I jerked upright in bed, choking back a sob. My chest heaved in pain, and beads of sweat rolled down my back. I had to catch my breath as the dream faded from my mind. I was gasping for air and shaking horribly. It was still storming outside as I watched lightening split the pre-dawn sky every few minutes. I glanced at the clock. It was 3:30 in the morning and the dream had been so vivid that I still felt the burn through my chest.
Mom would be worried when she got up and I wasn’t there, but I’d leave her a note before I slipped out to see him. I pulled on my clothes quickly and scribbled down a few sentences and tossed it onto my bed. Grabbing my purse and car keys, I went down to the garage. I hadn’t brushed my hair or put on makeup, but there wasn’t time. The dream had me so rattled that I simply had to see him and make sure that everything was still right in my world.
It had only been five days since he came back into my life, and I was so obsessed with the idea that something would happen to ruin our happiness that I was now repeating this terrifying nightmare. I had it last night, but I kept it together. Not tonight; I needed to be in his arms, knowing he was still here and that he still loved me.
My Aston Martin purred softly to life. The garage door opened and I backed out carefully, headlights off so as not to disturb my mother and sister. My tires rolled silently down the long drive as rain pelted my car. He was at the Hyatt until we could find a house we wanted to buy. Money wasn’t the issue; between the two of us, we could have purchased the White House, but it was more a matter of finding the perfect place to begin our new life.
We set the wedding date for September 15th, and that was fewer than three months away. I wanted it the day he proposed. I was ready to go to the courthouse and make it official right then, but he said he wanted me to have the kind of wedding that young girls dream about; a decorated church, flowers and bridesmaids, a man of God to take us through our vows as opposed to a clerk in the courthouse, a reception and dancing, and, of course, a honeymoon some place special. All I could think about was spending that first night in his arms and knowing there would be no reason to stop once we were pledged to each other forever.
I pulled into the Hyatt’s parking garage and ran through the lobby to the elevator, pressing the button for the seventh floor. I didn’t want to end up banging on his door at this time of the morning; that was a good way to get shot, so I dialed his cell phone as the elevator began its ascent.
Three rings and the elevator door was opening into the quiet interior hallway,
“Leese?” came the sleepy voice on the other end of the line, “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
“Hey, can you come to your door? I’m right outside. I need to see you.” My emotions were rising with just the sound of his voice. I could feel the tears and the fright from my dream returning, making the need to see him urgent. The phone went silent, but within seconds the door to his room opened.
He was wearing only his boxers, standing there looking like a Greek god with his powerful physique. I know my panicked call scared him as he ushered me in and closed and locked the door. I was in his arms, my cheek against his chest and the tears were coming faster.
“Baby,” he crooned, “what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“Oh, Micah, I had the most horrible dream and I had to come see you,” I said, trying to stop shaking so hard.
“A dream?” he said softly with a hint of mirth to his voice. “Do you want to sit up and talk about it?”
“Can we just lie together in your bed?”
I could hear the smile form on his face in the darkness, his mouth finding mine for a warm, slow kiss and then moving down my neck. “Baby, we’re never going to make it to our wedding night if we get in that bed.”
“Please, Micah. I’ve got to be with you. We’ve managed this before-I need to be in your arms.”
He scooped me off the floor and proceeded to the bed, never breaking the kisses he was placing on my neck. He was right. I wasn’t making it easy for us to save something for the wedding night, but I knew he could be a gentleman, he had proven that even when I wasn’t in my right mind, or my clothes.
He laid me down and I rolled away from him onto my side to give him room to slip in behind me. I felt his muscled arm reach around my waist and draw me against his firm body.
He sighed as he placed a final kiss on my neck, “What was the dream about?” he whispered.
My crying had started to subside and I found myself yawning deeply. The only place I could truly relax was in his embrace.
“Did you tell your mom you were coming over here to see me?
I yawned again, “No, I just left a note on my bed.”
“You’re really tired, aren’t you?”
“I can’t sleep anymore unless I have you with me-it’s like something is missing.”
He yawned and then nuzzled into my hair, “I know what you mean. I couldn’t sleep either. What about your dream?”
“How about we discuss it when we wake up?” Now that I was here, and secure in his hold, I didn’t want to tell him about the dream. I didn’t want to tell him that he ended my life with a blade to my heart. We were out from under the curse of his obligation to kill me. The hit was over when Robert was caught. Micah had spent months arranging his exit from the mafia and we were now free to face forever together.
“All right-in the morning. Goodnight, baby-I love you.”
I would never hear those three words enough. In that moment, I wanted to roll over and kiss him; kiss him with all the passion that he had awakened inside me not long after I’d met him. But, I knew if we both went over the edge, our wedding night would become now. I wanted to wait to make it right between us and God, but I was starting to wonder if God was truly concerned about a piece of paper between us or the commitment we had already made to each other?
“I love you, Micah.” I fell asleep to the sound of his steady breathing and the warmth of his heart beating against my back.
When daylight came, I knew it was the best rest I had since our last night together at the Inlet Motel months ago. This was the place I knew I belonged, right here wrapped in these glorious arms and pressed to his body. My temperature was starting to rise as I recalled what he was wearing when he opened the door at three-something in the morning. I was so upset when I arrived that my mind wasn’t particularly consumed with the idea of sex, but right now was a different story.
His breathing was slow and deep, and his hold on me was soft, so I knew he was enjoying peaceful sleep. I pulled away slowly, trying to slip out of the bed undetected. He was a light sleeper, so getting out of his embrace wouldn’t be easy. I heard his breathing shorten just as I escaped, his hand narrowly missing me as my feet found the floor.
“Baby,” came his melodic voice, “come back to bed so we can talk.”
I laughed as I headed into the bathroom. Talking is not what we’d end up doing if I got back in there with him. I used his comb to get the tangles out of my hair and then used his mouthwash to make sure I didn’t have morning breath. I studied his toothbrush for a moment. I knew he wouldn’t mind, but I decided against it.
I opened the bathroom door to find him leaning against the door frame, still in his boxers and looking even better than when I saw him in the darkness. “You know that should be illegal, right?”
“What?” he stated innocently, eyebrows rising.
“To look that good,” I laughed, still watching his muscles as they flexed and rippled.
He made a deep growling sound, not one of anger, but of need as he pulled me into his arms. His heated mouth gently covered my own, begging my lips to part and let him explore. My hands slid around his thick shoulders and onto his back as I returned the passionate kiss. His granite-like body pressed me against the wall as our moral brakes began smoking against the inability to slow down.
“Are you hungry,” I whispered in his ear, hoping we’d find a reason to stop what felt so absolutely marvelous to both of us.
“Mmm-yes, baby, I am,” he rumbled his reply. His hips thrust against mine in an apparent showing of exactly what he was hungry for.
I inhaled involuntarily and deep as he pushed against me. My left hand turned his face to me as I found his lips. My right hand slid lower, past the hard abdominals, moving down the sleek muscles that were just above the rim of his low-rise boxers.
“Leese, if you go any lower, I’m going to rip every piece of clothing off you right here and right now.” His words were quick and forceful, telling me he sincerely meant what he was saying. I had to choose to let this happen, or to wait as we had planned. My hand slid around to his hip and then upward to his waist.
The sound of control returned to his breathing.
“I can’t be apart from you, Micah-even if it’s just a distance of a few miles from my house to the hotel. I can’t really sleep unless you’re holding me and-”
“I know,” he murmured softly, slowly backing off from pressing me against the wall, “after you got here last night and we went to sleep, it felt like the first time I’ve slept in months. It’s like I was finally-”
“Comfortable,” I finished for him.
He pulled away so I could see his face. A soft smile played with the corners of his mouth, “Exactly.”
“Maybe we should change the date of the wedding?” I whimpered wanting him to come back to pressing me against the wall, the floor, the bed; I didn’t care where as long as he didn’t take his body back.
He placed his lips on mine, but it was only a brief kiss as he pulled away, “No, we can wait.”
I let my hand return to the place that threatened to put him over his ability to control himself, “Are you sure we can wait?” I teased.
He gripped my hand firmly to prevent me from crossing a dangerous line, “Yes, but-”
“I want you to stay at my house,” I blurted. “I can’t stay away from you-not now.”
“Leese, I don’t think your mom is-”
“She already asked me if I wanted you to stay at the house,” I quickly added.
His brows rose, “She doesn’t think we’ve…”
I shook my head, “No, but she did-she was certain until I told her what a gentleman you’d been with me.”
He smiled. “Good. At least you are helping me get a better reputation. I wondered what she must think about me.”
“She thinks you’re fantastic, but…”
“But what?” His face getting that concerned look.
“I think she-she thinks you haven’t been in the mob very long.”
“Is that what you told her?”
“No, I haven’t discussed your-your former career with her. I don’t think she even realizes how much money you have. Not that she cares about stuff like that, but if she knew I think she might start to wonder.” I didn’t want to finish by saying that she’d begin to wonder how many people he killed to earn all that money. “I mean she doesn’t have all the answers, but neither do I.”
“Do you need all the answers?”
He tried to tell me many times how horrible he was before he met me, but I didn’t want to know then, and I certainly didn’t want to know now. I’d seen a glimpse of it when he killed Ricky and Jack right before my eyes, and that was frightening enough for one lifetime. “No. If you want to discuss it someday I’ll listen, but you won’t change the way I feel about you, Micah.”
He was getting ready to rebut me, but I quickly added, “Pack your stuff, please. Come home with me. We don’t have to sleep together, but I would just like having you in the house. Please,” I added once more for emphasis.
He leaned into me and put a final slow kiss on my mouth, “All right, but if your mom even hints that she’s uncomfortable with me being there, I’ll be back here at the hotel before you can start begging me not to go.”
“Deal.” I knew she would welcome him into our home. Mom understood me well enough to know that if I decided Micah was the man for me, there was no need to worry about the rest.
He packed and checked out and then followed me back home.
I never expected Mom to be angry when I walked into the house, and I was afraid Micah would turn tail and run, but he was very patient as Mom let off a little steam.
“All I’m saying, honey, is what if something had happened? You took off from here without telling me that you were going. You didn’t call Micah until you got to his hotel. What if something happened between here and there? I would have thought you were with Micah, and Micah would have thought you were home. Who knows how long it might have been before we started looking for you.”
“You’re absolutely right, Nadia,” Micah interjected, as if he was suddenly seeing what she was so upset about. “It could have ended in disaster if something had gone wrong.”
I rolled my eyes. Now I was getting scolded on both sides. “But-”
That was as far as Mom would let me go. “I’d rather have Micah stay here at our house, Leese, than for you to go traipsing off in the middle of the night to discuss your bad dreams.”
I finally smiled, “Yeah, I think that would be best.” I turned to look at him as he forced his smile to stay hidden, “Couldn’t you just stay here in one of our spare rooms?”
“Only if Nadia doesn’t mind me-”
“Of course not, Micah,” she cut him off before he could finish the sentence. “We have five extra bedrooms, besides the apartment down by the pool cabana. I know you two are…” A light blush crossed her cheeks, “…are saving things for your wedding night, but as far as I’m concerned-and God as well I’m sure-you’ve already made the important commitments to each other-but I do understand the waiting thing,” she added to make sure it didn’t sound like she was giving a blanket blessing to run upstairs and throw ourselves into bed.
I kissed her cheek, “I love you, Mom.”
By late afternoon we were seated on the pool deck watching Kimmy splash around with a friend that had come over to play. Mom was in the house calling a caterer to have dinner brought in tonight. I told her Micah and I could handle the cooking (Mom, unfortunately, was a terrible cook), but she said we’d save that for tomorrow night and let someone else do it tonight. She actually said she was considering hiring a live-in chef since everything was over concerning Robert. She was now living without the constant foreboding fear that everyone that came into our home was suspect. She returned to being the happy person she had been before grandpa died.
“So, are you finally going to tell me about this terrible dream,” Micah asked as he let his fingers trail down my arm.
I had almost forgotten about it, “It’s-it’s not really important now.”
“You drive through a downpour and end up in my bed in the wee hours of the morning and now you say it isn’t important?”
“I don’t even like thinking about it; it was so stupid.”
“Stupid-stupid or scary-stupid?”
“Scary stupid,” I glanced at his face and then went back to watching the girls.
“Well, then I want to hear it,” he stated firmly. “Was I in it?”
My insides went tingly, “Yeah, at the end anyway. It doesn’t matter because I’d never-you’d never…” I didn’t want to continue. “You want another drink?” I dodged, taking his glass and started to rise from the lounger.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me back down, “Not now.” Then he smiled and picked up my glass of iced tea that I had barely touched, “I’ll just have some of yours; you’re mom makes good sweet tea.”
I laughed, “Yeah that is one thing she has down pretty well, boiling water for the tea bags.”
“Everyone doesn’t have to be a great cook. I’m sure she’s wonderful at a lot of different things.”
I nodded, “I hope I’m half the mom she is someday.”
He rolled onto his side on his lounger and began staring intently at me.
“Your stare can get a little creepy sometimes,” I confessed without looking back into the intensity of his gaze.
“You mentioned once about wanting a baby. I was just wondering if you were serious.”
I was glad the subject had changed from my dream. At least this subject was about our future together and not my crazy dreams about being torn apart, “Definitely.” Then the thought hit me that he might not want children, “how about you? Have you ever thought about having a family?”
“Not until I realized that I’d fallen in love with you. I never thought I’d find someone I’d want to make a commitment to.” His smile got broader, “And then you came along and turned my world upside down.”
“So,” I said, returning the penetrating stare, “do you want to have a baby?”
“I’ll let you do that part,” he chuckled. “I’m starting to think about several, maybe a half dozen or so, you know Italians like big families.”
“I’ll meet you in the middle. How about three?”
The stare was becoming smoldering and I had the feeling he was ready to start working on baby number one if I was willing. “What are you thinking?” I finally asked.
“I’m trying to imagine you pregnant.”
The look got hotter and I was feeling the need to hit the pool just to cool off before I roasted under his gaze. “I don’t know,” I blushed, trying to look away from those easily read green eyes, “I can’t imagine deserving the look you’re giving me if I look like I’m hiding a basketball under my belly button.”
“You will, I know it. You’ll be incredibly sexy when pregnant, somehow I can tell.”
“You’re just thinking about all the fun you’ll have getting me that way,” I quipped.
“Oh, yes, baby, but trust me, I’ll make sure you have an equally good time.”
“Wow,” I said, just discussing this with him was burning me up inside, “I’ve got to get in the pool and cool off.”
He was reaching for me, but I had already dodged his grasp and let out a squeal as I ran for the pool and dove in. I was underneath the water when I heard the sound of his body closing in on me. I was a good swimmer, but he was much more powerful with all those extra muscles; he caught me as I surfaced on the other side.
Kimmy was laughing at us until he kissed me. “I’m telling Mom!” she threatened, but with a teasing edge. The other little girl simply said, “Eew!”
She broke Micah’s concentration as I slipped out of his grasp and took off through the water. I swam for all I was worth to reach the ladder, knowing he’d probably grab me before I could exit the pool, but I had squeaked out before he lunged like a great white getting ready to take down its prey. I laughed, snatching up my towel and running inside.
At that moment I heard Kimmy ask Micah to play a game of Marco Polo with them. She evidently liked the idea of a giant shark in the water. I went inside to help Mom set the dinner table, as I heard the girls screaming with delight as Micah chased them around the pool.
“I’m glad he decided to stay,” Mom admitted as she handed me the dinner plates.
“Not as glad as I am,” I laughed.
She paused, resting her hand on her hip as I put the plates out on the table.
“What?”
“I can’t believe my little girl is all grown up and in love. I’m so glad you’re happy,” she sighed.
I gave her a very damp hug, still wrapped in my towel from the pool. The way she said it reminded me that her once happy life with Robert was over and she found herself suddenly single at 35. “You’re beautiful,” I reminded her. “One of these days you’re going to find someone that makes you really happy.”
Her eyes misted over and she smiled, “I found him, once. I just wish he would have stayed.”
I had the feeling this wasn’t about Robert, but she never told me very much about my father except that they were both young and made some unwise decisions. “My dad?” I asked.
“Micah reminds me a lot of Lee. He was muscular and handsome, and I was so in love with him.”
“So why did he leave?
“Grandpa, my dad, told him he was going to have to make things right by me when I turned up pregnant. Lee wasn’t ready, I guess. I wasn’t legal age and he was twenty-four. It was marriage, jail or run-he ran. I was so mad at my dad for like two years, until I met Robert and then I felt I had another chance at happiness, so I went for it.”
“Did you ever try to find him? I mean to tell him about me?”
“Oh yes, the day I turned eighteen I hired two detectives to find him. I wanted him back in my life so badly, but it was like he had fallen off the edge of the world, completely untraceable. I held out hope that he would try to contact me, but I never heard from him again.” Her tears were filling her lower lashes, so I hugged her once more.
The doorbell rang and I knew it was the caterer. Dinner was brought in and placed in the kitchen; she didn’t want them to stay and serve. Within an hour everyone was dried and dressed as we sat down to enjoy the meal. Mom was taking Kimmy and her friend to the movies after dinner, and we were invited to join them, but we opted for time alone at home.
When they left, we curled up together on the sofa with the lights down low, a small fire and a little Kenny G. playing in the background. It may not have exactly been the kind of music either one of us was used to, but I had to admit it could set a romantic mood. But, then again, as long as we were in each other’s arms, I think we could have had chimpanzees banging on pots and pans and still have been happy just because we were together.
“You know we could use a good bottle of wine about now,” he tightened his grip on me.
“I don’t drink, Mr. Gavarreen,” I reminded him.
“And I don’t want you to start drinking, future Mrs. Gavarreen, but I think wine barely counts as long as you aren’t a lush that downs the bottle.”
“I have a hard enough time keeping my head together with you around. I don’t think I could handle even one glass of wine.”
“It would make you sleep better,” he added.
“I think I’m going to be sleeping just fine to-”
“Leese,” he stopped me, “you still haven’t told me about your dream.”
I groaned reflexively, “I’ve decided I just want to forget it.”
“Did I hurt you? You said I was in the dream and that’s the only thing I can-”
“I think I actually hurt you first,” I whispered. My eyes were tearing up as the dream came rushing back to me. “I was running away from you, but I didn’t know where to go or what to do, except I knew…” How did he get me discussing this? I had determined earlier I was going to find away to avoid telling him the horrid dream and now he had me practically spilling the entire thing out for him to dissect. “Dreams are stupid and they don’t mean anything.”
“You told me God has a purpose for everything; that would have to include dreams, Leese. Finish telling me: what did you know?”
I sighed, I was certain this dream was going to ruin our romantic evening together. “I knew my life was over. There’s no reason to live without you in it.” The first tear rolled down my cheek.
“Baby, if I die two minutes from now, you have a lifetime of reasons to live.” He kissed my throat, “What happened in the dream?” he urged.
“I put a knife to my chest to end my life.”
He was holding perfectly still as if I were a piece of thin glass with too much stress on it. “Did you?”
“No, Micah, you showed up.” I wanted to leave it sounding like he was the hero and hopefully he wouldn’t ask anymore about the dream.
“Tell me the rest,” he pressed.
“You asked me why I threw away your love.” My chest heaved as I took a breath to stop myself from sobbing.
“And?”
“Do you have to know everything?” I questioned.
“Finish it, Leese. Tell me the rest.” At this point he sounded almost desperate to know how the dream would end, but I knew he would hate me for even imagining that kind of ending.
“You took the handle of the knife in your hands and shoved it through my heart and I died.” It sounded so flat without the sound of the pouring rain, and the thunder and lightning from the dream.
He was very still as I wiped my eyes. “That’s why I had to come see you. There are no reasons in this world that would ever make me want to run from you. I’d never do anything to destroy what we feel for each other.” I heaved another sob, “I’m sorry you had to even hear about it.”
He turned my face up to his and brought his mouth softly to mine, “I think it just means you’re still a little bit afraid of me. But, trust me Leese, I could never hurt you.”
I wrapped my arms around him and held on until I felt my composure return, “I swear to you, Micah, I really do know that; I’m not afraid of you, I’m only afraid that I’m going to wake up and this will just be some dream and I’ll still be forbidden to find you.”
“What do you mean forbidden?”
“When I went to New Orleans-”
“You came to New Orleans to find me?” shock clearly in his voice. “When?”
“Right after you sold your house-I still can’t believe you sold that house. I loved it there.”
“You came to New Orleans. I didn’t know about that and who told you that you were forbidden to find me?”
“Your-your mom.”
“Mom! You’ve got to be kidding. She never told me you were there.”
“She said if I kept it up I might be responsible for your death-I couldn’t take that chance.”
“I was going through hell, but I never knew you were looking for me. I was starting to think you might have changed your mind. I was so nervous the day at the church because I was afraid you wouldn’t want to get together with me again.”
“Oh, Micah, I hired a lawyer to find out if you were in jail. I left messages for Gwen, and tried to get anyone in your family to call me. I was going crazy before I rented a jet and flew out there.”
He kissed me with a new passion, a deep passion of someone who suddenly realized how much he was loved. He laid me back on the couch and placed himself above me.
My heart started to flutter as he covered me with his body and kissed me hungrily. I parted my legs, allowing his body to rest in the cradle of my passion. We hadn’t been so intimately positioned since the day I straddled his lap at the motel and then tried to wiggle free. I recalled the heat between us and the desperate way he said, “Don’t move like that, baby.” I could still feel his grip as he tried to keep me from pulling away.
He rose slightly and looked at me, “I don’t have this kind of strength, baby-I wanted to wait, but I’ve never needed anything so bad in my life.”
I didn’t get the chance to even open my mouth when the telephone rang. “Crying out loud,” I sighed, “Evidently God is trying to tell us to wait because every time, Micah-”
“I know baby, go answer it. It might be your mom.”
I picked up the phone by the fourth ring and saw it was R. Faultz on the caller ID. I had almost forgotten about my date tomorrow with Ryan.
“Hello, Ryan.”
I watched the look come over Micah’s face.
“Thanks. Yeah, it’s official, I’m eighteen. No, I haven’t forgotten about tomorrow.” Nearly, but not quite. “I’m not really sure we should do it now, you see…”
Ryan was asking why I might not be able to keep my promise as Micah was motioning me to hand him the telephone.
“Hold on, I’ve got someone who wants to talk to you.” Oh, how horribly cruel it felt to put the phone in Micah’s hand. Ryan was a good friend, and even though Micah told me the day he proposed that I would keep my date, I couldn’t see how it could be appropriate now.
“She’ll be there,” Micah affirmed, “I’ll bring her personally.” There must have been a long pause. “Ryan? Dude, you still there?” Micah looked at me and smiled.
I know I was cringing.
“Yeah, I’m back. I had to take care of some business, but I couldn’t just let you move in and take my girl. Yeah, I know and trust me, I’m not leaving her alone again. Actually, yes I am, but in a separate bedroom. Yes, her mother approved; what kind of guy do you think I am? Never mind, I don’t think we have enough time for that answer,” Micah laughed once more. “So, where am I taking her, again? Noon, right? Yeah, here she is,” he said, passing the phone back to me.
“Hey,” I breathed. Ryan only had one big issue-the kind of date he was expecting was two people not three and he asked me to ditch my hit man and come alone. “I can’t do that, Ryan-but if you want to back out, I’ll understand.”
Fat chance. I had a date tomorrow with my very handsome close friend and my fiancé. Ryan still had no clue Micah proposed and that the ring was poised on my finger right now. I put the phone in the charger and came back to the couch. The mood had been extinguished like someone doused us with cold water.
“I could have talked him out of it, you know,” I stated.
“You made a promise to give him one date for the use of his car. I’m not going to have you start breaking promises after everything we’ve been through together. And in three months, you certainly aren’t keeping any dates with anyone other than me.”
I smiled, as he gave me a quick kiss.
“I’m hitting the shower,” he sighed, rising from the couch. “I guess I’ll go on to bed unless you want to find a bottle of wine and then-”
“No-I told you I can’t control myself now. If you give me a drink, you might as well slip me some Ecstasy because I’m sure I’ll end up naked in the pool before it’s over.”
He burst out with laughter and kissed me again, “Good-night, baby.”
I waited for Mom and Kimmy to come home. Relaxing on the couch and watching the fire die out. I dozed until I heard Kimmy’s voice. We talked about the movie for a little while and then I went upstairs and went to sleep. Having him in the house worked like a charm because I was able to sleep without the nightmare returning.