Del cooked steaks on a grill on the stove while Josie prepared the salad. He’d found a butcher-block cart that was the perfect height for her to use from her wheelchair. As she sliced cucumber, he checked on the meat.
Their conversation was as easy as their movements. Josie told herself not to read too much into the situation, but she couldn’t help hoping that Del thought things were going as well as she did. They’d been lovers now for three days…and nights. They’d been sleeping together in the same bed, reaching for each other in the darkness. Yesterday he’d come home for lunch, but they’d never exactly gotten to a meal. Instead he’d carried her into the bedroom and had made love with her. He treated her with affection, respect and tenderness, and she couldn’t help hoping that love was just around the corner. But she couldn’t be sure.
When he was at work, she sat alone berating herself for not having the courage to tell him how she felt. It should be so easy to say the words, to admit her feelings. He’d loved her once-couldn’t he learn to do it again? Or had there been too much time and damage?
“The kitchen cabinets are finished,” he was saying, speaking of the progress on her remodeling project. “I’ll be hanging them next week. In the meantime I’m getting started on the bathroom cabinets.”
“I can’t wait to see them.” She reached for a tomato. “How’s work coming on the master suite?”
“Great. We’re a couple of days ahead of schedule. Everything should be done in three weeks. Your new house will be all ready for you.”
His words should have made her happy, but they didn’t. She didn’t like thinking about moving out of Del’s home. She liked being here, with him. But she didn’t know how he felt. Was he enjoying their time together or did he want his old life back? When she was finally mobile was he going to give her a kiss goodbye and simply tell her thanks for the good time?
The thought made her chest ache. She hated that it took being in a wheelchair to make Del keep her around. That meant their living arrangement was all about convenience and not a matter of the heart. She’d been faithful about her physical therapy appointments and her exercises. She’d been resting, as well. Now all that was paying off. She was stronger than she’d been since the accident. When she stood in the shower, she no longer swayed like a drunken sailor. She knew that at her next doctor’s appointment she was going to get the all-clear to start using her cane again. Which meant there was no reason to stay here. She would have to move out and then what would happen?
She desperately wanted to ask but she was so afraid of his answer. She didn’t want to know that this had all been a game for him. A way to relive the past. She didn’t want to know that she no longer mattered.
She finished the salads and carried them to the table. Del turned over the steaks.
“What are you going to do with the house?” he asked, his back to her as he watched the grill. “Are you going to keep it or sell it?”
The unexpected question made her tense. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“You seem to be moving around better. I’m sure Dr. Sanders is going to be pleased when she sees you the first part of next week.”
It was as if Del could read her mind, she thought in panic. Was he making conversation or trying to get rid of her?
“I’ve been doing everything she told me,” she said weakly. “Doctors tend to like that in a patient.”
Del flipped the steaks again, then turned to face her. He wore his usual jeans and flannel shirt. The casual clothes emphasized his strength. When he folded his arms over his chest, the shoulder seams strained.
“I’ve liked having you here, Josie. We’re doing well together.”
“I agree.” She swallowed. She didn’t know where the conversation was headed and it made her nervous.
“I wish you’d contacted me when you’d first been hurt. I would have been there.”
“Why?” she asked bluntly. “We were divorced. We hadn’t seen each other in two years. What difference would my accident have made?”
“We’d been divorced for three years when you showed up here.”
“That was different. I wanted closure.”
Something shifted in his eyes, but she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“Did you find it?” he asked.
She shrugged, still unable to tell him that she’d thought of him in that last moment when she’d believed she was going to die. “I wanted to know what had gone wrong between us. I guess I needed to tie up some loose ends.” She smiled. “You provided me with a detailed list of my faults, that’s for sure. I now have a very clear picture of everything I did wrong.”
He winced. “I’m sorry for all the stuff I said when I thought you were Rose. I was a jerk.”
“You were honest. It wasn’t fun to hear, but I needed the information. I like to think that I’ve changed since then.”
“In some ways. But your basic spirit and determination are alive and well. I’m glad.”
They gazed at each other. Something passed between them but Josie didn’t have a clue as to what it was. Her heart was too engaged, she thought. She wasn’t able to read his signals because she didn’t want to know anything bad.
He returned his attention to the steaks. “Annie May said you’d been talking about returning to teaching.”
“It’s crossed my mind. Not only do I have the training, I miss it.”
“She said something about special-needs kids.” He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Is that what you want or is it all you think you’re capable of?”
She couldn’t help laughing. “Gee, Del, I thought I was the one who asked the blunt questions in this relationship.”
“Hey, I learned from a master. So which is it?”
She considered her answer before speaking. “I suppose in my heart I know that I could go back to what I was doing before. There might have to be some physical adjustments, but I would still be a good coach. But the idea of working with kids who have physical limitations is appealing to me. I’ve been through the surgeries, I felt what it’s like to try to walk when every cell of my body is screaming in pain. I’ve lived with the despair and dying hope. While I would love to take a basketball team to the state championship, I think I would do a lot more good helping a child have fun from a wheelchair.”
He put down his tongs, crossed the room and kissed her on the mouth.
“What was that for?” she asked as he returned to the grill.
“No reason.”
Maybe not, but the action had left her all tingly inside. She had to catch her breath before she could speak again. “I’ve spoken to my sister, Katie. She’s the physical therapist.”
“I remember Katie.”
“She said that there are lots of opportunities for what I’m talking about.”
Del felt himself being ripped in two. On the one hand he liked everything Josie was saying. Her words illustrated the changes in her and made him hope that they had a future together. On the other hand he didn’t know if she planned to pursue her new career here or somewhere else. Was she in his house because she wanted to be or because it was convenient? Was their newfound intimacy just a quick trip into the past, or had he managed to touch her heart?
The simplest way to find out would be to ask, but he didn’t want to hear the answer if it was no.
In the past few weeks he’d come full circle with Josie. At first he’d been attracted to a stranger named Rose. Then he’d been furious to find out she was his ex-wife. Now he was discovering new things about her that made him know he’d been crazy to think he would ever forget her or stop loving her. He wanted them to have a second chance, but this time he wanted it to work.
He turned the meat again. He was cooking them on a low flame to make sure they stayed tender. Josie had already prepared baked potatoes which were wrapped in foil and waiting on the table.
“We both made a lot of mistakes when we were married,” he said, not looking at her. “For a long time I thought all the fault was yours, but it wasn’t. I screwed up, too. At least half of the blame is mine.”
“Relationships are about sharing,” she teased.
He glanced at her. Fading sunlight caught her blond hair, bringing out faint traces of gold. Her skin glowed, her smile was tender. Just looking at her made his heart ache.
“You’re tough,” he said. “You’re stubborn. You’re not a quitter. I know I asked this before, but I still want to know why you quit on us.”
The laughter left her eyes and she sighed. “I don’t know, Del. I’ve asked myself that same question. I guess a lot of it is that I liked to be a winner and I could never win with you. All my life my dad had pounded the concept of being right, of winning, into me. Nothing else mattered to him. I didn’t know how to compromise, I didn’t know how to say, “We were both wrong.” Or if I’d said it, I didn’t know how to believe it. I literally had to get hit by a truck before I figured out that winning isn’t everything. That I don’t always have to be right.” Her mouth turned up at the corners. “I know I look really bright but occasionally I’m a slow learner.”
“It took Annie May reading me the riot act to figure out that I hadn’t exactly been the perfect husband. So I guess we’re even.”
She smoothed her skirt over her lap. “I’ve spent the past year figuring out my strengths and weaknesses. I’ve had to learn to depend on people. I couldn’t do it all myself. That’s been a hard and ugly lesson and I still forget it from time to time.” She paused. “I’m sorry I was so immature when we were married. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to talk things out.”
“I’m sorry I was a jerk who expected you to cater to his every whim.”
She chuckled. “I’m many things, but I’m sure not like Catherine. I never will be.”
“I never wanted you to be my mom.” When she raised her eyebrows, he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Okay, maybe I did want you to take care of me the same way, but I know now that was unrealistic. Besides, you were amazing in very non-maternal ways.”
Her gaze narrowed. “You’re talking about sex, aren’t you?”
“Oh, yeah. You were always hot, Josie. You still are.”
He expected her to laugh, or at least smile, but she didn’t. Sadness darkened her eyes.
“I can’t be like that anymore, Del. That part of my life is over. If you’re waiting for it to reappear, it’s not going to happen.”
He heard the pain in her voice, and it frustrated him. “Dammit, Josie, you’re talking about doing it up against the wall again. Why are you fixated on that?”
“Because it’s lost to me. I’ll never be that woman again.”
“Who says I want her back?”
“You just did when you talked about me being hot. Which doesn’t make any sense because when you thought I was Rose you said our sex life before was lousy.”
He turned off the grill, then walked over to crouch in front of her. Her eyes were huge and her mouth straight. He could see he’d hurt her.
“Chemistry,” he said touching her cheek with his fingers. “We have great chemistry. We’re both spontaneous. It’s about attitude, not location or position. As for what I said when I let my lips flap without my brain engaged, I’m sorry.”
She jerked free of his touch and turned her head away. “Being sorry doesn’t change the truth. I thought I was at least good in bed when we were married, but I w-wasn’t.”
His throat tightened as her voice cracked. Del knew he’d done serious damage and he didn’t know how to fix it. Except with the truth.
“I wanted more, Josie,” he said quietly. “The wild crazy sex was fun, but I needed a connection that was more than physical. I wanted to be able to hold my wife in my arms and stroke her hair. I wanted her to make love with me, then hug me and never let go. I wanted tenderness, not just getting off. I wanted what we have now.”
She turned back to him. Tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t know how to be tender. I didn’t know it was important. No one had ever been that way with me. I thought you would want it fun and different and exciting.”
“That part was really good, but it wasn’t enough.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek. She brushed it away impatiently. “But now when I can give you tender, I can’t give you the other part. I like being in your arms. I like you stroking my hair, and when we hug, I don’t want to let go. But the rest of it is gone forever.” More tears spilled down her cheek. “So you’re destined to be disappointed with me.”
He hadn’t known it was possible to feel this much pain inside and keep on breathing. There weren’t any more words, he realized. He could tell her it didn’t matter but she wouldn’t believe him. So he was going to have to show her it was still possible.
“You’re wrong,” he announced and rose to his feet.
He quickly pulled the salads from the table and pushed the place settings and potatoes to the side. Then he returned to her and picked her up. She shrieked.
“What are you doing?”
“Proving my point. We can talk and talk, but it won’t make any difference. You’ll never believe me. You might have learned tender, but you sure didn’t forget stubborn.”
He set her on the kitchen table. Before she could figure out what he was going to do, he reached under her dress and pulled down her panties. She yelped in protest. He ignored her. Seconds later she was sitting bare butt on the table. He tugged off her panties, then dragged over two chairs. He placed one foot on each chair so she had plenty of support. Only then did he move between her parted thighs.
He was pleased to see that her tears were gone. She looked ready to spit fire.
“Don’t for a moment think you can coerce me into having sex with you now. Let go of me right this instant. You’re nothing but an animal.”
He placed her hands on his shoulders and nestled against her. “Point one,” he said as he brushed his mouth against hers. “You’re determined to believe we can never have wild, spontaneous not-in-bed sex again. This is a demonstration to prove you wrong. Point two, stop protesting. You could have stopped me at any second and you didn’t. If you don’t want to make love right now, simply say so and I’ll stop. Point three-”
She reached around to put her hand on the back of his head and brought him close for her kiss. “Point three,” she said before claiming his mouth with hers, “shut up.”
Del had thought that Josie might resist his graphic proof that they could be as inventive as they’d been before…with a little bit more innovation, but he’d been wrong. She pressed herself against him with an eagerness that had him hard in about thirty seconds. Desire swept him up in a passionate tide from which there was no escape. Apparently Josie was equally affected, for even as her lips clung to his and her tongue invaded his mouth, she reached for the belt of his jeans.
He reached down to help her. They fumbled with the fastenings and freed him. His instinct was to plunge inside of her, but he forced himself to hold back. Instead he reached beneath her dress to test her readiness. After all, just a couple of minutes before she’d been near tears.
He slid his fingers along her thigh and made his way to the center of her being. There he encountered slick, welcoming, damp heat. She moaned when he made contact. As he moved a finger inside of her, he used his thumb to locate her most sensitive spot. He’d barely brushed against her when she shuddered. He felt the rippling response of her release around his finger. The feel was so erotic, he nearly lost it himself right there.
“Del, please,” she moaned against his mouth.
He pulled up her skirt and prepared to thrust inside of her. At the last second he swore and pulled away.
“What?” she called after him as he turned and hurried from the room.
“Protection,” he yelled, heading for the bedroom. Once there, he grabbed one from the open drawer and jogged back to the kitchen.
Josie sat where he’d left her, but there had been a couple of changes. She unbuttoned her dress and shrugged out of it so the fabric pooled at her waist. She’d also taken off her bra. Her breasts were full, her nipples hard. Sexual desire tightened her expression, but there was also a smile tugging at her mouth.
“What’s so funny?” he asked as he ripped open the condom’s packaging.
“Us. We’re in the kitchen, doing it on the table. Neither of us is completely undressed. In fact all you’ve done is unzip your jeans.”
“Yeah, well, we can get fancy next time.” He shoved his jeans down to his thighs and quickly applied the protection. “I thought you liked that we were spontaneous.”
“I do. Very much.”
She started to say something else, but he thrust inside of her, and instead of words, she screamed. He felt her instant release. She clung to him, riding him as he pushed forward, going deeper, making her climax again. Reaching between them, he cupped her breasts and teased her nipples. She whimpered his name. When he looked at her he found her eyes glazed with passion. His tension increased. He flicked his fingers against her nipples, moving faster until she was panting. His own need became overwhelming. He was trying to make it last, but it was a poorly thought-out plan. With Josie he always lost control.
With one last, deep thrust, he filled her and gave way to the sensation of release. His guttural cry joined hers as they clung to each other through the aftermath of paradise.
Later, much later, when they were both dressed and getting ready to sit down to dinner, Josie looked at him.
“Point well taken,” she said with a grin.
“Start with two hours a day,” Dr. Sanders said the following week when Josie saw her for her checkup. “Add about an hour a day, but don’t push it. You’ve recovered very nicely. I don’t want to see you have another setback.”
Josie nodded, feeling both relieved and panicked. She was being cleared to start using her cane again, albeit slowly. But in a matter of a couple of weeks, she would be back on her feet. Then what?
“I know I was really stupid before,” Josie said, smiling at the doctor. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll keep up with my physical therapy and do my exercises.”
“Don’t forget rest. That’s important.” The doctor glanced at her chart. “It’s about time for your next surgery. I believe you’re going to have two more. Is that correct?”
Josie nodded. “The good news is by taking it easy these past weeks, I’ve noticed a real lessening of pain. There are days when I hardly have any. According to my surgeon in Los Angeles, that’s only going to get better with the last two surgeries.”
“Will you be returning to L.A. for the surgeries or do you want a recommendation for a local physician? I happen to know someone who is very gifted.”
Josie hesitated. So many of her plans depended on Del. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “If I do decide to stay, I’ll be in touch.”
They shook hands, and Josie wheeled herself from the doctor’s office. Her mind raced. Was she staying here in Beachside Bay? Were she and her husband reconciling or just playing house? She knew the best way to get answers was to ask him, but somehow she never managed to find the right moment and the courage at the same time.
Del had been tied up with a client meeting, so Annie May had brought her to her appointment and was waiting in the reception area. The older woman took one look at her face and frowned.
“She didn’t give you the all-clear, did she? You look disappointed.”
Josie sighed. “No, it was good news. I can start using my cane for a couple of hours a day, building up from there.”
Her friend held open the door leading to the corridor. “I don’t understand. Shouldn’t you look happy?”
“I am, it’s just…” She turned at the end of the hall and headed for the elevator. “Now I have to talk to Del. I mean, the only reason I’m living in his house is that I’m in a wheelchair. Once I’m fine, I have no excuse.”
Shrewd eyes stared at her. “How about telling him the truth? I’m sure he’d like to know that you’re still in love with him.”
Josie wasn’t surprised that Annie May had guessed her secret. “I’ve thought about letting him know, but I’m afraid of what he’s going to say. I’m not sure how he feels about me. We’ve talked a little about the past, but not about the present or the future. Maybe this is just a fling for him.”
“Del isn’t a fling sort of guy.”
“What if he’s only keeping me around because he feels sorry for me?”
Annie May punched the button for the lobby level and twisted her mouth in disgust. “What if we all turn into flying monkeys? If you’re going to worry, worry about something realistic. Del doesn’t feel sorry for you.”
“Then what does he feel?”
Annie May shrugged. “I don’t know. You two need to work that out for yourselves.”
The elevator doors opened. Josie propelled herself toward the parking lot. “What we need is time.” She rolled to a stop. “Annie May, would you please not tell him what the doctor said?”
The petite woman walked around to stand in front of Josie. She planted her hands on her hips. “Girl, I am not going to lie for you again.”
“Don’t lie, just don’t tell him the truth.”
“Oh, there’s a differentiation. No. It’s time, Josie. Just come clean. Tell Del you’re cleared to start walking and you want to talk about the relationship.”
“I’m afraid of giving him an excuse to get rid of me. We’re not married anymore. There are no emotional or legal ties. He let me go once, why wouldn’t he let me go again? Please, Annie May, just for a couple of weeks. Then I swear I’ll tell him myself.”
The older woman pressed her lips together. “Damn. I know you’re technically divorced, but you’ve been living together and from what I can guess, sharing a bed. That sounds like marriage to me.”
“But it isn’t.”
“I know.”
“Just a couple of weeks. I want to be sure about Del before I give him an excuse to get rid of me.”
“That boy is crazy about you. He’s not interested in being on his own again.” The fiery redhead sighed. “All right. Against my better judgment I’ll keep quiet. But only for two weeks. If you haven’t come clean by then, I’ll tell him myself. You understand me?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Annie May led the way out of the building, grumbling with every step. “I’m just too softhearted for my own good. People are always taking advantage of me. I should know better.”
Josie was too busy with her own thoughts to listen. She had a brief reprieve until it was all going to hit the fan, she thought glumly. Right now she and Del were caught up in a game of playing house. What would happen when the game ended and it was time to get on with their real lives?