143907.fb2 Wife in Disguise - читать онлайн бесплатно полную версию книги . Страница 11

Wife in Disguise - читать онлайн бесплатно полную версию книги . Страница 11

Chapter Eight

The question echoed in Josie’s ears. Who are you?

She heard the words, understood their meaning, but she couldn’t speak. She was too stunned by the shock she felt from the impact of Del’s kiss. Too overwhelmed by passion, the past and her own realization that nothing was as she’d thought it would be.

She’d known Del was going to kiss her, even before he’d gathered her close and pressed his mouth to hers. Even through her pain at his latest revelation about their failed marriage, she’d recognized the light of need in his eyes, the desire and wanting in his expression. She’d allowed him to pull her against him because she’d needed something to ease her pain.

She’d thought that kissing him might help to make her feel better. She’d also thought it might be nice to know if there was still some passion between them. She’d expected to enjoy the contact, but she hadn’t thought she would be swept away. Nor had she expected to find an unwelcome truth.

He repeated his question and she tried to answer. But she couldn’t speak. She was too caught up in what she’d learned. She hadn’t come back to Beachside Bay because she wanted closure. She’d come back because when she’d thought she was dying, Del was the one person she’d been thinking about. She’d come back because she was still in love with him.

The implications of that-being in love with a man who regretted every second of their marriage-nearly overwhelmed her. Her legs began to tremble as a great weakness swept through her body. Her pulse felt fast and faint at the same time.

No, not that. She couldn’t still be in love with Del. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t fair. He hated her, or at least despised her. He thought she was selfish, stubborn and lousy in bed. The only thing he respected about her was a body she no longer controlled.

She wanted to run away, to hide forever. She wanted to distract him or make up some other lie. Instead she squared her shoulders and forced herself to look at him. She was done with pretending. The time had come to face a situation entirely of her own making.

“I’m Josie,” she said. “I know I look and sound different, but that’s because of the accident.”

Del shook his head in denial. Josie? His Josie? He stared at the woman sitting in front of him and tried to find some piece of the woman he’d known…and married. His mind reeled as he attempted to believe what she was saying. His senses-the ones engaged during the kiss-told him she was telling the truth. The rest of him refused to believe it.

“Josie?”

Was it possible? He studied the unfamiliar face, looking for a trace of the woman he’d lived with for three years. He searched her eyes, accepting the color and shape was the same. Her mouth, too. But the rest of her? He shook his head. Everything had changed. Her cheeks, her chin, her hair. Her body.

He swore under his breath as he looked-really looked-at her body. A couple of faint scars were visible on her forearm. The soft cotton dress she wore outlined full breasts and hips so incredibly foreign from what he remembered. Her cane lay on the floor. A cane? Josie? Having to walk with help? A woman who had spent her entire life running and jumping and searching for the next physical challenge.

“You can’t be,” he said.

“If you’re caught up in the physical changes, I have trouble accepting them myself,” she said quietly, her voice low and unfamiliar.

He took another step back. “But you don’t just look different, you sound different.”

“I know. There was minor damage to my vocal cords. Nothing serious, but it changed the pitch of my voice.”

She was so damned calm and rational. As some of the shock wore off, anger seeped into him. Anger and rage and a sense of having been played for a fool.

“What kind of game is this?” he demanded. “What did you think you were doing, lying to me? Is this a joke?”

He glared at her, demanding answers. The old Josie would have pushed back, harder and longer, turning things around so everything was his fault. But this new Josie-a woman he couldn’t connect with the one he’d known before-simply shook her head.

“I don’t have a good response to that,” she admitted, not quite meeting his eyes.

“That’s not good enough. What do you want? Why did you come back here?”

She swallowed. If he hadn’t known better, he would swear that she was hurt and more than a little scared. But that wasn’t possible. Nothing scared Josie and she didn’t care about anyone enough to get hurt. She only cared about herself and winning.

He pulled out the chair he’d sat in before and slumped heavily in the seat. He couldn’t get a handle on all the new information. Because the woman he’d known before had nothing in common with the woman he’d gotten to know over the past few weeks. Delicate, pretty Rose with the flowing dresses and long wavy hair was nothing like his ex-wife. Not in looks, attitude or personality.

“I’m not sure why I came back,” she said slowly, finally looking at him. “There was an assortment of reasons, none of which I can explain right now. I didn’t set out to trick you. I honestly thought you’d recognize me when you saw me.”

“But I didn’t and you didn’t say anything.”

“I know.” She dropped her gaze to her hands. They twisted together on her lap as she laced and unlaced her fingers.

“Why did you do it? What did you have to gain by being Rose?”

“It wasn’t about gain. It was about…” She sighed. “You liked Rose a whole lot more than you liked me. It was dumb, I know, but I thought that maybe if I was someone else, we could sort of get to know each other again. As different people.”

He stiffened, disbelief fueling his anger again. Yeah, right. On what planet would Josie Fitzgerald want a second chance with anyone? She was lying to him again, damn her. Playing some kind of twisted game.

“Why would you think I’d want to get to know you again?” he asked, being deliberately cruel. “One relationship with you was enough. I might be a slow learner, but I figured out that lesson. Once with you was plenty.”

She made a sound low in her throat. He wasn’t impressed by the trick, so he ignored it. Josie reached for her cane, then rose to her feet. Her movements were shaky and awkward. For a second he wondered if she was all right, then he pushed the concern away. He didn’t give a rat about her. He’d already fallen for the “poor me” game once. He wasn’t going to do it again. For all he knew, there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, dropping her head so that her hair swung down, shielding her face from view.

But not before he saw a glint that on anyone else he would have sworn was a tear. Except Josie never cried. Not once in all the time he’d known her.

“I c-can’t do this anymore,” she said, walking haltingly toward the door. “I’m sorry. About everything. I just can’t.”

She sounded broken and in pain. He almost weakened. Then he reminded himself what she’d been doing for the past three weeks, how he’d been attracted to her and had imagined her to be someone he would like to know better. The rage returned, and with it his resolve to stand firm.

“You’re not leaving,” he said as he stood. “Not until we get this settled. For once, we’re going to finish a conversation. You’re not going to run out or throw something. You’re going to stand right here until this is resolved.”

She raised her head and stared at him. Tears swam in her eyes. Josie crying?

“Please, Del,” she begged. “Don’t make this any more horrible. You’ve already told me exactly what you think of me. Do you really have to torture me any more?”

He remembered then all the things he’d told “Rose” about his ex-wife. The brutal assessments of her personality and how she’d disappointed him both in and out of bed. He winced, knowing that would have been tough for anyone to hear. Then he reminded himself he’d only spoken the truth. If Josie wasn’t strong enough to hear it, that wasn’t his fault. He would-

“Del?”

The soft sound cut through his thoughts. She swayed slightly. Instantly he knew something was wrong. Really wrong. But before he could reach her, she collapsed on the floor.

Four hours later Del stood at the foot of Josie’s hospital bed watching a nurse take her vital signs. He hadn’t thought the situation between them could get anymore strange, but he’d been wrong.

According to the emergency room doctor who had admitted Josie, she was dehydrated, fighting an infection and generally run-down. Del felt as if he were somehow responsible-as if their argument had been what had pushed her over the edge. She’d regained consciousness almost immediately after one of his crew had called 911, but Del would never forget those few minutes of panic when he hadn’t been sure if she were dead or alive.

Nothing made sense, he thought as the nurse finished her work, gave him a reassuring smile and left the room. How could this woman who looked and acted so differently be his ex-wife? And he knew she was Josie. She’d been through a horrible experience and had survived.

He felt a flash of guilt. While they’d been arguing at her house, he’d wondered if she’d made up the accident. But once in the hospital she’d changed from her regular clothes to a hospital gown. As she’d been sliding into bed he’d seen the scars crisscrossing her legs. Some were thin and faded but others appeared to be recent. He recalled that, as Rose, she’d told him there was more surgery in her future.

Who are you?

He wanted to ask the question again, but this time without the anger. He really wanted to know who she had become. Was Rose real? Not the name, of course, but the woman behind the name. Is that why he’d been so angry? Was it so much about Josie’s lies or had he been regretting the loss of someone he’d been starting to care about?

Who was real? The old Josie or the new Josie? Had her “Rose” personality been a reflection of the changes in her life or was it all an act?

“What are you thinking?”

He looked up and saw Josie watching him with a wary expression. Despite the confusion and the questions, he couldn’t help smiling ruefully. “At least I understand why the more I was around Rose, the more I thought of you. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. After three years you were firmly back in my brain, and I didn’t know why.”

He also understood the attraction he felt for Rose. Whatever their other problems, there had always been chemistry between Josie and him. Although, he wasn’t going to share that with her.

“At least I did what you said,” she told him, pushing on the hospital bed controls so she sat in a more upright position. “I didn’t walk out on the fight.” She gave a little shrug. “I think that’s a first.”

“Your exit was quieter, but no less dramatic. If I have to pick, I would prefer you to walk out. Or even throw something. When you passed out I was terrified I’d killed you.”

The corners of her mouth twitched up slightly. “I’m made of sturdier stuff than that. Obviously, or I wouldn’t have survived the accident.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Josie’s strength had never been something he would question. He was surprised that she’d endured as much as she had and still kept her sense of humor.

She looked at him then. Her blue eyes carefully blank, all trace of emotions-and tears-cleared away. “You don’t have to stay. I appreciate that you came with me in the ambulance, but I’ll be fine. I know the drill.”

Part of him wanted to go, but he couldn’t seem to make his feet move toward the door. Instead he pulled one of the chairs for visitors to the side of her bed and sat down.

“How many times have you been through this before?” he asked.

“This is my first collapse, if that’s what you’re asking. As for hospital stays…I’ve lost count.”

She spoke calmly, as if sharing her thoughts on the weather. He couldn’t imagine the Josie he knew enduring endless days of inactivity while her body healed. Had she not raged against the constraints, the pain, the slow progress? But as he looked at her he realized she wasn’t the Josie he knew.

Everything about her was different. The long, wavy hair, the different facial features. She wore makeup and dresses. He wasn’t sure there was anything of the old Josie left. Worse, he wasn’t sure he wanted there to be. As much as he hated to admit it, he’d liked the new Josie very much. Maybe too much.

“This is pretty confusing,” he said into the silence. “I don’t know what to think.”

“I’ll bet. There are times when I look in the mirror and give myself a fright. And I’ve had months to get used to what I look like. You’ve only had a few hours.” She pleated the sheets between her fingers. “I really didn’t plan on keeping it a secret, Del. That just happened. I’m not saying it was right, but I didn’t do it out of malice.”

“I know.”

Despite his earlier accusations, he knew that she wouldn’t have gone to all this trouble to trick him. Josie was many things, but she wasn’t subtle. When she wanted something, she went after it with all the energy at her disposal. When she had a problem with a person, she confronted that person directly.

“I thought you would recognize me,” she continued, then glanced at him from under her lashes. “Annie May did.”

He groaned. “Great. And she didn’t say a word.”

“I asked her not to. Besides, she just saw me this morning. She might have decided to come clean.”

“Maybe.”

But he doubted it. Josie and Annie May had always been close.

“I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me,” she whispered. “I can stand anything but that.”

Without stopping to consider his actions, he moved closer to the bed. “I could never pity you, Josie. You’re way too tough for that.”

“I’m not very tough right now.”

He wasn’t going to agree with her, even if it was true. Instead he reached up and touched her long hair. “You let it grow. I never knew you had waves. I like it.”

“Thanks. I didn’t know about the waves, either. I always wore my hair really short. After the accident, getting it cut was the least of my problems and suddenly it was long.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “On days when I can’t move around much, fixing my hair gives me something to do. When I’m feeling strong, I can get it out of the way by putting it back in a ponytail, so it works.”

Josie was tall and strong and vibrantly alive. At least she used to be. He couldn’t reconcile that image with the pale woman sitting in the hospital bed. Two IV lines dripped into her arm. She was wearing a hospital gown. His Josie? Never.

“What about the other changes?” he asked. “You wear dresses now instead of jeans. Except on your walk last Saturday. Then you wore sweats.”

She sighed. “Jeans are too hard. Most days my legs don’t work that well. There’s a lot of pain from the surgeries. It’s just easier to pull a dress over my head and go.”

“I’m sorry for the reason, but I like you in dresses. You’re very pretty and feminine in them.”

“Not at all like the old me, huh? No wonder you didn’t recognize me.”

No wonder at all, he thought. She couldn’t run anymore or play basketball. “Are you working?” Last he’d heard she’d been a PE teacher and coach at a private girls’ high school in Los Angeles.

“Not since the accident. Eventually I’m going to have to do something but right now I’m not sure what.”

He stared at her, at the changes. “I can’t believe this is really you.”

She gave him a bright smile that was as fake as plastic wood. “It’s amazing what a close encounter with a big truck will do,” she said brightly. “You should have seen me the first couple of months. My face and most of the left side of my body was either bandaged or covered with a cast. I looked like mummy woman for what felt like weeks. There were braces and therapy sessions, surgeries, months in rehab. You name it, I did it. You remember my stepsister, Dallas?”

He nodded.

“She and I shared an apartment together in West Los Angeles. She’s a grad student at UCLA. The timing turned out to be terrific. I had a few weeks at home in between surgeries which coincided with her summer break. By the time she had to return to school, I was back in the hospital.”

He believed everything she was saying and yet it was like listening to someone talk about a movie they’d seen. No real person could have gone through this and survived. “And it’s really been a year?”

She nodded. “It was a year last month.”

He should have known, he thought suddenly. He should have sensed something was wrong with Josie. “I wish you’d had someone get in touch with me.”

Her blue gaze met his with a directness he remembered. “Why? What difference would it have made?”

“I would have come to be with you. Or does your family dislike me so much that they didn’t want me there?”

“They like you just fine. The reason they didn’t contact you was that I told them not to. We’d been divorced for two years.”

“But-”

She cut him off with a shake of her head. “Would you have let me know if the situation had been reversed? Would you have wanted me with you?”

“That’s different.”

“That’s also your way of saying no.”

“But I’m not the point. You are. Your not getting in touch with me had nothing to do with the divorce. You would have hated needing me. That’s why you couldn’t do it. You never wanted to need anyone.”

He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. Josie’s independent streak had been something he’d admired at the beginning of the marriage, but by the end, he’d grown to hate it. She would rather have eaten glass than admit she needed anyone for anything.

“Maybe once,” she admitted. “But not anymore. The last year has taught me that I do need people and I’m going to need them for the rest of my life. There were days when I couldn’t even feed myself. Believe me, I learned all about being dependent then.”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t think it is. For a long time I thought I was strong because I was physically capable, but I’ve learned that being strong is about will and determination. I could have given up, but I didn’t-no matter how much the odds were against me or how much it hurt. I experienced the worst it could be and I survived.”

“I’m not questioning your strength.” He straightened, shifting the chair back a little. “You’ve always been stubborn.”

She shook her head. “I’m different, Del. You have to know that. If I’d been the same you wouldn’t have been interested in getting to know Rose.”

“How much of Rose was real and how much of it was a game?” He couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice. “You were playing with me.”

“No. It was all very real.”

He wanted to believe her. He wanted to know that she was different, which was crazy because he wasn’t interested in reigniting the flame with his ex-wife.

“I need some time to think about this,” he said, standing, “and you need some rest.”

She tilted her head as she looked up at him. “It’s strange. For the first time since I’ve known you, you’re the one walking away, not me.”

“I guess I’ve changed, too. I’ll be back in the morning.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. Do you want me to call your folks and let them know you’re in the hospital?”

“No. I’m only going to be here a couple of days. I don’t want anyone worrying.”

More than likely she didn’t want them hanging around. As he’d said before-Josie hated needing anyone. Then, because he didn’t know what else to say, he turned on his heel and left.