A new lesbian bar opened in town and I decided to check it out.
Naturally it was in a bad neighborhood, we're never allowed to open our bars in the good ones, so I locked my car real good when I parked.
I wasn't really looking for any action. Just a few drinks and maybe some mellow conversation.
I walked into the dimness of the bar, glancing casually around to check out the scene. A long bar with stools was on the right side and at the back were some tables and a jukebox and a small dance floor. Most of the action seemed to be taking place back there.
My eyes wandered over the occupants on the stools, and I finally decided upon the empty one next to a butch-looking blonde who seemed to be all alone.
I sat down on the stool, ordered a shot of whiskey and a beer on tap, then lit up one of my cheroots. That usually gets to those of a "butch" inclination. Kind of out-butching them, if you know what I mean.
"New in here, aren't you?" she said to me with a sideways glance.
"Yeah, just checking it out. Not much of a crowd, is there?"
"It's early yet."
"Yeah." I didn't want to appear too chatty. Shit, I wasn't in there to do any cruising. I didn't feel like sex that night. Call it lethargy, call it boredom, call it whatever the fuck you want – I just was not in the mood. Period!
Anyway, she had no tits. Flat as the proverbial board. I like a good pair of tits, something I can get my mouth over. She had nothing. Absolutely zero!
Shit, if I were that flat, I'd be a butch, too. What other choice have you got? No tits. No cock. What the hell were they good for?
I made sure I blew some of my smoke her way, but she didn't choke and she didn't cringe, which gave her a few points. So many fucking women these days really get a bug up their ass when you smoke next to them. Which is why I spend a lot of time at lunch counters. I really get a charge out of pissing those ladies royally.
"You live around here?" she asked me with a disinterested air. Which was bullshit. If she were really not interested, she wouldn't have asked.
"No, I had to drive over." Which meant points for me. I had wheels, which was often unusual in a lesbian bar.
I drank down my shot of whiskey which the bartender was setting in front of me, then drank down half my glass of beer. Then I belched real loud, and in my neighbor's direction.
No points for her that time, she turned away. And I noticed that she was drinking white wine.
I started to reassess my thinking. A butch would just not he caught dead drinking white wine. That has just got to be the most ladylike drink going. Only housewives and fags drink white wine, everyone knows that.
"Can I buy you a drink?" she asked me.
Oh, shit, the oldest come-on in the world. She simply lacked any discernible style. I should have sat in another stool, she was going to be a real wash-out.
"Sure, I'll catch the next round," I told her, moving my leg a little against hers.
She didn't move away, and she lost a couple of points. Too easy by far!
I offered her a cheroot, and to my surprise she took it, licking off the end before lighting it up and drawing on it deeply.
Then the asshole inhaled it, and all that could be heard for the next five minutes was the sound of her damn near choking to death!
Stupid fool!
I winked at the bartender who was cracking up laughing, then checked out the chick on my other side.
She looked like a tourist. Someone who had been given a guide to all the places of interest in town. And in our town, there weren't that many.
A few gay bars, a few lesbian bars, not too many places were you could see the "weirdoes" in action.
She was eying everyone surreptitiously, but didn't seem to have the guts to talk to anyone.
I decided to freak her out.
"Hey, honey, haven't seen you around here before." I said to her in my sexy drawl.
She turned white and then blushed and then giggled in rapid succession.
"I've never been here before," she whispered.
"Just decide to come out?"
"Oh, I go out a lot, I've just never been to one of these places."
She was too naive to be believed.
"How do you like it?"
"Oh, it's very interesting. And everyone looks so nice."
I find that a little hard to believe. There were at least six dykes in black leather who didn't even look nice to me. And I can get into leather!
"Yeah, you'll find us friendly bunch," I said to her.
My friend on the other side was listening to our exchange with interest. She was also doing better with her cheroot.
"It's so much nicer than a regular bar. You walk into one of those alone and all the men figure you want to be picked up."
I chuckled at that. What the hell did she think we did in here?
"No shit? Well, I think you'll find it different here. We really respect a person's privacy."
She smiled at me tremulously. "You've made me feel at home. Thank you."
"My pleasure, honey. Do you like to eat pussy?"
She turned white again. That girl could sure change colors fast. "I beg you pardon?" she stammered.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to get between my legs and eat out my cunt?"
She laughed a little, as though thinking maybe I was joking, but when I stayed serious she didn't know quite what to do. "Oh, no thank you," she finally said.
"That's okay," I told her. "I'm easy. Just thought I'd ask, that's all. I hope I didn't offend you."
"Oh, no, not at all."
The butch on my other side was splitting a gut. "Is that offer open to me?" she asked, moving her leg hard against mine.
"No."
"I bet I could do a better job of it."
"Virgins are more fun."
"That depends on whether you like novelty or experience."
"I like novelty. I have enough experience myself."
"I have a double dildo in my pocket."
Shit, so that's what it was. I was thinking she was carrying a gun.
"You always carry it around with you?"
"Never know when it might come in handy."
I turned to Miss Innocence. "The butch on my right has a double dildo in her pocket if you're interested."
"What's a double dildo?"
"Well, it's this little device shaped like two cocks, and you each stick one in your own pussy, and then you flick the switch and the earth moves."
"Are you putting me on?"
"Would I do a thing like that?"
I turned to the butch. "Take it out and show her."
She whipped it out of her pocket and put it on the bar. It immediately attracted a crowd.
"Hey, that's the latest model," one dyke was heard to say. "I've heard of that – five speed!"
Five speed? Hell, I could go for that. The most I had ever had was a three speed.
Modern technology is wonderful!
"Anyone want a demonstration?" asked the butch.
A line immediately formed at her rear.
"Want to dance?" I asked little Miss Sweetness.
"All right."
I got off the bar stool, took her hand, and led her back to the dance floor. I had timed it right as a slow song was just starting.
She tried to dance about a foot away from me, but I didn't put up with that shit for long.
I dragged her in close so that our tits were rubbing against each other, then began to rub my cunt against hers.
She began to breathe hard and I could feel her chest heaving. She was either scared or I was getting her hot. I preferred to think it was the latter.
"You got a nice pair of knockers," I whispered into her ear while at the same time teasing it with my tongue.
"Thank you."
"What size bra do you wear?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. You're the only one I'm dancing with, aren't you?"
"34C."
"Yeah, that's quite a mouthful. Want to show them to me?"
There was a long stunned silence.
"Never mind. You don't have to. Actually, I'd just as soon see your pussy, anyway."
"I wasn't expecting anything like this," she breathed.
"What were you expecting, honey? A sewing circle?"
"I just didn't think women would act like men. I find the way men act so disgusting but you say the very same things."
"Are you saying you find me disgusting?"
"No."
"That's what it sounded hike to me."
"You just surprise me, that's all."
"Well why the fuck did you dance with me?"
"I like dancing. I used to dance with my girlfriends in high school."
"Yeah, so did I."
That shut her up and I took the opportunity to grab one of her tits hard and pinch the nipple.
And it sure as hell responded, even though she gave a gasp of horror.
"Shut up, you love it," I told her in my most assertive tone.
"No, I hate it. I can't stand anyone to touch me there."
I kept on pinching her nipple and it was growing larger and larger.
"Honey, you know you love it. If you didn't, your nipple wouldn't become erect."
"It does that when it gets cold."
"Well, it's not cold in here."
I reached under her skirt with my other hand and moved it up her leg. When I reached her crotch I shoved aside her panties and moved in with my finger.
And the little sweetie's cunt was all nice and juicy. Lying bitch! She was as hot for me as I was for her!
"Oh, don't touch me there," she gasped. "I just hate it!"
"Sure you do, that's why your pussy juices are dripping all over my hand."
"Oh, you talk so crudely."
"And you fucking love it!"
I located her clit and began to rub it with my finger. This got her so excited so fast her pussy was spasming after about five strokes of the finger. I swear to God I think she was some kind of nympho!
She wasn't bitching anymore. She was moaning and crying out and shoving her pussy hard against my hand, trying to get me to do more. And her tit was practically revolving in my other hand.
In short, she was no fun at all. I had thought she'd be a challenge, but she was a piece of cake.
I pulled my finger out of her pussy, took my hand off her boob, and went back to the bar to watch the butch demonstrate her five speed dildoes.