Late one morning Josie set her book on her lap and glanced around the living room of Del’s house. Her body ached from her recent physical therapy session. She was going to finish reading her chapter, then go into the kitchen and make herself lunch. After that, she wanted to take a nap. Despite finishing her course of antibiotics, she still didn’t have her strength back completely. Dr. Sanders kept telling her that it would take time. It didn’t help that her physical therapy sessions were grueling and left her completely drained.
The good news was, she was healing. Josie could feel the changes in her legs as her strength returned. The temptation to use the walker more than she was supposed to nearly overwhelmed her, but she resisted. This time she was going to do things right. She was going to get well enough to walk again. Maybe this time without the cane.
She gazed out the front window at the green lawn and sprawling trees. Two months ago if someone had told her she was going to be living with her ex-husband and actually liking it, she would have told that person he was crazy. Yet here she was-living with Del in the same house they’d had when they were first married. There were pockets of awkwardness, but for the most part they were getting along fine.
Every morning Del drove her to physical therapy and waited until the session was finished. He came home early from work to keep her company. They spent their evenings talking over board games or watching rented movies together. The previous Sunday they’d munched popcorn and hotdogs while watching the Los Angeles Dodgers play Atlanta in the L.A. team’s first away series of the season. As he’d requested, they were becoming friends.
Josie couldn’t help smiling as she thought about how careful Del was with her. He treated her as if she were a delicate creature. A few years ago she would have chafed under his concern and probably responded with sarcasm. Now she appreciated the attention. It made her feel that maybe he did care about her a little and maybe she hadn’t been such a horrible wife.
Her smile faded as she remembered all the things Del had said about her when he’d thought she was Rose. She cringed at his assessment of her as a wife and a person. Unfortunately, she couldn’t blame him for his opinions, nor could she point out where he’d been wrong. But the picture wasn’t quite as bleak as it could have been. Because Del had admitted he had some blame in what had gone wrong, as well.
At first Josie hadn’t been able to believe it. For so long she’d felt like the only flawed one. Del was so willing to compromise, offering to do his share of the chores. She’d been the one to fight his ideas. Now she could see that he’d been right when he’d said he’d been taking too much on himself. Making up his own compromises and not giving her a voice in the process was the same as getting everything his way. He’d been able to paint himself as the good guy, leaving her the role as villain.
She still wasn’t sure she had completely absorbed the concept of shared responsibility in the failure of their marriage, but she was happy to make the start. Now if only she knew what to do with her growing feelings for him.
As much as she hated to admit it, Josie knew she was in trouble. Being around Del was an odd combination of old and new. Unfortunately, it was the best of both worlds. She liked the changes in him, while all the things she’d loved about him before still existed. How was she supposed to resist that? How was she supposed to keep her heart safe? While he was being very kind and obviously cared about her, caring wasn’t love. They had affection but not passion. And while she wanted to believe that a happily-ever-after ending was possible, her daddy hadn’t raised a fool. Wishing and reality could be worlds apart. She would have to-
The slam of a car door cut through her thoughts. Josie returned her attention to the window, wondering if Del had forgotten something at home. The thought of him walking through the front door sent her heart into hyperspeed. She clutched the arms of her wheelchair and ordered herself not to grin like an idiot.
But the person who came into view wasn’t Del. Instead it was a young woman, maybe twenty-four or twenty-five. She was tall, lean and gorgeous, with flame-red hair that tumbled down her back. Jeans clung to impossibly long legs. A cropped long-sleeved shirt dipped just low enough to expose the top curves of a showgirl-size chest. She moved with the grace of a dancer…or an athlete.
For several seconds Josie could only stare as the woman approached the house. Her brain offered explanations for her presence. She was selling something. She was lost. She had the wrong house. She was a neighbor.
Then she pulled a key out of the front pocket of her jeans and Josie knew the truth. She was Del’s girlfriend. Someone close enough to warrant having access to his house when he wasn’t home. Someone…
The key turned in the lock. Josie gasped and put her hands on the wheels, but there was no time to run and nowhere to hide. Instead she was forced to stay where she was, right in the middle of Del’s living room, and wait to confront someone who was too much like the woman she, Josie, used to be.
The woman stepped into the foyer and glanced around. When her gaze settled on Josie, she started visibly. Josie didn’t have a clue as to what the visitor was thinking. She was too busy dealing with her own thoughts.
Del’s girlfriend was everything Josie would never be again. Graceful, straight, unbroken. She could walk or run or dance without effort. She could move her legs and arms, wear a bikini without worrying about scars. She could make love anywhere, in any position. She was physically perfect.
The woman blinked first. “Who the hell are you?”
Her outrage, her slightly pouty lower lip, all eased Josie’s tension. For some reason she suddenly found the situation slightly amusing. She was in a wheelchair for heaven’s sake. How much of a threat could she be? Yet the woman was staring at her as if she were the devil himself.
In that second Josie made a decision. She knew it was both wrong and childish, but she couldn’t help herself. So she gave her guest her best smile.
“I’m Josie Scott. Del’s wife. And you are?”
The woman’s gaze narrowed. If her eyes had been a laser beam, Josie would now be a puddle of steaming goo. “I’m Jasmine, Del’s girlfriend. And I know for a fact that he’s divorced. Which makes you his ex-wife.”
Don’t do it, Josie ordered herself. She had no right to interfere in Del’s personal life. Maybe this woman was someone important to him.
She mulled over that thought and found she didn’t believe it. He’d been spending all his free time at home. Unless Miss Congeniality had been out of the country for the past month, they weren’t getting along all that well. Besides, Del had kissed her, Josie. He wasn’t the kind of man to do that while he was involved with someone else. Although there was the matter of the key.
She told herself to be nice.
She didn’t listen.
“I’ll admit to being his ex,” she murmured softly. “But haven’t you heard that possession is nine-tenths of the law. That would mean I live here now and you don’t.”
Jasmine’s full mouth twisted. “I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have to. Ask Del yourself. He’ll tell you that I’m staying with him indefinitely.”
Jasmine took a step back. “No way. He wouldn’t want someone like you when he could have me. Del isn’t into pity and why else would he want a cripple.”
With that she turned on her heel and stalked out of the house. Josie tried to tell herself that the ultimate victory had been hers, that she’d driven the younger, pretty predator out of her territory. But the words didn’t offer any comfort. Not when she was forced to accept the truth.
Jasmine was right. Del wouldn’t be interested in Josie. She was too different, and even if her body had been as perfect as it’d been before, he hadn’t liked her personality all that much. His actions were two part kindness and one part guilt. Nothing more. Despite her fantasies to the contrary, he wasn’t falling for her.
Unfortunately, there was no way to stop herself from falling for him.
Annie May arrived a little after twelve. She brought with her a large bag from a local burger place, along with a six-pack of Josie’s favorite soda.
“I heard,” the older woman said when she’d helped Josie into a regular chair at the table and had put out their food. Humor glinted in Annie May’s eyes. “Jasmine flew into that office like her pants were on fire. I don’t usually spend much time there, so I might have missed it all, but Del had called a staff meeting. We’d just finished and most of the guys were long gone, but I was still chatting with Jan about her kids.”
Josie wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what her friend had to say, but she couldn’t help the curiosity welling up inside of her.
“She was upset?”
Annie May bit into her burger and chewed. When she’d swallowed, she raised eyebrows. “Upset doesn’t quite cover it. She was out for blood. She stormed into his office and slammed the door so hard the windows rattled.” Annie May grinned. “It was almost like having the old you back again.”
“That’s hardly a compliment,” Josie muttered. She didn’t want to be reminded of her past. Nor could she believe Del would get involved with another woman who had a temper. “Has Jasmine always been volatile?”
“Not that I knew about.” Annie May dragged a couple of French fries through a puddle of ketchup. “But he’s been slowing things down with her for a few months now. I don’t think she’s been real happy at the thought of the relationship ending. I guess this was the final straw.”
“So what happened?”
Annie May chuckled. “They were going at each other like two tomcats. She was screaming and he was trying to calm her down.” She sighed. “Don’t men know they only make things worse when they act reasonable while we’re all upset?”
“I guess not.”
The older woman shrugged. “Anyway, Jasmine demanded to know who you were. I couldn’t hear Del’s answer, but I’m guessing he told her the truth. She let out a shriek they probably heard in China. Then she began stomping around, demanding that he get you out of his house. He raised his voice enough for us to hear him tell her it was his house, and he would do as he pleased. Then he told her it was over between him and her and asked for his key back. She got really ugly, calling him names and saying you-”
For the first time since she’d started the story, Annie May hesitated. Josie knew what that meant. Jasmine had talked about her condition, saying unkind things about the wheelchair and maybe Josie’s appearance.
“I can guess,” she said, turning her burger over in her hands but unable to eat.
“Well, the good news is Del took his key back and showed her the door. She was still spitting fire as she stomped to her car. Then he got all embarrassed, knowing we’d heard just about everything they’d said, so he slammed his door. That’s when I decided to bring you lunch.”
“I hope Del ended his relationship with Jasmine because he wanted to and not because of me,” she said, feeling slightly guilty for what she’d said to the redhead.
“Liar,” Annie May announced. “You don’t want that man of yours thinking about anyone but you.”
Trust Annie May to cut to the heart of the matter, Josie thought. “Maybe, but I’m also a realist.”
“What does that mean?”
She sighed, then set down her burger. “Look at me. I’ll never be the woman I was. My life is a mess and Del isn’t going to want to be a part of that. He’s only taking care of me now because he feels sorry for me. He’s never going to want me-not while there are women like Jasmine around. Why would he settle for someone who will never be completely whole again? I can’t do any of the things I used to do. I can’t run or ride or play sports. I can’t even do my job. No school is going to want a cripple for a PE teacher.”
Annie May took another bite and chewed it slowly. Josie fought against the burning in her eyes. She wasn’t about to give in to tears. She had already done that once this month.
Her friend wiped her hands on a paper napkin, then took a drink of her soda. “I thought you had some attitude going for you,” she said. “I was impressed by the way you handled Jasmine. Whatever you said put her in her place. But I see I was wrong. So this is where I tell you that people who sit on the pity pot look real silly after a time and they get a permanent red mark on their butt. That’s not your style.”
Annie May’s words stung. “That’s not fair. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’m stating the reality of the situation. Don’t you dare tell me that I’m giving up. I’ve worked damn hard this past year. Harder than I’ve ever worked for anything. Until you’ve lived through what I have, don’t you dare judge me. You can still do just about everything you want to. You don’t understand and you never will, so don’t you ever presume to judge me.”
Red eyebrows raised slightly. “Well, you go girl. I’d wondered if there was still some of the old spirit left in that body of yours. I’m glad there is.”
Her reaction didn’t make sense. “What’s your point?”
Annie May leaned toward her. “I don’t want you getting lost in your pain, Josie. You’re too strong for that. Yes, your situation is pretty horrible. It’s not fair and it’s never going to be fair. But everyone has to overcome something. Your thing is just a little tougher than most. But you’re improving. You’re doing more than surviving, you’re learning to live again. Don’t let go of that. You’re healing and you have people who care about you. That’s more than a lot of folks can say.”
Josie didn’t want to admit it but she knew her friend was right. “I see your point,” she said slowly. “But I still hate my physical limitations.”
“Hate all you want. Just don’t feel sorry for yourself. You still have a lot going for you. You don’t have to worry about money.”
Josie nodded. Her settlement from the company that owned the truck that hit her had been more than enough to take care of her for the rest of her life. Her medical expenses were covered, as well.
“You might not look the same, but you’re still pretty.”
“I’m not complaining about my face.”
“I know. It’s your body. You can’t do what you used to. Hell, I can’t either, but that’s a byproduct of growing old. When I get crabby I remind myself about the alternative, which is being dead.” She grinned. “Not my first choice. As for your life, so you can’t be the coach you were before. You still love sports. Can’t you find some way to be a part of them? What about the kids who have physical limitations? Who teaches them to play on teams? Who shows them what their bodies are capable of and how to be a winner from a wheelchair?”
Josie blinked. “You mean like a special education PE teacher?”
“I don’t know. That’s your field of expertise, not mine. I’m just saying that if you want to still be involved with kids and make a difference, there’s nothing stopping you. You’ve got your brain. Use it.”
Josie considered the possibility. She’d assumed that because she couldn’t go back to her old job, teaching was no longer available to her. But maybe she’d been too quick to give up. Maybe there were alternatives.
“Which leaves only one thing,” Annie May said, her brown eyes intense and focused. “That fool man of yours.”
Josie swallowed. She didn’t want to talk about this because it would mean admitting her secret desire. Something she’d barely been willing to think in the darkest corners of her mind. Yet if she didn’t say the words aloud, they couldn’t be real.
“I want him back,” she whispered, not looking at her friend. “I want a second chance at a marriage. I still love him and I want him to love me back.”
“So where’s the problem?”
Josie shook her head. “He doesn’t love me. At times I think he doesn’t even like me very much. Our past is too much to get over. Besides, he’s been involved with other women.”
“You were divorced, honey. What did you expect?”
That Del would pine for her. That his life would crumble when she left. Not that she could tell Annie May that.
“Jasmine wasn’t about being in love,” her friend said. “She was about being lonely. Yes, Del has dated and been involved, but he hasn’t been in love with anyone. You’re the one who used to have the key to his heart. The lock might be rusty, but I know it hasn’t changed. Find that key and use it.”
“I’m afraid,” Josie admitted.
“You can’t win if you don’t even try.”
“What if I lose?”
“At least you’ll have the truth. And you’ll be able to look yourself in the eye, knowing you gave 100 percent.”
She would also have a broken heart. She realized now that she’d never stopped loving her husband. She’d locked her feelings away and refused to look at them. It took a life-threatening accident to bring them back to light. If she tried to win back Del and lost, she would be destroyed. If she didn’t try, she was going to be destroyed. There didn’t seem to be many options.
“Del, your mom is on line two.”
Jan’s voice came through the intercom. Del bit back a curse as he dropped into his seat and reached for the receiver.
Ever since Jasmine had exploded into his office, he’d been trying to get home to check on Josie. He didn’t know what she’d thought of his ex-girlfriend showing up the way she had, but he doubted she’d been happy. He couldn’t call to check on her because she didn’t pick up his phone line, and events had conspired to keep him stuck in his office for the past several hours.
First there had been the theft of some equipment at one of the job sites. Then a zoning commissioner had dropped by to talk to Del about a planned development on the bluffs overlooking the ocean. There had been phone calls from customers, and a minor dispute between employees. Finally, when he was about to walk out the door and head home, his mother called.
He pushed the button on the intercom. “Thanks, Jan,” he told his secretary/receptionist, then punched the flashing button for line two. “Hey, Mom. How’s it going?”
“Fine, Del. Your father and I are in Kentucky and we absolutely love it here. The grass is the most extraordinary color, and the horses-” she sighed “-they’re stunning. I’m making noises about wanting to retire here but your father refuses to listen.”
Despite his need to get home, he couldn’t help smiling as he listened to his mother’s voice. “Dad would miss the water.”
“I know. He keeps reminding me. And I tell him that we could have our very own pond, but he’s not impressed. So what are you up to these days? How’s work?”
Del’s grandfather had started the family construction firm. Del’s father had taken it over, then had passed the business on to Del. For most of the years of their marriage, Catherine Scott had not only taken care of the house, her husband and her son, but she’d also helped out in the office several mornings a week.
“Business is good.” He hesitated. “Someone bought the old Miller place. We’re doing the remodeling job.”
“Really?” Delight brightened his mother’s voice. “I’m so happy. I adore that old house. Frankly, it deserves new owners. Those last people just let it sit for so long. Tell me about the new owners. Are they putting the master on the third floor?”
“Yup. In fact I got approval on my plans earlier this week. We’ll be starting the framing Monday.”
Catherine laughed. “Good for you. I always did like that design. The master suite is going to be spectacular. So tell me about the family that bought the house. Do they have many children? That house cries out for the sound of laughter. What do they think of the neighborhood? Are they-”
“Mom,” he said, cutting her off. “One or two questions at a time, please.”
“Oh, all right. So, spill the beans.”
He leaned back in his leather chair. What was he going to say? How could he explain what was going on in his life? He didn’t expect his parents to either approve or disapprove, but he doubted either of them would be silent.
“Josie bought the house. She’s back in town.”
There was a moment of silence, then the sound of his mother exhaling slowly. “Josie? After all this time?”
He couldn’t tell from the tone of her voice if she approved or disapproved. “I was surprised, too.”
“Are you two getting along? If you’re doing the remodeling, you must see quite a bit of her.”
He’d come this far, he thought wryly. He might as well get it all out in the open. “She’s staying at my house temporarily.”
Then, before his mother could respond, he filled her in on Josie’s accident and her subsequent recovery. He explained how she’d collapsed and was spending a few weeks in a wheelchair. Finally he outlined his offer to take care of her during that time, which meant her living at his house.
“I see,” his mother said slowly. “Josie in a wheelchair. I can’t begin to imagine what that must be like for her. She was always such an athletic girl. Running, playing sports. And so pretty. Is her face really completely different?”
“I didn’t recognize her for a while,” he admitted. “She’s still attractive, but she doesn’t look like herself.”
“That must be odd.”
“I’m getting used to it.”
“Del, I…” His mother cleared her throat. “I don’t know if I should say this or not, but I’m going to. I love you very much and I always liked Josie. When you told me you were getting married, I thought you were both a little young, but your father and I hoped you would mature together.” She paused.
Del braced himself for what was coming. Obviously, he and Josie hadn’t matured, at least not in a way that allowed them to keep their marriage together. He knew his mom was going to warn him against getting involved with Josie again. Probably very sensible advice but for some reason, he didn’t want to hear it.
“I’ve always felt terribly guilty for my part in breaking up your marriage.”
He stared at the phone. “What? Mom, you’re crazy. You didn’t do anything to hurt my relationship with Josie.”
Catherine Scott sighed. “Not directly, perhaps, but I did have a minor role. You see, I know how Josie felt about me. We got along very well, but she was intimidated by the way I had always taken care of you. She couldn’t compete with that and I doubt she wanted to. To be honest, I didn’t want her to, either. What if she’d done a better job? Still, she had to feel inadequate. She didn’t cook or bake and she’d never really learned to run a household. To make matters worse, you had an expectation that your wife would be like me, at least in the homemaking department. I was too old-fashioned that way.”
Del hadn’t thought there were any more surprises left regarding the situation between himself and Josie, but he’d been wrong.
“Mom, I-”
“You don’t have to say anything,” she told him, cutting him off. “I can’t change what I did while you were growing up. I love you and your father. Taking care of you both was my way of showing that love. So except for how it affected your marriage, I don’t have any regrets. But Josie was so different. I think she wanted to try, but she didn’t know how. I could have helped more, but I didn’t. I was sad as I watched your relationship falter, and I didn’t know how to make it better.”
“That wasn’t your responsibility.”
“I know, but every mother wants to protect her children from their own mistakes. Unfortunately, children need to learn on their own.”
He wasn’t sure what to make of all his mother had told him. There had been more forces at work while he and Josie had been married then he’d realized. The question was, what did he do with the information now?
After Annie May left, Josie tried to take a nap, but her brain wouldn’t shut down enough for her to sleep. Dozens of thoughts and ideas circled through her mind. She tried to absorb all that had happened.
Of course she was upset about Jasmine’s visit, but she told herself she was really dumb if she thought that Del had been a monk for the three years they’d been divorced. Obviously he’d dated. But as Annie May had pointed out-he hadn’t fallen in love. There had been no serious relationships, which was good for her.
She also thought about what her friend had said about her, Josie, still having the key to Del’s heart. She wanted that to be true, but she wasn’t sure. She was slowly coming to believe that she wasn’t the only one at fault in the marriage. Unfortunately, if they were both to blame, it would also take both of them to fix the problems. And she wasn’t sure Del would want to participate in that. She wasn’t sure about anything where he was concerned.
“A grown-up would come right out and ask,” she told herself, speaking aloud into the quiet of the room. Unfortunately, she wasn’t feeling especially mature at this moment. Maybe an alternative would be to test the waters in more tentative ways, so she could feel safer during the process.
She closed her eyes and found herself remembering all the fights they had about her cooking…or rather her refusal to cook. For Del, coming home to a freshly cooked meal had meant a lot. But she’d resisted right up to the end. She would cook, but only when he was there to help.
She turned on her side as she remembered that his favorite was lasagna. Catherine had shared a recipe with her once. It was supposed to be one that he really liked and, according to her then mother-in-law, relatively easy. She’d tucked the paper into a cookbook. Josie sat up. She would bet money that cookbook was sitting right above the small desk in the kitchen and that the recipe was still inside. She could make that for Del tonight, as a surprise.
Then she glanced down at her legs. She wasn’t allowed to drive. Nor was a wheelchair easy to maneuver in a grocery store.
“Delivery,” she said with a grin.
She would make up a shopping list and call in the order. Then she would get started with her surprise dinner.