“Katherine, breathe deeply. Don't pass out on me,” Paul pleaded, staring down at her and pulling her more tightly against him.
Her vision blurred and Katherine took a deep breath as his steel-gray gaze held hers.
“I drove to Grace's to find you and saw the birthday party announcement on the bulletin board. When I spotted your car in the parking lot, I decided to surprise you,” Paul said.
Her rubbery knees wobbled. “You succeeded,” she whispered between deep breaths as they slow-danced across the oak floor.
“Do you need to sit down?"
Feeling the blood returning to her limbs, she fought to keep her tone casual. She didn't want to alarm her mother or Matt by causing a scene. And, no way did she want to let Paul know how upset she felt at seeing him. “No, I'm fine."
His fingers slid through the length of her hair, tugging it lightly, moving to wrap a strand around his palm in an old, familiar, unwanted way. She jerked her chin up, stepped backward, and he released her slowly, unwillingly. A lock of her hair remained curled around his fingers. She pursed her lips together, and her gaze raked from his fingers to his eyes. He released her hair, and she placed more distance between them as they continued to dance.
Glancing at the charcoal suit covering his lean frame, she lowered her gaze and stared at his pearl gray tie. Every time she inhaled, his sharp peppermint scented aftershave angered her. It reminded her of the day she broke every damn bottle of cologne and aftershave he'd left behind and had The Salvation Army haul off his clothes and their bedroom set.
She hadn't been alone with him since the divorce two years ago. And she could count on one hand the times Matt had seen him. She seethed inside. It would take two hands for her to count the times he'd called at the last minute and cancelled Matt's visits with him. Why had he suddenly shown up without any warning?
What was he really after? Would he get Matt's hopes up, just to callously disappoint him again?
“Who's the man you were dancing with? He's giving me the evil eye from across the room,” Paul said.
Looking around Paul's narrow shoulder, she glanced at Jared. With his muscular arms across his broad chest, he stood and studied them from the other side of the room.
He mouthed the words, “Are you all right?"
Katherine nodded.
Instead of returning to their table like she'd expected Jared to do, he moved to the outer edge of the dance floor, directly in the path where they would exit.
She blinked, shocked at the events of the last few minutes. How in the hell could this have happened? One minute she innocently considered dating Jared. Well, not so innocently she admitted, remembering his devastating good looks and his joke that had caught her off-guard. Then wham, she stood locked in her ex's arms. Damn.
“Your hair still reminds me of midnight.” Paul pushed a lock behind her ear and sighed softly when she didn't respond to his compliment, or his previous question. “I guess I don't have a right to ask about your love life."
Love life? She refused to admit it didn't exist. “No, you don't.” Let him think what he likes.
They both fell into an awkward silence. He coughed lightly. “I'm sorry I haven't been there for Matt like I should. You have a right to be angry about that, too."
She rotated her shoulders to fight the tension and jumped when his hand moved to massage her back. “I'm not the one you should apologize to-apologize to our son. He needs you. Don't you think Matt notices when you cancel visits?"
He frowned. “Yes, I do. Is there some place private we can talk?"
She fought to keep herself calm, whispering her reply for his ears only. “About what? The past? Walking into our bedroom and finding you with your-mistress? The lies I was forced to tell about why we divorced because my father lay fighting for his life and didn't need the added stress? Or maybe you want to talk about now. The way you repeatedly hurt our son.” Shoving against his chest, she stepped out of his embrace and glared at him. “If you'll excuse me."
Her jaw muscles ached from clenching them so tightly as she marched toward the ladies room. She fought to control her temper and not make a worse scene. At least not in public. Matt didn't need to see his mother and father fighting. But when they were alone, if it took a battle for Paul to treat Matt better, he would find himself in the fight of his life. But this wasn't the time or place for that battle.
What a mess, but she couldn't think of a solution that didn't involve hurting her mother or Matt. How could she possibly explain to her mother that she'd lied originally because she felt ashamed at how badly her marriage turned out? Maybe if she'd been a more experienced lover, she could have kept Paul happy and saved their marriage. In the beginning, she wanted to keep the circumstances of their divorce private. Later, when her dad took ill, it grew impossible to tell the truth. And the night before, when she'd nodded in agreement with her mother, Katherine had perpetuated the lies.
She walked past Jared and saw the look of concern on his face. “Katherine, baby,” he murmured, but she just put up her hand in a silent beg for a moment, thankful he didn't try to touch her. She needed solitude right now, time to cool off, time to think so she could deal with Paul dropping in on her without any warning.
Jared sat with Matt waiting for Grace to return from talking to Thomas Hughes. From the angry expression on Thomas’ face, they were having a heated argument about something, too. The disagreeable frown and silence of his friend said Thomas had lost the battle. What are they fighting about?
Matt tugged on Jared's arm, motioning him nearer. “Make my dad go away,” he whispered.
Jared's opened his mouth, but closed it, hating the reply he needed to give. He shook his head. “I can't."
“You're bigger. Why can't you?” Matt asked with wide innocent eyes.
More than anything, he didn't want to disappoint Matt. How could he make the boy understand that he'd asked for the impossible? “I guess you're mad at your dad right now and that's understandable. It's okay to feel that way. But I think he's here to make it up to both of you. I can't interfere with his trying. It wouldn't be right for me to come between your parents."
Matt tilted his head to one side. “Why?” he asked again.
“Don't you miss your dad?” Jared paused, remembering the hurt and loneliness he felt when his father abandoned him. When he failed to get a reply from Matt, Jared continued, “He's here. Don't you want to find out why he's here?” Knowing he was going to kick himself later, he pressed on when Matt still didn't respond. “Will you at least give him a chance to make it up to you?"
His little eyebrows shot up. “Does this mean I can't learn to sit on your horses?"
Jared smiled and ruffled Matt's hair. “Of course not. We'll always be pals. I'll call your mom, we'll go horseback riding like we planned. If your dad wants to come along, he's welcome."
Matt bowed his head, staring at his dress shoes.
Jared lifted Matt's chin, finding confusion lurking in his green eyes-eyes mirroring Katherine's shock and confusion on the dance floor. “Matt, you can always come to me if you have any problem. Will you at least promise to give him a chance to make it up to you?"
Matt placed his hand in Jared's. He felt humbled by the trust and determination he saw on his little face. “I promise. Will you stay until we go to Grandma's?"
“I'm not going anywhere, pal."
Grace returned to her grandson's side. She glanced over her shoulder at Thomas, his nostrils flared, and he looked away from her. Jared noted the ashen, worried look on her face when she sat across from him and Matt.
A few minutes later, Katherine headed back and Paul stepped from the corner of the room, obviously waiting for her to return from the bathroom. He caught up with her, and his arm went possessively around her waist.
Jared's muscles tightened between his shoulder blades.
Paul stood beside Matt and made an awkward attempt to rumple his son's hair. “Hello, Matt."
Matt combed his fingers through his hair, putting the disarrayed strands back in place.
“I'm sorry I didn't make it last Christmas, but I'm here now."
Matt smiled warily though he still kept silent. He leaned toward Jared in a silent plea for support that Jared gave freely.
Jared's hand fisted when Paul's hand wrapped around Katherine's waist and pulled her to him. Her ex ignored the frown she shot his way. She quickly removed his hand, sidestepped and took a seat.
“Paul Cahill, I'd like you to meet Jared Randall,” Katherine said. Jared noticed Paul's cool assessment and quick dismissal. Maybe someone should remind the jerk that they're divorced. Or was Paul that sure of himself with Katherine? How the hell could he be? Neither Katherine nor Matt seemed pleased to see him. Jared inhaled deeply, forcing himself to relax. If anyone told the ex to take a hike, it had to be Katherine.
Paul turned and hugged Katherine's mother. “Grace, it's good to see you."
“I'm glad you came. Katherine hoped you'd make it."
Jared studied Katherine's face. She nibbled on her lower lip. He'd bet his law practice she never said any such thing, not if he read the signs correctly.
Paul's smiling gray eyes sought Katherine's worried green ones. “Well, that's good to know,” he said, sitting beside Katherine and leaning closer.
Crossing his arms, Jared waited for a denial that never surfaced. His gaze roamed between Katherine, Paul and Grace.
“I didn't have a chance to make hotel reservations. I hope to find a place near the house so I can spend more time with Matt,” Paul said.
“Katherine, don't you think it might be easier if Paul stayed at the house with us?” her mother asked. “That way it would give the three of you more of a chance to talk."
Jared gritted his teeth as the vein in Katherine's neck jumped. Her face paled again. She quickly pushed her hands beneath the table, but not before he spotted a slight tremble.
Katherine smiled faintly. “Paul and I will decide that a little later.” She turned to Matt. “Tonight your dad can tuck you in and read you a bedtime story."
Her mother leaned over to whisper to Paul, but everyone at the table clearly overheard her comment. “I hope you realize Katherine hasn't had any boyfriends since you two divorced. She's been waiting for your return."
Katherine gasped, blushed redder than an over-ripe tomato and fell silent.
Jared's jaw dropped. Damn. He couldn't believe Grace had blurted something like that out. Especially since Grace had carefully watched Paul and Katherine during their dance. Hell, Grace had seen the same things Jared had, and the look she gave Paul when he looked elsewhere bordered on raw contempt. And no one could miss the deep concern in her eyes for Katherine.
What the hell's really going on?
Standing and strutting like the only rooster in a hen house, Paul grabbed a yawning Matt and lifted him into his arms. “I think we better get you home, young man. I'll take him to your car, Katherine.” He strolled forward, calling over his shoulder, but not stopping. “Do you need help, Grace?"
Grace stood and moved from the table. “Of course not."
A sleepy Matt waved goodbye to Jared from where he hung over Paul's shoulder. Jared smiled in reply, and angled a level look on Paul, who turned. Jared held his challenging gaze a moment, not moving, then Paul shrugged and flicked his hand, impatiently gesturing to Katherine.
Turning his head, Jared found her eyes waiting for him. “Goodnight,” she whispered. He noticed that Katherine kept a heap of distance between herself and Paul as they moved toward the exit.
Remaining seated, Jared rubbed his hand across his forehead. Everything that had happened tonight worried him. So many things seemed phony. Things that made absolutely no sense. The disconnection between Grace's declaration that Katherine had been waiting for Paul, and her apparent distress when with him. Why hadn't she contradicted Grace's statement, which appeared to be a lie?
As an attorney, he'd learned that things were never what they seemed. He'd been taught not to jump to conclusions. However, he was doing just that. He'd seen some pretty sorry excuses for husbands. Had he met one tonight?
He didn't like the way Grace had thrown Paul and Katherine together, especially since she had previously seemed so determined to make a match between Katherine and himself. The way Paul took things for granted-overstepping his boundaries and putting Katherine in a bad spot-grated across Jared's nerves like sandpaper. She couldn't haul off and slug him in front of her mother and Matt. He smiled. Hell, neither could he, unless he wanted to appear like some caveman protecting his woman. Katherine wasn't his woman-but she wasn't Paul's woman either, he reminded himself.
Shaking his head, Jared headed for the door, stopping to congratulate Mrs. Taylor again and say his farewells along the way. Continuing to walk through the parking lot, he realized that this whole situation left him with an uneasy feeling about Matt and Katherine. He didn't want them to be hurt by anyone-including himself.
The blast from a car alarm jerked him. He glared down at the door of the car he had tried to shove his key into. Bright red, flashy. Not his. Damn. Cramming his fingers through his hair, he turned on his heels in frustration and walked to the next row. He breathed deeply and exhaled.
“Great,” he muttered. He located his sedate, silver Lexus, got behind the wheel and drove home. How could he allow Katherine's situation to distract and disturb him like this? If the events of tonight don't prove Katherine is trouble, nothing will.
After arriving home and preparing for bed, he reached a solution. “From now on, I'm going to forget Katherine Cahill even exists,” he muttered. He turned the light out and fell into bed. “My life had some semblance of normalcy, until I carried her off that damn roof.” He just hoped he didn't dream about her again. That kissable mouth-
Jared reached for Katherine in the middle of the night. His Katherine.
She sighed his name, as desperate for him as he was for her.
He kissed the base of her throat, his tongue laving the tender flesh. “You taste so good, sweetheart."
He cupped her breasts, allowing their lush weight to fill his hands, his thumbs flicking over her tight, beaded nipples.
“Jared,” she moaned. “Please."
“Please what?” he teased, lowering his head to suck one taut nipple, his tongue rasping across the tip until she arched toward him.
Moving so he could see the love in her eyes, he tweaked her nipples, gently tugging, extending them and rasping his thumbnails across the tips to heighten their sensitivity.
He felt her tremble against him.
“I need you so much,” she whispered.
“I know, sweetheart."
He lowered his head, claiming her mouth in a kiss that rocked him with need when she sucked on his bottom lip.
The blast of an alarm clock filled the bedroom.
Jared bolted upright, his eyes searching but finding no one. The dream had seemed so real. He let out a slow frustrated groan, drawing a slow, deep breath to steady himself.
Damn, that confusing, irritating woman. Why couldn't he get her out of his mind?
“Thanks for letting me stay here, Katherine.” Paul opened the car door and helped Matt and Grace from the back seat.
Praying she wouldn't regret the decision, Katherine glanced at Paul. More than anything she wanted him to develop a good relationship with their son. And if Paul was up to something, she intended to find out exactly what it was. “I'm hoping it will give you more time with Matt."
“It will. Thanks, again,” Paul said, staying to retrieve his suitcase from the car.
Katherine held Matt's hand while she and her mother made their way to the porch. “Looks like you're going to finally get your wish,” her mother whispered as they entered the house.
Discarding their coats, they headed to the living room and Matt dropped onto the couch. Katherine's forehead creased. She turned to her mother. “What wish?"
“That Paul would come back into your life."
Feeling like she'd rubbed a magic lamp and asked for the wrong wish, she started to tell her mother the truth. “We really need to talk."
“Not tonight.” Her mother stifled a yawn. “He'll be here a few weeks.” She winked. “Make good use of the time, dear. I'll look after Matt while Paul's here so you can be alone, talk and patch up your relationship."
Patch up her relationship? She'd need a patch the size of the Goodyear blimp. Recalling how shocked she'd been when Paul confessed he had married her only to please his parents, she now stood on the brink of boarding the same Titanic-trying to please her mother. She grabbed her only lifeboat. “Paul's here to make everything up to Matt. His interest in me died a long time ago."
Her mother shook her head and patted Katherine's hand. “I wouldn't be so sure of that, dear. That's not what his eyes keep saying when he looks at you."
The front door opened and she heard Paul stop to hang up his coat. There wasn't time to correct years of half-truths and falsehoods, but she had to start laying the groundwork. Katherine swallowed hard. “Mom, I haven't exactly been honest-"
Before Katherine could say another word, Paul entered the living room and dropped down beside Matt.
“I hope you'll excuse me, but I'm really tired. I'm going to bed.” Her mother sighed. “I'm sure Katherine and Matt will be happy to entertain you.” She kissed Matt goodnight and waved over her shoulder.
Katherine stared after her. This can't be happening, she thought, as she heard her mother's cautious gait on the stairs. Her mother didn't seem to care what man she threw her at. First Jared, now Paul. She turned to find Paul standing at the window admiring the tree.
“Matt, that's the best Christmas tree we've ever had,” Paul said.
Matt sat on the floor looking up at his dad. Katherine saw Matt studying hard, trying to understand the sudden praise and attention he'd received from his father. “It's silver."
“I noticed."
Matt stroked a branch. “It's naked now, but we're having a party to dress it."
“Sounds like fun.” Paul tousled his son's hair and turned from the smile beginning to stretch across Matt's face. Paul's gaze moved over Katherine's body in a slow, blatantly sexual tour. “You look great."
She lifted her chin, irritated by his perusal but smiled, trying to keep the atmosphere friendly around Matt.
“Did you see Santa's runway lights? Mr. Randall did ‘em for Mom. I was an ‘official helper'."
Paul angled his head to the side and tossed a cursory glance at Matt. “I saw them. Very impressive."
Matt opened his mouth again, giggling a little.
She realized in horror that the whole embarrassing story of how she'd met Jared might come tumbling out of Matt's mouth and took matters into her own hands. “I think everyone is tired, Matt. Grandma's already called it a night. Why don't you get your pajamas on, while I show your dad to the guest bedroom?"
Matt reached for her hand and pulled her down to his level. “Mom, I want you to read my story,” he whispered. “You do lots of sounds and make it fun."
Katherine knelt and moved closer, wrapping her arm around his waist. “I think it would make your dad feel special if you let him read to you while he's here,” she whispered back. “Ask him to add sound effects when he reads. I bet he'll do it for you.” She tickled Matt's belly.
He giggled and nodded. “I love you, Mom."
“And I love you, too, you little rascal.” Smiling she stood, said goodnight to him and watched him climb the stairs.
Raising his hand, Paul touched her face. She took a step backwards. “I'll see to Matt while you get ready for bed,” Paul said.
Retrieving his suitcase from the foyer, he followed her up the stairs into the guest bedroom. Flipping the light switch, she quickly retrieved an extra cover from the closet and placed it on the king-sized bed.
Touching the blanket, he shook his head. “You're the one who always got cold at night. Remember how I used to warm you up?” His eyes darkened, and he moved toward her. “I always thought you used that as a ploy for extra sex."
“Matt should have his pajamas on by now. He hasn't gotten the hang of which button goes in which hole yet."
“You keep ignoring me or changing the subject. I still intend talking to you, Katherine."
Glaring at him, she snapped, “I know. And I want to talk to you about Matt, but not tonight."
“Only about Matt?” he asked.
“That's all we have between us now."
Looking away from Paul, her gaze traveled around the room, noting the familiar rich brown leathers and distressed wood furnishings. She inhaled and exhaled audibly. “Matt will show you where I left off on the story we started. I better warn you, he expects you to do sound effects with the reading, so good luck."
“You're kidding."
She shook her head. “Nope."
He grumbled and left to entertain Matt.
Back in her room, Katherine took a bubble bath, trying to shake the tension that flooded her entire body. The lavender scented bubbles hugged her body, and steam fogged the mirrors. She crossed her arms. Mistrust kept gnawing at her. Why had he suddenly shown up? If he came back into their lives, would he treat Matt better? She threw the loofah on the side of the tub. He damned well better not disappoint their son again.
Stepping out of the Jacuzzi and onto the mat, she dried, splashed with moisturizer and finished preparing for bed. She walked barefoot across the carpet and turned back the comforter.
Footfalls sounded behind her. She spun around to find Paul staring at her. He had discarded his jacket and tie. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows. He leaned against the doorframe, looking like he'd stepped off a GQ photo-shoot. His steel-gray eyes she'd once found warm and inviting now seemed cold, calculating.
“Your bedroom is down the hall,” she said firmly, turning and fluffing her pillow.
His voice floated over her shoulder, low and intimate. “I forgot how beautiful you are with your hair brushed and flowing in waves down your back. I've got to tell you, though, that raggedy, oversized T-shirt you're wearing doesn't do anything for you.” He continued on a whisper, “I remember a red silk teddy I gave you and how hot you looked in it."
Turning, she plopped on the bed and watched him walk to the middle of the room. “What do you want, Paul?"
His hands sliced the air. “I want things back like they were. I want my family back. I want you."
Her hands fisted and she shook her head in disbelief. He hadn't offered an apology for the pain he'd caused her. Always, whatever Paul wanted-Paul got. Not this time! She bit down hard on her lip.
“Back like they were? I haven't changed my views on infidelity. I won't share my husband with other women."
“You wouldn't have to.” Sitting beside her on the bed, his gray eyes suddenly looked sad. “I've changed."
Like the air rushing from a pinpricked balloon, her anger subsided, replaced with resigned weariness. She hoped he had changed. For Matt's sake and her own, she needed to make peace with the past. “I hope that's true. I'm glad you can spend time with our son. Don't treat him like something you pay attention to when it's convenient for you."
He nodded. “I won't.” Pausing, he touched her hand. “Do you remember how good the sex was between us? How often you came apart in my arms and screamed my name over and over again?"
Her face heated with embarrassment and anger at how quickly he'd turned the conversation from their son to his solution to everything-sex. She also noticed Paul didn't call it ‘lovemaking', or remember that she'd failed to elicit the same excitement in him. Another reason he said he ran around. “I haven't forgotten a thing. You're the one who did that."
“I know I hurt you very badly. Matt isn't the only one I'd like to make things up to,” he whispered. “I'd like to prove I've changed, court you again, and ask you to remarry me. I've missed you, Angel."
Without warning, he pulled her into his arms and tried to kiss her. The weight of his body pressed her back into the comforter, squeezing the air from her lungs. Wisps of cottony down rose beside her face. She moved her head from side to side evading the touch of his mouth on hers. His lips rained sloppy kisses onto her cheeks. Her heart beat faster when she heard his heavy breathing. Panic set in. She pushed on his chest. “No, dammit!"
At last he got the message. He stopped and moved away from her. Resting on his elbows, he studied her. She gulped air.
“I'm sorry. When Grace said you wanted me here for Christmas, and you had been waiting for me, I jumped to the wrong conclusions."
Her body stiffened. “You certainly did. I should have insisted that you leave when you first stepped into my bedroom. Tomorrow morning, find somewhere else to stay that's near the house so you can spend time with Matt while you're here."
“Hey, wait a second.” He sighed and rose from the bed. “I'm sorry. I read something in your reactions because I wanted-hoped it was there. I'm trying to reach you, but I realize now that I'm pushing you away by moving too fast.” He closed his eyes.
“You're not listening to me, Paul. Don't try anything like that again. And don't ever come into my bedroom uninvited."
“What a pity. It could be so good between us again if you'd only let me love you."
“You don't know the meaning of the word."
“Yes I do. It's the way I feel about you now.” Walking toward the door, he glanced over his shoulder.
“You had no right to try what you did,” she said.
“I know. I wanted everything like it was before. I'm a fool for thinking you hadn't changed."
“Yes, you are. We're divorced. For Matt's sake, let's try and get through Christmas."
He nodded. “I'm really sorry. Whatever boundaries you set, I'll honor. Goodnight, Katherine."
Angry and disconcerted, she paced the length of the room, talking out loud to herself. “Am I supposed to believe him because he says he's changed? Did he really think I'd swoon when he kissed me?” She spun around and walked back across the room. He obviously thought her still that naïve girl he'd married-the virginal bride he had to teach how to make love. That girl died the day he destroyed her illusions about herself and their marriage.
Yes, he'd killed her innocence, but he was Matt's father. And maybe he had changed. He certainly would not have admitted fault or accepted any responsibility for doing something wrong in the past, but a moment ago he seemed conciliatory-even reasonable. That was not the Paul she knew.
Pausing at the vanity, she lifted her hand and touched her face, her mind whirling. She knew that encouraging him to have a relationship with his son didn't mean she needed to have one with Paul, too.
She bit her lower lip hard. She could barely stand to be around the man but the only kisses she wanted were from Jared. It was his face, his touch, his voice that she had heard in those twilight moments between sleep and dreams in the past few nights.
For Matt's sake, she hoped Paul had changed. But for her sake, she wished he had never come back.