Josie couldn’t believe it. “You know who I am?”
Annie May snorted in disgust. “Of course. I’m not a fool.” The older woman peered at her face. “Okay, there are a few changes. Your cheeks and chin, but your eyes are the same. Your voice is a little lower, but you talk the same.”
Relief flooded Josie. She took a step toward her friend. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Me, too, child.”
Annie May enfolded her in her arms. Although the other woman was much shorter, she was strong and familiar, and Josie felt as if she’d come home for the first time in years.
“All right,” Annie May said briskly a few seconds later when she released Josie. “I want to hear about everything that happened to you.” She eyed her legs, then the cane. “You probably need to sit down. How about the front porch? We should have some privacy there.”
“Sounds perfect.”
They walked outside. The morning was sunny and warm. Josie could hear the sound of people working in the house, but they were all in the rear rooms and wouldn’t be likely to overhear the conversation.
“So tell me what happened,” Annie May said when they were seated on the top step. “Were you really hit by a truck?”
“That sucker slammed right into me,” Josie admitted. “I was driving home for lunch, and suddenly it was there. The brakes failed and the driver lost control.”
Annie May frowned. “It looks like it was bad.”
“It was. I had to have a lot of surgeries on both my face and my legs. Especially the left one.” She touched her face. “I have a lot of plastic in me now.”
“Then stay away from open flames or you’ll melt.” Her old friend studied her. “What took you so long?”
Josie knew what she meant. Why had she taken so long to return to Beachside Bay. To Del. The question made her a little uncomfortable because it forced a confession she wasn’t sure she was ready to make. She glanced down at her lap, then looked at Annie May.
“For the first couple of years, I didn’t know I wanted to come back. I was living in Los Angeles, making my life there. I had a good job, friends. Everything seemed fine.”
Although if she were being completely honest she would have to admit that fine made things sound better than they’d been. She’d suffered bouts of loneliness that she couldn’t explain, times when nothing in her life felt right.
“After the accident, I had a lot of recovering to do. I spent months either in the hospital or in a physical rehabilitation center. It’s only in the past month that I’ve been able to get around with a cane. Before that I needed a wheelchair or a walker. I couldn’t come back like that.” She shrugged. “So I waited until I could at least be upright.”
Annie May patted her hand. “Makes sense, which is more than I can say for you using a different name. What were you thinking?”
Josie flushed. “I wasn’t,” she admitted. “I never thought Del wouldn’t recognize me. I came back to talk to him and get some things settled. But when he saw me he didn’t know who I was. In that second I realized I could get to know him in a whole different way without the past coming between us. It wasn’t a conscious plan-it just happened.”
Annie May didn’t look convinced. “You’re just scared he’s still mad at all the stunts you pulled.”
“Maybe. I would like closure on our marriage. If Del knew who I was, he wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Divorce isn’t closure enough?”
“I guess not.” She decided to tell the truth. “After the accident I kept thinking about Del. That’s why I decided to come back.”
“It’s hard to forget the one who got away.”
Josie stiffened. “Del didn’t get away. I left him.”
But the words didn’t sound as sure as she wanted them to. She was beginning to question her reasons for coming back. After all, what did closure really mean? She knew that Del didn’t have a very high opinion of her and that he was well over her. If she’d been wondering if he had any lingering feelings for her, she’d received her answer. Shouldn’t that be enough?
So why hadn’t she told him the truth, and why did she have the feeling she was waiting for something else?
“Although I can’t help chuckling at the thought of Del not recognizing you,” Annie May said, “you’re going to have to tell him the truth.”
“I know. And I will.”
“It’s already been a couple of weeks. What are you waiting for? A major holiday?”
“I don’t know. I just…” She bit her lower lip. “You were right before. I’m not ready to deal with him being angry. And he’s not going to take kindly to being fooled.”
“You do know that the longer this goes on the madder he’s going to be.”
“Yeah, I know. I still want some more time before I tell him.”
Her friend’s gaze narrowed. “Which means you want me to keep quiet.” Annie May didn’t look enthused at the prospect.
“Just for a little while. Do you mind?”
Annie May sighed. “I guess in a way it’s his own fault for not being able to see the truth for himself. Which is what I’ll tell him when he starts in on me. All right. I won’t say anything. But don’t take too long. You’re only digging yourself a deeper pit with this one.”
“Thanks for understanding,” Josie said, giving her a hug.
Annie May held her close. “Regardless of the reason, it’s good to have you back, child. The world was a little less bright with you gone.”
Josie felt an unfamiliar tightness in her chest. “I’m sorry for not staying in touch,” she said softly, releasing her friend and looking into her wise, brown eyes. “I should have. I guess I was disconnecting myself from everything and everyone who reminded me of Del.”
“I understand and I forgive you. But don’t do it again.”
“Yes, ma’am,” she said meekly.
Annie May touched her cheek. “You look tired. Are you getting enough rest?”
Josie thought about her restless nights. “Not really.”
“Then you march yourself upstairs and take a load off. You’re not going to get healthy if you’re too exhausted to take care of yourself. And what about seeing a doctor? Do you need to?”
No one mothered quite like Annie May, Josie thought happily as the older woman bossed her all the way up to her bedroom. She enjoyed being fussed over and instructed to not come down until she’d had at least a two-hour nap.
When Annie May had lowered the blinds and pulled up the covers, she gave Josie a kiss on the forehead before leaving and closing the door behind her. Josie lay alone in her room and sighed with contentment. Things might not be all back to normal in her world, but having Annie May back in her life was a step in the right direction.
She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes. As she did, she felt herself straining to hear a familiar voice. She was listening for Del’s arrival at the house. He stopped by every day, and she didn’t want to miss his visit.
Josie sat upright in bed and pressed the covers to her chest. Her heart thundered loudly enough to drown out the sounds of construction. Realization slammed into her, just like that truck had a year before, and the results were nearly as devastating.
She wasn’t back in Beachside Bay because she wanted closure. She was back because of Del. Because deep down in her soul she’d been hoping and praying that he still cared for her. Her secret fantasy had been that he would take one look at her, open his arms and say, “Oh, honey, I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me. I never stopped loving you and I never will.”
Del’s brutally honest assessment of their marriage and her part in its failure had upset her not only because he’d hurt her feelings but because hearing it had caused the death of a dream. She could no longer secretly harbor a reconciliation fantasy.
She sank back onto her pillow and wondered what she was supposed to do now. Del wasn’t still in love with her. He’d moved on with his life. Shouldn’t she do the same? Put him in the past and get started with her future?
Something soft brushed against her cheek. Josie stirred, then rolled onto her back and slowly opened her eyes. Afternoon sunlight made her blink slightly as she looked up at the man bending over her. His features came into focus, making her smile.
“Del,” she murmured.
The sight was so familiar, she felt immediately at peace. Her questions and worries faded until they were little more than a dream. Is that what had happened? Had she just experienced a very vivid, very strange dream?
“Hey, sleepy-head. How are you feeling?”
He sounded warm and concerned, she thought happily. It all had been a dream. Some hideous misfiring in her brain had made her imagine a divorce, an accident and-
He held out a light-pink-and-cream rose. “I know. It’s dumb. I’ll bet guys do this to you all the time. But I couldn’t resist.”
She frowned as she took the perfect flower. “Guys do what?”
“Bring you roses. A rose for Rose. I’m sincere, but not especially imaginative.”
A rose for Rose? She blinked and realized the room around her was unfamiliar. She started to sit up but a sharp pain in her leg nearly made her cry out. And then she did want to cry, but not from physical pain. Memories returned and with them the knowledge of her current situation. The divorce and the accident hadn’t been a dream. They were very real. She wasn’t still married to Del and he didn’t know who she was.
Disappointment filled her. She ignored it, along with the pain in her leg, and forced herself to sit up.
“How long was I asleep?” she asked.
“According to Annie May, who I saw as I came in a bit ago, about three hours. It’s nearly two.” He settled on the mattress, his hip bumping hers. “I guess you needed the rest.”
“Three hours? I can’t believe it. I never sleep during the day.”
“I won’t tell anyone. Now fluff up those pillows behind you and prepare to be fed. Annie May was concerned that you might not eat lunch so she made me get you a sandwich. I’m going to sit here and watch you eat it. Pretty cool, huh?”
She glanced from him to the wrapped deli sandwich, two cans of soda and several wrapped cookies sitting on her nightstand. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“If you can say that, you don’t know Annie May very well. We all listen to her.” He opened a napkin and spread it on her lap. “Apparently she’s taken a shine to you. She was hovering around like a mother hen and, believe me, Annie May’s not one to hover over anyone.”
His comments eased some of her tension. It felt nice to be fussed over, especially by two people who had once been so important to her.
She took the sandwich he offered and unwrapped it.
“I didn’t know what to get,” he said. “I picked turkey because almost everyone likes that. I had them throw in mustard and mayonnaise packets so you could pick which you preferred.” He leaned over and grabbed a couple of the cookies. “I thought we could share these.”
“Of course.” She swallowed, feeling a little self-conscious. “While I appreciate the company, Del, you don’t have to stay. I’m sure you have work to do.”
“Not really. As the boss, I get to set my own hours, and that includes taking breaks with attractive clients. However, I’ll excuse myself for a second to get a chair. I don’t want to crowd you on the bed.”
With that he stood up and headed out of the room. Josie wanted to protest. She liked him sitting close to her. She liked feeling his strength and his heat. But she didn’t want to seem too eager or start something she wasn’t prepared to finish. Instead she used her time alone to quickly use the bathroom, splashing water on her face and brushing her teeth. When she stepped back into the bedroom, Del had already returned and sat on a folding chair with his feet stretched out in front of him.
Josie lowered herself onto the mattress and leaned against the pillows.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” he asked, pointing at her untouched sandwich.
“In a bit. I’m not hungry right now, but I will be.”
He frowned. “Are you taking care of yourself the way you should? I know it’s none of my business, but I want you to answer the question, anyway.”
That made her smile. “I’m fine. I need to get back into physical therapy. My leg’s been hurting a lot and I’m tired more than I should be, so I probably need to get that checked out. But I’ve had so many surgeries that my body is in a constant state of repair.”
He popped open one of the cans of soda and took a drink. “Did your walk on Saturday help or hurt?”
She rubbed her leg. “I don’t know. It’s still sore. Recovery is a tricky process. Sometimes I feel as if I’m going backward more than forward.”
He nodded. “It was nice to see you at the park. I wish you’d stayed for the game.”
Josie opened her mouth, then closed it. She didn’t know what to say. Del had opened the blinds when he’d returned, and sunlight filled the room. Several rays caught the side of his head, making his dark hair gleam. She saw flashes of dark-red and auburn among the brown-black strands. Today he wore a navy T-shirt tucked into jeans. The soft cotton hugged his impressive muscles, emphasizing his broad shoulders and sculpted chest.
He was physically perfect. She’d never thought about it before, but of course it was true. She was intimately familiar with his body. She knew the elegant lines and hard contours.
He’d wanted her to stay for the game. She knew there was no way she could have done that. People would have stared and maybe even asked questions. Most of the time that didn’t bother her, but with Del nearby, she would have worried about what he was thinking. At times he seemed to forget there was something wrong with her. She didn’t need circumstances to remind him.
“I would have liked it, too,” she said cautiously. “But I wasn’t up to it…physically, I mean.”
“I understand.” He stared at her face. “If that’s all it is. I’d thought maybe it might be because of what I said about my ex-wife the night before.”
Embarrassment cut through her, making her face flame. She busied herself opening her own can of soda. “No. Why would that be a problem?”
“Because I said too much. I rarely talk about my marriage or my divorce. I guess once I got started, it all sort of spilled out. I made her sound like the wicked witch of the west, which isn’t fair. Plus-” He leaned toward her, resting his elbows on his knees. “The way I ranted and all, I didn’t want you to think there was still anything between us. I’m really over her.”
“Oh, good,” she managed.
Josie felt weak with humiliation. She hadn’t thought it could get worse with Del, yet here it was, falling apart even more.
He sighed. “I’m saying this all wrong. She’s not a bad person. I didn’t mean to imply that. She was always honest and prompt.”
If she’d been able to get up and run, Josie would have done it in a microsecond. Down the stairs and out of the house, never to be heard from again. Honest and prompt? Was that the best he could do? His attempts to make her feel better were falling far short of the mark.
“You make her sound like a German shepherd,” she said with a little more force than she would have liked. “Could she fetch the paper, too?”
Del straightened. “I’m making a mess of this, aren’t I?”
She wanted to scream “Yes!” but didn’t. Instead she sipped her drink and tried to calm down.
“Josie was a lot of good things,” he said carefully. “She was fearless about physical danger and always pushed herself. If there was a sport she wasn’t good at, she worked until she excelled. She didn’t care about the time, the energy or the pain. She just went for it.”
Josie didn’t want to hear this, either. If she’d been physically capable of curling up in a small ball and hugging her knees to her chest, she would have done it. His words made her feel small and broken. The few things Del still admired about her were tied to a body she didn’t have anymore. She was an idiot to have come back to Beachside Bay. Better to have stayed in Los Angeles and forgotten all about him.
But she couldn’t curl up and she couldn’t run. So she forced herself to shift so that she was sitting on the side of the bed. She put her can of soda on the nightstand.
“She sounds like quite an athlete,” she told him. “All that exercise. She must have been in great shape.”
“She was. Josie probably could have taken me if she’d tried.”
He grinned as he spoke. She tried to smile, as well.
“At least your sex life was great,” she said, thinking it was a small consolation, but at this point she was going to take whatever she could get.
Del didn’t say anything. It took her a couple of seconds to realize he seemed very interested in his soda and wasn’t responding to her statement. Her stomach dropped to her toes and every last ounce of self-worth evaporated like mist in the sun.
“Don’t tell me that was horrible, too,” she blurted before she could stop herself.
“Not horrible,” he said quickly. “It was fine. At times it was even amazing. It’s just…” His voice trailed off.
She wanted to die. Right there, sitting on the side of the bed. She wanted the world to end and take her along. She wanted to be anywhere but here, hearing anything but this. It was too much. How could he be saying the sex hadn’t been fabulous? Didn’t he remember all the things they’d done together? She’d always been open to new positions and new places. She’d been strong and limber, a combination he’d claimed to appreciate. Had he been lying?
“I’m not sure how to explain this,” he said slowly, avoiding her gaze.
She wanted to tell him not to bother, but she was afraid if she spoke, her voice would crack. Then he would want to know what was wrong, and she couldn’t think of any response to that.
“Josie was physically perfect and we had sex a lot. Most of the time it was everything a man could ask for. But sometimes it was empty.”
She blinked. “Empty? I don’t understand.”
Del shifted uncomfortably. As if he were embarrassed. “I know guys are supposed to be into quantity rather than quality, but it wasn’t like that for me. There were times I wanted to be tender and she didn’t. Josie wasn’t one to cuddle. She wasn’t into emotional connection. We had sex a lot, but we rarely made love.”
Worse and worse, she thought, too stunned to do more than keep breathing through the pain. He’d laid her bare and found her wanting in every aspect possible. For the first time in a long time, she found herself fighting tears. She who never cried. But this wound went too deep. It cut down to the very essence of her being, hurting her more than any of her surgeries. She had nothing left. She’d been an awful wife, a lousy lover and a horrible person. Why had he ever married her?
She wanted to excuse herself, but she knew she didn’t have the strength to walk away. Even her cane couldn’t help because her legs felt as if they would never support her weight again. She’d been so incredibly stupid to come back. She’d been harboring secret fantasies about her ex-husband while he’d been counting his blessings at getting rid of her.
Del watched the play of emotions across Rose’s face. She looked unnerved by what he’d said. Smooth, he thought grimly. Once again he’d blown it. Here he was with a beautiful woman, and how was he spending his time? Trashing his ex-wife. Could he be any more stupid?
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “That was insensitive and probably more information than you wanted.”
“No,” she said, her low voice a little thick. “It’s not that. I was just wondering what my ex-husband says when he talks about me.”
“I’m sure his opinion is completely different,” he assured her. “Because you’re different. I know we haven’t known each other long, Rose, but you’re nothing like my ex. You’re warm, caring, funny, gentle and very beautiful.”
She looked at him. Surprise filled her blue eyes. “You can’t mean any of that.”
“I mean every word.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then motioned to her legs. “I use a cane. I limp. There are scars everywhere. That’s not beautiful.”
Without planning the movement, he set his soda can on the floor and crossed to the bed. After sitting next to her, he turned so he could touch her face. As he stroked her cheek, he smiled.
“Can’t you see your injuries don’t matter? You are beautiful. It’s not just your face, but all of you.”
She parted her lips, but didn’t speak. They were so close. Her scent, the promise of her curves all called to him. He told himself to get away before he did something stupid. Not something he would regret, but definitely out of line for a contractor-client relationship.
But he didn’t want to stand and walk away from her. He wanted to be closer. He needed to feel her against him.
Slowly, so she would know what he was doing and have time to protest, he slipped his free hand around to rest on her back. He gently urged her forward, leaning into her at the same time. Carefully, deliberately, he lowered his mouth to hers. At the last second he paused, waiting for her to push him away.
Instead she touched his lips with hers.
She was soft and sweet, and he wanted to claim her instantly. Instead he forced himself to hold back. He kissed her gently, brushing against her tenderly. As he wrapped both his arms around her he was careful not to make any sudden movements. He knew that she spent a lot of her day in pain, and he wasn’t sure what parts of her might be tender.
He inhaled, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and floral perfume. There was another fragrance. Something subtle he couldn’t identify. It tugged at the corners of his mind in an almost familiar way. Something…
He forced the questions away. He didn’t want to think about anything but Rose. He brushed his mouth against hers, back and forth, exploring her, feeling her respond to him. Her breathing quickened. Her hands rested on his shoulders, then slid down his back. When she pulled him against her, he went willingly, wanting to feel her full breasts flatten against his chest.
With his eyes closed, his other senses sharpened. Desire grew inside of him. He lightly licked her bottom lip, testing to see if she wanted the kiss to continue. When her mouth parted for him, he felt a jolt of heat in his groin. Blood rushed south, making him uncomfortably aware of his need.
He slipped his tongue between her lips. As he did, he found his hands moving up and down her back in a way that was almost familiar. One of her hands moved up until her fingers tunneled through his hair. There was a rhythm to their movements. A familiar rhythm. Although he knew he was kissing Rose he was suddenly reminded of Josie.
Damn. Del opened his eyes to orient himself. He was with Rose. He was in her bedroom, kissing her. What the hell was Josie doing in his head?
He deepened the kiss in an effort to chase his ex-wife from his mind. In the three years she’d been gone, he’d never once thought of her while kissing another woman. But he was thinking of her now.
Rose, he told himself. Only Rose. The bodies were completely different. Rose was all curves-full breasts and hips. Her face, her hair, all of her. Rose.
Josie.
The thought intruded, breaking his concentration. Suddenly it was Josie’s taste, her scent, filling his mind. He broke the kiss and stumbled to his feet. Rose opened her eyes and looked at him. Those eyes. So blue. So much like Josie’s.
Anger and confusion filled him. Nothing made sense. He stared down at the woman in front of him, taking in her long, blond hair, her full, suddenly familiar mouth.
“Who are you?” he growled. “Who the hell are you?”