A variety of questions immediately came to mind when we begin considering the information available in Geraldine’s case history. First we might ask, how did she come to associate the anus •with “uncleanness?” The answer, of course, is that she was taught to do so. Her’ mother’s impatience at having to change diapers for her little brother (an impatience which she probably registered when Geraldine was an infant too) must have provided a powerful impetus for Geraldine’s conclusion that the anus and defecation were undesirable and “unclean.” This is not an unusual attitude in our country, where our drive for cleanliness-especially in, the bathroom and -its related functions-is so marked.
We must also consider how she came to need physical debasement and humiliation.
There can be little doubt that she responded ardently to cruel treatment. Her reaction to being ejaculated upon by Jerry, the motorcycle rider who subjected her to quasi-rape, shows this only too well. Her subsequent utilization of the same image, of a man ejaculating upon her naked body, reinforces the point that shows how effectively the notion stimulated her. There is a good possibility that she identified a man’s ejaculation with urination. In that case the point could be made all the stronger.
Psychologists often note that the arrival of a new baby breeds trouble for any older children in the family. Geraldine never stated that she felt rejected because of her new brother but she would be exceptional indeed if the birth had not left its mark upon her psyche. Her mother’s excessive concern with toilet training and anal functions would also have contributed to the girl’s anxieties and helped push her to the belief that she was somehow inadequate or unworthy.
Such a belief could easily carry with it a feeling of guilt and consequently a need for penance; Geraldine’s preoccupation with large penises, as well as her fantasies concerning ejaculating males, combine to give us a very strong suggestion that she conceived of sexual activity as a way of absolving the guilt she had been made to feel.
The pain she had associated with intercourse, whether vaginal or anal, with a man whose penis was very large could well have been pleasing to her. Though many readers may doubt that true pleasure can be found through a painful experience, the fact is that this is very possible. At the same time, however, “we have to remember that it is only within limits that a woman really enjoys the pain, discomfort, or subjection to which she submits. A little pain which the man knows he can himself soothe a little pain which the woman gladly accepts as the sign and forerunner of pleasure-this degree of pain comes within- the normal limits of love and is rooted, as we have seen, in the experience of the race… A woman may desire be forced, to be roughly forced, to be ravished away beyond her own will. But all the time she only desires to be forced toward those things which are essentially and profoundly agreeable to her.” (Ellis, Studies in the Psychology of Sex, vol. I, part 2, p. 101). As we shall see in a subsequent portion of her case history, Geraldine eventually found herself being pressured, into anal intercourse and she then discovered that it was very agreeable to her. We might almost say that her early experiences with anal digital masturbation were simply preparing her for the ultimate sexual experience in her life, anal intercourse, a penis penetrating her rectum. Geraldine’s fascination with her anus as an outlet for her sexual desires appears to have been more symbolical than functional. That is, she did not desire anal stimulation because of the pleasurable sensations accompanying it- though these were definitely noticeable but because of the pleasure she derived from imagining it. This contention is best proved by referring to her fondness for fantasizing while masturbating. As Kinsey, et al. pointed out in their massive work on Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, females are far less prone to fantasy during masturbation or intercourse than are males. (pp. 164-5 and 665-8). Geraldine’s heavy reliance upon fantasies-which can include actual memories; they need not be fictitious-shows that she acutely responded to stimuli provided by her own mind. This propensity to rely upon her mind as well as her nerve endings as a source of sexual stimulation is further demonstrated in a portion of her case history to be presented below.
Some readers will wonder why our subject delayed so long her introduction to anal intercourse. As we shall see, Geraldine was twenty-three when she was initiated into sodomy. This was approximately ten years after she had begun to masturbate anally. Her own explanation that she did not know such acts were possible, makes a good bit of sense. We must remember that a great many people are abysmally ignorant of even the most elementary knowledge concerning sexuality and that, due to the great secrecy surrounding the subject, accurate knowledge is not easy to come by. Many people are very reluctant to seek knowledge, especially concerning forms of those sexual acts declared outside the pale of respectability by society. Like many other Americans, Geraldine had been taught to believe that sexual intercourse involved penises and vaginas, nothing more. The story of how she came to learn differently will now be told.
“It started almost as soon as I got lifted out of the secretarial pool and started -working in the lab. Herb, the head -technician, was a real stud and he really gave – all the girls there a hard time. Some other hard things too! I hadn’t been there more than three or four days when he started giving me those suggestive looks and rubbing against me every chance he got. I remember once he called me over to his workbench and had me look through his microscope at some cancer tissue. I bent over the microscope and he got right up behind me, pressing his prick up against the cheeks of my ass. Wow, did I ever get a horny feeling out of that! “Sure enough, he asked me out for a date and I accepted. We went to a place for dinner, and then to another place for a few drinks and some dancing. We ended up back at his apartment and went to bed. It wasn’t anything special, that first time with him. Or, at least, I didn’t think so, but something about me got him excited and he started seeing a lot of me after that. Within a couple of weeks I was practically living with him! You know, over at his place -every night. Or else he’d come over to my efficiency. And, usually, we’d spend the whole night together. And it was every night too, not just once or twice a week. He sure loved to get between my legs and drive that tool of his home! “Herb had a pretty nice sized prick on him. Though it wasn’t much compared to that monster of a tool Jerry had! I sort of liked for him to drive it up in me, even if 1 didn’t get a very good come out of it. But he just kept right on shoving it home every night. Finally he began to notice that I was only enjoying it a little, not a whole lot, and he asked me what was wrong. I made up a little story about how we weren’t doing it the way I liked it best; that I couldn't make it so good with him on top of me.
“I like to get on my side,” I told him, “and reach down behind with one hand so I can feel it going in and out of me.”
“That was just pure nonsense, of course, but I felt that I had to say something. I couldn’t come right out and tell him that it was best for me when I was doing it to myself with a finger up my ass! Or that I needed a guy with a dick about the size of a table leg! He surprised me, though, and said that we’d do it my way. I was expecting him to tell me that if I didn’t like the way he screwed I could find myself a new boyfriend. That really put it up to me, him agreeing like that, and I had to deliver the goods.
“The very first time we tried it ‘my*ay,” the way I told him about, I didn’t quite know what to do. I reached back around and sure enough I could feel that hard rod of his plunging in and out of my cunt. That was sort of nice, feeling it with my hand at the same time that I was getting it rammed into me. But then I wondered why not do it to myself? Just as if I were at home alone? So, I started massaging the rim of my asshole with the tip of a finger. Wow! That was just what I needed! And, believe me it affected me just as though someone had touched an electric line to my whole body! I jerked up against him and let out a scream of pure joy and then I did- it again. The second time it was even better and Herb was beside himself, he liked it so much. I could see that I’d really stumbled onto something. I just couldn’t hold it back any more after I’d made -myself- feel it so strongly twice. I used my middle finger and drove it up into ‘my ass as far as I could. I remember thinking to myself, even as I started to- come like I’d never come before, -‘Gee, you really “struck oil” that time!”
“Herb was so excited by it all that he never even noticed my finger. He just started whipping his cock in and out of me about ten times faster than before.
And then he ‘let go with a great, long, whooping climax that filled me so full of prick and come and happiness that I thought sure I’d pop wide open. I hadn’t ever really believed that a woman’s pleasure could be so important to a guy.
Most of the guys I’d known seemed to think it was all over when they’d shot their cream.
“You can believe it when I say that Herb and I really started hitting it off then. He was just wonderful and I’d never before heard such things as he said to me when we’d stopped panting and could talk a little. As soon as we’d rested a little he wanted to go again. And I wasn’t about to turn him down, so we started in the second time. He’d never even taken his prick out of my cunt or moved off the leg I had under him. The leg was getting a little sore, but I wouldn’t have let go of him for the world.
“This time, though, I made a mistake. I thought he wouldn’t notice it again if I fingered myself. -But I’d forgotten that he wasn’t nearly as ready to come the second time. So, when I shoved in my finger and started making it big, he felt my- finger against his dick and then he knew the truth about me. He didn’t say a word, though, and I didn’t even realize that he’d found out until it was all over.
“Why didn’t you tell me you liked it up the ass?” he asked me when I’d stopped heaving and puffing. “If I’d known, I’d have done it to you there.”
“At first I tried to pretend that I didn’t know what he was talking about. I was just too uptight about liking that kind of thing and I didn’t really think that he could… well… think very much of me once he found out the truth.
He kept on talking, though, and finally I had to give in and admit that he’d found me out.
“Can a guy and a girl really do it that way?” I asked him. “I’ve heard that guys do it among themselves-the gay ones, I mean but I never imagined that a man would -want to do it to a girl that way.”
“Whatever you want,” he told me. “If you like it beat in the ass that’s exactly where you’ll get it!”
“‘Have you done it to girls like that before?” I asked. “Is it good for you, doing it that way?”
“He swore that he’d as soon do it that way as the other. All this time, you understand, -we were still- laying together, side by side, and his cock was still in me and it was still as hard as a rock. He started pushing me over onto my back.
“‘What are you doing?” I wanted to know.
“I’m going to lay you on your back,” he said, “and then I’m going’ to take my cock out of your cunt and slide it into your ass. You’re going to see that a finger is one thing, but a live, hard prick is something else!”
“He meant just what he said, no doubt of that. I rolled over with him and he eased back to get’ h-is prick out of me. I looked down and saw it slipping out.
It was all shiny and wet from my cunt and the come I’d already had. He said that was nice and that it would go in real easy, being already greased up like it was. I had to lift my legs way up high. I held them with- my hands while he knelt down at my rump and guided that tool home. I could hardly believe that this was happening to me, but when I felt the head of his dick nudge the rim of my ass I could tell that he was ‘for real. I strained up, trying to see it going in, but of course I couldn’t make it. I really felt it though! “‘You’re tight,” he said. "I'll have to push hard and it may hurt for a minute.
“That’s all right,” I said, “as long as you get it in! Come on, get it in. I want to feel you sliding into my ass!”
“Oh, I was really turned on by that time! Just thinking about it got me fired up all over again. And then when he leaned over me and really started putting the prick to me, forcing the rim of my ass open and shoving that tool into me, I just died on the spot! If what I’d had before, when I’d done it to myself with my finger, if that was a climax, then you’re going to have to invent a new word for what I felt when he really started fucking my asshole! Oh, I just went out of my mind, it was so good! “Fuck! Fuck my ass!” I called out, hardly knowing what I was saying. “I want your cock up my ass! I want to feel you come in my ass!”
“I don’t know what made me say things like that but I couldn’t hold them back.
It seemed that when he started doing it to me that way I lost control of everything. I don’t usually say much when I’m with a guy, or I never did any time before, but this was different. Even thinking about what he was doing to me was enough to tear the top of my head off almost. It’s always been that way.
I can get really excited by imagining that a guy is doing something to me, showing me his prick, jacking off on me or anything like that. But now he was really doing it and I could feel him shoving prick all the way up my ass. It was just wonderful. And then, when he started to come and his cock started shooting hot cream, it was a lot better than before, even, and so I just had a marvelous time.
“Herb and I got real close after that first time when he found out all about me. I learned that he was something like me. I mean, he liked to think about groovy things and do them too. He had a tender butt, just like me, and once he asked me to finger-fuck him in the ass while I was sucking him. He really liked for me to go down on him and, while it didn’t really do all that much for me, I was happy to do it to him just because he was so damned nice. Once I found out that he liked my finger there, I had a lot of fun with him. I used to lay there for hours, it seemed like, just working my finger in and out of his asshole and working him up for a big come. Usually when I did him like that I’d either let him shoot off in my mouth or maybe on me. He sort of liked to see his come squirting over my boobs and dripping down onto my tummy.
“He was also something of a swinger. You know the people who have parties and everybody starts making out with everybody else? When he told me about that I was a little scared and ashamed. I didn’t ‘really want anyone else to know about me liking to get fucked in the ass. But Herby convinced me that it was all -right and that everybody else at the parties liked it there too. So I went along with him and that’s how I really started to find out about sex. Some of those people at the parties we made, they were just out of sight! I mean, you can’t think of anything they wouldn’t do to each other. It was just wild, sometimes, when six or eight of us would all get spread out together on a living room floor. Some girls would be sucking and others would be fucking, and sometimes a girl would be doing both at once.
“I remember Susie, this black girl-we were racially integrated, no big thing about that- who just couldn’t get enough of any of that kind of action. One time I saw her getting it from three guys at once! She sat down on this white guy, a fellow with a prick like you wouldn’t believe, and took him in her ass.
Just the thought of getting reamed out with a tool the size of his made me come, almost, but-she took it without a whimper! Then she got another guy over her, between her legs. He ran his cock up her cunt, making two. And then she took her husband, right after he’d fucked a big, busty redhead almost out of her mind, and sucked him! All three at once, she had them, and that was positively the most exciting thing I’d ever seen in the world! “The sight of a prick going in a woman’s cunt or ass that always got to me in the strongest possible way. Especially if the guy was going in her ass. I could watch that forever, I guess. “There’s something about that sight that just tears me up inside. Herb noticed how strongly I reacted to things like that and he was the one who suggested doing something that really turned me around.
“We were at his apartment, just the two of us. And, of course, we were in bed and playing around. He told me that he’d worked out some thing new for us to do. And me, I was just wild to see what it was. He had this big easy chair, you see, and that’s where it happened. He sat down in it, with a hard-on like you wouldn’t believe, and he had me get up in the chair with my back to him. I lowered myself down and right then I realized what he was working toward.
“He’d put the chair in such a place that we were facing a full length mirror.
It was only six -or eight feet away and I could see -everything! The way I was sitting over him, with my heels resting on the edge of the chair, it brought my pussy up into full view because my knees were-really wide apart. And then there was that love-pole of his sticking up from between his legs like a flagpole. It was aimed straight at me and it looked just fierce! ‘I see what you’ve got in mind now,” I said, “and I think it’s the greatest ever!”
“‘Just let yourself down on my cock,” he told me. “Slip your cunt down over it and get it slick. Then we’ll move it back to where it will do you a lot of good!”
“You can believe that I was plenty turned on by all this. My pussy was already almost boiling hot and it was turning out love-drip like it was going out of style. I didn’t put his prick in me, though I had a better ‘idea. I used my fingers, transferring the slick stuff from my cunt to his prick. He thought it was a pretty good idea. He’d twisted his head around so that he could get a good look too, and he could see that I was dipping my fingers into my pussy and then wiping them over the head of his dick. I really enjoyed giving him that hand job, except that I was intending it to be only a warm-up, not the real thing.
“He got so turned on that I had to-stop handling him for a little while or he’d have popped off right there in my hand. Not that that would have been so bad an idea, actually. Later on I did him that way a couple of times, working him with my fingers so that he’d shoot off all over my pussy and ass. This time, though, I wanted the real thing, all the way in. And I made sure that I didn’t work him up too much. I had to wait a minute or two him cool down before I worked his cock into my cunt. I wanted him in there so I could be sure he would be slick enough to go in my ass. I worked myself back and forth on his prick a few times, just so I could see it sliding in and out of my pussy. That’s really a fantastic sight. I’ll never forget the first time I saw it! “But then he started getting worked up again and I had to stop. I sat there, as still as I could be, until he’d quieted down a little. Then I had him grab his prick down by the base and hold it still while I moved off him and got myself into position where I could aim my asshole at that prick of his. He was almost dripping with pussy juice when I started and the head nosed into place just as easy as could be. It wasn’t until I started working the stiff part of it into me that I could really feel it. Sitting in that position, you know, makes your ass a lot tighter and it seemed as though his prick was twice or maybe three times, as big as it had ever been before.
“I was watching it all in the mirror and I could see it perfectly. The flesh around the mouth of my ass was being pushed in. It didn’t want to open up and let him inside. But he was placed right and I knew that if I gritted my teeth and pushed hard enough it would pop into place and then we’d be off to Come City Sure, it was beginning to hurt a little but I didn’t mind that. The pain wasn’t anything compared to the excitement of knowing that a real, live man was about to fuck me in the ass and that I was going to be able to see every bit of it! “You’ve got to push harder,” he said. “I can’t hump it into you, so you’re going to have to drive your ass down on my cock!”
“‘I’ll do it,” I promised. “I’ll do anything to get you inside my ass!”
“I wasn’t lying either. At that moment, after I’d gotten so worked up by seeing him do all those things to me and knowing what else there was left, I guess I’d have torn myself open to finish it. I didn’t have to do that, though. I just swung my hips down toward him- and the head of his cock – popped into me just as easy as pie. Well, not all that easy, I guess, because I could- really tell that he’d stretched my ass. But who minds a little thing like that kind of pain? Especially since it doesn’t last but just a minute or two. You get used to it after that and it’s no problem at all. It’s just pleasure of a sort that I couldn’t describe. Not even if I knew all the words- in the English language! “Herb was just as turned on as I was and he didn’t get more than the head of his prick inside my ass when he started to come. Pow! Zap! Great big, thick shots of come, stronger than any I’d ever felt before. And it went on and on, till I thought sure he couldn’t have any more cream left in his balls. When he felt it start he just groaned, as if I’d fastened a pipe wrench onto his prick, instead of my ass, and then he really let me have it.
“Naturally I was coming too-. Who wouldn’t have let go with a climax when something that great was happening to you? It just spread all, over me, kind of like a fog, and I could feel it everywhere in my body-even down to my toes, the tips of my fingers, the roots of my hair, every place imaginable! I could still see it all real clear in the mirror in front of me and I could even see that big vein running up-the bottom of his prick. It was swelling and pumping like mad as the cream shot out of it. And I could feel it almost as well as if it were going off in my mouth! “I didn’t touch my clit or rub my pussy or do anything like that. It was enough, just feeling him go into me and seeing it all. I didn’t have to do a thing except sit there and enjoy it. That, and come. Oh, did I ever come! It just lasted and lasted. Herb himself said that he’d never, not even once, felt a woman come like I did that time. And I guess he’s diddled enough of them to know what he’s talking about. One thing is – for certain: if it had lasted any longer I’d have passed out for sure! – “After a while, when we’d both sort of got over that first big spurt -of joy, we started in again. Herb reached around with his finger and started rubbing the lips of-my pussy. I laid back and watched him work me up. I could see his finger getting wet and I knew that I was building up for another big one.- I was a little uncertain of him because after all, he’d just shot off like only a few guys ever do. But he said that be thought he could make it and even if he couldn’t, he just had to feel me come again like that.
“As it turned out, he didn’t make it. I’d milked all the come out of his balls that first time! He never stopped, though, not even after it became pretty clear that he wasn’t going to be able to come again. He just kept shoving the prick up my ass and stroking my clit until I let go with another monstrous come. It didn’t ‘last quite as long as that first one and it wasn’t quite as strong. But, even at that, it was a lot better than any I’d ever bad before, either with a guy or by myself.
“Herb showed me that he was really interested in me. I mean, not just as something to fuck-though he was sure keen on that!-but also as a human being. I ended up telling him nearly everything about myself, even down to the time when I discovered that my ass was really sensitive and could be used for fun. And he let me know a good bit more about himself. He really liked to talk about things like that and be also liked seeing- me do it to myself. I was terribly shy about that and at first I really hated to admit that I was a finger-dipper, but he convinced me that it wasn’t all that bad. It ‘, wasn’t very long before I’d gotten up my nerve enough to show him how I did it to myself.
“He convinced me by giving himself a hand job one Saturday afternoon when we were sitting around his apartment watching a football game. He’d been after me for a while to show’ him how I did it, and I always turned him down. But, after a while, he just took hold of his cock we were already naked, we’d been screwing and we were laying in bed watching TV-and started pumping his- fist up and down the stem of the big, hard thing. I thought he was just showing off at first but pretty soon he came on real strong.
“‘I’m going to come!” he gasped. “Do you want to suck it… do you want to blow me?”
“No, why don’t you shoot off on me?” I said, twisting around so I could get my face up close to his cock. “Shoot the come on my boobs!”
“He really dug that idea and he moved a little, just enough to get his dick aimed in the right direction. And he kept on stroking that big love rod. It wasn’t long before it came, and when it did he just drenched my nipples with come! I felt wonderful, laying there under him and feeling that warm, thick stuff shoot down on me. I started fingering my clit and then, once I’d gotten really hungry for it, I moved my finger down to my asshole and I finished myself off the way. Herb watched it, every bit, and he said it was just total sex. I believed him after that.”
Some readers undoubtedly will be offended by this look at Geraldine’s most intimate sexual desires and practices. They- will accuse her of sexual abnormality and brand her a pervert. This judgment may have the approval of the Establishment and could be justified in a legal sense, but it has little merit from the psychiatric viewpoint. It is the opinion of a very respected authority “that any individual who can only, under all circumstances, enjoy one particular form of sexual activity; anyone who is compulsively or obsessively fixated on one single mode of sexual behavior; anyone who is fearfully and rigidly bound to any exclusive form of sexual participation,; that individual is unquestionably sexually abnormal, perverted or neurotic.” (Ellis, Albert.
Sex Without Guilt. New York: Grove Press, 1965. pp. 136-187).
The key words in that quotation were those in italics. While Geraldine can achieve the greatest sexual pleasure only through anal intercourse, she does not restrict herself to that mode. She occasionally fellates her boyfriends and also performs vaginal intercourse, though her enjoyment of these is never very marked. Within the strict framework of deviancy as defined above, she would have to be labeled as “non-deviant.” For all that, she definitely has problems in the sexual area. As we have seen, the source of these problems lies rooted in her past. The chances of her overcoming those problems and learning to function sexually in a more orthodox pattern are very slight, especially since she does not want to change. Without the desire to change, little can be accomplished.