“So what car did you order?” Ryan asked again, for the hundredth time as we sat at a sidewalk table at the bistro. This had become our favorite place to hang out. Besides having good food, the atmosphere was carefree and fun.
“I’m not telling, you’ll just have to wait and see. But I promise you this, I’ll kick your ass in anything you want to match against it,” I laughed. I knew he hated the idea of a girl whipping him in a race, but his pride was just going to have to take a beating when my new car arrived.
“Yeah, I hear you,” he said, sounding doubtful that I was telling the truth, “I’m having my Trans-Am shipped out here you know, so you might be in trouble.”
“Do you see me shaking? You better bring a soft pillow.”
“For what?”
“Because I’m gonna bruise that male ego of yours.”
He pushed my head as if he were going to knock me off my chair. It had only been three days since I ordered my car and it was being rolled off the showroom today and getting ready to take a cross-country ride in a semi-truck and be sitting at our door by Friday afternoon. I couldn’t wait to see Ryan’s face, or Andy and Ty’s for that matter. But the car wasn’t my only secret.
I didn’t tell him, but I was looking for another house. I knew how he felt about me moving, and his reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, but I was starting to feel like an intruder when he spent time with Candace. Since she knew the whole story between us, she had become more aggressive in staking her claim to him. She hugged him now when she greeted him, leaving her arm around his waist and staring into his eyes when they talked. And then last night, just before she left to go home, I watched her place a brief kiss on his lips. I was jealous and I couldn’t help it. He was the perfect catch and I had thrown him back.
I had brought my laptop and was just signing off on an assignment as we finished the last of our lunch. Ryan thought about going back to high school with Candace, but he finally opted to complete the few credits he needed online, which was what I was doing as well. I was just a little further ahead than he was because I started my classes’ right after I got out of the hospital back in March and then stopped when Micah came back into my life. I was only weeks away from my diploma and finally anxious to close that chapter of my life. I snapped the lid shut and asked him if he was ready.
We were just about to get up and leave when a gentleman approached our table and stated my name as if he knew me. I had no clue who he was. He was about my height, slender built and in his mid to late thirties with graying hair and a salt and pepper close trimmed beard and was wearing a pair of small, expensive sunglasses.
“What did you do to your hair? Annalisa, that will never do,” he continued. “We’re going to have to get some hair extensions and dye it back to brown.” He stated as if I should know what he was talking about.
“Excuse me, but I don’t know you.” I was getting a strong suspicion he would end up being a reporter.
Ryan stood preparing to get this guy away from me.
“No, but I do know you,” he said extending his hand.
I refrained and he withdrew as Ryan moved toward him.
“My name is Don Bollson, I’m working for a production company in L.A. and we’ve been trying to find you.”
“For what?”
“We’re putting together a new show for ABC and you’re on our hit list, girlfriend. Do you mind if I sit? We’ve got a lot to discuss.”
“A television show?” Ryan questioned.
“Yes, it’s called Remake. We debut this November and it will be prime time.”
“I’m not going on a television show. I’ve got enough problems with the press.”
“Well, just answer me one question because you might not even fit our needs anyway,” he stated and then leaned toward me from across the table and asked quietly, “Can you sing?”
“Like an angel,” Ryan replied, before allowing me to speak.
“Perfect!” was the exuberant response.
“I’m not going on a television show!” I snapped. Heads began turning our way.
“Could we at least discuss this somewhere privately? I can give you all the details and you can give me an informed refusal.”
“Sure, you can come back to our house.”
“Ryan!” I said, slapping his arm. “No, I don’t-”
“Leese, you could at least hear the man out. I mean this might benefit, I don’t know like starving children in Africa or something, right?” he asked looking at the man.
“Sure, you could donate the million dollar prize to your favorite charity. That would be fine.”
“See. It’s charity work, Leese.”
“I’ll donate a million dollars and skip the show,” I growled.
“Please, just a chance to tell you about it, that’s all I want.”
Ten minutes later we were seated in our living room as Mr. Bollson explained the concept. “We’re getting people from all over the United States who have captured the interest of the American public. The only thing they can’t currently be are singers, nor can they have or have had any singing contracts. We’ll start with a total of twenty-four contestants. The first show, you’ll choose a song to sing and our judging panel will decide if you make it to the next week.”
“Wait,” I stopped him, “what makes this different from American Idol? It sounds like the same thing.”
“No, our contestants are famous or infamous in their own right. Then we pair you up with the original group, singer or band and let you remake their song. It’s more like a cross between Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
“The next week, the same thing happens. On the fourth week there will only be twelve of you left. The weeks after that are themed and you’ll choose songs from the era or genre selected. You’ll get to work with some of the greatest artist of our time, if they’re alive and agree, of course. That is one thing we can’t control is the song choice for your first two performances. So, if you pick an Elvis song, and we pray that you don’t, we have to get permission from his estate and then you can only get a feel for how he performed by watching old video. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. Even though it sounded like it could end up being fun, it would also increase my problem with going out in public.
“America votes each week when the live shows start, and we dwindle down until we have the final two contestants. The last song will actually be a surprise the night of the live show and you’ll only have a short amount of time to prepare for it. We’re a little concerned how this is going to work, but we’re still discussing this point with ownership.
“If you win, you get a million dollars and recognition as the first star on Remake. We don’t promise any recording contracts, but I can almost guarantee that if the public wants to hear more from you, record companies will be breaking down your door to get you to sign.”
“And that,” I stated with my first amount of enthusiasm since I met Mr. Bollson, “is exactly why I don’t want to do it. I don’t need the publicity, nor do I want people breaking down my door trying to find me.”
“Ah, come on, Leese. It sounds like fun and I know you’ll be fabulous at-”
“NO!” I shot back at Ryan. I looked at Mr. Bollson, “I’m sorry, but I’d prefer to stay as obscure as possible.”
“Well, if you are positive you don’t want to do it, I’ll leave. But here is my card, just in case you change your mind,” he said, rising and walking away.
Ryan showed him to the door when Mr. Bollson stopped and turned around, “You know a song is a great way to get a message across. Isn’t there someone in your life, maybe someone you’ve lost touch with or haven’t seen in a long time that you’d like to choose a song and send that message out?”
“N-no,” I stumbled on the response. Of course there was someone I’d like to sing my heart out to, someone who I’d like to sing my apology to, someone I loved so much yet couldn’t have anymore.
Ryan opened the door as I watched my opportunity preparing to exit. “Wait!”
I had a feeling I was going to seriously regret this decision.
Mr. Bollson turned to me and smiled, “I need you in L.A. on Monday morning. We can fly you in-”
“I can fly her in,” Ryan stopped him.
“I need an idea of the first singer or band we’re going to need to call.”
“Rascal Flatts,” I breathed out.
Two sets of eyebrows raised my direction.
“All right, then I’ll see what I can do to either have them flown in or have you fly out to wherever they are.”
He produced a single paper with the time, date and place in Los Angeles where I was to go on Monday. He said the other paperwork would be completed at the studio.
“And by the way, I’ll have a stylist waiting for you because America doesn’t know this short-haired, blonde version, so don’t be offended.”
Mr. Bollson left.
Ryan stared at me after closing the front door, “Rascal Flatts? He’s country right? I just figured you’d pick something different.”
“They are country; it’s the name of their group not a singer. They have the perfect song and it’s the only reason I agreed to do this. I’m actually hoping the other contestants are really good and they’ll give me the boot after the first week. I just want a chance to sing one song for Micah.”
“Which song?”
“What Hurts the Most,” I said as my eyes began to tear.
“Will you sing it for me first?” he asked as he came and sat beside me on the couch, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
I shook my head, “I don’t think I can, not right now. But, I know there’s a song that fits how I feel about you, too. If I make it more than a week or two, I’ll sing it for you.”
He leaned over and kissed my forehead, “So that only leaves me one question to ask,” he breathed as he lifted my chin and pierced me with those blue eyes.
The look was so deep and hard that I was afraid of what the question might be. His hand slid slowly around the side of my cheek, cupping me warmly as his mouth reached the opposing ear. He was being so deliberate that my pulse was beginning to quicken as he very slowly whispered, “What kind of…” He took another breath, “…car did you order?”
“Ah!” I pulled away and smacked his shoulder. “You jerk!”
We laughed and tousled against each other until I pulled a few martial arts moves on him and made him beg for mercy. I don’t honesty think he was trying very hard to defend himself, but it was fun anyway.
Friday, a few minutes after noon, my new baby arrived. It was just going to be the two of us to see it first. Andy and Ty were pulling guard duty and, although Candace got out of school at twelve-thirty, she had work right after that, so he and I would get to enjoy my car alone for a little while.
The sleek black semi-truck bore no marking to spoil my surprise. They opened the back doors and lowered the ramp as the sound of a high performance engine resounded from somewhere inside the box trailer.
“What color is it going to be?” Ryan asked, obviously not wanting to wait for the suspense of seeing it roll down the ramp.
“I liked the paint job on the Javelin.”
“Red?” he sounded surprised.
The back of the car emerged and then she rolled down the ramp and into the street.
“It’s a… What is it?”
“It’s a Shelby Ultimate Aero,” I stated proudly, “The world’s fastest production car.” I sounded like a commercial. He wasn’t speaking as he walked slowly around it, so I continued, “It packs 1,287 horsepower-”
“Shit! Leese, you don’t need that much engine! I don’t want you killing yourself,” he snapped as a worried expression washed away his smile.
I ignored the remark as I gave him a few more tidbits, “It goes zero to sixty in 2.78 seconds, redlines at 7800 rpms and tops out at 256 miles per hour.”
He was still frowning.
“Wanna go for a drive?” I said twirling the key from my index finger, and giving him a wink.
The frown was losing ground, “You drive first, but I want a turn behind the wheel, too.”
I squealed with delight as I charged for the driver’s side.
I would have to be content with civil driving as we moved down the city streets, but Ryan was on his cell phone with Andy begging for a favor.
“Head for the Air Force Base. Andy’s going to see if he can get us a runway for a little while.”
I was surprised he actually did get permission, but it turned out that Andy’s Colonel was a big fan of Shelby cars and we were told that the military would turn their heads for a couple trips down the runway.
It was like being strapped to a rocket as we blurred across the strip. We had gathered quite a crowd by the time we decided that we had taken up enough of their time. Their Colonel came out just as we were ready to leave, but I offered to let him take it for a test drive as a thank you for the use of their roadway.
He declined at first; I guess he thought I wasn’t really serious. When he realized I meant it, he accepted my offer and took it for a gentle ride. We thanked Andy for his help and told him we’d see him and Ty later at our house.
Candace was the first to make it to our place when she got off work, but she was the last to see the new car. I told Ryan to take her for a ride, before Andy and Ty showed up. I needed him out of the house for a little while anyway because I had to make a call to my realtor.
I had chosen a place a couple miles to the south in a beautiful neighborhood with awesome views and quiet streets. I had been deciding between purchasing or leasing. The purchase price was two and a quarter million which was fine with me, but purchasing had a certain permanence to it and I was starting to understand why my mom usually opted to rent what she liked instead of committing.
The year-long lease was a hundred and twenty thousand with an option to buy at the end. I decided on the lease and I needed to let her know I would be ready to sign the paperwork when I got back from L.A. on Saturday. Ryan would be pissed at me, but I needed to get out of his life before I got weak and made a serious error in judgment.
By the end of the night they all knew about my pending television debut. I could see the concern on Candace’s face when Ryan said he would fly me to L.A. on Monday and stay with me for the few days I was going through the first phase of the show. I know how she felt as it seemed Ryan was in this unintentional tug of war between us. He wanted to continue helping me and at the same time he wanted to begin this budding relationship with Candace. Before the end of the night, I had a feeling this would be the last time I used him as my private pilot.
Ty and Andy left, and Ryan was taking a long time to tell Candace goodnight as I turned off the lights and closed the drapery. They were talking outside by her car. I had no intention of seeing what they were doing, but just as I started closing the kitchen blinds, I saw them kiss. This was not the brief kind of kiss they shared before; this was the kind of kiss that he and I shared when I was running away from Micah. I went to the bedroom and, for the first time, I closed my door.
It must have been another fifteen or twenty minutes before I heard him come into the house. We hadn’t slept together since Candace asked us not to six days ago. My first couple nights had been rocky, but he was in the house and that was comforting enough that I finally managed to start sleeping alone. The funny thing was he told me he was having withdrawals on trying to sleep alone.
My door cracked open slightly, “Leese, you asleep?”
“Not yet,” I replied.
“Can I come in?”
“Do you really need me to answer that?”
The door opened and he came and stretched out beside me on the bed, “Candace asked me to go with her to her house tonight,” came his soft words in the dark.
I rolled toward him. “I’ll be fine by myself,” I assured him, thinking he was getting ready to leave. I was going to be a nervous wreck instead of fine, but I would never tell him. I’d never been truly alone in my whole life. When I wasn’t with Mom, I was with Bev and Matt, then Micah, and now Ryan; but just me by myself was a scary concept.
“No, I’m not going. I told her maybe another night.”
“Why? And don’t tell me you don’t know if you really care that much about her because I’ve seen the look on your face and it looks a whole lot like someone falling in love.”
“You and Micah waited for marriage, but I don’t know if-”
“Micah didn’t,” I corrected him, “I did. There were other women, plenty of other women I’m assuming, before I came along. I guess I was the only one to say I had to have forever first.”
“I keep asking myself if I can see her as my wife because I don’t want to hurt her; I don’t see it yet.”
“I can’t speak for other women, but I know if you made love to me I’d feel the need to commit my life to you. I think Candace might have the same expectation, so don’t take making love to her lightly.”
“I just want to get to know her better to make sure I want her, not just to be able to finally say I got laid.”
I laughed softly, “Ryan, you just aren’t that kind of guy. Does she know why you want to take this slow? Does she know you’ve never-”
“I’ve left a few hints, but I haven’t come right out and told her.”
“If you don’t tell her she’s going to take this hesitation to mean something else. She’s already worried about you and I going to L.A. together.”
“Yeah, she kind of told me that tonight.”
“If I have to go out there anymore, I’m hiring a pilot. I don’t need to make her jealous.”
“I think that’s ridiculous-I’m not doing anything, I’m just flying you out there and staying a few days.”
“If she left for a few days with another guy would you be worried?”
“That’s not the same.”
“Oh yes it is. You need to realize she feels this way every time you and I are alone. I imagine she’s wondering what we’re doing right at this moment.”
“So you’re saying you would have wanted me to go with her tonight?”
“All I really want is for you to be happy and in love, because I can’t be that person for you-you deserve to be more than a Micah replacement.”
He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “I-I love you, Leese.”
I reached out my hand and rested it softly against his cheek, “More than anything, I want you to be happy.”
“I don’t suppose you consider letting me sleep in here for old time’s sake?”
I laughed and gave him a push, “Not that kind of happy-no, and I hope the next time you are in a bed with someone she rocks your world and doesn’t tell you no.”
He rolled off the bed, his feet hitting the floor with a light thump, “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Ryan.”
Monday morning, after Ryan consumed a half pot of coffee at five a.m., we flew out of Colorado Springs. We touched down at LAX, forty-five minutes before I needed to be in the studio. I considered a rental car, but opted for a taxi since I didn’t know their roads or traffic. Someone at the studio made us reservations at the closest hotel, and we would only have enough time to grab our room key and toss our bags inside before continuing our journey.
Mr. Bollson was the man to greet us as he ushered me back to the waiting stylists. There were two of them because they were going to try to speed the process from four or five hours to under two as he explained that the other contestants would be arriving at noon. Ryan was seated in a comfortable chair with a ringside view as the man and woman worked on me, but it wasn’t long before I saw his eyelids droop and he fell asleep-so much for all that coffee.
Two hours later, I gently touched his arm. Surprise was written all over his face when he saw me.
“Leese?” His hand reached out and gently touched my long brown hair, “Wow, it feels so real?”
“It is real-real human hair anyway. Amazing isn’t it?”
“I didn’t realize how much I missed seeing you like this until now-yeah, pretty amazing.”
It looked like my natural hair and even the color was perfect, but it was definitely fuller.
Mr. Bollson asked us to come out to the studio and have a seat in the audience chairs as more contestants were still arriving. They filed in, several brought companions or friends with them which I know helped Ryan feel a little more at ease.
I recognized some of them; Kitkat was from a reality television modeling show; she made a name for herself by being a total witch to everyone; Shana Weaver was a women’s tennis pro; and then Carrie Wakefield showed. She’d had a short career as a television wrestler; she was loud and crass and known for starting trouble. She immediately began staring at Ryan, and I could tell it was making him uncomfortable.
Nicole Fletcher was a soap opera star and by all accounts a very nice person. The oldest contestant was Dobrey Stewart. I recognized her from all the charity work she received recognition for doing. There were a few other women; some looked familiar to me and some didn’t look familiar at all.
It did surprise me though when a pair of bouncy, blonde twins entered the room and Ryan told me they were play bunnies, Melissa and Melanie Nielsson.
“How do you know who they are? And please don’t tell me you read Playboy.”
A grin lifted the corner of his mouth, “No, but Nate does. He brought one to school and had it in his gym locker. He’s got their centerfold taped inside.”
“Ah! Poor Natasha, I bet she-”
“She bought it for him,” he said with a light laugh.
“You’re lying, Ryan Faultz. There is no way-”
“Honest,” he raised his right hand. “He told me she gave it to him and said that better be the only way he ever sees what a white girl has under her clothes. I don’t think she had a clue he put it in his locker, but he did.”
I just shook my head and leaned back against the chair as more people entered.
I only recognized a handful of the male contestants. Rashad Smith was a professional baseball player, and Sergio Mendez was a motivational speaker, Lexington Overhill was an actor, and one other guy was really familiar, but I couldn’t quite figure out who he was until they called his first name, Sadarius.
“Do you know who he is?” I whispered to Ryan.
“Isn’t he the one who beat up those guys that were robbing a family?”
“Yeah, Sadarius Collins. I think it’s pretty cool that they’ve got him on the show. I hope he can sing.”
“You’re supposed to be here to win this thing, not rooting for the other contestants,” he whispered with a light chuckle.
“I don’t want to win. Matter of fact, I don’t even want to be here, but between you and Don, here I sit.”
“All right,” Don began, quieting everyone, “it’s time to lay out the ground rules and get started.”
For the next hour he covered confidentiality, how the eliminations would work, introduced the judges, and discussed some dos and don’ts on the stage. “We won’t be live for the first four shows, but we will have an audience. The live shows will air on Tuesdays and Thursdays starting the first week in November. The taped shows will be women on Wednesday and men on Friday, and you are expected to be present for the tapings even if your group isn’t performing. We’ll cut three contestants by the end of each taping. You’ll get a two week break and then, after two more tapings, another six will leave until we have twelve contestants. There is another two week break before the live shows begin.”
“You are on camera all the time you are with us, with the exception of the changing area, so be aware that anything you do may make it on television. Keep that in mind, and yes, you will sign a waiver that you can’t sue us if you don’t like how we portray you from your extra clips.
“Some of you will be here this week to work with your singer or group, some of you will be flying out of here to meet elsewhere to do your remake, but we’ll all be back on Wednesday and then again on Friday for our first taping. Fill out your paperwork and turn it in for today and you are free to go until eight a.m. tomorrow morning.”
Ryan read over my shoulder as I went through the contract. There were several people who brought lawyers, but I didn’t think this was horribly complicated. I finished reading and reluctantly signed my name. If it wasn’t an excellent opportunity to sing my apology to Micah, I wouldn’t be here.
“Okay, let’s turn this in and go do a little sightseeing,” I said smiling up at Ryan as he offered me his hand.
Kitkat was standing impatiently as she waited to hand in her paperwork when she turned and looked at me and began to laugh. That was a little unsettling.
“You must be Annalisa Winslett,” she said quite loudly, “the Runaway Princess.”
“That would be me,” I replied as I held my head erect and stared back at her, “but don’t believe everything you hear.”
“Shit girl, I don’t but I’m guessing this is the piece of candy you ran off with the last time-I’d run off with a guy that looks that good, too.”
Ryan was trying hard not to blush, I could tell, but he was losing the battle.
Carrie came up behind us and began openly handling him as she grabbed his jean belt loops and gave his pants a light hoist to improve her view of his backside, “Yeah, I agree, he’s got a nice ass on him.” And then she goosed him.
His face was getting dark as he tried to step away.
“Please, don’t do that,” I asked calmly.
She was not a small woman. She was at least two inches taller than me and very muscular, but she didn’t frighten me. She may have liked wrestling, but I had sparred with some tough people in my martial arts training, and I was sure I could take her. And, with a title that included the word ‘princess’ in it, I knew she wouldn’t expect me to pack a punch.
“I do whatever I please, little girl, and you better be happy I’m touching him and not you. Now baby,” she said, addressing Ryan. “When you want a girlfriend that knows what a man like you is for then-”
“He has a girlfriend,” I stated, stepping between her and Ryan as we made our way closer to the table. The camera crew was focusing on the two of us, and I was beginning to grit my teeth. She liked having her ‘I’m so bad’ reputation and I’m certain she wanted to keep it up for this show, but she was picking the wrong person to mess with.
Kitkat laughed lightly as she stepped away from the table. I know she thought I was getting ready to get my butt kicked, but I was going to show Carrie that no matter what title they stuck on me, I wasn’t running away from her challenge.
Carrie appeared to be reassessing me. I stepped up and handed them my contract. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her getting ready to grab another pinch of Ryan when I startled her by turning swiftly and blocking her attempt with a sweep of my arm. As soon as we made contact, she was ready to start throwing punches. Ryan barely had time to turn around as I blocked two of her swings and the stage crew jumped in to pull us apart. She never even ruffled my hair, but I know she was dying to get at me.
“Try something like that again and I’m gonna rearrange that pretty face for you!” she spewed after me.
The stage crew still had a hold of her as I gave a light laugh and took Ryan’s arm and walked away.
“Yeah, you’d better run away,” she sneered.
I ignored the remark. I knew who I really was underneath the title, and I was sure she’d keep pushing my buttons and then she’d find out, too.
When we stepped outside, Ryan began the apology, big time. “I had no idea what this was going to be like, Leese. I’m so sorry I talked you into this.”
I waved down a taxi as he continued to tell me that he would fly me out of here right now. We slid into the back seat of the cab as I turned to him, “Rodeo Drive or Venice Beach?”
“You don’t want to stay and actually do this-you want to go home, right?”
“Venice Beach,” I decided for him, tapping on the cabbie’s glass panel. The car pulled out into traffic.
I laughed. “No, I’m fine. I overheard some of the guys saying that the bookies in Vegas have already started a pool over whether I’ll run away before the show airs. Somebody’s going to lose a lot of money, because I’m staying.”
He smiled and looked out the window as the buildings blurred past. “Thanks for the help in there,” he said sheepishly. “I have no clue what I’m supposed to do when a woman pulls something like that-I couldn’t hit her and I didn’t have any idea what to say.”
“I could tell. Unfortunately, so could she. I’m thinking she’s going to be a thorn in our side for the next several days.”
He groaned, but she was forgotten quickly on the streets of Venice Beach.
We were at the studio right on time the next morning as Don approached and said we had a plane to catch. “You’re going to Tennessee with a film crew to shoot your practice with Rascal Flatts at 2 p.m. today. You’ll be back by about 9 p.m. and then it’s back here tomorrow at noon for the dress rehearsal. Doors open for our first taping with an audience at 6 p.m.”
“I can fly her to-”
“Sorry, Romeo, the flight is already scheduled,” he said dismissively.
“His name is Ryan,” I sternly reminded Don, letting him know I didn’t like his remark.
He gave a half smile, “Sorry, Ryan-I’ll remember that next time. We have a plane and a crew ready. By the way, Annalisa, I need your song choice for next week. Have you given any thought about what you’d like to sing?”
I had actually been thinking about it ever since I agreed to do the show. If these people were going to give me an opportunity to send a message to Micah, I would make sure the message was clear, “’Everything I Do’ by Bryan Adams.”
“Oooh,” Don remarked in a very drawn out manner.
“Why? Is there something wrong with that song?”
“No, I think it’s a little old for someone your age, but Bryan Adams lives in London.”
Now I understood the ‘Oooh’ remark.
“Don’t worry about it, Annalisa. If that is your song choice, we’ll make it happen. He may not even be in London this time of the year. Go to Tennessee and have a good time and we’ll figure this out when you get back.”
It was a little different to not have Ryan at the helm, and it would have been nice to just sit together in the back of the plane and relax and talk except for the camera crew, Pete Claxton on camera and Jason Kelley on sound. I tried talking them into turning it off, but that was a lost cause.
The jet was roomy and comfortable and our seats were side by side so we just reclined, turning our backsides toward the camera. Ryan’s arm draped over the seats to rest across my waist. It had been a while since I’d felt the comfort of sleeping under his touch and it didn’t take long before I dozed. Just before I drifted off, I was thinking about Candace. If a clip of this made it on the show, even though we technically weren’t sleeping together, it would probably still qualify in her book as the same thing. Hopefully, she wouldn’t get mad.
We woke just as the wheels touched down on the Tennessee airstrip. Our meeting would be at a studio in Nashville.
“You nervous?” Ryan asked as we were about to enter the building.
I know he could tell, but I put on my braver-than-I-felt front and smiled, “Of course, not.”
He laughed-he knew I was terrified.
I’m not really sure what I expected, but it ended up being a blast. The guys from the group, Gary, Jay and Joe were down-to-earth, very personable and fun to be around. They made me immediately comfortable as they ran through the song once before I sang it with them.
“I’d like to change the lyrics just a little bit to fit my situation, if that’s okay?”
The guys looked at each other and shrugged, wanting to know what I wanted to change.
“When it comes to the chorus and says, ‘watching you walk away,’ I want to change it to say, ‘having to run away.’”
The guys laughed. Running away was supposed to be my modus operandi anyway, and Micah wasn’t the one who left me. I wanted the song tailored to reflect my feelings for him.
They agreed to try it with me singing my revised lyrics. Ryan sat smiling and watching as the music began.
The song went very well, even if I did shed a few tears before the end, but the adjusted lyrics worked perfectly. The guys were impressed with my singing, but I wasn’t happy with the ending chorus.
“You hit that last part, ‘…was being so close’ with so much feeling and I don’t think my version has the same intensity as yours, but I want that intensity.”
Gary and I practiced the final chorus a few times until I felt like I knew how to hit it correctly and then it was my turn to try singing the song alone.
I was even more emotional when I sang it by myself, but the emotions worked so well to evoke all the feelings the lyrics deserved. I was wiping away the tears, as I hugged and thanked them all for their help.
Two hours in Nashville vanished quickly, and, before it seemed we had a chance to breathe, it was back on the plane and back to Los Angeles. The camera guys warmed up to us in studio, so the cameras were turned off for the return trip. We actually had a good time talking and getting to know one another.
Wednesday’s taping went well with the exception of Carrie still trying to cause problems and rattle me. Ryan was a little more vocal in his efforts to keep her at bay, but she wouldn’t be dissuaded. She wanted to pick a fight with me so badly and Ryan was her ticket to the match. After the first three contestants were cut and the audience left the studio, everyone met back stage to say goodbye to the girls. Carrie was being loud and laughing about my tears while I performed on stage. It didn’t bother me about crying while I sang, and even the judges said I had given the best performance of the night, but she wouldn’t let it go.
“I’d be worried if I were you, sweet-cheeks,” she crooned to Ryan as she continually tried to touch him, “I think your little runaway might be regretting her decision.”
He had become more at ease with all the contestants, including her. She simply caught him off guard the first day. He smiled as he dodged her attempts to reach the more personal areas, “I love her no matter what happens, so I’m good with whatever she decides.”
“Oh, I’m sure you are ‘good,’” she remarked as she licked her lips and made a grab for his crotch.
He stepped back just in time as I moved between them for what seemed like the hundredth time, “Would you just back off?”
“And just what, little girl, are you gonna do if I don’t?” she said, puffing up and putting herself in my face.
Ryan had my shoulder and was attempting to move me behind him, when she put her hand on my chest and pushed me into him.
“If you want to fight me, then come out and say it,” I growled as I pulled out from under his grip. “You’re bold enough about everything else-like trying to intimidate people who are too nice to tell you to keep your damn hands to yourself!” At this point I was advancing into her and actually caused her to take a step back, but I wasn’t finished with what I had to say. “I’d really like to know what the problem is,” I continued as my fury over her constant needling built, “don’t you have a man that will put up with you?”
“That does it!” And she started swinging.
I blocked the punch, and swept her leg out from under her with mine, knocking her to the floor. She grabbed my ankle and I went down on top of her. Ryan and the crew were on us in a flash as she tried to head butt me, but I managed to slam her cheek with an elbow strike. The blow rendered her senseless long enough for them to separate us.
Now she was taking swings at the crew as she threatened me. She and a stage hand went tumbling over a chair as others jumped into give him a hand.
“You okay?” Ryan asked as I straighten my clothes.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go before they turn her loose and I end up actually having to hurt her. Geez, I’m starting to think this show is going to be more like Jerry Springer meets American Idol.”
He laughed lightly, “You’ve got her as long as she doesn’t close the gap between you two. If she does, it’ll come down to wrestling and I think she’ll have the advantage.”
Thursday and the majority of Friday we had free time to do what we wanted. I managed to talk him into Rodeo Drive, but he wore out on the shopping trip pretty quick.
“Let me at least buy you a nice silk suit. They have Gucci and Prada and-”
“First of all, why in the world would I need a suit? And secondly, Leese, why do you insist on blowing money on me? I have money-nothing like you, but I’ve got a couple million in a trust fund.”
“I don’t know, I guess I feel like I owe you so much for everything you’ve done for me and I just want-”
“I got paid,” he stated matter-of-factly, “three of the best kisses of my life, remember?”
“That wasn’t much of a payment for offering your life,” I frowned.
“You’re right. I think my life might be worth another three kisses.”
I slugged his arm, making him yowl, “Candace would rip your head off if she heard you say that.”
“True, but we are over a thousand miles away and-”
“Ryan Faultz, I am shocked! I thought once you kissed Candace those lips of yours would be sealed for her alone. Don’t tell me you’re going to be a run-around.”
“I’m not a run-around; I just happen to be crazy about two women-and you had a piece of my heart first. And, I only mentioned a kiss, that’s not like asking if we can sleep together? Although, by the way, I really miss sleeping together.”
I shook my head and laughed, “You are being bad today. I think Carrie has rubbed off on you.”
“Carrie would like to rub a lot of things off me. She is possessed. But, thank God for my bodyguard.” He knocked his shoulder into mine, which wasn’t easy since he’s seven inches taller than me.
“You aren’t going to be like this after you and Candace finally…”
His face blushed a little, “How am I supposed to know what I’m going to be like after that?”
“Will this be her first time, too?” I timidly asked as we continued window shopping.
His face became somber, “Can we discuss this some place a little quieter?”
I immediately knew the answer was a no, but there must be something more to the story so I agreed. We had lunch and headed back to the hotel. I wasn’t sure if I should ask him anymore about Candace, but he was the one who decided he wanted to talk, I just didn’t expect him to ask if we could lie in the bed together while we did.
“I slept so good on the plane just because I was able to keep my arm on you-I won’t ask to sleep this way tonight, but does a nap really count?”
“We’ll talk-I think a nap does count, but we were in separate chairs on the plane.”
We curled up on my bed and I had to admit it was wonderful to be cuddled against him. He put a soft kiss on my neck and then relaxed against the pillow.
“Candace started dating a guy last February who worked with her at the store. He pressured her really hard about letting him be her first. He claimed that he loved her and said if she loved him, she’d let it happen between them.”
I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like the outcome of this story.
“He bought her a cheap promise ring and told her everything a girl wants to hear. She finally decided she’d take the step, but not before she got on birth control pills. I’m so glad she at least knew better than to believe him when he said he’d ‘take care of everything.’”
“What happened?”
“A Friday night, a cheap motel, and a couple drinks and it was all over with. The next time she went to work, he’d told all the guys what he’d done and he didn’t want anything to do with her.”
“That’s sick, Ryan. I mean I know those kinds of guys are out there, but it’s so hard to understand how he could treat her that way. What did she do? Does she still have to work with him?”
“Candace is like a little sister to Andy and Ty, so when she came home crying and upset and they found out why, they showed up in the parking lot after he got off work and they roughed him up. He quit and she hasn’t seen him since.”
I could picture Ty and Andy doing that and, due to their size, I’m sure they scared the crap out of the guy. “I can see why that worked,” I gave a light laugh.
“I don’t think I could have been happy with just roughing the bastard up. He would have had some broken bones if I’d gotten my hands on him. But I don’t understand why she’s so willing to put her trust in me. She wanted me to go home with her and it’s been years since she’s seen me.”
“You’re one of the good guys, Ryan. I think any girl can tell that about you once she gets past the tattoos and the wise-cracks. Did you do what I told you? Did you tell her why you’re hesitant?”
“Yeah, when she and I went for that drive Sunday before she went home, I told her. I thought it might freak her out a little bit, but she was-well, I think it was a turn on because she was all over me.”
“It is a turn on, you nit-wit,” I laughed, squeezing his arm tightly.
“Why? I’m not going to have a clue and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to start right out the gate being a rock star.”
Now I was really laughing. I never would have thought he would have stated it quite that way.
“What’s so funny,” he demanded.
“She’ll remember it for the rest of her life and I’m sure it won’t take you long to be her personal ‘rock star.’”
“So were you-were you Micah’s rock star that first night?” he whispered quietly in my ear.
“That’s a little personal, Ryan,” all my teasing evaporated.
“I have a feeling you were,” he continued, not realizing just how uncomfortable he was making me.
I pulled away from under his arm and got up and went into the bathroom. Washing my face and trying to keep from breaking down as I recalled my few days of heaven in Micah’s arms. I missed him so badly that, just like the love in his heart he described for me, it hurt, physically inside.
“I’m sorry, Leese,” he said, standing in the doorway. “I had no business asking you that.”
I broke into sobs as he wrapped his arms around me. “I miss him so badly. I thought it would get easier the longer we’re apart, but I swear I think I could actually let his family get slaughtered, just so I could have him again for a little while.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You’re stronger than that, but I hope someday you’ll realize you can’t keep going on alone. Micah would understand if you-”
“Only if he knew why. But, if he knew, he’d kill D’Angelo and then the mob would kill him and his family anyway. I can never tell him why,” I choked. “I hope I never have to face him because I don’t think I have enough strength to turn him away. You have no idea how hard it is to want to see someone with every ounce of your body and, at the same time, want to avoid that person just as badly.”
“I had a taste of it, but you’re right, I guess I don’t know what you’re really going through.”
I looked up into those penetrating blue eyes and searched, without words, for what he was referring to by saying he’d had a taste of it.
“When you got married, I knew my chance was gone. I had to force myself to go to the wedding and I nearly lost my courage to find you and dance with you, because I just knew it was pointless. Then when I saw your mom and his brother at the hotel and she invited me to have dinner, I opted to take your sister to a movie instead because, even though everything inside me wanted to see you again, I knew I couldn’t take it-I knew you’d been with him and… I just couldn’t take it.”
“And who knew we’d end up here, huh?” A small grin finally tugged at the edges of my quivering lips.
“That’s what we should do tonight!”
He was so enthusiastic about it, and I didn’t even know what ‘it’ was. “What?”
“Go dancing,” he beamed.
I winced and he noticed.
“You can’t tell me you don’t like to dance?”
“I love dancing, but… Well, it’s just that I… You’ll get the wrong idea and since we’re sharing a room, this might not be the smartest thing to do. Kind of like letting me kiss your neck.” I reminded him, hoping he would understand. He got the reference to his neck, but other than that he seemed mystified. “Okay, fine. I’ll just say it: I dance dirty.”
He busted out laughing, “You? Sweet, little innocent you? You dance-”
“Like a pole dancer,” I finished for him.
“This I gotta see. Now I wish I’d let you buy me that suit, or at least the slacks and a dress shirt.”
Before the afternoon was over, he had a pair of black silk slacks, dress shoes and a crisp white dress shirt. I still wasn’t convinced this was a good idea, but I bought a dress and heals to go clubbing in and away we went.
I called Don and asked, since I didn’t want to end up in the wrong club, where was a good place for a night of dancing; he told me to hit Hollywood. He recommended two clubs in particular and said to have fun. I called for a limo and away we went.
I wasn’t sure what to expect out of Ryan on the dance floor, but he stunned me with the fact that he could dance-I mean really dance. After the first song, I had to ask if he was a natural or if he’d had lessons.
“I don’t think there is any kid from Palm Beach that hasn’t been enrolled in a dance class-yeah, my mom insisted. I did it for a year just before my dad died. By the way, I don’t think you dance dirty. I’m guessing you aced expression dancing.”
I just laughed and pulled him back out onto the floor. By the end of the night he determined that we had a song that fit us, or at least from his perspective. It was new when we were both in elementary school, but it didn’t matter. The DJ played Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down and we burned up the dance floor with a variation of a fast jitterbug.
“So,” I asked as we rode in the limo back to the hotel, “How does the song fit us?”
“Okay when it says ‘I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon, after all I knew it had to be something to do with you.’ That’s the moment when I knew I had to help you run. And, ‘I really don’t mind what happens now and then, as long as you’ll be my friend at the end.’ That statement is fact as far as I’m concerned. I’ll keep your secrets, so we’ve got that one. I don’t honestly think you’ve taken me for granted, but the ‘if not for me then you’d be dead, I picked you up and put you back on solid ground,’ was getting you to Colorado Springs and helping you start over.”
“But I’m kryptonite to you then. Isn’t that something his enemies used against him?” I felt like we were back in AP English dissecting poetry.
“Definitely,” he grinned. He was exhausted as he leaned back into the plush seat and stretched out his long legs.
“I don’t actually get that.”
“You’re my weakness. I’m not a run-around, as you mentioned earlier today, and I’m falling hard for Candace, but you are the one person who could make me change everything-you are my weakness. I think I can handle almost anything, unless it involves you. If something happened to you, I-I couldn’t take it.” He dropped from fun and teasing to serious on that last sentence.
I guessed it would be wise to put a little humor back into this conversation before he went too deep on me, “And you can fly, and you can cut hair, and you can dance like a maniac-yes, I think you’re right; you are superman.”
“And, if Micah catches us, we’ll see if I’m faster than a speeding bullet!” he said, bursting into laughter.
The smile fell off my face, “That’s not funny.”
I was going to refuse to laugh, but he tickled me mercilessly until I was nearly in tears.
“So now that I’ve got you,” he panted, pinning me to the seat, “how about those three extra kisses?”
“I never agreed to that, Superman,” I stated as I tried to wiggle free from his hold.
His face descended, but I turned my cheek to him. He readjusted for my mouth, as I dodged for a second time.
“You aren’t serious?” I asked as I struggled to avoid him, “Ryan, stop.”
He pulled back slightly, but didn’t let me go, “Yes, I am. I don’t want you to keep blowing money on me and three kisses are what I want instead.”
“I’ll stop ‘blowing’ money on you then, but I don’t think we should get this-” I was going to finish by saying ‘close,’ but he had taken my chin in hand and wasn’t going to allow me to turn his last attempt away.
His mouth was on mine just as soft and gentle as the first time I kissed him. The tip of his tongue, like a piece of silk, stroked my lips, begging me to give in. I missed kissing almost as much as I missed sex and I felt defenseless to refuse. My lips parted as I accepted his invitation to share the intimacy of the moment. I’m not really sure how long the kiss lasted, but we were both breathless and wide-eyed when our lips parted. I don’t think he considered the fact when he had kissed me that he still had me under him on the seat, but realizing it now we were both flushed with heat and need.
“I don’t think this is a-” I started to say.
“Good idea,” we finished together.
“Damn, Leese. I’d forgotten how awesome you are at this. If I go for two more, I’m afraid we won’t stop.”
“I agree-please, get up-I can’t take-”
He rose and took my hand, righting me in the seat.
We finished the trip in silence, went to our separate beds in our room, and tried to sleep. I watched the clock from one a.m. to three a.m. when I heard him whisper in the dark asking if I was awake.
“Yes,” came my quiet reply.
“If we don’t sleep together, we aren’t going to get any sleep.”
“Then stay up and watch the sunrise with me, but we aren’t getting into one bed.”
“Are you mad at me for kissing you?”
“Yes.”
“I wish I could tell you I was sorry, but I’m not.”
“Ryan.”
“Yeah?”
“You said earlier I’m your weakness, even though you’re falling for Candace.”
He rolled over in his bed and faced me, reaching across the short distance between them to touch my cheek, “You are, and I think I’m always going to love you no matter what happens between me and her.”
“I want you to know you’re my weakness. I’m not going to have you fly me back out here next week. I’ve found a place of my own-”
“Don’t, Annalisa-please, don’t put distance between us.”
“I’ll still be in Colorado Springs. It’s a nice place about two miles south of our-of your place,” I corrected. “I couldn’t get too far away from you. I’m just too damn weak for that right now.”
“When are you moving?” I could hear the deep sadness in his voice.
“If everything is worked out with the lease when I get back, I guess it will be sometime next week.”
“Don’t expect me to stay away from you,” he warned. “I’m not going to let my best friend be lonely.”
“I don’t want you to stay away. It’s just at night, when we’re alone, I’m-I’m just not strong enough to keep being this close.”
“Leese, I know the day you ran away you told me you loved me, but I also know it was for the camera, not for me. How do you really feel about me?”
I had to be honest with him, but I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I slid onto the floor, resting on my knees as I knelt beside his bed. I cupped his face in my hands and lowered my lips to his. I know he wasn’t expecting me to do this and all the while I was hoping I’d be able to stop, but I had to show him the emotions that were bottled up inside me. His arms encircled me, trying to pull me up onto the bed with him, but I couldn’t. I released him from the kiss. He tried to come back for another as I placed my fingers over his lips. “I love you so much, Ryan Faultz-but the last kiss can never happen. I guess you’ll just have to be happy with a piece of my heart.”
“I wish things weren’t so complicated between us.”
“Me too, but God has a purpose for everything.”
“I believe that too, but sometimes it’s really hard to accept.” He leaned toward me and kissed my forehead. “Sunrise isn’t far away; maybe we should try to get some sleep. I can be good, if you can,” he said sliding away from the edge of the bed and making enough room for me.
I told Candace I wouldn’t, but…
I lay down in the warm place he left when he moved over, turning my back to him and feeling the wonderful sensation of him holding me close, “Goodnight, Ryan.”
He kissed my shoulder and whispered, “Sleep tight.”
It was a good thing I wasn’t required to be in studio for the taping of the men’s show until four p.m. because it was after one in the afternoon before I finally stirred. It was the first time that Ryan actually woke before me. He was on his back staring at the ceiling when I rolled over.
“Good morning,” I yawned.
“Nope, baby girl, it’s afternoon.”
“What are you looking at?” I was trying to see what he was seeing in the ceiling tiles, because he seemed to be fixated.
He just kept looking up, ignoring my question.
“Okay,” I said, deciding to head for the shower, but just as my feet hit the floor he spoke.
“You scared me this morning,” came his simple statement.
I wasn’t sure exactly what he was talking about. I didn’t think it frightened him when I kissed him in the wee hours, nor when I finally told him how I really felt about him, so I was mystified, “About what?”
“You were talking in your sleep a little bit ago, but I thought you were awake.”
I knew I talked sometimes in my sleep, but I wondered what I could have said to scare him. “What did I say?”
“It was around eleven when I woke up because you were getting wiggly so I kissed your shoulder and you, very clearly said, ‘Make love to me.’” He swallowed, but continued, “It felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, so I asked if you were sure.”
Now my heart was pounding with what I was obviously wanting in my sleep, “Go on.” Yet, I could tell he didn’t want to finish.
He took an unsteady breath. “You said, ‘Please, I need you so badly,’” he paused. “Then you were calling out his name, begging for him to take you and I realized you were still asleep.”
It was a strange sensation to be happy that Micah was still the man on my mind, and yet so sad to realize how it must have hurt Ryan to listen to me calling out for someone else.
I wanted to say I was sorry, but he’d known all along that I was deeply in love with Micah Gavarreen; I simply couldn’t apologize for that.
He stopped staring at the ceiling and got up and headed for the bathroom.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly as he walked away.
“You know I’ve only got one thing to say about this,” he turned and stared into my eyes.
I was a little concerned about the sharpness in his voice, but then I watched him wipe the corners of his eyes and I knew it wasn’t anger coming from him.
“He is one lucky son-of-a-bitch.”