Alice watched as all the soldiers of the processional had passed. Then came the villagers from the start of her adventure, those ridiculous naked men from the campfire and led by their elder. She joined behind them, hoping she wouldn’t be recognized as the woman who killed one of their men. One of them bumped into her.
She turned to whoever it was. “Pardon me.”
It was Rabbit. His eyes widened. “You!”
Alice raised her hands in innocence. “I swear it was an accident. I didn’t mean for any harm to come to him.”
“ ‘Any harm?’ ” Rabbit looked appalled. “ ‘Any harm?!’ You talk as if he experienced a hazard of some sort. You killed him! Are you saying his death was an unfortunate mishap? A bad day? Rotten luck? One too many black cats crossed his path? Walked under too many ladders, did he? His death was just one of his unpleasant memories? Didn’t throw enough salt over his shoulder? Is that it?”
“No! Of course not!” Alice’s gut clamped tight. “I feel awful about it.”
Rabbit looked at Alice. She could feel her eyes stinging. All at once it hit her. The denial. Her denial. She spent all this time running away, never acknowledging his death.
What did that say about her as a human being? Didn’t she realize how his friends could never see him again? Talk to him again? Enjoy his company? She shook her head to voice her heart-felt apology, but instead Rabbit startled her with his next words.
“Aw, don’t worry about it. He came back to life.”
“What?” She wiped away the wetness of her eyes.
“One of the villagers got careless. He knows the taboo against reciting cliches, similes, and metaphors. But when he looked at the smile on the dead man’s face, he said, ‘It’s like he’s still alive.’ So the dead man came back to life.”
Alice couldn’t believe it. “Wow! That’s great, right? Where is he now?”
“In his cottage. After he came back to life, he found some slippery jelly, locked himself in his cottage, and we haven’t seen him since.”
Slippery jelly? “But he’s okay? He’s still alive?”
“He’s fine. He seems to be making a lot of discoveries.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because everyone can hear him from inside his cottage saying, ‘Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!’ ”
Alice had the instant image of the man sliding a well-lubed hand up and down his cock. She smiled and bit on the tip of her finger to keep herself from revealing what she knew. But what mattered was that he was alive. The weight of her guilt lifted. She felt light, as if everything would be okay. Now she could go to the croquet game and fully enjoy herself like all the other players until she could find a way to get home.
Wait a second, Alice thought. Isn’t the duke supposed to be at the game, too?
Alice swiveled to see if the duke was in the processional. She didn’t see him.
“Where’s the duke?” Alice asked Rabbit.
“The queen sentenced him to have his head chopped off,” Rabbit said.
“You mean,” Alice said, “the tip of his…” She burst out laughing and covered her mouth. The duke was going to have the top of his penis cut off! She was a little sorry for the duke’s pain. But not really.
“It’s not funny!” Rabbit said.
“I know, I know” Alice tried to stifle her laugh, but soon it exploded out from her mouth in loud barks. She grabbed her middle, the laughing hurt so much, in such a good way.
Rabbit must think her the most cold-blooded person alive.
She tried to control herself, breathing in, then out, waving her hands at her face.
Rabbit looked appalled, again.
“I’m sorry.” Alice couldn’t stop her grinning. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Deep breaths, she told herself.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Alice finally said, “So how come the queen is having them cut off his-” She exploded in laughter again. She had to stop walking. Rabbit stopped beside her. The villagers around her moved past them. Alice doubled over, letting loose howls of laughter, clutching her side again. After the guffaws were out, and the chuckles and the giggles, she breathed and felt finally she had control of herself.
She stood upright. She felt dizzy.
“Are you quite done?” Rabbit asked sternly.
“Yes.” Alice breathed deeply. “I think so.”
She wondered when was the last time she laughed this much. She couldn’t remember. It felt great. Almost as great as an orgasm.
She asked, “Why did the queen sentence him?”
“He was late to the croquet game,” Rabbit said. “The queen doesn’t tolerate tardiness.”
“So, this croquet game we’re going to wasn’t the one that he was invited to?”
“No, no,” Rabbit said. “He was invited to the post-early-afternoon game. There have been three more since then.”
“Three?”
“Yes, the pre-mid-afternoon game, the mid-afternoon game, and the post-mid-afternoon game.”
“And which one are we attending?”
“The pre-late-afternoon game.”
Alice cracked a smile and clamped down on the giggles that threatened to erupt.
Alice was walking with Rabbit now as they approached a wide expanse of green. The entire processional had arrived at an enormous grassy field enclosed by red rose bushes.
They heard an announcement, “Places everyone!”
The flat soldiers ran to their places, bending over into arches.
“What queer arches,” Alice said. She looked around to see where the balls were. She saw a spot by the bushes where dozens of crabs were slowly stepping and stumbling over each other. These crabs had spherical shells, instead of flat shells that Alice had always seen at the seaside. Their legs were just long enough to shift across the ground. Otherwise, it looked like they could roll head over tail quite easily.
“What queer balls,” Alice said. She looked on the ground for mallets, but didn’t see any.
“Where are the mallets?” Alice asked Rabbit.
“There.” Rabbit pointed to a row of shirtless men. Some buff, some lean, some plump, some broad-shouldered. And mmm, Alice liked the chiseled chin on one of the broad-shouldered, bare-chested men. His chest was particularly buff and tan, as if he spent many hours in the sun working his body in honest labor.
“Mallets,” the queen shouted, “Prepare yourselves!”
The men took off their pants and Alice’s jaw dropped. Their penises were all incredibly long. They were so long they practically hit to the ground. Like a third leg. They weren’t even hard, yet! Alice looked at all the dangling cocks. Her pussy tingled.
What would it be like to have one of those stuffed inside of her?!
Lord, she was getting wet just at the thought of it. What would it be like to have that gorgeous chiseled-chin man on top of her, guiding his length into her, inch after inch, until he held her in his arms, and had her fully stretched with his cock? And what would his thrusts feel like? Each stroke would take a delicious forever, wouldn’t it?
Alice felt her entire body heat up all over, her nipples hardened. Her breathing came short.
“Well?” Rabbit said.
“Nothing!” Alice put a hand to her mouth as if it would cover her thoughts.
“What?”
“What?” Alice felt like she was caught with her hand fisting the cookie jar.
Rabbit looked confused. “I was just asking if you were going to pick your mallet,” he said. “Everyone else has.”
Sure enough, all the other players were walking beside one of the naked men. She was in luck. No one had picked her chiseled-chin man with the very buff chest.
Alice walked up to him, smiled, and took his hand. He smiled back. He even had the cutest dimples.
She heard someone laugh and mutter, “She picked a narrow one.” Alice examined the man’s hanging glory. She supposed it was narrower than the others, but didn’t see the big deal. It was still close to dragging along the ground.
“What’s your name?” She asked her mallet.
“Charlie.” He smiled again and showed off his matching dimples.
“I’m Alice,” she said. Then wondered what else to say. “You have a very lovely…mallet.” Stupid, Alice! Stupid! Stupid!
“Thank you.” He blushed.
How cute! She felt herself falling into his brown eyes, his smile, those dimples…
"Players, find your places!" a voice announced.
There was no time to gaze further into his eyes and continue her fantasy, since all the other players were leading their mallets on the field.
She led Charlie to her ball on the field, surrounded by cards bent as arches. She glanced around quickly but didn’t see Rabbit or the queen.
Her marked ball — a crab with a single stripe upon its shell — sat motionless, ready to be tapped. Now how was she supposed to do this? She huddled behind Charlie, wrapped her arms around his waist, and put everything she could into lifting his entire body. She managed somehow to lift him by leaning far back and swing him and his long cock in the general direction of the crab. His cock swung along with his body, but since it wasn’t any longer than his legs, it swung much too high to get anywhere near the crab.
Alice felt Charlie’s stomach tighten under her hands.
“That tickles,” Charlie said.
She dropped him, putting his feet back on the ground. Boy, he’s heavy! She watched to see how the others were doing it. She noticed they had their men-mallets bend over onto their hands and feet making an upside-down V with their bodies. From their hips, the point on the V, hung their cocks close enough to the ground to swing at the crabs. The other players swung the cocks to hit the crab balls.
Alice thought it was silly, and maybe a little sexy, especially if she was going to touch Charlie’s cock.
She guided Charlie to bend over. His knees were straight, his hands on the grass. His dick swung free. She adjusted his body close enough to the crab, and positioned herself behind him, bent over him. She wrapped her arms around him to get both hands on his length. Heat surged between her legs, making her feel a little giddy. She paused.
Would she ever get her hands on a cock this long again? She felt its heat, its softness in her hands. She stroked his dick.
"Hey, that tickles," Charlie said in a sweet voice. Alice stopped stroking.
Time to play croquet. She lifted his dick back, and swung it against her ball. No good. His soft cock just dragged over the crab.
Alice looked around again to see how the others did it. Then she noticed they were stroking the cock first to get it hard, then they swung it against their ball. Her instincts had been correct.
She noticed their rhythm. Stroke, stroke, stroke, swing. Stroke, stroke, stroke, swing.
Alice grabbed hold of his cock again and stroked it. She slid her hands down and up, down and up. She felt like she was running her hands along a warm rope. But it wasn’t doing much. His cock just wasn’t getting stiff enough to function as a mallet.
She thought for a moment. She knew what to do!
“My hands are like vibrating pads,” Alice said.
That did it! Alice’s fingers webbed together and her hands buzzed. As she guided her now transformed hands along the underside of Charlie’s shaft, Charlie moaned. His cock hardened into a fine staff. She felt her heart quicken.
Now to swing it.
“My hands are just like they normally are,” Alice said.
Her fingers separated. She grabbed hold of Charlie, ready to swing. But the ball had walked several inches away.
Alice repositioned Charlie to the ball. Standing behind him, she bent over his butt and back, pressed herself against him to reach his cock again. She quickly set out to pump him to his full length. With her hands back on his hard, hot tool, she found it didn’t take much to get him back to full length. He didn’t need vibrating pads now.
Charlie moaned louder. “It’s never felt this good before.”
“Yeah?” Alice said. “You like that?”
“Oh, yes!”
So do I, she thought.
Alice wondered if this was her mission. Her calling. To help others who had never before experienced an orgasm. Alice squeezed herself closer to his body, pressing her breasts into his back, her nipples as hard as marbles. Her hands shuttled back and forth on his lovely cock. Charlie gasped, held his breath before exhaling and gasped again. She rubbed faster, his dick so long, so hard, so good.
She could feel herself getting wet. She rested her head against his back. She could hear the pounding of his heart. She warmed more between her legs.
This was her doing. She was causing him to grow so big, his heart to beat this rapidly, his breaths to become uneven. But was she really attractive enough to make men feel this way? Or could any pair of hands have this effect? After all, Charlie wasn’t even looking at her face. But the sounds he made sure were having an effect on her!
“Alice,” he cried. “What are you doing to me?”
His body shook. And oh, how Alice’s panties felt soaked. She rubbed her chest up and down his back, her waist thrusting into his. She felt his cock throbbing in her hands. He was close. Up and down that full length, as fast as she could go. Knowing she was giving Charlie a pleasure he had never before known made her feel so hot. She pushed her hips into him, rubbing her nipples on his back. Why did she feel like she might be able to orgasm from this?
“Yes!” Charlie cried. Ropes of white seed shot into the grass. She twisted her hands as she stroked him, wringing out his cock intent on getting all his cum out of him, wanting him to feel the full extent of his pleasure.
Alice could feel his whole body tighten, tense up, shudder, and shake. With spurt after spurt, Charlie cried out his pleasure. Alice pulsed hot deep within herself. Holding hard onto his cock, she saw the stripes of white she painted along the grass, proof of her power over his ecstasy.
But not proof enough. Time to test what her face could do.
Alice guided him to stand upright. She squatted in front of his long, dangling mallet and gazed up at him with a smile. He smiled back. Lord, those dimples!
In one hand, she held the tip up and out so his length came straight out from his body. It hung from his waist to her hand like a thick jump rope. With her other hand, she ran a finger along the underside, following the path she imagined his seed took. From the base, her finger started that long journey, drawing the path.
She watched his face.
His eyes closed.
Her finger passed the middle of his length.
His mouth fell open.
She drew towards the tip.
His breaths quickened.
Alice’s own breaths become uneven. The tip rewarded her journey with a final drop of white. She dabbed it onto her finger and made sure he was looking at her face as she brought the salty drop to her lips.
He gave a moan that confirmed it! Alice had a face that could make men moan. She was attractive enough…at least to Charlie.
That would have to be good enough, for now.
She let his cock fall and stood up to kiss him. His lips were sweet. She brought his hands to her breasts, showing him to press circles onto them. He rubbed her nipples with his palms. It was Alice’s turn to moan.
“So!” A voice startled Alice.
She spun around. It was the Cheshire cat in a tree. Alice realized where she was. Several croquet players were looking at her. Her ears got hot. Her neck itched. Alice laughed.
How could she have completely forgotten she was at a croquet game? She put her hands over face. How embarrassing!
“So!” the cat said again. “How are you getting off?”
As she turned back to the cat, she felt some relief that the other players returned to their game. She scowled. “Don’t you mean ‘how am I getting on?’ ”
“That too.” The cat smiled its toothy smile.
“I’m afraid I’m not doing very well,” Alice said. “I haven’t been able to hit the ball once.”
“Not what you’re used to?”
“Not at all.”
“And how do you like the mallets?” The cat’s smile had a mischievous flavor to it.
Alice saw right through his game, but had an idea. She whispered to the cat in a husky voice, “I just love the mallets. Holding that hot, long rod in my hands. Stroking that cock good and hard. Rubbing it from root to tip, watching the man’s face tighten with delight. His legs go weak.”
The cat grinned wider.
“I never thought they could be so long. And just imagining that thing inside of me. Oh my Lord!” Alice closed her eyes and held herself as if she were picturing the erotic scene. “But you know what I like even more than the mallets?”
“Tell me!”
“The croquet balls,” Alice said. “They’re the cat’s pajamas!”
Flannel pajamas appeared on the back half of the Cheshire cat’s body. Crab legs stuck out from the side of the pajamas, their claws snapping blindly at the air.
The cat’s expression changed into a tired look of exasperation. “Ha.” He paused. “Ha.”
Alice laughed at how ridiculous he looked. “So much for your hindsight.”
“No, no,” the cat said. “I had some memory of the pajama moment.”
“So why did you let me say it?”
“Because I also have the memory of using it as a reason to say how it looks like your dream of having a mallet inside you is coming true.”
Strong arms embraced Alice from behind.
“You feel so good, Alice.” She felt Charlie’s voice of desire at her ear. He leaned her over. She heard her skirt rustling as Charlie lifted the hem behind her.
“Let me show you what you did to me,” he whispered.
She got hot with anticipation.
Her underwear was whisked down. She felt him guide his tip past her entrance.
She sighed with delight.
Considering what playing with Charlie’s mallet did to her, that cock was just what she needed.
He pushed in further, a gentle never-ending push. She was so wet for him, it hardly mattered how quickly he entered her. In. And in. Lord, he was so big! He reached the depth of her.
“Like a snake!” She cried. “It’s like a snake!” Charlie’s length coiled inside her, allowing more of him to enter. Alice felt his hands knead her nipples as he continued filling her, opening her. In. And in. Charlie pushed until finally, Alice felt his waist connect with hers. She was full of Charlie.
She gasped at the sensation of this hot, massive cock coiled inside of her. But something was missing. Wasn’t a cock this big supposed to get her to climax? Or did she really need one in her rear to get there? Alice decided to try something daring.
“It feels as hard and stiff as it was before,” Alice breathed.
Alice cried out as Charlie’s cock stretched her more. It tried to unwind itself inside of her and fought to push open her walls. Charlie sucked in his breath through clenched teeth. It must have been incredibly uncomfortable having a hard cock twisted so.
The queen’s voice shouted in the distance, “The tarts! Someone stole the tarts!”
Alice and Charlie stilled, and glanced in the queen’s direction. She seemed to be glaring straight at them. Her majesty stepped at a good clip towards them.
“You better stop,” Alice sighed to Charlie. Charlie grit his teeth and began to pull out. Alice held her breath, and pressed Charlie’s hands against her breasts, making sure he didn’t put his hands down just yet. Lord, the length of that thing. He pulled out. And out. It stretched her folds, feeling hard between them. It felt so good. She didn’t really want to stop.
Alice found she could no longer keep his hands on her chest, not if he needed to pull completely out of her. Charlie stepped back from Alice. She stepped forward. Out. And out.
Why didn’t that do it for her? Alice wondered. Why did she feel closer to orgasm handling Charlie’s mallet in her hands than having it inside her? It didn’t make sense.
The queen was closer, just a few yards away. Charlie’s last few inches slipped out of Alice. Alice adjusted her dress to cover her legs.
“Who is that?!” the queen demanded, pointing behind Alice. Alice followed the line of her finger to the Cheshire cat who was still grinning at the show he just watched.
“That’s a Cheshire cat,” Alice said.
“I hate this part,” the cat said.
“Well,” the queen said. “Wipe that smile off his face!”
Alice suddenly found she had no control. Her hand brushed across the cat’s face. His smile drifted completely off his whiskers and floated away.
The cat grabbed his smile with a paw and placed it back on his face. Only it was less of a smile and more of a grin-and-bear-it look.
The queen said, “He looks suspicious!”
“I best be going, now,” the cat said and vanished.
“Where did he go?” The queen said to no one in particular. Then she turned to Alice. “Where did he go?”
“How should I know?” Alice said. “He’s not my cat.”
“Then whose cat is he?”
“He belongs to the duke,” Alice said.
“Fetch the duke!” the queen shouted. “And find out who stole my tarts!”
The flat soldiers stepped out of their positions as arches and scrambled off to heed the queen’s commands.
“As usual,” the queen said, “no winner in croquet. Everyone must return for the pre-late-afternoon game!” The queen scuttled away.
Alice stepped close to Charlie, putting her hands on his chest as she looked up into his eyes. “I suppose I should bring you back to the other mallets.” Her pussy clenched and she growled as she gave his cock one last squeeze. So hard to let go.
She kissed his cheek and took him by the hand, leading him to the row of naked men, their cocks dangling close to the ground. Only Charlie’s glistened in the afternoon sun.