“Do you have an idea where you want to go?” Ryan asked as we pulled out of the hotel parking lot.
I wasn’t in any condition to talk, but I knew I had to come to my senses and start planning or this could go horribly wrong. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and took a ragged breath. “I haven’t thought that out yet; I just planned to grab a car and head out of state. I got the cash because I know Micah will find me if I use a credit card. He’s-he’s got plenty of ties to people who know how to track someone down, and I can’t leave a trail.”
“Were going to my house.”
“No, Ryan, that’s the first place he’ll look!”
“Calm down, Leese, I’m just going to pick up a few things and then head for the airstrip.” He could tell I still looked worried as he pushed down the accelerator. “Don’t worry, we’ll be there and gone before he gets there. I-I’ve got to say goodbye to my mom and then I’m flying you out of here.”
I remembered the pain of not being able to say goodbye to Kimmy when Micah had taken me to Louisiana. I wouldn’t argue the goodbye he wanted. “You mean hire a private plane?”
“No, I mean I’m flying you out of here. I fly all the time. I told you I’ve got my pilot’s license and I own my own Cessna, but I don’t think it’s smart to take my plane. I’ve got a good friend who won’t have a problem letting me use his.”
“I just never thought about you actually flying.”
“You knew I was planning on joining the Air Force.” He stole a glance at me as he dodged traffic. “My dad was a colonel and took me flying all the time when I was little. I could pilot a plane by the time I was ten, but I couldn’t get a student license until I turned 16 and then I started flying solo. I got my regular pilot’s license when I turned 17.”
I was glad for the conversation, anything to take my mind off the crushing pain working its way through my heart. Just as I dreamed, I was taking off, not knowing where I was going, but simply that I had to get away. I could only hope the rest of the dream had been a metaphor, because I already felt the knife in my heart and with every mental image of Micah’s face, it shoved deeper.
“You never mentioned your dad,” I said, trying to keep talking so my mind wouldn’t wander back into the painful thoughts, “he’s in the Air force?”
“Was,” Ryan said quietly.
He stopped talking for a moment and I wondered if I should press him for anything more.
“He was killed in Iraq when I was 15.”
I could tell he struggled to get those words out. It was obviously still very painful for him. I reached over and put my hand on the back of his as it rested on the shifter, “It sounds like you two were close.”
“Yeah, we were-he was a great dad,” his voice starting to crack. “He had so many people that really respected him, his career and everything he stood for. They told me I have an opening in the Air Force Academy whenever I’m ready, full military scholarship. Mom is against the whole idea, but that’s because she knows why I want to join.”
I remembered his words when we were at Pensacola High School about the Air Force being the only legal way to kill someone. Now I understood. Without thinking my hand trailed softly up the intricate colored tattoo covering his right forearm.
“Yeah, I got it after dad died. Mom still hates it and I really can’t say I blame her. I-I wish I hadn’t done it, but it’s too late to change it now.”
I thought about Micah’s tattoo. I broke down sobbing so hard, I couldn’t get a breath. I kept hearing Ryan saying it was going to be okay as his hand warmly rubbed my back.
“You didn’t have a choice, Leese. You made the right decision, hard as it was, it’s the only way.”
“But why?” I sobbed into my palms. “All we wanted was to be together. Why did it have to end this way?” I pulled away from my hands and stared at the beautiful diamond wedding set on my finger. I had pledged my life to Micah Gavarreen for better or worse; I just had no concept at the time how bad the worst could become.
We hit I-95 and he kept our speed around ninety miles an hour until we pulled off into West Palm and made it to his house. I hadn’t met Ryan’s mother, and I certainly wasn’t in any condition to see her at the moment, but I could tell he didn’t expect me to come inside.
He was gone about ten minutes when he emerged carrying another duffle, with his mother following close behind. She was a petite blonde with eyes the same shocking shade of blue as her son’s. She looked toward me and I could see the worry hit her. She knew who I was. Actually, there weren’t many people who didn’t look at me and remember my face from the news, but this was a different kind of look. She knew I married a few days ago and now her son was getting ready to fly away with the bride. He paused to embrace her, as she looked at me once again and nodded. It was as if she was letting me know, for whatever the reason, she was okay with him leaving with me.
We pulled into the Palm Beach International Airport, through the guarded areas as Ryan displayed his identification, and up to an area where numerous small aircraft waited.
“Which one is yours?” I asked, glad to finally have something to say since we had been silent from his house to here.
He pointed toward a sleek looking small plane with a silver bottom and a black stripe. “That’s mine. It’s a Cessna Corvalis 400, but what we’re flying out in is that one.” He pulled near a small jet that appear to be big enough for at least six. “It’s a Cessna Citation Mustang and belongs to a good friend of my family. That’s him there,” he said, as an older gentleman with a military crew-cut came around the plane. He was smiling as we approached.
“Does he know you want to use his plane?”
“Yeah, I called him when I was at the house. He’s a great guy and he flew with my dad back when my dad was learning how to be a pilot.”
Ryan grabbed both of his duffle bags from the trunk as he waved to the man. “Harvey, I really appreciate the loaner,” he shouted over the drone of a small plane taxiing away from the hanger.
“No problem, Ryan. I’ve told you before all you have to do is ask. I know I can trust you to take care of her.”
The man winked at me and I was wondering if he was discussing the airplane or me.
“Harvey Pinchon, this is Annalisa…” He evidently didn’t know what last name he should give me, but Harvey didn’t appear fazed that I had no last name at the moment.
“Annalisa, nice to meet you.”
I reached out to shake his hand and watched his eyes snap immediately to the wedding ring on my finger.
“So,” he said, quickly looking away from my hand, “I need a flight plan for you, Ryan. The FAA frowns on people without them. Where were you planning on stopping?”
“Well, I was kind of hoping you might let me take her to Heaven’s Landing. I can leave her there in your hanger and then we’ll just get a taxi over to Greenville and rent something else from there.”
“Bullshit!” Harvey snapped.
That shook me from the comatose feeling that had been creeping into my system.
Ryan’s eyebrows rose, but he apparently couldn’t come up with a response.
“I told you all you had to do is ask. If you’re flying out from there it’ll be in my plane. Rent something? Ryan, I can’t even believe you’d insult me that way.”
“But I didn’t want you to have to fly across country to get her back.”
Harvey was fishing in the pocket of his slacks and pulling out a wad of keys. “Here,” he offered, pulling two keys off the ring. “Here are the keys to my house and my truck in case you need to go anywhere when you get to the Landing. But, when you take off from there it better be in my plane or I’ll be pissed. It doesn’t matter how long you need it, either. Heck, if I want to go anywhere, I’ll use yours.”
Ryan handed him the keys to the Trans Am, “One more thing, Harvey. I have a feeling you’re going to have a really big, angry guy coming around here asking questions and wanting to know if my plane is here. I know I’ve got to file a flight plan, but he can’t know I flew out of here with Annalisa-it’s really important. Can I use your name on it? And, I need you to take my car back to your house as soon as possible.”
Harvey’s eyes cut back to the wedding ring on my finger and then back to Ryan, “Your mom’s okay with you doing this, right? I don’t want her mad at me.”
“She knows what I’m doing and she’s cool with it.”
“Load your gear in the plane,” he stated. “Annalisa, I think it’s best if you go ahead and get in the plane and sit down, honey. You look like you’ve had a rough morning.”
I nodded numbly as he took my arm and led me to the open cabin door. It was very plush inside and I gratefully sank into one of the deep comfortable chairs as Ryan loaded his duffle bags and went through a preflight check. He paused to talk with Harvey and, although I couldn’t hear what they were saying, I could see the serious expression on both of their faces. Harvey finally clapped the back of Ryan’s shoulder and then shook his hand.
Ryan came aboard and closed the door. He was smiling at me and asked if I was tired.
“No, I don’t know exactly what I am right now. I just can’t believe I’m really leaving.”
“How about a flying lesson then?” he asked, the smile getting broader. “Would you like to sit in the co-pilot’s seat?”
I finally found my ability to react positively as I grinned. I knew what he was doing; he was going to try to take my mind off my problems for a little while. “Why not,” I stated and then moved up to the nose of the plane.
He put on his headset and instructed me to do the same as he began talking with the tower. “Okay, Leese, I’m going to let you start her. See the start button? Okay push and release it. Now take the throttle and pinch the trigger. That’s good. Push it forward over the gate, now release the trigger and pull it back down to idle.”
The engine began to whine to life as he explained what was occurring by showing me on the big display in the center of the console. He began to explain about the pedals and the yoke, but then he got the approval from the tower and the airplane began to move forward. Next thing I knew, we were moving smoothly down the runway as Ryan pulled back slightly on the yoke and I could tell that we were no longer on the ground, but had become airborne. He made a large arc and turned the plane north as I watched Florida shrink smaller below us.
“Okay, Leese, take your yoke very gently. I want you to slowly pull back until the altitude indicates 35,000 feet.” He pointed out where the altimeter was among the controls and as I gripped the black instrument, he released his side and showed me that I had control of the plane. “Hey baby, you’re flying!”
I smiled outwardly, but having him call me baby caused a pang of regret that I was here with him. I knew I had made the right choice, but my heart was still screaming full volume to turn around and go back, to find another way, any other way, other than to leave Micah behind. I brought the plane to 35,000 feet and stopped.
“Now you want to know something really cool? You like to drive fast, but right now you are flying at 390 miles per hour-pretty awesome, huh?” he was beaming behind those blue eyes.
“Yeah, pretty cool,” I said, trying to have enthusiasm in my voice. “How long will it take to reach this place-Heaven’s Landing?”
“It’s in the mountains in the very northern part of Georgia. My mom and I vacationed there with Harvey and his family last Christmas. It should only take us about two hours in this plane.”
“So, what’s after Georgia?”
“Well, this is your escape, but I was thinking we could fly out to Colorado after a couple days at Harvey’s place. I know some people out there and I think we’ll be pretty safe.” He reached over and gently touched my arm as I held the controls, “You can relax, Leese. We’re going to be fine.”
“What did you tell your mom?” my voice sounded strange as it came across the mic.
“I told her that you were in a tight spot and needed my help,” he said, settling back in his seat and watching the horizon.
“And that was enough for her?” I couldn’t mask my disbelief.
“I told her this was going to give me some time to decide about the military. She’s nagged me to change my mind ever since I decided to follow in Dad’s footsteps. So, to tell the truth, I think she’s hoping you’ll put me on a different path.”
I swallowed hard. I had put him on a different path, one that was just as dangerous as flying into a combat zone.
The next two hours passed quickly as Ryan explained every instrument on the displays, talked about a few of the crazy things he had done when flying, and spoke more freely about his dad. It was obvious how much he loved his father and, at one point, he simply went silent to keep from getting emotional.
I marveled at the beautiful mountains below us when I saw the landing strip appear in the distance. I wasn’t expecting anything impressive, after all this was supposed to be a housing community, but it was a straight, smooth 5,000 foot concrete strip on top of a mountain done as well as any commercial airport.
“Okay, Leese, I think I’d better handle this part,” he said as we lined up with the runway.
He set us down as gently as a feather gliding to earth and then turned and taxied to a group of hangers in the center of the strip.
Once the airplane was secured, one of the men that assisted us getting it into the hanger offered us a ride up to Harvey’s house. He had a small pickup truck, so Ryan said we’d ride in the bed. I’ve never ridden in the back of a truck and it was actually fun, but what made it even better was the fact that we weren’t sitting in the cab making up stories as to why we were here.
The house was a single story ranch with a lot of natural stone and wood on the exterior, set on a landscaped acre of ground with a long range view down the mountainside. We waved goodbye to our ‘country taxi,’ as Ryan called it, and went inside. The interior of the house was like stepping into a log cabin. There was a huge stone fireplace, rough sawn beams across the cathedral ceilings, heavy wooden furniture with oversized cushions, and a large kitchen with pine board cabinets and granite countertops.
Ryan set down his bags and said we’d better head into town if I wanted to have something different to wear by tomorrow.
“I know you may think I’m being a little dramatic, but it might be a good idea to see if Harvey’s got a couple ball caps or something so we don’t look so much like-like us.” More importantly was that I didn’t look so much like me. Over the last several months it wasn’t odd to see my face on the front of a tabloid or newspaper. I had been offered to be featured in People magazine when I came out of the hospital, but I wasn’t ready for the world to completely jump into my life.
It didn’t take him long to find a pair of caps. I ran my fingers through my long hair, pulling it away from my face and into a makeshift bun at the back of my head and secured it with the cap. Ryan slipped on a Cessna cap over his silky black hair and asked if I was ready. I nodded and we went out to the garage.
Harvey’s truck was much bigger than what we’d ridden in to his house. It was a Dodge Ram 2500, with over-padded cloth seats and a plush interior. It felt as if it took up half the road as Ryan carefully backed it out of the garage and turned it toward town. It left me wondering what it would be like to drive something so big. Every vehicle I’d had was small compared to this, and Ryan made it look easy as we drove down the mountain.
By one-thirty we were pulling into a Super Wal-Mart. We locked the truck and headed inside as I gave a sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked as he snagged a buggy from the parking space beside us.
“I’m going to have a complex about Wal-Mart,” I said, shaking my head.
He gave a half laugh and asked why.
“It seems that every time I’m on the run, I end up at a Wal-Mart, once with Mom, Micah and now you.”
“They say the third time is the charm,” he said, flashing his dazzling smile, “So I must be the charm.”
“Well, come on Charming, we’ve got a lot of stuff to buy.”
We picked up enough groceries to last us three or four days and then I grabbed two new duffels, jeans, skirts, shirts, shoes, and a big purse. I did find it interesting that Ryan would not go into the ladies unmentionable aisle with me as Micah had once done (without so much as a blush). Ryan stood far away by a display of apples and acted as if he were thoroughly inspecting each piece of fruit.
When we rolled up to the pharmacy area where the cosmetics, bathroom items, and feminine products were kept, he made a beeline for the blood pressure machine and must have taken his pressure three times as I walked around picking up things I needed.
I finally grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the machine as I explained that I needed his help with something. He looked petrified until I took him down the hair color aisle and asked for his opinion on what to dye my hair.
“Black, definitely black,” he stated grabbing a bottle of color.
I pulled it from his hand and placed it back on the shelf, “No. I want your opinion on what shade of blonde to buy. I’m cutting it, too,” I added as I grabbed a pair of shears and threw them in the buggy.
He picked up an electric trimmer and said he guessed he needed to change his appearance as well. He grabbed a bottle of light auburn hair color and put it in the cart.
“Red?” I was trying hard to keep the funny lilt out of my voice, “I can’t picture you with red hair.”
“Well, I can’t picture you as a blonde, but you will need streaks he said grabbing more hair products.
“I don’t want streaks,” I protested, afraid I’d come out looking like an odd type of skunk if I let him get carried away.
“Too bad, you’re getting them. I mean, if you aren’t going to let me dye it black then you’re going to, at the least, have great blond highlights.”
I frowned and started for checkout before he decided I needed a little bit of blue or pink streaks, too.
We loaded the counter as the cashier began scanning our items. She kept looking at us and smiling.
“Ya’ll must be newlyweds,” she finally bubbled out, as her eyes went from my spectacular rings back to our faces.
“Yup,” Ryan lied, putting his arm around me and giving me a squeeze, “her luggage got lost on our flight from California to here, which sucks for a girl.” He was covering quite smoothly for the fact that we were buying a tub-load of clothes for me and nothing for him.
“Aah! I know what you mean, honey,” she said as she gave that little southern flick of her wrist. “My sister lost her luggage when she flew in from Vermont last year. Lordy, it was terrible how long it took before they finally found it. It had gone all the way to Washington State. How long ya’ll been married?”
I couldn’t speak, but that was okay because Ryan was on a roll.
“Since yesterday; this is our honeymoon,” he winked at the cashier.
She blushed and kept ringing up items, “Where ya’ll stayin’? Up at the Dillard House? I hear it’s real nice there.”
“No. My uncle loaned us his cabin up in the mountains to the east so we can have a little piece and quiet.”
“That’s real sweet,” she was saying, enjoying the fact that the handsome guy with me was chatty while I was about as talkative as a patio chair. “You got yourself a quiet one,” she said glancing from Ryan to me, “You don’t say much, do you, sweety?”
I shook my head as Ryan leaned toward the clerk, “She lost her voice last night-a little too much screaming.”
The cashier was blank for a second and then turned scarlet, “Oh, sakes alive! She got herself a wild one when she got you.” She gave a giddy laugh.
“Ah!” was all I managed to squeak out as I slugged his shoulder.
He laughed, rubbing his arm, “See I told you, no voice.”
“That’ll be $434.27,” she stated as she dropped the last item into a bag.
Ryan was going for his wallet when I smacked him again, “I’ve got it,” I growled as I peeled five one hundred dollar bills from a $10,000 stack tucked in the bottom of my purse. I had left the rest of the money at Harvey’s house since my purse wasn’t big enough to carry it all, but my new purse would be more than adequate.
“I guess I didn’t get all her voice last night,” he continued teasing the cashier, “but that’s what the honeymoon is for, right?”
She just laughed as she handed me back the change., “Ya’ll have a nice time in Georgia, ya hear.”
“Oh, we will,” he called back as I was shoving him toward the exit.
“Geez, Ryan, you’re an idiot!” I snapped, but I was starting to laugh under my pretense of anger.
“Hey, you’ve just got to have a little fun with people sometimes,” he said as he grabbed the bags and put them on the back seat, “See, I even got you to smile.”
He was right. I couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off my face if I tried.
All the way back to Heaven’s Landing, Ryan was cracking stupid jokes and I was laughing in spite of the dismal mood I wanted to wallow in.
“Okay, home sweet home.” He pulled the truck into the garage and pressed the button for it to close. “It’s just you and me now, baby girl.”
I tried not to let my heart go wild on me. He and I spending time alone would be different from when Micah and I pulled off this feat. Micah was under the promise of being a perfect gentleman; Ryan and I had no such agreement. I wasn’t afraid of him; the problem was I was afraid of myself. Inside I was hurting so badly from what I’d done today, that I craved understanding and gentleness. Ryan embodied both those qualities.
It had only been a few hours ago that I had kissed him, and the feel of his tender mouth against my own hadn’t diminished. I needed tenderness so badly and I wondered how my heart could be so completely crushed, and my body could have these irrational needs. Learning about satisfying needs with Micah, set my body on a path I’d never traveled, and right now I hated my body and all the thoughts that came with it as I followed my handsome friend into the house.
I put my bags on the kitchen table and rummaged through them looking for the scissors as he put away the groceries. I hated the idea of cutting my hair, but it had to go, and I needed something to do to get my mind off the Ryan dilemma.
“You’re ready for a transformation right now? Don’t you want to relax a little bit?”
“The longer I look like me, the more likely someone will notice, and I don’t plan on leaving a bread trail to wherever we happen to be.”
“At least let me do that,” he said following me into the bathroom.
“You? Have you ever cut hair before?”
“Actually, yes. I cut my sister’s hair. Of course, I was eight and she was sleeping, but it looked pretty good considering I only got half of it.”
He took the scissors from my grip. At this point I didn’t care and I wasn’t expecting salon results. I only hoped he could at least make it even.
“Close your eyes,” he whispered in my ear.
“Gladly,” I said with a cringe.
I was facing toward the mirror as he began, but I never once peaked. One thing I knew was that he was cutting it really short. I could feel the cold blade of the scissors near the bottom of my ears and around the top of my neck as he worked. His fingers were running through my hair now, short as it was, and I could feel him pulling it upward, making cuts as he went. This was going to be a disaster. He turned me to face him, but I still didn’t open my eyes. He was pulling hair in front of my face and cutting somewhere around eyebrow height.
“You’re not giving me…” I had to spit hair off my tongue. “…bangs are you?”
“Bangs are cute and don’t talk unless you want another mouthful of hair,” he warned.
Several snips later and a few more times running his fingers through my hair, he turned me to face the mirror, “Okay, see what you think.”
I still didn’t open my eyes.
“Leese, you can look now.”
“I don’t know if I want to,” I whined.
“Come on you big baby.”
I didn’t budge.
“If you don’t look then I’m going to kiss you while-”
My eyes flew open. I wasn’t in a proper frame of mind to fend off a kiss from him. The sight in the mirror was a total surprise. “Oh, wow! Ryan you’re-you’re actually good at this. It’s adorable.” It was a slightly longer version of a pixie cut and he had pulled it with his fingers and made it somewhat spiky.
“I just wish you’d let me dye it black instead of blond. I think you’d look good with black hair.”
“It wouldn’t be that you are a little partial to black, would it?”
He smiled. “Time to shave mine off,” he sighed, handing me the scissors and leaving for the kitchen to get the electric trimmer.
“Do you really have to like shave your head? Couldn’t you just cut it a little bit shorter? It’s going to look different when we dye it.”
“I was going to have to shave it off for the military anyway,” he said, returning to the bathroom with the cutter in hand and found me crying.
“God, I can’t believe I managed to screw up your life, too.”
“You didn’t screw anything up,” he said, cupping my face in his hands. “I was going into the military for the wrong reasons and you are just slowing me down a little and making me reevaluate if it’s what I want to do or not.” He kissed the tip of my nose, scaring me in the process because I thought he was going for the lips.
He released me and plugged in the hair trimmer, selected a short attachment for the blade and sighed, “Would you care to do the honors?” he asked, offering me the trimmer.
“I’ve never cut hair and you will look bad if I do it,” I admitted.
“You can’t screw this up, Leese. You just put it against my head and slide it through the hair.”
Gingerly I accepted, but he was almost too tall for this to go smoothly. I could see him studying my hesitation from the mirror; he dropped to his knees.
“Better?” he asked.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I said turning on the trimmer and placing it against his forehead. “Do you want to close your eyes?”
We looked at each other for a moment in the mirror.
“No.”
I took a deep breath and slid the trimmer forward, watching as all that black silky hair hit the floor. He was right about one thing; it wasn’t difficult although it hardly looked like he’d been in a barber’s chair. He was actually smiling, which I found completely odd. I thought he’d dislike losing one of his most popular features, but he seemed unaffected as the new Ryan emerged.
I hadn’t realized until I was finished how terribly my hands were trembling. It only became noticeable to me when his very steady hands removed the trimmer from mine.
“I’ll finish it up around the sides. You might want to find a broom; it looks like we scalped a yeti in here.”
I left and went to the kitchen to see if there was a broom. I found it and the dust pan and returned to the bathroom and began sweeping up the piles of brown and black hair.
“There,” he said, turning off the noisy trimmer, “how does that look?” He had removed the guide and trimmed closer in some places, but that gave it a finished look.
“Can I feel it?” I asked. I’d felt a buzz cut years ago and remembered how interesting it was.
He leaned his head toward me.
“Oh, that feels so cool,” I said, laughing as my hands slid over the soft, yet stiff ends of hair.
His hand went up immediately to feel the stubs, touching mine as he did. He looked at me and smiled. I removed my hand and went back to sweeping.
“Are you ready to dye?” he asked.
I didn’t intend to show my reaction when he uttered those words, but he caught my momentary expression of panic. “Yea-yeah, sure,” I said, trying to leave the room.
He gripped my arm, “I think you and I need to talk.” All his teasing vanished.
“About what?” I replied, trying to let the color return to my cheeks.
“You just freaked when I asked that question. I saw the same reaction when I asked you at the wedding if your life was ending. Has Micah ever threatened to-to kill you?” His eyes narrowed at me and I knew he was going to want an answer.
“There is a lot about Micah and I that no one knows,” I said, holding back the tears forcing their way to the surface.
Ryan gripped my shoulders, “You know there are no reasons for you and I to have secrets from each other-not now anyway.”
It was a long, long evening, as I told him everything about Micah and me. How he had been hired to kill me and then almost did. How he agreed to let me buy a few weeks of life to stop whoever was hurting my family, and his agreement to be a gentleman. I told him what exactly was going through my head when I collapsed just before Micah took me away the day at the diner. I replayed my frightening first encounter with David, shooting lessons, his family, being drugged, and our time spent at the small motel becoming too close. I told him about the final call that shortened my life to mere hours, Jack and Ricky’s executions, and ending with being in the hospital.
“So this is the same D’Angelo guy from the hotel today? He was the one pulling Micah’s strings about killing you?”
“Yeah, he is like the banker, I guess. Someone comes to him with a hit, and he holds the money and assigns the hit man. When the job is done, he makes the pay-off.”
“If you hadn’t gone to the hospital that day to try to help your mom, you would have waited for him to come back, wouldn’t you, even though he said he was going to kill you?”
“I didn’t have a choice, Ryan. If I’d run, then Micah would have been killed. I don’t know if he could have actually done it, but I’ll never forget the way he looked at me when he told me my time was up.”
“Why,” he asked with his eyes large and round, “did you get back together with him?”
“I told you, I am so honestly in love with him. He’s not really that way. It’s just how he was raised. He’s changed everything to-to…” I had done well up until this point in only allowing a few tears to fall, but as soon as I considered everything Micah had done to change his life, to make a new life with me, I collapsed inside. It was like an implosion of the worst kind. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe and what was worse was I didn’t want to breathe.
He had changed his world for me and now I had pushed him away-I had no choice, but at the moment all I wanted was to be selfish and run back to him. To keep him for myself and the consequences be damned, but I knew if I did then one day very soon he would hate me for what I’d done to his family. “Oh, God, Ryan, what is he going through right now? He knows by now that I’m gone. He thinks I’m some trashy whore who couldn’t make up her mind about which guy to sleep with. He must hate me so badly. Oh, Ryan… Oh, God,” I sobbed, my shoulders convulsing from the depth of emotion coming to the surface.
He pulled me into his arms as I disappeared into my pain. In all the points in my recent life when I had felt broken, nothing ever, ever hurt so badly as what I was feeling now. All I could see was Micah’s face and the hurt, pain, anger and betrayal. All I wanted at that moment was to disappear from the planet earth, but I didn’t know if even Heaven could heal the gaping wound inside my heart. The full effect of what was irreversibly put into motion this morning was like the impact of hitting cement after jumping from a high rise, obliterating everything inside me.
I must have literally cried into unconsciousness because when I woke up it was dark and I was tucked into a bed-alone. I got up and found Ryan asleep in the adjacent bedroom. It was two in the morning and I couldn’t sleep. I imagined Micah was awake wherever he was at the moment.
I pulled the cell phone from my purse and sat there for another hour trying to decide if I should turn it on. I wanted nothing more than to call him, to hear him answer his phone as he breathed out my name. I would at least tell him how very sorry I was for what happened. I wanted to tell him I loved him with all my heart, but that wouldn’t make much sense when I needed him to believe I left him for Ryan.
I finally turned it on and noticed I had twenty-seven new messages. I didn’t want to play them, but I knew his voice was waiting for me at just the push of a button. The first message began the slow tearing of my heart from my chest.
“Hey baby, call me as soon as you get this message-I just need to know where you are right now. Call me back.”
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I know you love me, Annalisa. Don’t do this to us, please baby. I can forgive you for anything, just don’t leave me.”
“Why won’t you at least answer the damn phone? Tell me what I did wrong-and then tell me what I can do right to fix this. You’ve got to at least talk to me, Leese, please. I know you’re listening to this message-if you ever loved me, call me, baby.”
There was a message from my mother begging me to think about what I was doing to everyone, Micah’s family, her and Kimmy, and even to Ryan, “I never thought of you as selfish, honey, but this was the most… God, Leese, what’s gotten in to you?”
There were twenty three more messages, two more of them from Mom as she balled her eyes out and asked me to come home, and twenty-one more messages were from Micah’s cell number, but they were all silent. The silence hurt worse than the pleas.
I was still awake when dawn broke. There was no need to go back to bed as I groggily walked to the kitchen. Even though I wanted food, coffee would do for now. I think the sound of me in the kitchen must have disturbed Ryan’s sleep because I could hear him moaning and tossing around, but he didn’t wake.
The coffee finished perking and I poured myself a cup and unlocked the sliding doors that led to the back porch. A mist was lying down the intensely green mountain side as I sat in a rocker and watched a hummingbird by a large flowered bush at the end of the porch. It was so peaceful to look out upon when my inner self was in total shambles. I heard the sliding door as Ryan appeared carrying a cup of coffee; he didn’t appear to be fully awake.
“Not a morning person?” I asked. Micah and I had both been early risers.
“Absolutely not,” he said, rubbing his sleepy face, “but you? I figured you were a morning person; morning people always seem to be so bubbly.”
“Jewels is bubbly, I just like to get up early no matter what mood I’m in.”
He laughed, “Yeah, you’re right. She was off the charts bubbly most of the time-it drove me crazy.”
“So was there ever any chance for the two of you to get together?”
“No. She wanted to try her wings out at-at sex, but I wasn’t-”
“Jewels?” I said, clearly surprised. “She wanted-”
“Yeah, like majorly bad. I think I was the complete opposite of what her parents would approve of and that was a big turn on for her.” He shook his head at the memory and breathed in the vapors rising from his coffee cup.
“Well, I’m impressed with you. Most guys would have been happy to oblige her, especially if it was her first time.”
“I suppose you’re right, but I honestly didn’t want my first experience to be in the back of my Trans Am with her cheering me on to make the goal.”
I wondered for a moment if I’d heard him correctly. Did he say his first experience or hers? I stopped the rocker and stared at him, mentally reviewing what he’d said.
“Big shocker, huh?” he laughed lightly.
I still hadn’t found the speech button for my mouth. This 6’3” tattooed, Air Force bound, electric-blue-eyed, raven haired angel was exactly what I had been four days ago-virgin. Now I really heaped a huge pile of guilt upon the ashes of my life. He risked everything and ran away with someone who could never be with him the way he was hoping to experience. And, for that matter, how was he ever going to find the right girl as long as he was in my company?
“That wasn’t your-your first kiss back at the hotel, was it?” I was cringing hard.
“I’ve kissed girls before…” he said.
I took a breath.
“…but never the way you kissed me, Leese. I usually back away if a girl wants to try getting that hot and heavy.”
I rolled my eyes heavenward as they filled with tears.
“Don’t be upset about it,” he continued, “they were the best kisses of my entire life.”
“God, just send down a lightning bolt right now and fry me,” I whimpered, still looking up.
He looked up at the sky and then back down at me, “Don’t talk like that.” He grabbed my arm and made me go back inside. Yeah, he and I both knew I deserved that lightning bolt.
“We’re doing your hair,” he stated, setting down his cup of coffee and grabbing the boxes of color and frost on the table, “come on.”
I think I was still numb up until he rinsed out the first batch of dye. He was towel drying my head and had gotten a little too rough when I snapped out of it.
“Yikes, give me that towel. You’re about to remove my scalp!”
“Oh, sorry,” he said and then went for the blow dryer.
“I can do that part myself.” I handed him back the towel. It usually took me twenty minutes or more to dry my hair when it was long, now it seemed to be dry in five.
“Okay, now we’ll streak it,” he stated matter-of-factly, getting the product out on the bathroom counter with all the little foil papers. “Crap, this looks complicated.”
“I don’t have to have streaks,” I argued.
“We bought it, you’ll look good with them so you’re getting them, got it?”
“All right hair-god, but if my head goes up in flames, it’s your fault.” Why did I worry? He could work in a salon, even if that isn’t what he considered macho enough for his persona. I looked fabulous when he was done with me.
The red dye didn’t go quite as smoothly as the blonde. He just didn’t have enough hair to keep from getting it on his skin. Once the time was up and I rinsed it off his head, it wasn’t so bad, but it was certainly different. I didn’t, and I don’t think he did either, consider the shocking contrast with the red hair and the blue eyes.
“I look freaky,” he remarked as he studied his reflection in the mirror.
“We’re dying you back to black before we leave here.”
“Nah, it’s cool.”
“Ryan, it looks like your heads on fire-you’re going back to black.”
He grinned as he put himself cheek to cheek with me as we looked at the blonde and the redhead in the mirror, “Whatever you say.” He kissed my temple and walked away.
The rest of the day was spent lounging on the comfortable couches in the living room and flipping between the news and the weather channel. Ryan snoozed most of the time. He wasn’t kidding about not being a morning person. At the rate he was sleeping, I’d be lucky if he was a late afternoon person.
It didn’t surprise me there was nothing on the news about me, especially since we’d kept every detail about the wedding hush-hush from the press. I chuckled to myself as I considered we had the tightest security possible during the wedding because it was provided for us by the mob; even the most die-hard paparazzi would have been dissuaded.
D’Angelo had not been on the guest list because Micah felt having the person who hired him to kill me there, would have been like bringing Robert to the wedding. The reason for the change in our wedding date was now abundantly clear to me. Had we tried to keep it September 15th, D’Angelo would have gotten to me before Micah and I had the opportunity to experience each other. I wondered if it was possible that I might be pregnant. What a sad, but beautiful way to keep a part of him with me.
When nighttime came Ryan was fully awake and I was exhausted from not sleeping the night before. I felt bad leaving him sitting there with nothing to do, but I had to go to bed. I honestly don’t know why I even tried. Within an hour, I was awake again. I tossed and turned and finally got up and watched a late movie with him until one a.m. and then tried once again to go to sleep.
I needed my sleeping pill; he was just over six feet tall with muscles and a way of crooning my name, and wrapping his arm around my waist as I drifted off to sleep. But there was no Micah to lull me into the rest I needed, only his memory; and a memory of him could never replace what I needed.
The next morning, the effects of two sleepless nights were starting to show. Ryan was up by ten and rather chipper for having risen before noon, but he could tell immediately I hadn’t done well through the night.
“I think you need to get out and get some fresh air and exercise that way you’ll be so tired you’ll sleep tonight. I found a trail last Christmas that leads to a waterfall, wanna go?”
“Give me a few minutes to pull myself together,” I said as I stumbled to the bathroom and got ready.
He was right about the walk, I felt so much better as we took off down the mountainside. We discussed leaving perhaps by Friday and going to our final destination, final as long as there were no signs that Micah had figured out where we went. We were both pretty sure our location here had been a good choice and that was why we wouldn’t leave for another three or four days.
The waterfall was tucked off to the side of the path, but the sound of the falling water could be heard for a good distance away. It was small, but still impressive as it poured over the rocks and continued as a small stream running down the mountain. We splashed around and acted like a pair of kids for a while and then finally started the journey back up the mountain.
Okay, now I understood what he was saying about being tired enough for sleep tonight. The trip up the trail was arduous where as the trip down had been pleasant. We were both sweaty and drained of all the positive energy when we reached Harvey’s place. Ryan took a shower and flopped on the couch, passing out almost immediately. I took a shower and tried passing out, but as tired as I was, I simply couldn’t sleep. When he rolled over two hours later, he found me sitting there watching him.
“I made you some lunch,” I said as he looked at me expressionlessly.
He blinked a couple times, yawned and rubbed his sleepy face, “Did you take a nap?”
“I tried; no luck.”
“Crap, Leese, you’ve got to get some sleep before you turn into a zombie.” He sat up, putting his feet on the floor and running his hand over his shock-red stubble, “If you don’t sleep tonight, we’re going back to town and getting you some sleeping pills.”
“I don’t take pills,” I retorted.
“Well you got to do something. Did you have problems sleeping before all of this?”
“I did until Micah started staying at the house. He was my ‘sleeping pill,’” I said, smiling for once at a memory instead of crying. “Some nights he’d slip in my room and-”
Ryan’s hand went up to shush me, “I don’t know if I want to hear about what he did to get you to sleep.”
“Ryan,” I stated with surprise, “we didn’t have sex until after we got married. He would just crawl in bed and hold me and then we could both sleep. It’s like we became so bonded when we had to stay together because of the contract that now it’s as if something inside me is actually…” The tears were coming to the surface as I looked away so he wouldn’t notice, but it was too late.
He reached over and turned my chin toward him, “It’s okay to cry, Leese. Go ahead and finish what you were saying.”
I sighed as I let the tears fall, “Something inside me is missing and I have to wonder if he’s been able to sleep at all either.”
“So how does he hold you when you sleep together?”
His hand gently caressed the side of my face and then swept slowly through my hair. I closed my eyes in response to the touch, “We’d… Why?” I asked suddenly more alert than before the soft lull snagged me when he touched my face.
“How about a replacement?” he whispered.
That caused a heated flush through my system as the thought of Ryan holding me in bed hit me, “No-I don’t’ want to give you, or me, the wrong idea.”
“Just tell me how he holds you? Please, Leese. I’m not going to try to jump your bones. I’ve got a little more restraint than that.”
“But what if I don’t,” I said softly.
I could see that took him completely off guard as a light smile came to his face, “I could only hope, but I think we both know you’re more level headed than that.”
“Usually, yeah, but I swear it hurts so bad that I just feel…” It was time to shut up and not tell him what had been going through my head when I focused on the physical instead of the mental. Mentally I was strong enough for a lifetime of denial, but physically? That had become another issue entirely.
“Tell me how he holds you,” he repeated, “or I’m buying you some sleeping pills, and I am big enough to make you take one.”
I was thinking there was no way he was big enough to do that, but right now I wasn’t up for the challenge, “I’m usually on my side and he just fits behind me and wraps his arm around my waist.”
“Tonight you and I are going to see if we can get you to stay asleep.”
He wasn’t leaving room for rebuttal, but I had to have a little more from him than the simple statement that he was going to be my ‘Micah’ stand-in, “If I’m not comfortable with this Ryan, you-”
“I’ll get out of the bed and leave you by yourself,” he finished for me.
“And,” I said, coming to the real crux of the matter, “If I’m too comfortable, you won’t let me cross any lines.”
He rolled his eyes, “I’m just curious, but if this is a permanent situation between you and him, and you honestly change your mind about-about us at some point, how will I know you aren’t just getting ‘too comfortable’ as you put it?”
I had to think about that. He had a valid question, but I wanted to believe, in my heart of hearts, God would work something out for Micah and me. I’d seen His plan unfolding all along, and I was amazed how He had gotten me through what should have been the end of my life to the point I was at right now, but what if His plan changed? What if I felt honestly led to embrace more from Ryan than friendship? This was a deeper thought than I planned to tackle anytime soon. What if Ryan was the new plan for my life? I looked at him and knew he sensed how difficult this question was for me to answer. But, I could answer it.
“First, you’ve got to promise me you won’t stop looking for the right girl to come along. I don’t want you holding your breath, waiting for me to change my mind. God will put the right person in your path someday and, if it’s not me, I don’t want to be what holds you back if you find her.”
“I can promise that, but tell me how to know it’s for real between you and me, and not just because we get a little too comfortable with each other.”
“If I ever, wide awake, ask you to make love to me, I’ll mean it. But if I ask you, it’ll mean I want the rest of our lives to be together; I don’t go for the one-night-stand concept.”
“I don’t know how any man could ever want only one night with you,” he finally gave me that big smile and said he was ready for lunch.
I could tell he was anxious to put our plan into action tonight; I couldn’t help but think this wasn’t the best idea. The closer it came to bedtime, the less sure I was of trying this.
“If you don’t mind,” I said as it became late, “I’d like to go to bed by myself. I can fall asleep, I just can’t seem to stay that way. Once I’m out, slip in beside me and we’ll find out if this is going to work or not.”
He nodded as I left the couch and went to bed. I was afraid I might not be able to drift off, but exhaustion took over and unconsciousness crept in. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if I actually felt the moment he slipped in beside me. I had that wonderful sensation of Micah’s strong arm gathering me against his body, a soft kiss against my neck and then a feeling of peace filled me.
It was after ten in the morning when my eyes fluttered open. It had worked and I actually had gotten a full night’s sleep. A warm arm was wrapped around my waist and I could feel his breath against my hair. It only took an instant to remember I wasn’t in Micah’s embrace. Being awake, together, in this position wouldn’t be good so I attempted to slip out from under his arm and get out of the bed before he stirred. He was a late sleeper so I didn’t think this would be a difficult feat, until I tried to move his arm. His grip tightened, hard. I heard him moaning and making some unintelligible sounds, but he never lightened his hold. I grabbed his wrist and put a little more force into trying to lift his arm.
“No.” His hips pushed firmly against my butt as his arm moved slightly lower to keep me from pulling away.
I couldn’t see his face so I didn’t know if he told me no in his sleep or if he was awake and refusing to let go of me. “Ryan,” I whispered.
He inhaled deeply and moaned again.
I was certain at this point he was still asleep, but that didn’t change the problem of me getting away. Just as I made another attempt, the arm moved but not the way I expected as his hand came up and clutched my breast. “Ryan!”
He jerked awake, “Huh? Wha-shit!” He quickly withdrew his hand when he understood why I was making a loud complaint. He rolled onto his back, putting both hands in front of him as if to show he wasn’t touching anything he shouldn’t, “Sorry, sorry, I’m clear.”
Being ‘clear’ was a pilot’s term as if it was propellers on my chest instead of boobs. “I didn’t realize I was an airplane,” I laughed.
He rolled away and buried his face down into the pillow, “Damn, I hate waking up fast. I always say something stupid,” then his head lifted as a tiny smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, “but you slept all night, didn’t you?”
“I did-thank you.” I hoped he could tell how very sincere I was, I didn’t think I could go three days without rest.
“Sorry about the…” he made a motion with his hand like he was squeezing an invisible ball. “I didn’t mean to…” His face was red.
“We’ve got to get that hair dyed back so it doesn’t match your face when you blush.”
He laughed as he rolled out of the bed and onto his feet. Just as he was rising, Harvey’s house phone began ringing. We shot each other a worried glance as he moved toward the nightstand to answer it.
“No! It might be Micah. I-I can’t talk to him.”
“Leese, he doesn’t know we’re here. It’s got to either be Harvey or my mom.” He picked up the receiver slowly and said hello. “Harvey,” he sighed with relief. But I could hear the sound of the caller’s panicked voice as the look on Ryan’s face changed, “Shit! When? Are you sure he’s headed here? When did he leave?”
I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be, but I was already up grabbing my clothes and items and throwing them into my duffle bags.
“Do you know what he’s flying in? Damn, Harvey, that doesn’t give me more than thirty minutes! All right, yeah I know. I hate to say it but we’re leaving right now, we won’t have time to straighten up the house and I’ll probably leave your truck down at the hanger. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Okay, we’re out of here. I’ll let you know where you can find the plane when-all right, bye.” He slammed the phone down and started grabbing his things.
He didn’t have to say a word; there wasn’t time as we threw our bags together.
“Let’s go,” he said, pushing the last of his clothes down and pulling the zipper.
I was going through my mind making sure I had everything. I had my money and my clothes and other items, so there was nothing I was forgetting as we jumped into the big Dodge and fired it up. We backed out and took off at breakneck speed. There were a few other pilots down at the hanger when we pulled up.
“We’ve got an emergency,” he said as he approached them, “can you guys help me get it out of the hanger?” The men hooked the small tractor they kept at the hanger to the plane and pulled it out into the sunshine. They evidently didn’t like the idea that Ryan was ready to jump into the plane without a preflight check, but then he told them it was a matter of life or death. They helped load our bags and then convinced him that no preflight might also be a life or death matter, but they would help him complete it quickly.
“You can’t just leave the truck parked here,” one of the men said to him as we prepared to board.
“Harvey will be here in about three hours and he’ll move the truck. If that’s not fast enough for you, I left the keys in the ignition, but we have to go,” he said, practically pushing me up the steps into the plane. I went to the front and sat in the co-pilot’s seat. Ryan joined me, starting the engines and then waiting impatiently as they came to life. The men gave him the thumbs-up and he began driving the plane to the air strip. We taxied from the center down to the end and then he turned the plane around and it was only a matter of moments and we were airborne.
As soon as we had climbed thousands of feet and were pointed to the northwest, I was ready to ask.
“Micah is on his way here, isn’t he?”
Ryan glanced at his instrument display, “I should have fueled before we left. We’ve only got enough for another four hundred miles or so.” He was touching the display changing items on screen, but he wasn’t answering my question. “Murfreesboro has a small municipal airport, we’ll stop there. We’ll be there in about forty minutes.”
“Ryan, please.”
He looked at me for the first time since we had boarded the plane, “Yeah, he found us.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. Harvey got a call from a friend of his at the airport and said a guy had flown in this morning from Louisiana and had a cop with him. They wanted to know about my plane and then about any small planes that took off in about a two hour time span on Monday. There were only five and they were asking if I was piloting any of them.”
“But you used Harvey’s name on your flight plan, how-”
“I know, but one of the guys in the control room mentioned that Harvey and I were good friends and then someone else mentioned the flight plan couldn’t have been right because they saw Harvey that afternoon. I guess it was all he needed. He’s in a Gulfstream 350, and Harvey said they flew out of there around 8:30 or 8:45. If someone hadn’t called Harvey, you would have seen Micah this morning, and I don’t think he would have been happy to see me.”
My head went back against the seat as my heart continued to pound in my chest, “I never, ever should have agreed to let you help me,” I choked. I could feel the emotions wadded up in my throat, but nothing was rising to my eyes. If Micah didn’t show up with his pistols strapped to his sides, it wouldn’t matter because he would beat Ryan to death, and I know I couldn’t stop him.
“Don’t worry about me,” he said, his hand reaching over and squeezing mine.
“He’s just going to follow us to wherever we go and-”
“Only if he’s a freaking psychic! He can’t follow us this time; we don’t have a flight plan.”
“Will you be in trouble for that?”
“The FAA wants every trip to have a flight plan, but for small aircraft it’s only strongly recommended. They can’t pull my license or anything for not doing it.”
My heart was beginning to slow from its fast pace and air was returning to my lungs. Running away from Micah I had known all along wasn’t going to be easy, but I never expected him to find me so quickly.