care that you slept with Wyatt? I can’t believe it.”
Claire couldn’t, either. “That’s all you got from what I said?”
“What? No. I mean, yeah, it’s too bad about Wyatt.”
“Talk about too little too late,” Claire grumbled, feeling a little of Nicole’s annoyance with their baby sister.
“Hey, I’ve got my own troubles.”
“Maybe you have them because you only think of yourself.”
Jesse pulled back. “I don’t need this from you.”
“An opinion on your behavior? I can see why you wouldn’t want one.”
“Look, don’t get all pissy with me because your life is messed up.”
“Is that what you think this is? I couldn’t possibly have a valid insight? You’re wrong about that. I know exactly what’s going on with you. You take the easy way out. I wonder if you always have. Jesse, you’re getting too old for this game. It’s time to take responsibility. Do the right thing.”
Claire thought Jesse might get angry and stalk off, but instead she stayed in her seat.
“I’ve tried,” Jesse grumbled. “I apologized to Nicole but she’s still mad at me. She won’t listen. What if I didn’t do it? What if nothing happened?”
Claire held in a sigh. “Were you in bed with Drew?”
“Yes.”
“Naked?”
“I had my panties on.”
For how long? So what if there hadn’t been actual intercourse? They’d been on the verge. That was enough. “He was touching your breast.”
Jesse tossed her burger on the tray. “Okay, I get it. I’m the big bad?”
Even now, Jesse wasn’t taking it seriously, Claire thought in annoyance. “Guess what?” Claire snapped. “You’re the one who screwed up. She gets to be mad as long as she wants. Just because you’re sorry doesn’t mean the pain goes away. You need to keep showing up until she knows that you’re serious. Right now she thinks you’re just saying what she wants to hear and I kind of agree with her.”
“Figures you’d take her side. You’re just like her, you know. Stupid twins.”
Claire knew Jesse hadn’t meant the comment as a compliment, but that’s how she took it. “I want to be like Nicole.”
“You’re more than halfway there.”
“She’s smart, capable, loving and successful.”
“Bossy, annoying and a real pain in the ass.”
“You miss her.”
Jesse nodded slowly. “I know what you’re saying, Claire, but it’s not like that with Nicole. Once she gets mad, she doesn’t get over it.”
“You’re wrong. She got over it with me.”
“I’m not you.”
“You’re not trying. There’s a difference.”
Jesse slid out of the booth and grabbed her purse. “I don’t need this crap. Not from her and not from you. You’re mad at me for something that didn’t happen. Go to hell.”
With that she was gone.
It was, Claire thought sadly, the Keyes sisters’ day for running away.
WYATT KNOCKED ONCE, then let himself into Nicole’s house. “It’s me,” he called, then found her sitting on the sofa, her foot propped up on the coffee table.
“How are you feeling?” he asked Nicole.
“Ready to take you on.”
Her eyes were bright with annoyance and something else he couldn’t identify. He didn’t need to ask if she knew about the pregnancy. That was obvious. She probably knew how he’d reacted. Even if Claire hadn’t told her, Nicole knew him well enough to guess his reaction.
“What did you expect me to say?” he asked, feeling anger rise up in him. He’d been numb earlier, but now he was feeling it all. “This shouldn’t have happened.”
“You’re right. It shouldn’t have. But it did. And whose fault is that? What the hell were you thinking, Wyatt? You slept with my sister and didn’t use a condom? Who does that?”
He didn’t have an answer for that. It had been the night, or morning, and the moment. He’d been carried away by a wave of passion he’d never experienced before. But there was no way he was going to say that to Nicole.
“I thought she was covered.”
“She was a virgin and the person supposed to be doing the covering is you. What right do you have to take those kind of chances?”
“I don’t usually do that.”
“So Claire just got lucky? This is all your fault and now you’re whining about taking responsibility.”
“I’m not whining.”
“Sure sounds like it to me. Worse, you’re punishing her. You were there, big guy. You wanted to play escaped convict and the warden’s wife. Now you take responsibility for your actions.”
Wait a minute. Nicole was supposed to be his friend. “You’re taking her side?”
“Absolutely. You couldn’t be more wrong. Dammit, Wyatt, I expected a whole lot better of you. Now get out.”
He stared at her. “You can’t mean that.”
“More than you know.”
He left the house, then stood by his car. What was going on? The whole world was screwed up.
He glared at the house. If Nicole wanted him gone, he was gone. He didn’t need her or Claire or any of them.
CLAIRE ARRIVED at the house to find Nicole waiting with an assortment of pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
“Normally we’d both get drunk on margaritas,” Nicole told her. “But in your present condition, that’s probably not a good idea. We’re going to have to settle for ice cream.”
The sympathy in her sister’s voice told her she’d heard about her conversation with Wyatt.
“How’d you find out?” Claire asked.
“The bastard came here looking for a shoulder to cry on. I told him that was reserved for you, then kicked him out.” Nicole held open her arms.
Claire crossed to her and allowed herself to be hugged. Nicole held on tight, as if she would never let go.
“I’ll find someone to beat the crap out of him,” her sister told her.
Claire fought tears. “I love him too much to want him hurt. How sick is that?”
“Pretty sick. So I won’t tell you when it happens. But I’m still having it done.”
Claire straightened. “Thanks.”
Nicole shrugged. “What else can I do? For what it’s worth, I’m sorry he’s taking this badly.”
“But not surprised?”
“No. I’ll admit his family isn’t exactly functional, but Wyatt’s usually the good guy. Still, he believes he can’t do relationships and Shanna’s pregnancy and subsequent disappearing act hardly made him feel better about the process. Then you came along.”
“The virgin piano player?”
Nicole smiled. “Something like that. He didn’t know how to handle you. He still doesn’t. It’s easier for him to get angry.”
Claire tried to understand, but she couldn’t. “He doesn’t care about the baby.”
“You’ve spent a lot of your life looking for family. This baby gives you that and more. He’s been a single dad for eight years. His dreams are different. He’ll come around.”
“To what? Reluctantly accepting responsibility. I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?”
To be swept away, she thought sadly. She wanted Wyatt to realize he was madly in love with her, couldn’t live without her and desperately wanted their child. She wanted everything he’d accused her of…love and marriage. But the difference between her and Shanna was that she didn’t want to win him by default and should she be lucky enough to have him want her back, she would never leave.
“I want a happy ending.”
“Sometimes we have to make our own,” Nicole told her. “Starting with ice cream. What flavor do you want?”
The doorbell rang. Claire’s whole body clenched as she hoped it was Wyatt. Maybe a beam had fallen on him at one of his jobs and the head injury had made him come to his senses. If only.
“I’ll get it,” she said as she left the kitchen and walked into the great room.
She didn’t find Wyatt on the doorstep. Instead Lisa, her manager, stood there.
While Lisa was as well-groomed as ever, she looked tired. And old.
“Claire,” she said with a tentative smile. “I was hoping to find you at home. Can we talk?”
A couple of weeks ago, Claire would have told her no. They had nothing to say to each other. Now, she wasn’t so sure. The sense of longing swept over her again, the need to play, to perform. Along with that yearning was a determination to make things different, to not be the frightened, obedient client she’d been before. She wasn’t who she had been when she’d arrived in Seattle. But who was she now?
“Sure, we can talk.”
Lisa followed her into the house, then closed the door. “You’re looking well.”
“I feel good.”
“Are you-” Lisa pressed her lips together. “Never mind.”
“Am I practicing?” Claire asked, then laughed. “Yes. I’ve played a little, but I’m not on a schedule. I’m not taking classes, either.”
She missed all that, too, she realized. The regular sessions with her music, when it was just her and her coach and the perfection she could create.
“You probably want to yell at me now,” she said, prepared to hear it all and deal with it like an equal, not a subordinate.
Lisa only nodded slowly. “I didn’t think you were playing much. You’re on vacation.” She swallowed. “Is it just a vacation? Are you coming back? Before you answer, I need to say something.”
Claire waited, trying not to feel nervous. She was an adult, she reminded herself. She needed to act like one.
“I was wrong,” Lisa told her, clutching her handbag in front of her. “You were so young when we started working together. I treated you like a child, because you were. But you grew up and I didn’t notice because it was easier for me if I made all the decisions. You kept trying to tell me you weren’t happy and I didn’t listen. I never wanted you to be unhappy. I never wanted you to feel trapped. I’m sorry.”
Claire considered her words. “You were doing whatever you thought was right to get a performance out of me. That mattered more than anything.”
“Only because you’re so gifted. Claire, no one can do what you do. I worried you couldn’t see that. I was afraid you didn’t respect your gift.”
“It’s my gift to respect or not.”
“I know. I see that now. I just hate to think of you wasting away, not playing.”
“Not earning the money.”
“That, too. You are my only client, Claire. If you’re not working anymore, I have a right to know. This is my livelihood, as well.”
Something Claire had never considered.
She led the way to the sofa. Nicole was nowhere to be seen, and probably hiding out in the kitchen with a pint of ice cream. This live performance had to be more interesting than anything she’d seen lately on television, Claire thought, trying to find the humor in the situation. Getting upset wouldn’t help anyone. Better to stay calm and rational.
“I have responsibility for what went wrong, as well,” she said, looking at Lisa. “I should have been more clear about how unhappy I was. Instead I used the panic attacks to get what I wanted. Eventually they began to control me. I wanted to be treated like an adult, but I didn’t act like one. I was a kid faking a stomachache to avoid a test at school. That was wrong of me.”
Wow-admitting fault was not her favorite thing, but it had to be done. “I shouldn’t have just disappeared and left you hanging,” she continued. “That wasn’t fair to either of us. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Lisa told her. “For everything.”
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, then looked away. They’d never had the sort of relationship that made hugging comfortable and Claire didn’t know how to move on.
“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Lisa asked.
She realized then she’d been avoiding the truth for a long time. “I’m going to come back to New York and return to my music.”
Lisa leaned back against the sofa. “Thank God.”
Claire smiled. “Don’t get too excited. There are going to be a lot of changes.”
“Whatever you say. Seriously, you’re in charge.”
“Unlikely,” Claire told her, knowing Lisa was good at her job, but also stubborn. “We’ll have to find a way to compromise. I don’t want to be running all over the world for weeks at a time.” She was also going to have to eventually avoid air travel. The pregnancy wouldn’t allow it. Although she didn’t know when that restriction would start.
“You can write your own schedule. There’s also studio work.”
Claire nodded. “I’ll want to spend a lot of time in Seattle. I might buy a place here.”
“You can play here or in San Francisco and Los Angeles. Even Phoenix. Also Japan, but only when you want to go overseas.” Lisa leaned toward her. “We can make this work, Claire. I want us to be partners.”
They would never be close friends, but she would like them to be partners, too. “I have the greatest respect for you,” Claire told her. “The change is going to be hard on both of us. We have years of patterns we have to break.”
“I can change.”
Claire knew she could, as well. She already had.