Our parents had no idea what was going on, Nate didn't want to tell them, and I went along. He said they'd probably overreact, and I didn't disagree. Even though I knew our parents always wanted us to eventually end up together, I wasn't sure they would've been prepared for us to be together yet. Especially when he was sleeping downstairs in our soundproofed basement.
It was all going so well. Nate said all of the things I wanted to hear. How I was beautiful and perfect, how I made him lose his breath when we kissed.
I was in heaven.
We kissed. Then we kissed and kissed. Then we kissed some more. But soon that wasn't enough. Soon hands started wandering, clothes started coming off. This was everything that I'd been waiting for… but it seemed fast. Too fast. No matter what I gave him, he wanted more. And I was fighting it. Everything we did turned into a constant struggle over how far I'd go.
It took so long to get to this place, I didn't want to rush it. I didn't understand why we couldn't just enjoy the moment, enjoy being together, and not hurry to the next step.
And by next step, I meant physically.
There wasn't a lot of discussion about next steps in terms of our relationship.
After a couple of weeks, Nate started talking about how he felt that I was the one, his true love. It could all be so amazing, he said, if I just let him love me the way he wanted to.
This was what I'd been fantasizing about for so long. This was what I'd always wanted. So I thought, Yes, I'll do it. Because it will be with him. And that's what matters.
I decided to surprise him.
I decided to trust him.
I decided to go for it.
I had everything planned, everything in place. Our parents were going to be out late and we'd have the house to ourselves.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Pen?" Tracy asked me that morning.
"I know I don't want to lose him," I replied.
That was my reasoning. This was for Nate. This had nothing to do with me and what I wanted. It was all for him, I wanted it all to be spontaneous, I wanted him to have no idea, and then be overwhelmed with how perfect it (I) was. He didn't even know I was home; I wanted him to think that I was gone for the evening, to make it even more of a surprise. I wanted to show him that I was ready. Willing. Able. I had it all figured out, except what I was going to wear. I snuck into my sister Rita's room and went through her drawers until I found a white silk camisole that didn't leave much to the imagination. I took her red lace robe as well.
When I was finally ready, I crept down the stairs to Nate's room in our basement. I began to untie the robe, feeling a mixture of excitement and pure nervousness. I couldn't wait to see the look on Nate's face when he saw me. I couldn't wait to prove to him how I felt, so he would finally feel the same way.
I started to smile as I turned the lights on.
"Surprise!" I called out.
Nate popped up from the couch with a look of panic on his face.
"Hi…" I said meekly as I dropped the robe on the floor.
Then a second head popped up from the couch.
A girl.
With Nate, I stood frozen, not believing my own eyes, I looked between the two of them as they fumbled for clothing. Finally, I reached for the robe and put it on, trying to cover as much of myself as possible.
The girl started giggling. "I thought you said your sister was gone for the evening!"
His sister? Nate didn't have a sister, I tried to tell myself there was a good explanation for what I was seeing. There was no way Nate would do something like this to me. Especially in my own house.
Maybe this girl had been in a car accident right outside and Nate had brought her inside to.. um, comfort her. Or they were just rehearsing a scene from a summer production of.. Naked Romeo and Juliet Or maybe I had fallen asleep, and it was only a nightmare.. no.
The girl finished putting on her clothes, and Nate, avoiding my eyes, walked her upstairs.
Such a gentleman.
After what seemed like an eternity, he returned.
"Penny," he said, putting his arms around my waist, "I'm sorry that you had to see that."
I tried to speak, but couldn't find my voice.
He ran his arms up to my shoulders and started to rub them through the robe. "I'm sorry, Penny. So sorry. You have to believe me that this was something so stupid. I'm an idiot, A complete idiot."
I shook my head. "How could you?" The words were barely a whisper, my throat was tight.
He leaned in. "Honestly, it will never happen again. I mean, nothing did happen. Nothing. It was nothing. She was nothing.
You know how much you mean to me. You're the one I want to be with. You're the one I love." He moved his hands down my back.
"Maybe this will make you feel better? Tell me what I can do, Penny. I would never want to hurt you."
The shock was slowly wearing off, revealing the anger underneath. I pulled away. "How could you?" I said. "HOW COULD YOU?" (I screamed the last part.)
"Look, I already apologized."
"You APOLOGIZED?"
"P enny, I'm so sorry."
"SORRY?"
"Please stop doing that and just listen to me, I can explain."
"Fine, then." I sat down on the couch, "Explain."
Nate glanced nervously at me — clearly he hadn't expected me to actually sit down and listen to what he had to say.
"Penny, that girl is nothing to me."
"Didn't look like it was nothing." I tightened the belt around my robe and grabbed a couch cushion to cover my legs.
Nate sighed. A full-blown sigh. "Oh, here we go with the dramatics," he said. Then he sat down next to me with his arms folded. "Fine — i£ you aren't going to accept my apology, I don't know what I can do."
"Apology?" I laughed. "Do you think saying 'sorry' is going to erase this? I thought you said I was special." I looked down at the floor, ashamed of myself for even bringing it up.