Thanksgiving was beautiful. Although I picked at the food—because I didn’t have much of an appetite the whole time I was there and I was afraid I’d start throwing up again if I overate, from what little I did eat, my mother really outdid herself. And, as always, the weather was great. With the exception of having to look in Cherelle’s fucking face, I really enjoyed my time with everyone. But, I am so glad to be home. I love my family dearly, I swear I do. However, more than two days with all of my brothers, well, four of ’em, in one room is enough to have me slice my wrists. Terrance and Tyler are the only two who consistently prove that there really are good, decent men still around. It’s too damn bad that Terrance is married to a damn trick. Who, by the way, did her very best to keep her distance from me, which was fine by me. I hate that bitch! And it tears me up to see how Terrance has so much love in his eyes for that ho. It is bitches like her that are so undeserving of a good man, but they seem to always be the ones to end up with one. Despite this knowledge, it was really nice to see how Terrance and Tyler interact with their families. It reminds me so much of our father, and how he treated our mother and us growing up, doting over her and his children. Yes, Terrance and Tyler are truly good men.
But the rest of my brothers, forget it! They are womanizers in every sense of the word. Oh my God, I can’t get over how cocky and chauvinistic Lamont and Thomas are. Chicks really have them gassed up into believing that they are truly God’s gift to women.
“I expect a woman to jump when I speak, and not give me a bunch of backtalk when I tell her to do something,” Lamont had said while we were all sitting around the table, talking about relationships while playing spades. “If I tell her to wash my feet, if I tell her to get on her knees and bark like a poodle, I expect her to do what she’s told.”
I rolled my eyes, sucking my teeth. “And if she doesn’t?”
“Then I dismiss her. Next,” he said, snapping his finger. “Someone else is filling ya spot. So If you wanna keep ya position, and want me to keep giving you all this good lovin’, then you’d better stay on ya job or be ready to get replaced.”
Tyler laughed. “Man, I don’t know where Mom and Dad found you, but you one sick dude.”
“Yeah, whatever, man. You can call it what you want,” he snapped back, smirking, “but I’ll never be henpecked. Like some of you. I promise you that.”
“And what’s wrong with a man loving his family, and wanting to see his wife happy?” I asked.
“Ain’t a thing wrong with it,” Lamont stated, “if you like borrrrring.”
“So, let me get this right,” Terrance asked, rubbing his chin. “A man being devoted to his family and committed to his wife is boring to you?”
“Hey, man, if you like it, I love it. I just know it could never be me. I need variety in my life.”
I smirked, knowingly. ’Cause Lord knows I have had an assortment of dick to fill my platter.
“And you will always find yourself bouncing from bed to bed.”
“And the problem is?” he asks, raising a brow, laughing. “They don’t call me the Panty Slayer for nothing.”
“Ugh,” I grunted in disgust, studying my cards, “too much information.”
“Your go,” Trent said to me.
I rolled my eyes, tossing out the queen of hearts. It walked. “And the queen still rules,” I said, winking at Terrance and scooping up our books.
“Even the queen needs a pipe layer to bang her back out and keep her in check,” Lamont said.
He and Trent gave each other a high-five. Then Trent started his mess about how all women, with the exception of me and our mother, are only good for seeding and breeding.
“Say what?” I asked incredulously. “You have got to be kidding me.”
Just as I was about to say something else, Tyrell walked through the kitchen with some chick sporting a bunch of shoulder-length micro-braids and a neck wrapped in a bunch of gold jewelry. She was cute in the face and small in the waist with a set of big double-D titties. And she left no room for the imagination in her little, peach knit sweater and extra tight mini-skirt. Humph, the smartest thing Tyrell has ever done when it comes to a relationship, or women, was to only have one child. ’Cause, baby let me tell you, when it comes to him choosing women, he falls short every time. And on top of that, he seems to have a new one every time I’m there to visit. The last chick he had ended up being a certified psycho, cutting up all his clothes because he didn’t come home. Granted, he should have called her, but damn. Cutting up his belongings was a bit extreme, in my opinion. Humph. And then the dumb bitch ended up getting arrested for chasing him down the street in her bra and panties with a knife because he was trying to leave her crazy ass. It was bad enough she had taken one shoe from all his sets of Timbs and sneakers, and threw them out. Poor Tyrell had nothing but mismatched pairs of shoes to put on his feet. Then she had the nerve to cut off one leg of all of his pants, from his sweats to his jeans. How ridiculous is that? When I heard that shit, I had to shake my damn head. Why are some damn women so fucking desperate?
I swear some of these chicks out here are so fucked up, and so damn afraid of rejection that they’d stoop to doing some of the craziest shit to try to keep someone who no longer wants them because they’ve chased him away with all of their bullshit. Crazy hoes!
Of course Lamont and Trent gawked and drooled at Tyrell’s current flavor of the week like two dogs in heat as she stood there popping her chewing gum. If you ask me, they were sniffing ghetto trash.
Anyway, when I brought my attention back to Trent and asked Trent what exempted me and Mom from his beliefs about women being good only for fucking and having babies, he looked at me like I had a dick hanging out of my mouth or something. And truth be told, I wished I did.
He said, “Because that’s our mom. She’s the one who gave me life. And you, well…you’re not hot in the tail, running around chasing down dick like some cum-hungry, gold-digging chick.” Then he looked over at Tyrell’s chick of the week.
Of course I almost knocked my drink over. If he only knew how much mileage my pussy gets he—along with the rest of my brothers—would be ready to beat me down… It’s Ho Central, but they’ll never hear that from me.
Anywaaaay, there’s nothing like home! Between my mother badgering me about settling down and getting married and my brothers watching me like damn hawks, along with the lack of dick intake, I thought I’d lose my motherfucking mind if I had to stay another day. Besides, I was starting to get real paranoid. My mother kept staring at me and smiling as if she knew my current predicament. They say a mother always knows her child better than anyone else. So, I had to get out of Dodge quick, fast and in a hurry before she started asking a bunch of questions and putting two and two together.