Katie arrived at the Darby ranch a little after three. She parked her Explorer next to Nora’s car and grimaced. Apparently discovering that her life was a mess, that she was still in love with Jack and that she might be pregnant wasn’t bad enough. Now she had to deal with Nora and her bad temper.
“I don’t think so,” Katie murmured as she turned off the engine.
A flash of movement caught her attention. She turned and saw her son riding in one of the corrals. Teacher meetings had given him the afternoon off. He was obviously taking advantage of the free time to have fun. Shane was a far better bet than Nora, Katie thought with a smile, and stepped out of her vehicle. She would spend a couple of uncomplicated hours with her son until Jack’s sister left.
She walked eagerly toward the corral, hesitating only when she saw the tall cowboy leaning against the fence rails. Her heart kicked into overdrive, her palms got all sweaty and she had a sudden urge to run in the opposite direction.
Through careful planning-apparently on both their parts-she and Jack had managed to spend the past few days avoiding each other. The last time she’d seen him, she’d been furious and hurt and stalking out of the line shack after they made love. Since then she’d thought of a thousand clever ways to start a conversation. She wanted him to know that she was fine, completely untouched by what had happened between them and prepared to put it firmly in the past.
Now, as her steps slowed, she found herself unable to remember even one witty opening line. Her insides felt all funny. She loved him. She always had. Going away, marrying someone else, having a child and starting a new life hadn’t changed the fact. Katie had a bad feeling she was going to love Jack forever. There were a thousand reasons for them not to be together-the biggest one being he wasn’t interested. So what on earth was she supposed to say to him now?
Katie continued walking toward the corral. When she reached it, she put her foot on the bottom rail and watched her son. Shane rode straight and tall in his battered saddle. Jack had obviously found the child-size support in some dusty corner. No doubt it had been well used by at least two generations of Darby kids.
The small bay gelding moved in a slow circle, responding to her son’s eager commands with the patience of an animal used to the enthusiasm of children. A sawhorse with horns had been placed in the center of the ring, and Shane held a rope in his hands.
“He’s got this idea about running off and joining the rodeo,” Jack said by way of introduction. “I told him he needed to learn to rope first. I figure that’ll buy you at least two years.”
His voice was light and friendly and didn’t give anything away. Katie glanced at him, but he was watching Shane. She looked from him to her son. Shane waved at her.
“Look at what I can do,” he called, then circled the short rope over his head and tossed it toward the stationary target. It flew less than ten feet, then tumbled to the ground about halfway to the sawhorse.
“You’re getting there,” she yelled. “It takes lots of practice.”
“I know, Mom,” he said, with the slightly frustrated air of a child dealing with a not very bright parent. “I didn’t expect to do it right the first day.”
Katie held in a smile. “Very wise.”
Her son collected the rope and tried again. His seat had improved. He was steady and comfortable in the saddle. “He’s about ready to go out on the range,” she said conversationally, careful to keep her attention on Shane.
“That’s what I was thinking,” Jack told her. “He’s not going to be ready to ride the roundup this year, but next spring he’ll pull his weight.”
Shane continued to send his rope toward the fake steer and continued to miss. He didn’t give up or get frustrated. When he accidentally caught his horse’s head in the noose, he laughed.
“I can’t believe the change in him,” she said, more to herself than to Jack. “This is what I wanted when I moved back here. I wanted my son to have a happy life. I wanted him to experience the best a ranch has to offer. Back in Dallas I was afraid he would spend so much time in front of his computer that he would forget how to have fun anywhere else.”
“He’s a good kid, Katie. Honest, smart. Quit worrying and enjoy yourself.”
Easy for him to say. He wasn’t a parent. But as she studied the color in her son’s face and the excitement in his eyes, she felt some of her tension ease.
“Turn around and go the other way,” Jack called to the boy.
Shane looked surprised. “But I can’t rope from this side. Turning is going to make it harder.”
“You think the steer is only going to come up on your good side?”
Shane considered the question, then shook his head. “I guess not.” He pulled in the rope, then carefully tugged on the reins until his horse shifted directions.
Jack moved a little closer to Katie. “He’s not a natural athlete,” he said quietly so the boy wouldn’t overhear. “But he’s got guts and he’s not afraid of hard work. Most of the time that’s better than raw talent.”
Katie told herself to pay attention to Jack’s words and not dwell on the fact that he was right next to her. She kept thinking about how it had been when they were together. The afternoon breeze teased her short hair, making her remember Jack’s fingers playing with her curls. Which was really annoying because she doubted he remembered anything. She wanted to move into his embrace and have him hold her. She wanted to make things different between them. But she couldn’t do the first and didn’t know how to do the second.
“You’ve been very patient with him,” she said to distract herself from her attraction. “He’s responding to your friendship. If my dad was more like you…” She sighed. “Like that will ever happen. Aaron will always be someone who yells. I wonder if his father yelled at him. Grandpa died when I was pretty young, and I don’t remember anything about him. My brothers don’t yell. At least I don’t think they do. When we were growing up-”
“I can’t stop thinking about it, either,” he said, cutting her off.
She looked at him and found him staring at her. “What?”
His dark eyes brightened with fire. “I can’t stop thinking about us making love. It’s not just you, if that’s what you were trying to find out.”
She hadn’t been, but she was happy to have the information. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“That works both ways.” He gripped the railing and looked at Shane rather than her. “I’m sorry about how it ended. I didn’t mean to hurt you. What I was trying to say was that you’re not going to be comfortable having an affair, and I’m not prepared to offer anything else.”
“I didn’t ask for either.”
“You will,” he said with a certainty that made her blush. Because she had been wanting more than one night. Why wouldn’t she? She was in love with him.
“Jack, I-”
He cut her off with a shake of his head. “It won’t work, Katie. I’ve tried. I was married before, and it was a disaster. I don’t want another failed marriage.”
“It’s a big step from one afternoon together to marriage,” she said, even though it was tough to speak. Her throat had gone completely dry. Marriage. The thought astounded her. She’d never considered…Is that what she wanted? To marry Jack?
He continued to stare at Shane. “I don’t believe in love anymore. Not between a man and a woman. It never lasts. It’s easier to keep things simple and casual. Neither of those are your style. You’re very complicated and anything but casual.”
She leaned her head against the fence post. She wanted to protest what he was saying, but she had a bad feeling he was telling the truth. So this probably wasn’t the time to confess her innermost feelings. Or that she’d spent the past eleven years hiding from the fact that she still loved him. She was an idiot. Worse, she might be a pregnant idiot.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.
“Katie, please don’t be upset.”
What, she should be happy with the news?
Before she could respond, she heard someone calling her name. She turned and saw Nora running toward them.
“Katie, hurry!” Jack’s sister yelled. “You have to hurry. There’s been an accident.”
Katie’s heart jumped into her throat. “My dad?” she asked, running toward the other woman.
“No. It’s Josie. She’s been in a car accident.”
Katie sat in the hospital waiting room sipping awful coffee and trying not the think about her sister struggling to stay alive in surgery. Conversations drifted around her, but she didn’t listen. She was still in shock.
“You okay?”
She looked up and saw her stepsister Dallas crouching in front of her. “No, but I guess none of us are. I can’t believe this happened.”
Dallas sighed and took the seat next to Katie. Her long blond hair hung straight nearly to her waist. She pulled a scrunchy out of her jeans pocket and drew her hair into a loose ponytail. Shadows stained the pale skin under her green eyes.
“Me, either,” Dallas admitted. “I’m just so grateful I was running late yesterday morning. If I hadn’t been I would have missed the phone call from the police.”
Dallas was in a master’s program at UCLA. She and Josie shared an apartment on the west side of Los Angeles.
David, the oldest of the Fitzgerald children, walked over and joined the conversation. He’d flown to the west coast with Katie. “It shouldn’t be much longer,” he said.
Katie knew he didn’t have any special information. He was just trying to make them feel better. Which was more than Aaron was doing. Her father stalked through the waiting room announcing to everyone who would listen that he planned to sue the pants off the driver responsible for almost killing his daughter. So far, Katie had managed to say out of his way.
“What about Robin?” Katie asked Dallas. Robin was Suzanne’s other daughter from her first marriage.
Dallas shrugged. “I’ve contacted the Navy. They’re getting her the message and seeing about emergency leave.”
Katie nodded. Robin was a helicopter pilot. Sometimes her assignments took her out of the country for months at a time.
“Did you see Josie before they took her into surgery?” Katie asked her sister. “Was it really bad?”
Dallas swallowed. “It looked pretty awful, but I don’t know how much of that was actual injury and how much was bruising and all the blood.” She glanced at Aaron, who was on the far side of the room, then lowered her voice. “She was kind of out of it and kept asking for Del. I didn’t know what to do.” Dallas shrugged helplessly. “Should I call him?”
Katie didn’t have an answer. Del was Josie’s ex-husband. They’d been divorced nearly two years. “Do you really think she wants him here?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then let’s wait and ask her.”
David changed the subject. “What do you know about the accident itself?”
“Not much,” Dallas said. “The delivery truck that slammed into her car was going fast. I heard the police talking about checking the brakes. They think they might have failed.”
A woman in green scrubs walked into the room. She looked weary but pleased. “I’m Dr. Owens,” she said, taking a cup of coffee offered by a nurse. “Are you the Fitzgerald family?”
Aaron approached the woman. Katie cringed, wondering if her father would demand to speak to a man, but he surprised her by nodding respectfully at the surgeon. “How’s my little girl?”
“Lucky to be alive,” the doctor said bluntly. “Josie sustained serious injuries during the car accident. She was in the driver’s seat, and the impact was on the left side of the car. So she got the worst of it. Fortunately her upper body was spared major injury. All her organs are functioning well. The primary damage is to her left leg and her face. Her right leg sustained some injury, as well.”
Katie took Dallas’s hand and squeezed. David leaned close and hugged them both. The doctor continued speaking.
“Today’s surgery was only the beginning. We’ve started putting her back together, but she has a long road to recovery in front of her. There will be multiple surgeries to repair her leg and her face.” Dr. Owens paused. “When we’re done with the reconstruction, she’ll look different. Structural bones were severely damaged. As for her legs-with a lot of work she should walk again. As I said, she’s lucky to be alive. You should be grateful for that. But please understand she’ll never be the same again.”
Aaron pulled the doctor aside and spoke in a low tone. Katie didn’t even try to listen. Her mind couldn’t grasp all that she’d heard. “But she’s going to be fine, right? That’s what the doctor said?”
“Sounds like it,” David said reassuringly.
“She’s going to be in rehab for months,” Katie murmured, more to herself than anyone else. “Maybe longer. I’ve worked with these kinds of injuries. Recovery is slow and painful.”
A.J., the second oldest of the boys and Josie’s twin, looked as if he’d been the one hit by a truck. He kept shaking his head, saying he didn’t believe it. Katie wished that Suzanne could have come out to be with them, but she was at the ranch with the two youngest children.
“She’ll be fine,” Dallas said with forced cheerfulness. “Josie is tough, you know that. She won’t let this get her down. She’ll fight as long and as hard as she has to.”
“Absolutely,” David agreed. “All she needs is someone to tell her no, and she’s off and running. You know how stubborn she is.”
Katie nodded, but inside she wasn’t so sure. David and Dallas didn’t know what Josie was facing, while Katie had experienced it through her patients. Dr. Owens had been right when she’d said that Josie was never going to be the same again.
Late that night Katie was finally allowed in to visit Josie. Her sister was in ICU, surrounded by machines and monitors. Bandages covered her face. Her legs were in traction. Nearly every part of her was battered or bruised, and nothing was recognizable.
Katie took a seat in the plastic chair on her sister’s right and touched her fingers, careful not to disturb the IV in the back of her hand.
“Hey, Josie, it’s me. Katie. I know you’re kind of out of it, but I wanted to come in and tell you how happy I am that you’re still with us. We were all scared, but now we know you’re going to make it.”
Her heart ached for her sister. Josie had been the tomboy-running and doing. She had only two speeds in life-fast and faster. She’d always competed in sports. She taught physical education in a high school, coached, had even entered a triathlon. How could this have happened to her?
“Now it’s my turn to get all the attention.”
Katie looked up in surprise and saw that her sister’s eyes were open. They were swollen and bloodshot, but still Fitzgerald blue.
“You’re awake.”
“Sorta. They give great drugs here. I always believed in working through the pain, but this time I couldn’t do it.”
Katie leaned close. “You’re going to be okay. They told you that, right? I mean there’s going to be a lot of recovery, but you’re strong, Josie. You’ve always been a fighter.”
The bandaged head moved slightly. “The doctor said they’re going to have to give me a new face and do a lot of work on my leg. I told her to make me taller.” Her voice was hoarse, probably from the breathing tube during surgery.
Katie gave a strangled laugh and realized she was crying. She brushed the tears from her face. “You’re already a couple of inches taller than me. What more do you want?”
“I want to be six feet so I can play professional volleyball.”
It was an old joke between the sisters.
Katie smiled. “I was thinking maybe I should come out to L.A. I’ll bet I could get a great job here. Then I’d be close so I could help.”
Josie slowly shook her head. “No way. You just moved back to Lone Star Canyon with Shane. Don’t move him again. I’ll be fine. It’s almost summer. Dallas won’t have any classes then and she’ll help. You need to get your life settled, Katie. Don’t worry about me.”
Katie wasn’t sure, but this wasn’t the time to argue. She thought of another topic. “What about Del? Did you want me to call him?”
Josie shook her head again. Her swollen eyes closed briefly. “Why bother? We’re divorced.”
“I know, but Dallas said you were calling for him when they brought you into the hospital.”
“I don’t want my ex-husband hanging around. We were done with each other a long time ago.”
Katie started to disagree, but didn’t. Josie didn’t need pressure right now. She glanced at her watch. “They’re going to kick me out in a couple of minutes. You rest and think about getting better. I love you.”
“Love you, too,” Josie murmured, her eyes fluttering closed.
Katie gave her fingers one last squeeze, then left the room. As she entered the hall, she saw a pay phone. She thought about calling Del. But what would she say? As Josie had pointed out, it had been a long time. She wouldn’t want anyone calling her ex-husband if something happened to her. He’d given up his right to know anything a long time ago.
She started toward the waiting room. She was going to stay another day, then return to Texas. Jack and Hattie were taking care of Shane for her. What a blessing, she thought. At least she didn’t have to worry about him.
“Did you see her?”
She glanced up and saw her father sitting in the corridor. Aaron looked old and tired. She hesitated. They hadn’t spoken since she’d arrived. With so many Fitzgerald kids around, it was easy to avoid each other.
“She seemed in good spirits. I think she’s asleep now.”
“Hell of a thing,” he said, leaning forward and staring at the floor. “All those bandages and machines. It’s like she’s not really Josie anymore.”
“She might look different, but inside she’s exactly the same, Dad. We have to remember that.”
“Maybe.” Aaron leaned back and gazed at her. “Some guy was by earlier. He represents the company that owns the truck that hit her car. They say they’re at fault and want to make things right.” He grimaced. “How are they going to do that?”
Money would help, Katie thought. Multiple surgeries and long-term physical therapy were expensive.
“We have to take it a day at a time,” she said. “That’s what Josie will do, too.”
Her father nodded, then sighed. His shoulders seemed to bow as if his burdens had grown too heavy. “Suzanne says…” He paused. “She says that I was wrong about you. That I shouldn’t have said those things. I can’t decide. I know I don’t want you messing with those Darbys and you’re still making mistakes with Shane, but-” He cleared his throat. “I guess I’m saying you’re always welcome at the ranch. Just don’t bring any of them with you.”
Katie didn’t know if she should laugh or run screaming. Her father wasn’t ever going to admit he’d been unnecessarily hard on his grandson. Nor would he believe anyone’s view but his own. Still, it was nice to know she hadn’t been banished from her home. This was as much of a concession as Aaron ever made.
“I appreciate that, Dad. Thanks. I love you, too.”
Katie arrived at the Darby ranch close to midnight. The flight from Los Angeles had been on time, and the drive from the airport had taken a little less than three hours. As she climbed out of her Explorer, she stretched, trying to ease the ache in her legs. She should be exhausted, but she was too keyed up to sleep.
Katie closed the car door quietly. She started for the house, then turned and walked toward the corrals. The night was clear, the stars hanging so low she could almost reach up and grab them. Maybe a short walk would ease her tension.
Her footsteps barely made any noise as she crossed the dirt path by the barns. A couple of the horses nickered as she moved past them. The familiar sound comforted her, as did the scent of hay and cattle. A slight breeze teased at her hair. She inhaled deeply, wanting to chase away the smells of the hospital. She hated the thought of her sister being confined there, but Josie wasn’t coming home for a long time.
She reached the end of the barn and saw a light on in a small house set away from the other buildings. The warm glow drew her steadily, almost as if she’d been lassoed. She told herself it was late-that she had no business intruding. Jack had moved into his own house years ago because he wanted privacy. She told herself to turn and walk away. But she couldn’t. She needed to talk, and he was the only one she could turn to.
She stepped onto the small front porch and knocked. There was no sound from inside, yet the door opened almost instantly. Jack stood in front of her, dressed in jeans and shirt, his feet bare, his hair rumpled.
“Did I wake you?” she asked.
“No. Mom told me you were coming back tonight. I was waiting up. I thought you might stop by.”
She wanted to ask him why. She wanted to ask him how he could know her so well and yet continually keep her at such an emotional distance. She had a thousand questions, but didn’t speak any of them. Instead she stood there until he opened his arms and she was able to step into his comforting embrace.
“Talk to me,” he said, drawing her into the house and closing the door behind her. “Tell me what happened.”
Words tumbled out without her being aware of all she was saying. She told him about the accident and what the doctor had said and how her sister had looked. Somehow she found herself on a sofa with a glass of brandy in her hand. Jack sat on the sturdy coffee table in front of her, leaning close, listening intently.
“I know she’s going to be okay,” she told him. “I spoke with the doctor myself. She was really lucky. No serious internal injuries to any of her vital organs. But her legs and face are a mess. The plastic surgeon said that she would look normal, but nothing like herself. I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”
“Will she walk again?”
Katie took a sip of brandy, then nodded. “It’s going to take a long time and several operations, but they’re pretty sure.” She cradled the glass. “I told her I could move to L.A. and help take care of her. She doesn’t want me to. Dallas is going to be out of school for the summer in a few weeks, so she can help Josie through the worst of it. I don’t know. Is that right? Should I go?”
His handsome face softened with compassion. “She’s your sister and you care about her, but you have other responsibilities. Do you want to move Shane to Los Angeles?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “He’s barely settled here. Uprooting him would be difficult.”
“Would Josie ask for help if she needed it?”
“I don’t know.” Katie looked at him and shrugged. “I don’t know about anything.”
He touched her face, gently laying his palm against her cheek. The warmth from him seemed to flow into her body, healing her and giving her comfort. She nearly wept when he drew his hand away.
“You don’t have to decide tonight,” he told her. “Josie’s not going anywhere. Why don’t you think about it for a while? If Dallas is overwhelmed then you can reconsider your decision.”
“Maybe,” she said. She drew in a deep breath. “Thanks for listening. I just-”
“You just what?”
She shrugged. “It was so weird. The four of us were there together. I can’t remember the last time that happened.”
By four, she meant the children of Aaron and Gloria, but Jack would know that. He knew her family history nearly as well as she did. Robin and Dallas were Suzanne’s kids, and Blair and Brent were the babies-products of Aaron’s marriage to Suzanne. But the four oldest had been a team for the first eleven years of Katie’s life.
“I never see A.J.,” she said. “I guess Josie does because they’re twins, but he’s disappeared from the ranch. And Josie’s been on the other side of the country since leaving for college. David is here in Lone Star Canyon, and I barely see him. Everything changes.”
“That’s the nature of life.”
“I don’t like it.”
He gave her a smile. “I’ll report that to the appropriate authorities.”
For the first time in days, she felt her mouth curve up. “Thanks. I don’t mean to be weird, it’s just that everyone is going in a million different directions. I want that to stop. We’re all getting married and divorced and moving on. Dallas told me that before the surgery Josie was asking for Del, but when I talked to her about it, she didn’t want me to call him.”
“He’s her ex-husband, right?”
“Yeah. So I did what she said and left it alone. But I don’t know if that was right.”
“It’s her decision.”
“That’s what she told me. I guess I need to mind my own business.” She took another sip of the brandy. For the first time she noticed how close he was. Her knees bumped against his. She raised the glass. “Thanks for this.”
“You’re welcome.”
She looked at her surroundings, taking in the brown and blue decor. The sofa and chair were covered in a serviceable plaid. The coffee table and end tables were made of oak. No rugs blurred the smooth hardwood floor. Except for family photos, there weren’t any pictures or artwork. The room proclaimed that a man lived here alone and that was how he liked it.
She set down the glass and crossed her arms over her chest. “How can people come and go with such ease? I married a man and had a child by him, and yet he barely made a ripple in my life. If it wasn’t for Shane, I could forget I ever knew him. I have no regrets about him being gone. Again, if not for Shane, I would be happy to have never met him. How is that possible?”
“We change.”
“So much? Are you different now than you were when you got married? Do you remember her? Did she make any kind of mark in your life?”
Jack knew that Katie’s questions were the result of the trauma of her sister’s accident. His instinct was to deflect her by changing the subject. Then he realized he didn’t mind talking about his past as much as he would have thought.
“Melissa mattered,” he said slowly, thinking that the woman who had made the biggest mark in his world hadn’t been his ex-wife, but Katie. She was the one who had brought him to his emotional knees when she’d left. Melissa’s leaving hadn’t been a surprise. He’d been waiting for the relationship to end from the day they got married.
“How?” Katie asked earnestly, her blue eyes fixed on him. “Did you love her?”
“Yes. At first. I thought we would do well together. She was part of the geological team that came out here scouting for oil.”
“So what happened? What went wrong?”
He frowned. “I don’t know. She was gone a lot. After a while I figured out she would rather be somewhere else than here.” He shrugged. “I thought I would be the one to do the leaving in the relationship, but it was her.”
“I don’t understand. Why would you leave?”
He shifted uncomfortably. They were getting close to topics he didn’t discuss with anyone. He didn’t want to open any more doors than he already had. Somehow Katie had found her way back into his life, and he was going to have to work damn hard to make sure she didn’t find her way into his heart. He wasn’t about to be that stupid again. Not if he could stop it. Love was for fools. He’d learned his lesson.
“I’m my father’s son,” he said evenly. “Russell walked out on his wife and kids after thirteen years. There wasn’t any warning, just some lousy note.”
“What does that have to do with you?”
“Everything.” He grimaced. “Don’t you ever look at Aaron and wonder how much of him is in you? Don’t you ever get scared that you’re going to start acting like him?”
Now it was Katie’s turn to squirm. She rotated her shoulders. “Some, I guess. I don’t like to think about it. I tell myself I’m a lot more like my mom. I would never say the things he says to people and I try not to be that stubborn. I’m not always successful.”
“I’m Russell’s son,” he reminded her again. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m capable of making anything work over the long term. I don’t want to get that far into something and one day walk out on my responsibilities.”
She smiled. “Then don’t.”
If only it were that easy.
“You’re nothing like your father, Jack,” she continued.
“You don’t know him well enough to say that. I could be exactly like him. That’s what scares me to death. That’s why I keep my life simple. No emotional complications, no involvements.”
She leaned forward and rested her hands on his thighs. “I’ve got news for you, cowboy. You have a five-foot-three-inch complication sitting right in front of you. You can deny it all you want. You can run, you can even try to hide, but I’m back in your life. What are you going to do about that?”