Love, Big Dumb idiot The mouse hovered over the delete button, but I couldn't get myself to delete it.
The doorbell rang and I jumped up. I had to run away from my computer and push his e-mail from my mind.
"Are you okay?" Tracy asked when she saw me.
I nodded. "I think it is going to be a big meeting. We should start getting things ready."
Diane and Tracy exchanged worried looks. I pretended not to notice.
A half hour later, the meeting was pure chaos.
I stopped counting the number of people in the basement at forty. this kind of turnout should've made me excited, but I kept wondering who was there because they believed in The Lonely Hearts Club and who was there because we were the "It" thing of the moment at McKinley.
"All right, what re we doing?" Rosanna screamed from the arm of an already-packed couch. the entire room looked my way.
"I have a feeling my nasty side may come out this evening," Tracy whispered to me.
"Just give her a chance" I begged. I couldn't deal with any more drama, especially after that e-mail from Nate. Although I had to admit, Rosanna seemed to not entirely grasp what the Club was about.
"Um, okay everybody!' I raised my voice to get everybody to quiet down. "We've got a packed house this evening."
Rosanna raised her hand. "I've got a question for you."
I tried to not look annoyed. "Um, yes."
"I thought we weren't supposed to date?"
"Um, well, members of the club" — I made sure she realized that she wasn't an official member yet — "know that this is much more than just not — " "Yeah, but aren't you going on a date with Ryan Bauer?"
Rosanna said, the smug look on her narrow face coming through loud and clear.
All eyes were on me. The "original crew" — as Tracy, Diane, and I had been referring to the six of us — knew all about my outing with Ryan. And nobody seemed to think anything of it. Because there wasn't anything to it.
"Not really. We're going to a concert. Ryan and I have been friends for years, so it isn't a big deal."
"Uh-huh. So you aren't interested in Ryan?"
Diane glared at Rosanna. "Actually, that is none of your business."
"Well," Rosanna got up and flipped her thin, blond-highlighted hair, "you're asking me to give up dating guys, so I want to make sure our leader is staying true to the Club." She wasn't even trying to hide her sarcasm anymore.
"I'm not going on a date with Ryan," I repeated.
Diane got up from the floor. "Okay, all of you new to the Club join me upstairs. There are a few rules we need to go through to make sure people are here" — Diane looked directly at Rosanna — "for the right reasons."
Nearly twenty people went upstairs with Diane.
"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Jen asked. I was a little surprised. She held her hands up. "No, no, not the Club — I mean about Rosanna and the other girls here for their fifteen minutes of fame."
Oddly enough, I was thinking about the Club.
The school week went by so fast, Thursday was here before I knew it. I hadn't responded to Nate's e-mail, and he hadn't e-mailed again, I hated the fact that he'd said all the right things. I didn't want to deal with it, so I tried not to think about it. That meant not even telling my friends about it. That would make it more real. And I had enough to deal with already — not only with defending my non-date with Ryan, but also figuring out what a girl should wear on a non-date.
I just kept staring at my closet hoping the answer would present itself. At first I thought vintage Beatles T-shirt and jeans, but realized that would be too corny plus I was pretty sure the entire fifty something-year-old crowd was going to be wearing that. I heard the doorbell ring and quickly grabbed my white fitted tee and navy blue corduroy blazer.
I ran downstairs just in time to hear Dad tell Ryan, "You know, I think it's good that bands want to keep the music alive, but the audience shouldn't kid themselves — " "Here I am.'" I interrupted. I was afraid that Ryan would bolt out the door if my parents kept this up. I gave my parents a wave as I reached for the door. I quickly glanced at Ryan and tried not to notice how particularly fine he looked in khakis and a blue shirt —
Rita and I had joked that guys always wore that on a first date while girls always wore jeans and a black top. Since I wasn't wearing a black top, this was clearly not a date.
"Watt a second, Penny Lane." Dad was giving me a very weird look. Please don't lecture me, please don't lecture me. "Honey, you look great! is that makeup you're wearing?"
Dear God, why, why now?
I looked over at Ryan, and he had the most wonderful smile on his face; he was clearly amused by my parents, most people were
— except for their children.
I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Dad…"
"Oh, leave her alone, dear." For once, it was Mom to the rescue.
"Have a fabulous time, Penny. You, too, Ryan. And, Penny, you do look beautiful. I can't believe how fast you're growing up. Why, it seems like it was only yesterday., "
"Yesterday. ."my dad began to sing.
Maybe, I thought, I should just run back into my bedroom and hide. . until I turn eighteen. But instead, I dug up the one ounce of dignity I had left. "if you're done embarrassing me, I think we'll be on our way" "Well, Ryan," I said once we were free, "now you can see why I'm looking at colleges in Europe."
Ryan laughed and shook his head. "I think parents feel that it's their right to humiliate their children, probably as a way of getting back at their own parents. I'm sure you'll do the same."
Well, I could say one thing — I certainly was going to give my children normal names.
We approached the car, and Ryan opened up the passenger door for me. that certainly fit under the "date" category.
"Plus," Ryan said as he got in his seat, "your parents are only telling you the truth. You do look very beautiful tonight."
My mind was swirling as he pulled away from the curb.
Can someone please explain to me exactly what's going on?
The car ride was spent talking mostly about school and basic gossip about teachers, but only one thought kept racing through my mind: Ryan Bauer called me beautiful Ryan Bauer thinks I'm beautiful.
Or maybe he was just being polite.
I looked across the booth at the restaurant and saw him studying the menu. His black wavy hair was still slightly damp from the shower he'd no doubt taken after practice. He looked up and caught me staring. "See anything that looks good to you?"
You have no idea.