Neela rolled, bumping into another solid body. She cuddled close. Without opening her eyes, she knew this was Thrax. Warm, hard, bigger than Tarrel, he also smelled like musky vanilla. She smiled as she inhaled more deeply.
A hand rested on her hip and squeezed. Tarrel’s hand, to be exact. His long fingers had callus spots where he gripped a weapon in training. She had similar calluses, but hers were from the staff she carried.
Neela sighed happily. Two days of blissful negotiations. Who knew politics could be so-stimulating?
Tarrel climbed out of bed and padded across the floor. A moment later, he returned. The bed dipped and he scooted close behind her. He arm draped her torso oddly. When he didn’t readjust, she opened her eyes to see the metallic spray dispenser of the antidote.
“What do you think?” he asked her.
“I think it’s time,” Thrax encouraged.
She pushed herself upright, effectively knocking away his arm. She sat up against the headboard. “Are you serious? It might change everything.”
“It won’t change the way I feel about you,” Thrax reminded her.
“Or me. I’ve always loved you and you know it.”
She had, on some level. Thrax’s affection had been more recent, but the attraction between them had been evident from the beginning. Maybe that’s why she’d been so stubborn with him.
“Maybe, but the Neela you’ve both been with isn’t the same as the Neela you’ll get when I accept the antidote.”
“What do you want to do?” Thrax asked.
She wanted to be herself, but she also wanted to be the woman they desired. She liked the permission she’d been given to explore her sexuality in an unrestrained way. If she took the medicine, she’d feel compelled to keep herself at a distance. Wouldn’t she?
Tarrel continued to dangle the metal dispenser between his thumb and forefinger. He arched a brow. “You aren’t scared, are you?”
The taunt had her reaching for the spray before she’d thought about it. Now in her hands, she hesitated all the same.
“I love you, Neela. Soft or fierce, you’re the only woman I want to be with. You always have been. If you take that and decide you feel differently about us, then at least it will be a decision you’ve made with all your faculties in place,” Tarrel said.
“The warrior woman is who I desired,” Thrax began. “I’d have permitted you to use the spray before we were intimate.”
“I know. You offered,” Neela remembered.
“Then what is it?” Thrax asked.
“I don’t know,” she admitted, rolling the spray canister in her hand. “When I was on Elara, I was nervous about taking the inhibitor. We’re private people. We keep our own counsel and allow very few people to know our thoughts.”
“And now?” Tarrel pressed.
“Now it’s the opposite. I wanted to keep you both away from my inner mind, away from knowing me too well. Away from being able to hurt me.” She looked at both men. “But you haven’t, so locking them behind silence feels dishonest.”
“It’s not dishonest. It’s who you are,” Tarrel insisted. “I love who you are.”
“You deserve the privacy of your mind as much as you deserve the fluidity of emotion, my dove,” Thrax added. “You know I can share and amplify our experiences. Isn’t that enough to offer you the comfort of both?”
She smiled. “It would be, if I had two mates.”
The men exchanged glances. Tarrel cocked his head.
“There’s no law that says a Queen can’t have her consort and a king,” Thrax mused.
“Queen? It’s been three days. Don’t you think you’re moving a bit fast?” she asked.
“Three days and years of building anticipation,” Tarrel corrected. He laid down, his hands behind his head. “You really need to make an honest man out of me.”
She laughed and nudged him with her knee. She caught her lip under her teeth settled the tip of the spray injector at her jugular. The men watched. Despite all their bravado, they looked worried, and somehow it comforted her to know she wasn’t the only one.
Neela depressed the release. Her blood tingled as it coursed through her body. It almost felt like an iron door was closing in her mind, putting everything into order, dusting out the wayward thoughts. The return of peace comforted her, but she wondered about the rest of it. She wanted to feel. Would she lose that too?
She looked from Thrax to Tarrel thinking of all they’d shared. She remembered each tender kiss and exquisite rush of lust they inspired. Her heart skipped and her chest felt tight and hot as they gazed lovingly back at her, waiting for her to say what was on her mind, if she chose to share it.
All the feelings were there where she’d left them. Fully lived and fully experienced, she’d lost none of it. Rather it sat in her mind like an open treasure chest to admire.
She smiled slowly. “Gentlemen, I believe a celebration is in order.”