It had been three weeks since we had moved to Colorado Springs and things were going remarkably well. There was no evidence that Micah had discovered our location, and our home had become a safe haven to enjoy with our friends and each other. Candace became a regular visitor and Ryan started teasing me, privately, that he should take us both to Utah and become a polygamist.
I politely declined, but I was glad he was starting to think of Candace in that way. I had a feeling there would come a place in our near future where Ryan and I would part ways and she would become the significant person in his life. All the signs were there; they teased each other relentlessly, and the last few days they had begun to touch each other, not in a sexual way, but little things like watching her reach over and touch his arm when she would say something to him, or slug his shoulder if she didn’t like something he said. Sometimes he would reach over and squeeze her shoulder or grab the back of her neck like he was going to rough her up, but of course it was all in teasing.
It was weird for me because I was fighting jealousy every time they got a little bit closer. I wanted him to find someone, but I still felt some kind of ownership to my security blanket. We didn’t sleep apart and over the last week, I didn’t need to be asleep for it to work. Some nights we would just lie awake and talk until the wee hours. He liked kissing my neck and I finally admitted I enjoyed it, but it pushed the line between us every time.
“So why do you like it so much?” he asked me as we cuddled preparing to go to sleep.
“Because it tingles all the way to my belly button,” I laughed as he placed another slow kiss on my neck. “The sensation is almost electrical.”
“It shocks?”
“Not exactly, look let’s try something, but don’t get the wrong idea.”
“I love it when you tell me not to get the wrong idea about something because I know I’m getting ready to get the wrong idea about something,” he snickered in my hair.
I rolled over and faced him, which was something I didn’t do when in bed with him, “Roll over.”
“You mean you want me to-”
“Yeah, you roll on your side and let me hold you for a little while. You’re going to tell me if this feels anything to you like it does to me. Let’s see if I can generate a little of this electrical feeling for you.”
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” he said, suddenly sounding very unsure about being the recipient of affection.
“Yes or no?” I asked simply. I didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable, he was much too important to me to ruin a beautiful friendship.
“Okay, but if you lose your level head we’re both in big trouble.”
I didn’t know why he was concerned about it. It was true I’d only been on the receiving end of affection from him, but how hard could it be to draw a line and stop? “I’m not going to flip out and jump your bones, Ryan.”
“Okay,” he said softly, still sounding unsure, but rolling to his side.
“Well, it certainly isn’t going to be easy,” I laughed, trying to fit against him. “You’re like a giant from this perspective.” I slipped my arm around his waist, but had to move it up to his chest so I could get a good angle on his neck. And then I started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” he asked seriously.
“I feel like a freaking vampire getting ready to bite your jugular!” I teased as I made a lunge for his throat.
“Damn that tickles,” he said, scrunching his neck.
“Okay, okay, I’ve got it under control. I swear all I’m going to do is kiss your neck and you tell me how it feels.”
He was still laughing, “You know this is kind of fun, Leese.”
“Be quiet and be still,” I warned as I prepared to kiss his bared skin. I didn’t think I was going to get into this, but as I breathed, nibbled, kissed, and suckled against his skin, I lost all sense of what I was doing. His reaction as he moaned and whispered my name only made me want to do more to him.
My hand, which was supposed to only be holding around his waist was feeling every gloriously muscled and softly sculpted part of his chest. My body had become molded to his as my hips began to move in a once familiar pattern against his body and the heat flooded me. I was breathing hard as I rolled away and began pulling his shoulder to roll him toward me.
When he turned to me, I was over the invisible line and I didn’t care. I knew the words I was afraid to utter were resting on the tip of my tongue.
“Leese, baby, are you okay?”
I took his hand and brought it to my breast and then closed my eyes as I permitted his touch. I could feel him gather above me, his muscled arms came around each side of me. My breathing was getting faster, as I felt his lips barely brush against mine.
“Shit, Leese, this is really going to happen, isn’t it? You’re going to let me do this when I don’t have a frickin’ clue what I’m doing. But you’ve got to ask me, baby girl, you have to do what you said or I can’t go any further.”
Micah, Micah, Micah, was all I kept screaming inside my head. “N-no,” I said pushing him away, my other hand went to my own forbidden places as I remembered Micah’s words that I didn’t need to have a man for this moment. In seconds the shockwaves hit me so hard I doubled over, turning away from Ryan and crying out at the sheer magnitude of the first orgasm I’d had since the last time Micah brought me to this point.
“What the hell was that?” came his stunned words.
I was still in a ball and crying my eyes out. I tumbled out of the bed and ran for the bathroom, nausea flooding my senses over what I’d done right in front of him. I washed my face, splashing the cold water on my skin and simply wanting to drown myself.
I felt his hands on my waist. Crap! I hadn’t locked the door. He never came in on me in the bathroom.
I grabbed a washcloth and buried my face into it, I couldn’t look at him. I was so ashamed. “I’m so, so sorry, Ryan-I’ll sleep in the other room and tomorrow I’m getting out of here.”
“Whoa, don’t you dare start talking like that.”
I straightened slowly and finally looked at him, “I was just a freak show in the bedroom and I can’t-”
“Freak show? Baby, you were so freaking damn sexy I thought I was gonna die watching you. I just never knew it was that intense for a girl.”
“Well, trust me I have no clue if I’m normal or not. I blew it, Ryan-I totally blew my control and if you hadn’t asked me to actually say it, I would have been your first and I can’t do that with you-it’s just wrong. I promised him forever. I can’t promise it twice.” I broke down sobbing, flinching as his arms encircled me.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I know you’re trying to do everything right, but baby you’re forgetting something really important,” he said, as he tipped my chin up, “you’re still human.”
“But I’m so ashamed.”
“I thought you were beautiful, not to mention you had the strength to push me away.”
“How can you stand me? I satisfied myself and left you laying there.”
“Go back to bed, Leese. I’m going to take a shower.”
I looked at him wondering if he was telling me something with his remark.
“Yeah, I know how to take care of me. I’ll be in there in a little while. Goodnight.”
I climbed in the bed still unable to believe what happened. I was awake when he returned to the bed and cuddled up behind me with his arm around my waist.
When morning came, I woke early and dressed and grabbed my purse. I was going down to the Saturday Farmers Market. Besides, I needed something to clear last night out of my head. Ryan would sleep until noon, so I locked the house and began a slow walk toward the market.
The café was on the way and I decided I’d stop and have a coffee and a muffin. I kept getting this odd feeling someone was following me. There were quite a few people out this morning doing the exact same thing I was doing, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I stopped at the café and sat at an outside table for two as I sipped the piping hot Hazelnut coffee and picked at a blueberry muffin. I was glancing through the local newspaper when a shadow crossed my morning sunshine. I turned and my heart lurched hard against my chest; David Gavarreen was standing beside me.
I panicked, and started to stumble away from the table when he reached out with a steel grip and put me back in the chair.
“I need to talk to you,” he said in a low voice. “Your mom is worried sick.”
“Micah-where is Micah?” All I could think was if David was with me, Micah might be at the house doing something unforgivable to my best friend.
“In Louisiana,” he said simply, “I talked him in to letting me do this.”
“Do what?” I asked, straightening in my chair and gathering back my courage.
He reached under his arm and pulled out a manila envelope, “He wanted you to have these so you’d know you can go on with your life. You don’t have to run or try, pitiful as you are at it, to hide.”
“I haven’t used a credit card or a cell phone or-”
“You left a cash trail all over the place. I guess you didn’t realize the bank had all the numbers on those bills you took. Micah threatened the banker and got the list and all we had to do was wait for them to start popping up. You’ve dumped a shit-load of them here and the fact that Ryan lived here for a few years made this too easy. I’ve been watching you for three days. But I have to admit the hair did throw me for a few seconds.”
“How’s Mom?” I changed the subject, but I had been aching to talk with her.
“She’s wonderful. You of course are on the biggest shit list I’ve got-you ripped my brother’s heart right out of his chest, and if I wasn’t so crazy about your mother, I’d probably go ahead and waste you for hurting him that way. You know he’s back in the mob and bad as ever. That’s one reason I’m here now, he and I are leaving the country tomorrow on a big job and I hope like hell we both make it back alive, although I don’t know if he really cares if he does or not.”
“Don’t-don’t say that. I didn’t want to hurt him-I-”
“You’ve sure got a funny way of not wanting to hurt someone.” He picked up my coffee and took a long drink, “Open your envelope. He wanted to be sure you read it and didn’t simply throw it away.”
“I wouldn’t throw it away,” I growled, tearing open the seal and pulling out what appeared to be legal documents. “An Annulment?” My breath caught in my lungs as I said the word. Suddenly I felt dizzy and sick all at the same moment.
“Yeah, he had to say he forced you into marrying him, but it was the only way to get it.”
I stared at him blankly. I couldn’t believe Micah had annulled our marriage; it was as if it never happened.
“I have to ask you something and you’d better tell me the truth. Did you do anything with Micah’s money?”
“His money? I’ve never touched his money-I don’t even know what bank he keeps it in. Why?”
“When he got out of the mob, Dad sold every business Micah owned and liquidated all his assets. He had a hundred and twenty-three million in the bank. Now, he has less than three million. It’s a little hard for a hundred and twenty million dollars to simply vanish and he won’t say where it went. You honestly don’t know what happened to his money?”
“No, I’d never do anything like that. Can I-”
“Yeah and none of us figured you’d run off days after that wedding you were so determined to have, either.”
“I have my reasons and I can’t change them.”
“I know, blue-eyes and black hair, I’ve seen him.”
“He’s…” I stopped myself. We had been so careful to tell everyone here in Colorado Springs that we were just friends that I almost said the same thing to David. That would have caused more suspicion than I could handle when Micah showed up to get the rest of the riddle solved. “Please, David, if you’re going with him on this-this job, please don’t let him get hurt. I know you think I’m some kind of nut case, but I really still love him with all my heart, just don’t tell him. I’d die if something happened to him. Please keep him safe and bring him back without another gunshot or knife wound.”
“That’s my intention. I’ve got to go,” he stood up and pushed in his chair. “Call your mother. Oh, and Micah said to tell you to start ‘living your life,’ whatever the hell that means. Goodbye, Leese.”
And he walked away as I sat there and watched him get into a dark sedan and drive off.
I never made it to the market. I walked in a daze back to the house and put the annulment papers on the coffee table and simply crumpled up on the floor. It was around eleven when I felt a touch on my arm.
“He found us, didn’t he?”
“It’s over, Ryan. He isn’t coming to look for me. He’s leaving the country tomorrow.”
“He annulled the marriage-I saw the papers,” he was trying to be as gentle as possible when he uttered it. “Did he give these to you?”
“No, he didn’t want to come, so he sent his brother instead,” I said, still lying on the living room rug as Ryan tried to coax me off the floor. I wasn’t budging, so he joined me.
“Leese, I know this hurts, but it means you can get on with a normal life now. We can finish our last year of school. You can go out and buy a car for yourself. We’re going to be fine and you don’t have to jump every time someone comes to the door. We-”
“I can go home,” I said quietly, but evidently loud enough to cause him to go silent.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, baby girl, because if you go home and I stay here it’ll only be a matter of time before he thinks you’re available and shows up. You said this guy forbid you to get back together with him or else-”
“I know the or else, Ryan. Please, don’t remind me.”
“Leese, I have to know. Do you really want to go home? Because I’d like to think you’d rather-rather stay here with me. With the marriage annulled, your promise to him isn’t-”
“Yes it is, Ryan. I made the promise, not the piece of paper. I love him more than ever, I just never expected him to give in and walk away. I guess he was telling me the truth the day in the hospital when he said he’d rather give me to you a thousand times over than for something to happen to me.”
“Me? He said he’d rather give you to me?” Shock and surprise were clear.
“It’s a long story and I can’t discuss it now,” I said, wiping my eyes. “But to answer your question, no I don’t really want to leave here, but I’ve got to call my mom.” My cell phone had a full battery the night when I listened to all the phone messages and then turned it off and put it away. I was pretty sure the battery would still be good as I sat up on the rug and drug my purse beside me.
“I’m-I’m going to go outside and let you talk.”
My cell phone powered up and I hit the speed dial for Mom. Two rings and I sighed as I heard her voice. It was a long conversation. I couldn’t tell her any of the real reasons for me leaving because she might say something to David, who would tell Micah, and who knew what Micah would do if he knew the real person who caused all of our problems. So, I had to stick with the lie that I simply loved Ryan a little more, but didn’t realize it until I met up with him the day we left together.
She was angry with me, chewed me up and spit me out actually, but it was still good to hear her voice. Once she finished berating me, she began to forgive me and then to plead with me to come back home. She did pointedly mention Ryan was not welcome in her house, at least not for a while.
“No, I’m sorry, Mom. I love you, but I’m staying in Colorado with him. I won’t be coming home, at least not to live anyway, maybe just for a visit. I’m honestly out of the nest this time and I guess it’s time to start really living my life.”
We said our goodbyes and I clicked the phone shut. Ryan returned after another twenty minutes, carrying coffees and a bag of pastries from the café.
“Would you like to call your mom,” I said, offering my phone to him as he set everything down, “I’m sure she’s just as worried as mine.”
He smiled and accepted the phone.
By the end of the night, I purchased a pair of laptops for the house, a new cell phone for each of us, picked up a rental car, and placed an order for a new car.
It was late by the time we hit the bed, but we had church in the morning and Candace was supposed to be joining us so we needed some sleep. I got up once at six a.m. and unlocked the front door so she could get in while I was in the shower. She would be here around seven-thirty and she normally just came right in and relaxed while we finished getting ready. Ryan was zonked out in my bed which simply wouldn’t do, even though our relationship was platonic, no one would ever believe that we shared a bed without sex.
“Hey sleepy-head, time for you to go get in your bed,” I yawned, lying back down beside him for a moment. He hadn’t moved a muscle. I let my hand gently stroke across his jaw line and then allowed my finger to brush his lips. The eyes fluttered weakly open as he stared at me through his blue orbs.
“Don’t tell me it’s morning,” he said as if there wasn’t enough strength in him to get the words out.
I yawned again, “Yup, time to move to your room.”
His arm flopped across my side as he attempted to pull me toward him. A frontal embrace wasn’t a good idea, especially after the other night. I rolled my back to him and allowed him to pull me in tighter. It was late September and the weather had cooled to the point where being cuddled against his warm body was perfect.
“What time is it?” he whispered.
“Six-fifteen.”
“We have time for a little more sleep. Set the alarm for another thirty minutes, please, Leese.”
I didn’t argue. I was as tired as he was as I reached over and set it for six-forty-five. I was going to pull away from him in a few minutes and slip into a hot shower, but my eyelids drooped and the soft bed and the warm body lulled me to sleep.
The next thing I heard was, “You son-of-a-bitchin’ liar!”
The alarm had not gone off and Candace was standing in the bedroom doorway with Andy and Ty standing behind her. She told us she was inviting them, but I didn’t know for certain they were coming.
I jerked up right, pulling Ryan with me.
“She’s married!” was the first thing out of sleepy-heads quick-draw mouth.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” I said, tumbling from the bed.
Ryan was still trying to clear his brain as he stared at all the people looking at us, “We didn’t do anything,” he finally managed to say.
Andy and Ty were all smiles, but Candace was on the verge of an explosion.
“You both said you were just friends! You led me to believe… Aaah!” she turned to storm out and I knew I had to catch her before she got out the door. “Get out of my way!” she bellowed as I ran around to block her path to the front door.
“Candace, do you know who I am?”
“Yeah, you’re a freaking liar just like him!”
“No. I know you recognized me when you met me-I’m Annalisa Winslett,” I said hoping it would give a moment’s pause before she tore out of the house.
“The runaway princess?” she said, stopping and staring at my face.
The title was one I absolutely hated, but the national tabloid had dubbed me that after all I’d been through. They attributed Pensacola to me running away (although it wasn’t), my disappearance after the school shooting as running away, and, more recently, they published that I had married and then run away from my new husband with a mystery man. I was making the press a lot of money.
“Ryan is the guy you… Why didn’t I realize this when I knew he was from Palm Beach and you have all this money to spend? So it’s true then, you dumped your husband for Ryan. You’re a real cheap piece of work, bitch!”
“No she’s not,” I heard Ryan’s now fully awake voice. “You can haul ass out that door and never know the truth or you can sit down and let me explain. But if you go out the door then that blows the chance for us to be more than friends, Candace.”
Her eyes got big, as well as Andy and Ty’s. It was the first time Ryan made any reference to the fact that he had a ‘thing’ for her.
We didn’t make it to church as we sat around the living room and explained to them as much of what really happened as we could. I couldn’t give details, but I did let them know that the mob was threatening his whole family if I stayed. Ryan had put his life on the line to get me out of there. I told them how much I loved Micah and that I couldn’t sleep for days until Ryan offered to be his stand-in.
“And now it’s just become natural for us to sleep in the same bed, but we’ve never made love to each other.” I blushed a little which I’m sure to my audience was for uttering those words, but for me it was because we had come way, way too close to not being able to state this as the truth.
“Damn, Ryan, you’ve got more will-power than freaking Superman,” Ty stated honestly. “I hate to admit it, Leese, but I couldn’t handle that,” he said gesturing toward my body.
“So you haven’t had sex together?” Candace wanted to confirm.
Ryan shook his head.
“And you are honestly available to have a girl friend?” she continued.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Okay, I’m cool with all of this, but Ryan I don’t know if I can get used to the idea of you sleeping in the same bed with her. Can you try sleeping on your own, Leese?”
I smiled, “I’ll do you one better: how about if I get my own place?”
“No!” Ryan snapped, “We can sleep in separate beds, but I don’t fully believe Micah isn’t keeping tabs on you. As soon as I’m out of the picture, he’ll be back and then what the hell are you going to tell him?”
“He annulled the marriage, Ryan. I-I don’t think-I don’t think he wants me ba-” I bolted for the bathroom. It hurt so bad to say it out loud, but I was pretty certain ever since David delivered the papers, Micah had completely let go. The hard cold reality was it was over between us emotionally. I knew I couldn’t go back to him, but it hurt worse to know he probably didn’t love me anymore anyway. Damn, D’Angelo-I hated that man.
Candace joined me in the bathroom and tried to comfort me. She told me I didn’t need to move out. Ryan was right about that. “I guess this proves you can’t believe everything you read,” she said as she rubbed my back. “I had this impression you were just some selfish, spoiled brat, but I don’t think I could have done what you did. This hit man of yours must really be something if you’re willing to go through all of this for him.”
I dried my tears and tried a smile, “He was the most perfect thing in my life, even if he didn’t believe it himself.”
“It’s kind of funny, but I look at Ryan the same way-he’s so perfect and I’m such a nothing in comparison.”
“Don’t go selling yourself short, I think he’s had a crush on you since middle school. Just do me a favor and take it slow with him. I know this whole business of watching over me has rattled his brains. If he acts a little confused between the two of us, just give him a chance.”
She hugged me really hard, “Leese, I hate to say this when you’re so sad, but damn I’m happy.”
I squeezed her back, “Let’s go tell the guys we want to go out for breakfast.”
It turned out to be a great day in Colorado Springs.