Friday morning Josie sat curled up on the sheet-covered sofa in her new house. All around her the sound of construction and people made her feel that she was a part of something positive. She was probably in the way, but having to duck large sheets of lumber and listen to the whine of saws was far better than sitting alone in her hotel room. She’d hated the solitude and the impersonal decorations. Although she would still be by herself when she moved into this house, at least it would be hers. She could do what she liked in the way of decorating and make it a real home. Something she hadn’t had in a year.
She returned her attention to the wallpaper sample book in her lap and flipped the page. Her eyes widened as she stared at a horrible print of huge bright-blue roses surrounded by gold and pink birds.
“As your contractor, I’m afraid I can’t let you do that to any innocent room in this house.”
At the sound of the familiar voice a shiver rippled up her spine. The hairs at the back of her neck stood and quivered and her heartbeat jumped into overdrive. She’d been back in Beachside Bay less than two weeks, and already she was acting like a teenager with her first crush around Del. Talk about trouble.
She glanced up and over her shoulder. Her ex-husband stood behind her, leaning forward, his hands braced on the back of the sofa. He pointed at the open wallpaper sample book.
“You’re kidding right?” he said. “That one would win an ugly competition, no problem.”
She studied the offending square of paper. “You don’t like it? But the colors would give me so much to work with.” She was careful to keep any sound of teasing out of her voice.
He looked at her. She was close enough to see the flecks of gold that brightened his dark irises and the lines fanning out from the corners of his eyes. Her gaze shifted so that she was staring at his mouth, remembering what it had felt like when they’d kissed all those years ago and making her wonder if it would be different now.
He straightened and came around to stand in front of her. He planted his hands on his narrow hips. “You can’t be serious. Rose. Come on. I know I’m a guy and all my taste is in my mouth, but even I can see that’s hideous.”
She puffed out her lower lip in a slight pout. “Del, I hate to put you in your place, but you’re the contractor, not the decorator. I really like this and I’m going to order it. I thought maybe for the parlor.”
“No guy on the planet wants to live in a house with blue flowers on the wall.”
“I know, but wouldn’t cages of little white birds look charming against the blue and gold? And one of those all-white cats. The fluffy kind.”
His gaze narrowed even as the corners of his mouth turned up. “Brat. You’re teasing me.”
She held up the book. “You deserved it. I can’t believe you’d think anyone sane would buy this wallpaper.”
“Hey, they put it in the sample book for a reason. Not only is it available to order, but people have.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.” She studied the print more closely and shuddered. “Of course there is good news should I go ahead and buy this.”
“Do enlighten me.”
She grinned. “According to you, no man on the planet would want to live in a house with this on a wall. So I do one room in it and when I have a horrible date I want to get rid of, I simply put him in there and he’ll run screaming from my life.”
“You need a different plan,” he said, settling next to her on the sofa and taking the book from her lap. “If the guy’s that awful, you don’t invite him home.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
He looked at her. “How long has it been since you were on a date?”
His question made her feel self-conscious. She smoothed the skirt of her dress and cleared her throat. “Yes, well, after the accident, my social life wasn’t as full as it had been before.” Which was almost true. She’d barely dated anyone since her divorce. The accident had forced her to go from a couple of dates a year to none. Not a huge difference. But Del didn’t have to know that. “There was the male nurse who brought me ice cream that one time, but I don’t think that counts.”
He returned his attention to the sample book and began flipping pages. “Then you’re going to need a refresher course. Rule number one-no strangers in the house. Get to know the guy before you invite him over.”
“Yes, sir,” she said, figuring there was no point in telling him that the odds of her dating anytime soon were unlikely. For one thing, she was back in town because she wanted closure with Del-not because she was looking to get involved. Second, she couldn’t imagine a man being interested in her and asking her out. Not with her cane, her limp and her scars.
“What about this one?”
He pointed at a sample of ivory paper with a half-inch wide gold stripe bracketed by a burgundy pinstripe. The paper was elegant and very attractive. Josie looked at him in surprise.
“That’s nice.”
“You sound shocked.”
“Of course. You said all your taste was in your mouth.”
He surprised her even more by lightly touching her cheek.
“I lied,” he said, handing her the book and getting to his feet. “I have pretty good taste. Some of it is innate, some I learned from my mom and my ex-wife. But before you go wild on wallpaper, we need to talk about paint.”
He crossed to the far side of the room and picked up several wide rings holding dozens of paint samples. Josie was vaguely aware of the fit of his jeans, but she was also conscious of the fact that this was the first time he’d mentioned being married before. She wanted to stop him and ask him what he thought of her…of his ex-wife. Did he remember their time together with anything but annoyance? Did he have regrets, like she did?
But before she could form the question, he was back at her side, handing her several paint samples. “My suggestion is that you take advantage of the rooms that have afternoon light. Go for the warmer tones, because the sunlight has a golden cast in the afternoon. Especially during the summer. Something about being by the beach. I don’t know the physical reasons for it, but I know it exists.”
“I appreciate the input.”
They flipped through the samples together and picked out colors for the dining room and kitchen. Del was knowledgeable and easy to get along with. He made suggestions but didn’t push. Josie was surprised. What she remembered about him was that he was determined to have his way and she was just as determined to be the victor. What had changed? Had each of them grown up in their time apart or was it just her? Had she simply assumed Del wanted his way and reacted accordingly without bothering to find out the truth?
There was no way to get an answer to that question. Not without having a conversation she wasn’t ready for. Confessing the truth about herself was something she was going to have to do pretty soon, although she knew she would put it off as long as reasonably possible. She liked her new relationship with Del. It was fun and easy. He liked her. When they were married he hadn’t liked her much at all.
A knock on the open front door caught their attention. Del rose and walked over to greet two men standing in the foyer. One held a clipboard.
“We’re here to deliver some furniture.”
“My bedroom set,” Josie said.
Del nodded. “This is the place. Let me show you where it goes.”
He and the man with the clipboard climbed the stairs. The day before, Josie and Del had discussed the layout of her new bedroom. The room had been patched and painted. There was a new window in place, complete with a window shade. She would worry about curtains later. The small guest bath was finished, as well. She leaned on her cane and slowly pushed herself to her feet so she was standing when Del came down the stairs a few minutes later.
“Looks like everything is going to fit,” he said. “There’s plenty of room. They’ll put the furniture together and then you can go up and inspect their work.”
“Maybe I should start climbing the stairs now so I can be at the top when they finish.” She said the words matter-of-factly. She wasn’t feeling sorry for herself, she was simply stating the truth.
“I think you can probably wait twenty minutes or so,” he teased in reply. “Or I can carry you again.” He gave her a quick wink. “I like carrying pretty young women upstairs. It makes me feel macho.”
He was flirting with her. Josie didn’t know what to make of that. She felt herself blushing, which was crazy. She never blushed. “I, um…Thanks, but I think I’ll make it under my own steam, such as it is.”
“If you’re sure. But my services are available to you whenever you would like. Just say the word.” He leaned close to whisper in her ear. “It’s the dresses. Too many women wear jeans. I’m a sucker for a woman in a soft kind of floaty dress, like you wear all the time. I can’t resist.”
His words made her start to melt inside. At the same time she felt a swift stab of pain. She’d never been a dress person before. Jeans and sweats had allowed her to move the way she liked. Or shorts. Before the accident she’d been more concerned with being active than being feminine.
“I’m glad you approve,” she said shyly. “Probably reminds you of your mother.”
As soon as the words fell out of her mouth, she wanted to call them back. Catherine Scott was the sort of woman who wore dresses rather than slacks. It had been just one of dozens of differences between the women.
Del frowned. “How’d you know?”
“Good guess. A lot of moms are like that.”
She shrugged hoping he would accept her answer. She didn’t want to get into a conversation about his mother. Catherine had been a devoted homemaker and a brilliant cook. A couple more places where Josie hadn’t been able to measure up.
Del touched her arm. Just a light brush of his fingers, but against her bare skin it was highly erotic. She felt herself swaying toward him.
“I’ll admit that my mom wears dresses, but despite that, you don’t make me think of her at all. Just so we’re clear on that.”
“Okay.” She shifted awkwardly, not sure if she should say anything else.
Male appreciation flashed in his eyes. Male appreciation and something she wanted to think was sexual interest. She was both thrilled and cautious. He couldn’t be interested in her in that way, could he? Yes, they got along and conversation was easy between them, but being naked was something completely different. Besides, he was still supposed to be pining for, well, her.
“I’ve got to get back to work,” he said. “Kitchen cabinets are calling to me. You have my pager number if you need to get in touch with me, right?”
She nodded.
He left and some of the light seemed to go out of the room. Josie returned to the sofa and slumped onto a lumpy cushion. She was playing a dangerous game. If Del was really starting to like her as Rose, he wasn’t going to be happy to find out she’d been lying to him. Which meant she should probably tell him the truth as soon as possible. But she didn’t want to. But she had to.
She sighed. All right. She’d do it the next time she saw him. No matter what, she would explain who she was and why she’d returned. He would understand…eventually. She would explain everything until things were all right between them again. And then they would decide what they each wanted from the other. Which meant that between now and then she had to figure that out for herself.
By five-thirty that afternoon, everyone was gone. Josie stood alone in the nearly empty house and listened to the silence. The sharp smell of paint blended with the homey scent of cut wood. She felt a little lost and lonely, but it was still better than being in a hotel-or worse, a hospital.
After the crew had left, she’d brought in her suitcases. She had four small ones, because they were more manageable for her than one large one. She’d already carried the first one up the stairs and would tackle the rest over the course of the evening. The remaining three were positioned neatly by the foot of the stairs.
Using her cane to assist her movements, she walked into the parlor that she was going to make into a living room and library. The chair rail had been removed from the two walls that would support the built-in bookshelves. White patches to repair cracks and nail holes contrasted with the light-green paint favored by the previous owner. Notations on the wall showed where the frame for the shelves would go. Del had explained they were being custom built at the company’s main workshop and would be installed in pieces. Her kitchen cabinets would come in the same way.
From the foyer Josie made her way into the main family room. Several battered floor lamps stood around the perimeter of the room, each plugged into a socket. Del had volunteered their services after noticing she really didn’t have any furniture of her own save the newly delivered and set-up bedroom set. He’d been worried as he left and had voiced his concern about her being here all by herself.
Josie sank onto the sheet-covered sofa. She wasn’t sure how she felt about his concern. While she appreciated the attention, she’d always been completely self-sufficient. That had been one of the problems in their marriage. He’d wanted her to need him, and she hadn’t wanted to need anyone.
The last year had taught her differently. She’d been forced to depend on everyone from medical personnel to her family, just to survive. There had been weeks when she hadn’t been able to do a single thing for herself except breathe. In some ways the experience had broken her spirit, but in others it had made her stronger. Either way, she’d changed. She wasn’t the woman Del had known three years ago. She didn’t look the same, move the same or think the same.
Sometimes Josie felt as if she’d completely lost herself. At other times she knew she’d been given a precious gift.
As she looked around the bare room, the phone on the floor by the sofa caught her attention. She glanced at her watch, then picked up the instrument and set it on her lap.
Close to six on a Friday night. Most people would have already left for home. Most, but not all. She dialed a familiar number. The phone on the other end rang only once before being answered by a strong, no-nonsense voice.
“Fitzgerald.”
“Hi, A.J., it’s your better half.”
There was a moment of silence followed by a chuckle. “Josie, I keep telling you. I’m the better half. You’re the tagalong.”
She smiled as she leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes. Just hearing her twin brother’s voice was enough to make her feel safe. The familiar teasing made her miss him.
“It’s Friday night,” she said. “Why aren’t you out on the town with a bimbo on each arm?”
“Because I don’t date bimbos.”
“You don’t date at all. You’re worse than me. At least I used to be married, which is more than you can say. Tell me you’re seeing someone.”
“I have a beautiful, brown-eyed blonde in my life,” he said easily.
“A.J., your dog doesn’t count.”
“She’ll be crushed to know her aunt Josie is dismissing her so cruelly. But enough about me. What’s going on in your life?”
“I’m not ready to change the subject.” She opened her eyes and stared at the empty fireplace in front of her. “I’m serious, A.J. You work too hard, you don’t have a social life. When do you take time for yourself?”
There was a moment of silence. Josie could picture her twin leaning back in his big leather chair and turning until he could see out across downtown Seattle. A.J. was a successful financial planner who handled sums of money she couldn’t even imagine. He’d risen quickly through the ranks of his company and now had a corner office and a client list that would make any competitor drool. With the tall, blond Fitzgerald good looks and an intelligent, gentlemanly manner, he was pestered by women on a regular basis. But he rarely accepted their invitations.
“I’m in my career mode,” A.J. said calmly. “When I’m where I want to be, I’ll worry about a personal life.”
“All the good ones will be taken.”
“That’s a possibility I’ll deal with at the time. Now tell me about you. Dallas said you’d left L.A. Where are you?”
She hesitated before answering. He wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “Beachside Bay.”
There was a long pause from his end of the phone. “Digging up ghosts?”
“Something like that. I’m dealing with my past. It wasn’t as behind me as I’d thought.”
“Are you taking care of yourself physically? Your last surgery wasn’t all that long ago.”
“Tell me about it.” Josie rubbed her left thigh. The ache there was her constant companion. “I’m doing okay.”
“What does ‘okay’ mean? Are you doing your exercises and getting to physical therapy? Are you getting plenty of rest?”
“I’ve been…adjusting. Right now I need to heal my spirit before I worry about my body.”
“That sounds like a line if you ask me,” he grumbled. “What do you think Katie would have to say about it?”
Katie, their oldest sister, was a physical therapist. She would have plenty to say, none of it nice. She would order Josie back into physical therapy and probably threaten to fly out and take care of it herself.
“Katie’s busy with our new niece. Serena is only eight weeks old.”
“I suspect she’d make time for you, kid.”
“I know, but it’s not necessary.”
She clutched the phone tightly and felt his worry, even from nearly a thousand miles away. Knowing that he cared made her feel warm inside. From the moment he’d found out about her accident, A.J. had been at her side. He’d stayed with her through the first few surgeries, then had visited her regularly over the past year. All her siblings had. Even David, who had a sick wife and four daughters.
“You have to take care of yourself, Josie,” A.J. said gruffly.
“I know. And I am. I’ll get back on track with the physical therapy. I promise.”
“Good. I talked to Mom. She says everything is fine in Lone Star Canyon. They’re expecting a good year on the ranch.”
Josie pressed her lips together in annoyance. “I’m glad to hear it.”
A.J. continued talking about the goings on at the Fitzgerald ranch, but she wasn’t listening. She was caught up in the fact that he called their stepmother “Mom.”
Josie sighed. Her father had married Suzanne seventeen years ago, and while the other children had accepted her easily, she and Josie had never gotten along. Josie wasn’t sure why. Maybe because she’d never forgiven Suzanne for being alive when her real mother had died so unexpectedly.
“Did she say anything about Dad?” she asked.
“Just that he was healthy and as stubborn as ever.” A.J. gave a short laugh. “You’re not expecting to hear that he’s changed are you?”
“No. Of course not.”
But Josie was lying. She did want to hear that Aaron was different than he had been. That passing time had mellowed him into a gentler version of his very tough self. She dreamed about it because, of all the Fitzgerald children, she was the most like him. Watching his stubbornness, his unyielding determination, his willingness to alienate everyone he loved just to be right had always made her uncomfortable. Mostly because she had some of those same qualities in herself and she was desperately trying to change.
But as much as she might dislike parts of herself, she knew she owed her very survival to the stubbornness inherited from her father. When she’d first been injured and the doctors had outlined her long, seemingly impossible road to recovery, she’d felt defeated before she’d even begun. Aaron had been the one to stand by her bed and remind her that she was a Fitzgerald and Fitzgeralds never quit. Not for a moment, no matter how long it took or how much it hurt.
“Are you all right in Beachside Bay by yourself?” A.J. asked.
She recognized the unspoken part of the question. Are you all right being around Del?
“It’s weird,” she admitted. “But in a good way. I want to get some things straight in my mind. Once that’s done I feel like I can then put the past behind me and get on with my life.”
“Good for you.” He hesitated. “You know I’m always here for you, kid, right?”
She smiled. “Yes. I know. And I love you, too, A.J. Now shut off your computer and go do something fun. Promise?”
“I’ll do my best. Talk to you soon.
“Okay. Bye.”
She hung up the phone and sat alone in the silence. But the quiet didn’t seem quite so unfriendly now. She knew that if she needed to talk to A.J. again, he would make time for her, as would the rest of her family. Especially Dallas.
The thought of her stepsister made her smile. Josie and Suzanne might have had some troubles in their relationship, but it hadn’t been like that with Josie and Dallas. They were three years apart in age, but they’d always gotten along. When Josie had left Del, Dallas had been looking for a roommate as she studied at UCLA. They’d gotten an apartment together, and Josie had picked up the pieces of her life. The summer after the accident, Dallas had been her constant companion, seeing her through the first several surgeries. Like Aaron, Dallas had urged her to never give up.
And she hadn’t. Because of her refusal to quit, she used a cane instead of a wheelchair. In time, with another surgery, she would be strong enough to walk on her own. She’d done what had to be done, regardless of the cost to her in pain and effort. She’d-
Josie sat up suddenly and blinked in the rapidly darkening room. She hadn’t been a quitter after the accident, but what about before? She and Del had fought for a long time, but ultimately she’d been the one to walk away from the marriage. Why had she given up on the two of them?
She rubbed her temple as she thought about the past. She’d been so awful to Del-always pushing back, never compromising. She’d never cared about his work or wanted to talk about it. She’d never noticed what a good, kind man he was. Now, three years too late, she realized that she genuinely liked being around him. He made her laugh.
She shook her head in an effort to get him out of her brain. Thinking about him like that wasn’t constructive. But as she turned, she caught sight of the stairs and couldn’t help remembering him carrying her up them a few days before. She’d loved being so physically close to him. He’d been so familiar and she’d felt welcomed back. Her body had responded with a hunger that had shocked her. As if she’d been waiting for him all this time.
“Crazy,” she murmured aloud. She and Del might be able to find a friendship out of the ashes of their past, but they couldn’t be any more than that. A physical relationship was impossible. She was too different from how she’d been before. Too…wrong.
Her lack of physical activity had meant that she’d put on weight. She wasn’t fat, but she sure wasn’t as toned and lean as she had been. The entire shape of her body had changed. Plus there were all those scars.
Unable to stop herself-even though she knew it was a mistake-Josie rose and walked into the small powder room just off the foyer. The toilet and sink were missing, but there was still an oval mirror hanging on the dark-papered wall. She stared at herself, at the stranger’s face looking back at her.
Her last facial surgery had been six months before. Nearly all the swelling was gone and the scars had faded as the doctor had promised. She looked completely normal, yet completely different. After twenty-seven years of being one person, now she was someone else. At least on the outside.
But what about on the inside? How much of her was the same and how much was different? The questions made her uncomfortable. She turned to leave and stumbled over a bit of uneven flooring. Without her cane she would have fallen. As it was, she could barely keep her balance.
Frustration filled her. There had been a time when she’d been able to run and jump and test her body. She’d moved with a natural grace she’d always taken for granted. She would never be that other woman again. That part of her had been destroyed in less than a heartbeat.
Pain filled her. Not the physical kind, but an ache of the soul. She wanted to turn back time. She wanted to be her old self. She wanted a normal body. She-
A knock on the door surprised her. She turned toward the sound, then began to walk in that direction. When she reached the foyer, she flipped on the porch light and opened the door. Del stood on her porch, looking slightly sheepish and holding out two bags labeled with the name of a local Chinese restaurant.
“If I’m interrupting a hot date, I’ll leave,” he said. “Otherwise, I thought you might like some company. And if you just want the food, that’s fine, too.”
Her sadness fled as if it had never been. She felt herself grinning at him. “My hot date passed out when I showed him my wallpaper selections. So I would welcome your company.” She pushed the door open wider. “Come on in.”