"You haven't told me, yet, how much contact you want to have with them; all you really told me yesterday is that it's best if they're not WITH you. So I'll tell you right now, before either of us says anything else, that as far as I'm concerned, the three of you have as much contact and communication with each other as you need or want — you can call them, write, email, send smoke signals, use carrier pigeons, or whatever else as often and as long as you want, just as they can. I'm going to take my cues from you — if you tell me you're having a rough time, I'll find a way to get them to back off as much as you need, for as long as you need; or if you need to cut back or stop for a while, then I'll help them understand that it's not because of them. Ditto for visits… come here, or bring them there, either is fine with me. I'm seeing myself as a substitute parent, not a replacement, and I will be acting that way."
She started to sniffle, and I got up to get her a small hand towel from the kitchen. When I handed it to her, she managed to smile at me. After she'd blown her nose and dried her eyes a bit, she told me "I… I was a little worried about that — that my problems might make you think they'd be better off without me. I guess I should have known better than that; I'm sorry."
"No, don't apologize. I thought you might BE worried about it; that's why I made sure and told you what I did. Andrea, both of us want what's best for those two. Obviously, we don't agree exactly on what that 'best' IS, so I think we're going to have to make sure we don't start just assuming things. I'm damn sure going to let you know what's on MY mind, and I'm going to trust you to let me know where we differ, and how much. To give you an idea of how I'm going to go at this, let me say that this is how I'm figuring to go at this, for now; if you or your therapist think something else would work better, then that's what we'll do. Okay?"
She gave me a smile, and said "That sounds fine, Gary — I know we're going to be making up a lot of this as we go along, and that things may well change one way or another along the way. I just want you to know that I do trust you to decide on your own what's right for them, when all else fails."
I simply nodded my head in acknowledgment of her trust; a moment later, she said "While I'm here, I think we'd better figure out how to make all this happen. I know they aren't going to be happy about me going away, and we're going to have to try to make this as easy and painless for them as we can. I… I should tell them why I have to be away from them — at least, a little bit, so they know that I'm not leaving because I don't love them, or they don't start thinking that they've done anything wrong. I think it's going to be hardest on you, since you're the one they'll be coming to with the questions I can't answer, or that they don't want to ask me — on top of trying to comfort both of them. You being a programmer and everything, I've always known that you're more organized and structured about things like that than I am, so I'd like to hear what you think, and then we can work it all out."
I said that was fine, and after going over it in my mind for a little bit, gave her a rough outline of how I thought things should go. Over the course of the next couple of hours, we went through it over and over, working out details, filing off the rough edges, shuffling things a bit, and generally getting ourselves working together. When we were done, we went through the finished plan a couple more times, making sure that both of us were using the same words to mean the same things, and that we were in complete agreement on the various details. Unsurprisingly, we still had to clarify a couple of things and explain what each of us meant by some things, but we got it done. All that was left was to actually put the plan into action; it was a simple matter for us to agree on when Andrea would kick things of with a talk to Emma and Gail.
As Andrea and I had both known would happen, the Gail and Emma came over to see me not long after she had her talk with them. Both were unhappy and miserable, and wanted to talk to me about what was going on.
I answered their questions as best I could, and tried to get them to understand that Andrea leaving them for a little while wasn't because of them, or anything they'd done or not done. Using some of the things that they'd told me about themselves, I managed to pretty much get the idea across that sometimes people just have a problem that they can't take care of by themselves. I also helped them understand that even though she knew she was hurting them by leaving them with me, she was actually trying to help them — using the example of getting a shot (that hurt now) so that they didn't get measles (which would hurt even more) later, they got the idea. They still didn't like it, of course, but they at least had a different perspective by the time I was done.
For over a week, the girls were saddened by Andreas planned departure before they began to accept it. A couple of times, I had each of them crying on my lap as I tried to console them -
with limited success. But as they eventually started to get used to it, they gradually got their spirits back. That I was actively soliciting their input about what to change about my house to accommodate them helped, somewhat.
With it being just myself, my house wasn't all that big — two bedrooms (the master with its own bathroom), an additional bathroom, living room, kitchen, dining room, and den. Since the two of them were going to have to share a bedroom anyway, I decided to go ahead and give them the master; my thinking was that not only was it bigger, but its private bathroom would help convince any visitors that they had the privacy they "needed" and weren't forced to run around the house half-naked. I didn't figure that anyone would stop to think that they might want to do such a thing…
My office was in the second bedroom; if I was going to sleep there, then I had to move everything into the den — including network wiring, and all the rest. I also opted to go ahead and put a door on the den, so that I could shut it when I needed uninterrupted quiet to work.
Once I'd gotten my office moved into the den, and then my bedroom moved, I got the girls involved in getting the master bedroom and bathroom redecorated to suit them — which helped improve their spirits considerably. With occasional input from me, Andrea helped them figure out how much of what they could bring over from their existing bedrooms; as little as they had, it turned out to be most of it. One change was that they had to settle for single beds at my place, versus the full size they had; both agreed that they wouldn't have enough room, otherwise. Once the beds were delivered, and we'd gotton one of their dressers (each) moved over, they started spending an occasional night.
Andrea did get the job to manage the new office, and as her departure date approached, we started getting more and more of the girls stuff moved over. They also began to spend more and more nights at my place; the last week before Andrea left, both girls were essentially living with me full time, and spending almost all of every evening with Andrea. Having accepted the inevitability of what was happening, they'd settled down considerably. Neither one was happy about it, of course, but Andrea and I had done everything we could to make it as easy and painless as we could.
The three of them spent their last night in the house together — without me, at my request. I knew that Emma and Gail were going to have a hard enough time when Andrea actually left, and I didn't want to get in the way of their last evening together.
Late the next morning, the girls were quietly crying when they came over, which nearly broke my heart to see. Emma told me that their mother had sent them over, and told them that she wanted to see me before she left.
I immediately went to find out what Andrea wanted, only to discover that she was in tears herself, and basically just needed someone to cry on. The front of my shirt was pretty well saturated with tears and mucous by the time she got herself together. I helped her get her little bit of luggage into her car, and we were standing just inside the front door when she told me "I can't thank you enough, Gary. Not just for everything you did after Bill and I moved in here, but how good of a friend you've been since the divorce — and most of all for taking my daughters in the way you have. I could have sent them off to be with one of my relatives, but that only would have screwed things up even more for them; staying here with you, they've at least still got some continuity to hang on to. They've both told me how you've helped them understand that this is something I have to do, and that I'm not leaving them behind like this because I want to. You've been a lot of help and support during all this, and you've given me a lot of the strength I've needed to make it happen. If you ever get married, your wife is going to be one seriously lucky woman to have you. I don't have the words or time to say anything else to you, except… thank you, for everything."
"I'm just glad I was able to help, Andrea."
She suddenly wrapped her arms around me and gave me a fierce hug before letting me go again to say "If you'll get the girls, we can say our goodbyes, and I'll get going."
I did as she asked, and stood off to the side as she gave each of her daughters a hug and spoke with them for a few seconds. After a grateful look at me, she got behind the wheel of her car as Emma and Gail came over to stand next to me. I put an arm around each of them, and both put one around me before taking my hand where it rested on her hip. With a last wave to all of us, Andrea backed out of the driveway and headed down the street. All three of us watched her until she was out of sight.
Emma and Gail were crying, of course, and I had to guide both back into my house because they couldn't see with the tears in their eyes. I got us seated on the couch, and did what I could to comfort them. Even after their tears dried, both were listless for the rest of the day and evening, despite my best efforts to draw them out of their funk. It was when they were ready to go to bed that I had an idea, and told them "If you want to, I suppose it would be okay if you wanted to stay with me tonight."
That was enough to get them smiling as they started back toward their room.
When I went to bed a little later, I found both of them stark naked as they lay next to each other — obviously waiting for me. When they saw me, they moved apart before Emma told me "Both of us want to be next to you, so you're in the middle."
It didn't take me long to strip down to my undershorts; when I saw the looks of disappointment on their faces, I figured "to hell with it", and shed even those before clambering into bed with them. Both quickly fastened themselves to my sides, and I put my arms around them again before telling them "I know it's not going to be the same as having your mom here, but I want you both to know that I do love you, and that I'm going to be here for you — no matter what you need.", and giving each a soft kiss on the forehead. Each tilted her head to look at me, and I could see that they were both comforted and touched by what I'd said.
It was Gail that answered "We know you love us, Gary. No, it's not going to be like if Mom was here, but it'll be close. It's going to take a little time, but we'll be okay here with you — you'll see."
I gave them a gentle hug, and the three of us silently lay there in the dark until we fell asleep.
I didn't mean for it to, but that night established a precedent for the ones that followed.
Three or four nights a week, I would have one or both of them sharing my bed; sometimes they wanted a little mutual pleasuring, other times it was simply for the comfort and reassurance of having another person next to them… I was fine with either, and it was always their call which it was. After school started, the girls were drawn the rest of the way out of their doldrums by the various activities they were involved in. Both remained better-behaved that nearly all the other kids their ages, and about the only time I had to "get after" them was for perfectly normal teenage girl things — letting their room get too messy, not wanting to do a particular homework assignment, and that kind of thing; but even those didn't happen often. For their part, they readily assumed the kinds of duties that they'd had when living with Andrea — cleaning up after supper, doing laundry, and helping with housework.
The school knew (approximately) what had happened, and we got a visit from one of the school counselors to make sure everything was on the up-and-up; as I'd figured, the girls having the master bedroom and bathroom immediately settled any concerns — just as it did when I got visits from two of Andreas relatives in the months that followed. Both told me that if Andrea had asked, they'd have taken the girls in, though it would have been something of a challenge for them; after seeing how Emma and Gail were living, and how happy they were, both relatives admitted that it probably was best that they were staying with me.
It was a Thursday night, and I'd let the girls stay up later than usual because of a school holiday the next day. Both had left to go to bed while I stayed up a little longer — but not by much.
When I went into my bedroom, I found Emma waiting for me; they never said anything to me about whether or not one or both of them would be spending the night, so it wasn't a major surprise to find her there. I got undressed and into bed with her, and we were spooning with her in front of me and my arm around her when I heard her ask "Gary? Would… would you make love with me?"
I'd completely forgotten about any plans or designs on them after Andrea had asked me to take care of them, so hearing her ask me that was totally unexpected.
After scooting back a little, and then getting her to roll over onto her back so I could look at her, I asked "Is that what you really want, Em? Are you sure?"
Her expression was solemn, and her gaze steady, when she answered "Yeah, I'm really sure that's what I want."
"I'm sorry, dear, but… why?"
Her voice was calm as she told me "Because I've realized how much you love me, and how much I love you. When they were here, Uncle Ed and Aunt Betty both told me and Gail that they would have taken us in if Mom had asked them to, so I know you didn't have to do it — and that means that you really do love us, even more than you say you do. This bedroom isn't that much smaller that ours is, so we could have stayed in here; but you gave us that one so we'd have a little more room, and so we'd have our own bathroom. The bathroom isn't that big of a deal, really, except that with me and Gail having one to ourselves like that, people don't bother us about being here — they see that we have our own bathroom and everything, and they just figure nothing is going on with you and us, and leave me and Gail alone about it. You didn't have to get new beds for me and her, but you did, so we'd have even more room. When we've had to get clothes or stuff for school, or anything like that, you spend more money on us than Mom did; I know Mom didn't have as much, but that doesn't mean that you have to spend as much as you do. And… and now that we're staying here with you all the time, I see how you treat us different than Mom did. She never BEAT us or yelled at us or anything like that, but you're still nicer to be with than she was — I'm kinda starting to understand what she meant when she told us that she hadn't been raising us as good as she should have, now. I'm not glad she's gone, 'cause she's still Mom, but it IS nicer being with you than it was her. So, because of all the stuff you do for me -
and Gail, too — I know how much you love us, because you take such good care of us. And that makes me love YOU, too, even more than I did before. When you talked to me about when I stop being a virgin, you told me that it should be something special, and that I should make sure it's with someone I care about, and that you wanted me to be happy about it afterwards. I've really, really thought about it, and what I want is to be with you first — because of how much I love you, and you love me; and I know it will be special with you, so I'm happy after."
Looking into her eyes, I could see that she meant every word she'd said, and was sincere about why she wanted to give herself to me that way. Still, it took a couple of seconds for me to ask
"Aren't you afraid it's going to hurt? I'm a grown man, and you didn't turn fifteen until not so long ago. And what about the chance that I might get you pregnant? I don't think either one of us wants that!"
"I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose, Gary — you'd even try to make the hurt as small as you could, so I know that it'll hurt as little with you as it ever will. And I don't have to worry about getting pregnant; before she left, Mom took me and Gail in to see her doctor. They talked about it, and after he did some tests, he started both of us on birth control. Mom said that if you ever asked about it, I should tell you that you were right, and that she took us in so that you wouldn't have to explain anything to anybody."
Neither of them had ever said anything to me, and the religious nuts in our area had passed a law requiring parents to be notified of any birth control prescriptions; I hadn't gotten any calls from any pharmacies, so I couldn't figure out how they were being protected. I finally came out and asked "What kind of birth control are you and Gail using, Em? I should have gotten a phone call or something if you were on birth control pills."
"Oh, the doctor told Mom about something new he called Northplant? Norplan? Something like that, anyway. He made this tiny little cut, and put these little sticks under the skin. They're right here, on the inside of my arm. He said that because they work different than pills, they wouldn't do anything to mess up us going through puberty, and that they'll last, like, five years."
Turning on the light, I had her show me; about halfway up the inside of her upper arm, I could see where a small incision had been made. When she pulled the skin taut, I could just barely make out the shapes of the "sticks" she'd said were inserted. With the evidence there in front of me, I couldn't doubt that Andrea really had taken them in, and that they weren't going to get pregnant. Still, I resolved that I was going to find out the particulars of what she was talking about the next morning; it seemed prudent to know what she was using, and how it might affect her. Until then, I still had her naked and nubile body stretched out in front of me.
Looking down at her, I saw that she was still waiting for my answer to her original question -
would I make love with her? Emma was still easily as lovely and sexy as she'd been when I first began thinking about being intimate with her, and as I looked into her face and eyes, I realized that what I felt for her and Gail had gone from simple lust and affection to actually loving them… the kind of love that made me want to take care of them, and protect them against being hurt by the world, and all the rest. She'd said that she knew that I would try to avoid hurting her if we made love, and I knew that was true — and that made it just as certain that being deflowered by me would cause her the least amount of pain possible. She wanted to give herself to me because of what I meant to her; knowing how much I cared for her, and cherished her, I knew that if I was the one she was with first, it would be special for her, and that I would make her happy about it when it was over.
Looking into her eyes, I smiled as I told her "Em, sweetheart, if you want me to make love with you — to give yourself to me your first time… I love you too much to say anything except yes, and that I'm honored that you would pick me."
Her expression immediately changed to one of sheer joy, and she asked me "Would… would it be okay if we did it tonight?"
I leaned over and gave her a tender kiss on the lips before answering "Of course it would, dear."
"What do I have to do?", she asked. From her tone, I knew that she wasn't afraid or worried -