Emma remained calm, and simply answered "No, not yet. But I want to be ready, for when I do need it."
"Don't you think maybe you're a little young?", Andrea wanted to know.
" I don't think I am. Mom, I'm not having sex yet — I'll go to the doctor any time you want, and he can tell you that I'm still a virgin. I'm asking you to let me start using birth control so that I can make sure that there aren't going to be any problems or anything before I stop being a virgin.
I've heard you talk, sometimes, and I've heard you say that you had to change your prescription three times before you and the doctor found the right thing. If I'm going to have problems like that, then I want to get them over with as soon as possible, is all. I just want to be ready for when I am ready to start having sex."
Andrea looked like she wanted to argue the matter, but I cleared my throat, and when she looked at me, I gave my head a minute shake to let her know not to. She turned back to Emma (and a visibly stunned Gail), and told her "You're asking for something pretty serious, you know. I'll have to think about it before I can say what I'll do. For now, I think it's time you two went home."
Gail and Emma both looked at me, and I gave them as reassuring a smile as I could before they started toward the door. When they were gone, Andrea turned to me and demanded "Why did you want me to stop talking to her?"
"Because it looked like you were about to make a pretty big mistake, and do something that I don't think you would have been very happy about afterwards."
"What do you mean?"
"It looked like you were about to start arguing with her about it, and I don't think it would have done you any good. You'd probably keep trying to argue with her about it, and not getting anywhere, until you finally said something that would probably sound like a threat to her. I've got the distinct impression that she's pretty damn serious about what she wants; I think you'd know it, too, if you'd stop and think about it. So if you DID say something like that, she wouldn't back down — which means that you'd either have to back down yourself, or actually follow up on what you said. I don't expect that you'd be willing to back down, being her mother and all, so you'd do what you said you would. Except that she's as serious about what SHE wants as you are about what YOU want, so she wouldn't figure that she had any choice but to do what she meant to in the first place. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that what we're talking about here is so damn serious, and potentially irreversible."
"How so?"
"Andrea, we're talking about your daughter here, and whether or not she has birth control when she needs it. Think about it, dammit! If she's thinking about sex seriously enough to ask you to help her get birth control, do you honestly think that she's going to give up on the idea just because you tell her 'no'? Or do you think she'll just go with whatever she can get hold of, and roll the dice? I looked it up one time, and the Pill and IUDs are the most reliable methods available; everything else comes in pretty far back. So if she can't use something that she needs a doctor visit for, the chance that she actually gets pregnant goes up pretty damn fast — and I'm sure you realize that 'pregnant' isn't a 'little bit' kind of thing; she can't be only forty percent pregnant because the foam or gel or whatever she used was sixty percent effective. I think if I hadn't stopped you then, you'd probably have ended up in an argument with her, and finally told her you wouldn't do it. Then when she decided she was ready, she'd have to settle for something that didn't work as good as she could have gotten if you'd helped her — and she'd almost certainly find herself pregnant way sooner than she'd be ready to take care of a baby. I think you'd better stop thinking about her like she's still your little girl, and realize that she's becoming a young woman, and that she's going to want — have! — to start learning how to make her own decisions so she can grow up. She's damn near fifteen, Andrea, and if she'd having periods, then she's at least physically able to get pregnant and have kids. You can't keep treating her like she's still five years old, because she isn't, and never will be again. Are you really ready to start being called 'Grandma' just because you got pissed off and told her something you shouldn't have?"
I could see I'd stunned her, and took a deep breath before continuing "I'm telling you what I think, but I'm only going to tell it to you once; if you can't or won't help her learn how to be an adult, then you're either going to lose her completely because she feels like she has to get away by running away or moving out — sooner than she should, probably — so she isn't smothered by you, or you're going to have her for the rest of your life because you won't turn her loose. From the day you gave birth to her, your job was to teach her how to become an adult — responsible, mature, and thinking. She told you she wanted to get started on birth control, and why; and from where I sat, it sure as hell sounded like she was doing just what you should be wanting her to.
You need to decide if you're going to help her be those things; or if you're going to let the fact that you don't like what she wants get in the way, and fuck everything up."
It was the first time I'd ever spoken to Andrea that way — either tone or language, and it definitely got her attention. How much impact it had, or good it would do… those were remained to be seen. But from the expression on her face, I knew that she couldn't deny to herself that the problem wasn't really as simple or obvious as she thought it was, or pretend she didn't know just how high the stakes were.
She also knew what I thought — not just about what Emma had asked, but what she, Andrea, was doing… and how, and why. When she looked into my face and eyes, she also knew that I wasn't going to apologize for what I'd said, or how I'd said it; and that I damn sure wasn't going to "discuss" it.
Saying that she needed to get home and make sure the girls had finished their homework, she excused herself and left. I knew there was a distinct possibility that I'd completely pissed her off… but if it got her thinking before she gave Em an answer, I figured it was worth it. I spent the rest of the evening deep in my own thoughts.
Emma came over by herself the next afternoon, and as she was sitting on my lap, I told her "Em, if you'd said something to me before last night, maybe I could have helped by talking to your mom, first. I think you know that you surprised her pretty bad. Surprised me, too, but her the worst."
"I know I could have talked to you first, Gary. But it's my life, and body, and everything; and I have to learn to start learning the being grown up and responsible stuff that you talk to me and Gail about. I'm just sorry that Mom started to act the way she did. I was afraid she was going to tell me 'no', and that I was, like, grounded, or something!"
I gave her a hug, and told her "You have to remember that even though you're almost fifteen, you're still her daughter; and no matter how old you get, sometimes she's still going to think of you as her little girl. That's just part of being a parent, I think. After last night, I think she's maybe starting to understand that you are growing up — at least, a little bit" — that earned me a dirty look, until she realized I was teasing her — "but it's still going to take a little while before she really understands it in her heart, and not just in her head. Just like there are times when you wish you could have done something differently, it wouldn't surprise me if she wishes she could have talked to you differently last night. I know it isn't easy, but try to remember that just like it's hard for you to get her to understand that you're growing up, it's hard for her to accept."
She sat there in silence for a little while, then looked up at me to ask "What did you think about what I wanted for my birthday?"
That was the thing that had been on my mind most after Andrea left, so I was able to answer
"After you and Gail left, I told your mom that I thought you were being mature and responsible, and that I thought it showed you were really thinking about things before you did them. Like you said, it's your life and your body, and you have to be responsible for them. I know you're still a virgin, and it's not for me to say when you decide not to be, or who you're with. I just want to ask you to make sure, first, and be careful about who and when and how. From what I've heard from other women, your first time should be something special, so that you're happy to remember it afterwards. I told you I love you, and I mean it; and it would hurt me, too, if you did it before you were really ready. Okay?"
Pleased by what I'd said, Emma gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before resting against my chest while I held her. A little while later, Gail came over and the two of them got it into their heads to go skinny-dipping for a little while. They shed their clothes right there in the living room, and went out to the pool. I stayed inside, content to watch their lithe young figures playing.
Several days later, and I had to answer a knock at the door late one morning — only to find that it was Andrea. I didn't hesitate to invite her in, and we were soon sitting in chairs in the living room, generally facing each other. I asked if she wanted anything to drink, and she declined.
After a couple of false starts, she managed to tell me "I was pretty surprised by what you told me the other night, after the movie. After I got home, and the girls went to bed, I even started to get mad about how you talked to me — but I couldn't stay mad. I kept thinking about what you said… about what you thought would have happened if you hadn't interrupted me; and what Emma asked, and why; and… and even about what you said about me. I didn't like it — any of it; but I had to admit that you were right. I don't like it that Emma's asking me to help her start using birth control — but that doesn't change the fact that if she IS going to start having sex, it's best if she can make sure she doesn't get pregnant. And you were right that I should be helping her learn to be grown up, instead of pretending it isn't happening the way I've been doing. I've been trying to raise her, and Gail, the same way my parents raised ME; and that wasn't right back then, and it's even LESS right, now. I haven't been doing them, or myself, any favors by how I've been trying to bring them up. I've seen changes in them since I told them they could come over here, after we talked that night — and they're good changes, so I know that whatever you've been saying to them — which I'm not asking you to tell me, now or ever! — is good for them. I dearly wish that I'd brought them up to be as happy and forgiving and tolerant as you've helped them become, but I haven't, and I have to admit it."
I simply nodded for her to continue, and after she'd taken a deep breath, she told me "A few weeks ago, my boss told me that the company is going to be opening a branch office in a town a couple states away, and asked me if I would be interested in managing it. I told him I wasn't sure, that I'd have to think about it. He said there wasn't any real hurry, since the office wouldn't open until right before school starts again. Well, I've been thinking about it ever since he told me about it; I'd just about decided to tell him I wasn't interested when we were over here that night. After you talked to me, and I really thought about everything you said, I realized that there are a lot of things that I need to deal with in my life. As much as I love Emma and Gail, I have to face up to the fact that you're a better parent for them than I am, or could be; I'm still carrying around a LOT of… crap from the screwed-up way my folks raised ME, and I'm dumping a lot of that nonsense onto them, when I shouldn't. I've checked a few things, and talked to my boss some more, and done a lot of very serious thinking. I've figured out that what would probably be best for me, and the girls. It's not something I'm happy about, not by a long shot — but it's what I honestly think is best. But what I have in mind, it isn't something I can do all on my own… not if it's going to help Emma and Gail, most importantly, or me. I… I'm going to have to ask if you think you'd be willing to try and help."
For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what she was talking about, or where she was going with all of that. It was obvious as could be that it was serious, and that what she had to say wasn't easy for her; she'd asked me for help, but what kind? How much? For how long?
"Andrea, I think you know I'll do what I can, but you haven't told me yet what's going on that you need my help with."
Another deep breath, and she said "What I think might be best all the way around is… is if I don't try to raise Emma and Gail any more."
Stunned, I could only sit there for several seconds before asking "You want to tell me the rest of it? What else is going on?"
"I've had a couple of sessions with a psychiatrist, and she thinks that it would be best if I went through some therapy. Not just a few sessions, or once a month for a couple of years, or anything like that; she suggested that I see someone several times a month for a few years, to start with.
I… I told her about my parents, and me and Bill, and even about some of the problems I've had dealing with Emma and Gail. I told her I was worried about how I was affecting them and she said that it sounded like it would be best if I didn't have to worry about them while I was going through therapy. I was afraid that I was going to have to give them up for adoption, or turn them over to foster care, but she told me that I didn't have to give them up permanently; that if there was someone I could trust, I could simply give them guardianship. So… so that's what I came here to ask you — if you would agree to… to take my daughters, and watch after them while I get some help with all the problems I have. I know it's a lot to ask, but if it will help any, I'll be able to help with their expenses — clothes, and medical, and that sort of thing. You see, I've told my boss that I'm interested in managing the new office, and if I get it — which he thinks I will
— then between the increased salary and the medical program I'll have, I'll be able to pay most of their out-of-pocket expenses, but keep them on my medical coverage so you wouldn't have to worry about them getting hurt or sick. The town where the new office is isn't very big, so me going there to manage it would be a good reason for the girls to stay here, where the schools are better, their friends are, and all that. I know it won't be easy for them, but I think I can help them understand how and why it's best. It's only a few more years until they're both out of high school, and by that time, maybe… maybe they'll be grown enough, and things will be better enough with me, that… that we'll be okay together. But until then, it would be best if they were with someone that could take proper care of them. You're the one person I trust the most in the world, and I hope that you won't mind doing it. Like I said, I know I'm asking a lot, so if this is something you can't do, or don't want to get involved in, I'm not going to be angry or upset — really. There are some other people that I can ask, if I have to."
Needless to say, I was pretty much overwhelmed by all that she'd told me. After she'd told me about how her parents were, and how they'd raised her, I knew that there were things about families that she wasn't good at; but I'd never even suspected that the situation was anything like what she'd just described. If she'd asked me to look after them for a few days or weeks, or even a couple of months, I'd have agreed in a heartbeat. But years?
After sitting there in silence for several seconds, I told her "I'm going to have to think about it, Andrea, before I can give you an answer."
"Of course, Gary. I'd be worried if you didn't."
"If I was a blood relative, I'd do it without question; but this way…"
She gave me a wan smile before saying "I know. As hard as it is for me to ask, I can only imagine what it's like from your side. If you don't mind, I'll go on back to work now…"
"Of course not.", I answered. We'd gotten to the door, and she'd said goodbye, when I told her
"I'll have an answer for you by tomorrow evening, Andrea."
She gave me a half-smile and said "Thank you, Gary. Whatever you decide, you made a good neighbor."
I was still thinking about what she'd asked, and what she'd said, when Emma and Gail turned up late that afternoon. They spent a little while playing in the pool (topless, of course) before coming inside and ridding themselves of their wet suits to sit with me. After they'd directed me to the middle of the couch, they parked themselves on each side before leaning against me and pulling my arm around themselves. Gail put my hand on her breast, but Emma was content to simply hold my hand between both of hers as the three of us watched television.
As I sat there with their nude bodies next to me, I thought about us — them and me, I mean.
How cute I'd thought they were when I first saw them. Going with Bill (sometimes) and Andrea (almost always) to some of their various activities. Watching them as they'd grown up — and out. How my benign and private lechery for them had come to be at least partially fulfilled.
I thought of what I knew of them — their characters and personalities; their intelligence and honesty and good humor. I remembered telling them that I loved them… and only later coming to realize how true that was. I also remembered the times that I'd been witness to some of the tantrums and fits they'd thrown, and how I knew that either of them could turn into a genuine Class-1 pain in the ass, if it suited her. The way I'd felt when I'd talked to Andrea after the movie came back to me, too. With one hand on a firm young breast, and the other between a pair of soft, cool hands, I thought about them and me — and what I wanted and hoped for them.
Neither of them had any idea of how deep and turmoiled my thoughts were, since I kept enough of my mind "on watch" to be able to respond to their questions and comments, jokes and gentle teasing. When it was time for them to go home, both simply got up and got dressed; when they came over to give me a kiss on the cheek, I gave each their usual soft pat on the butt before kissing them back. Once they were gone, I was soon lost in my thoughts again.
I think that Andrea might have given Gail and Emma some reason to stay home the next day; I spent it by myself until Andrea came over a little after supper. I made each of us a drink, and we sat at opposite ends of my couch facing each other. After we'd each taken a sip of our drink, I told her "I've got to tell you, Andrea, that was some kind of request for help you made yesterday.
I thought about it until I went to bed last night, and damn near all day today. I don't know how many times I swung back and forth between 'yes' and 'no', and how many reasons I thought of why I should or shouldn't do it. But when push got to shove, I only had one thing that I needed to use to figure out how to answer — and that was 'which would be best for them?'. When I used that as the most important question, there was only one thing that I could say — I'll do it. I'm scared I'm gonna fuck it up, I don't have the faintest idea if I'm going to get it right with them, and I damn sure haven't got a clue of how it's going to work out. But what I do know is that I love them, and want the best possible for them, and that I'm ready to do whatever it takes to help them become the best people they can be."
Andrea's relief was plain on her face, and I took a breath before telling her "I know you're worried that you've somehow screwed them up, but I don't think you have. I said that I want to help them become the best they can, and I think I'm getting a couple of winners to start with; I think all I'm going to be doing is putting the final polish on a couple of very smart, very pleasant, very pretty young ladies — you've already taken care of the hard part for me. I can only hope that whatever I accomplish with them, it's what you would do."