Back on the domestic front, Fred had gone to stay with his mother. In the meantime, I had the twins back home with me and we were doing the best we could.
I hired a babysitter to take care of Jimmy and Julie and prayed, as I went off to my job at S.E.X. every morning, that things would work out all right.
The data for The S.E.X. Report had all been collected. All that remained now for the findings to become a reality insofar as the American people were concerned was for the information to be collated, and then sent to the publisher. In the meantime, it was time for the staff to celebrate the end of a long, hard task.
Except that the last thing I felt like doing at the end of the project was celebrating. For the end of the research portion of The Report meant that my work was finished, and I was staring unemployment in the face with no husband and two children to support.
"Don't worry about it," Jason tried to encourage me. "You'll get a dynamite reference from us, and another job is a certainty. I promise."
"I'd feel better if you were the next guy I was going to work for," I replied ruefully.
"Listen," he said, "if it'll make you feel any better, your name will be on The Report when it comes out. As you know, there won't be any money in it for you, but that could happen. It's certain to be a best-seller, meaning that you'll be a kind celebrity. You'll be able to write your own ticket when it comes out."
"But what about in the meantime?" I wailed. "Right now I'd settle for writing a ticket to a simple secretary's job."
"Don't sell yourself short, Debbie," Jason tried to console me. "Without you, we wouldn't have been nearly so successful in compiling the type of information we needed. Just take it easy."
"Tell that to my kids," I snapped. "They like to eat three times a day, you know."
"Just stop feeding your depression," he answered paternally, "and enjoy the fruits of a job well done. Why don't you let me pick you up for the celebration tonight. A good time is what you need."
"All right," I agreed with a shrug. "Maybe I am over dramatizing."
The party was held at a local Italian restaurant that The Exchange had rented for the night. We were all seated around a long banquet table, and the booze flowed like it was going out of style. Everybody had a head on before the hors d'oeuvres were even served.
A few stiff drinks made me quickly forget about my financial problems, and before I knew it I was swinging along with everybody else. Alcohol made tomorrow a lot easier prospect to face than cold sobriety.
Then, when Arnold Feather, the psychologist who headed up the S.E.X. team began to read excerpts from the research, things really got interesting. I'd been so close to the data for such a long time that I hadn't really realized how provocative it was. When this stuff was published it would blow the lid off the country's preconceived notions about what was considered to be normal sexuality.
"Here's an interesting questionnaire," Dr. Feather intoned from the end of the table. "It seems a couple began anal intercourse during their dating in college, and were never able to make the transition to genital congress after they were eventually married. Rather than switch, they adopted children."
"Hear, hear!" a drunken Jason bolted from his chair and exclaimed. "Let's see 'Dear Abby' or 'Cosmopolitan' top that!"
"Precisely, my dear Jason," the equally tipsy Dr. Feather said. "Information like this is exactly why The S.E.X. Report is going to be on top of the best-seller list for months!"
We all cheered at that estimation, proud to be part of such certain success. Then, the good doctor laid a little bit more on the assemblage.
"I'm sure that you'll all be interested to know that the length of the average respondent's penis is…"
He teasingly paused. It was a master stroke, because all of us had bolted upright in our seats in anticipation.
"Eight and three-quarters inches," he broke the hush that had fallen over the crowd. "Slightly two and a half inches more than had previously been thought to be the norm. Our findings definitely show that erections are on the upswing. Getting longer and harder than ever before. Even if we produce no other confirmed trends, this information will be enough to rock the nation."
A spontaneous cheer spilled from the gathering. Eight and three-quarters had best-seller written all over it.
"What about you, Doc?" somebody drunkenly joked. "Are you above or below normal?"
"I'm glad you asked," he surprised us all. "As a matter of fact, I'd never even measured myself before the findings came in. However, out of curiosity, once I saw the statistics, I borrowed my son's ruler and saw for myself."
"And?" at least a dozen people shouted.
"Nine inches," he rejoined smugly. "A quarter of an inch over average… And, to tell you the truth, my wife was even more excited about it than I was."
We gave him a standing ovation. I guess that'll tell you how bombed we all were.
Then, as Dr. Feather sat down, the room was abuzz with the men around the table comparing their prick sizes. You could tell from which men were beaming, and which ones were frowning, who was above the average and who fell below.
Then, Jason, who was undoubtedly above normal on the drunkenness scale, took the floor and proposed a most bizarre suggestion.
"Why don't we conduct our own survey among staff?" he hollered. "Let's find out if the scientists are as well-endowed as the subjects."
There was a buzzing throughout the room as the men confronted their nerve. The women present, of course, just ginned.
Needless to say, it was only a matter of time until some PhD with a schlong the size of a Hebrew National salami dropped his pants.
As it turned out, it was my date… Jason.
Well, naturally I knew from first hand experience that he beat the norm with plenty to spare. However, I was just as shocked as everyone else when he unzipped his fly and hauled out a twitching hard-on that looked like it belonged to a stallion.
The reaction around the table was divided between disgust from the few blue-noses, envy from the men with smaller pricks, applause from the guys with pricks as large, and drooling from every woman present. Let's face it… Jason had a magnificent tool.
"Well, hell," my old friend Gloria Schaffer stood up and exclaimed from the other side of the table, "I don't care what anybody thinks, I'll suck it!"
I knew Gloria well enough to realize that she wasn't kidding. If she announced she'd suck Jason's cock in public, Goddamn it she'd do it if it killed her.
Confirming my judgment, she climbed up on the table and trampled through a platter of lasagna to get to Jason's throbbing dork. By the time she arrived her legs were smeared with tomato sauce.
When he saw her coming, Jason climbed on the table also, scurrying toward her provocatively sucking mouth. Before our eyes, cock and mouth closed ranks, and suddenly she was blowing him.
All hell broke loose the instant Gloria's lips clasped around Jason's phallic crown. "Oh, suck it!" somebody yelled. "Suck it all the way!"
"Suck that cock!"
"Fuck it with your mouth!"
"Make him come all over you!"
Then I added my two-bits worth. "Gobble him to the hilt!" I screamed. "Turn his balls bright blue!"
She did it.
Did it with one fantastic, slurping swallow. Devoured every inch of his immense throbber like an experienced sword swallower.
The applause filled the rafters. It was truly a command performance of cocksucking.
It couldn't help but make everyone in the room horny.
Yours truly included.
"Hey," I turned and said to the guy on the opposite side of me from where Jason had been sitting, "what about your equipment? Above or below the suburban norm?"
"Got a ruler?" he leered.
"No, but my mouth is like a micrometer," I leered back. "Want a reading?"
"You better believe it, baby," he grinned, and then whipped it out like a flash.
Well, just a sight reading told me that his stiff prick was bigger than any eight and three-quarter inches, but that wasn't going to stop me from trying it out. Especially when I could see around me that virtually every other woman in the room was attacking the fly of the man nearest her.
I had his hard-on in my mouth in an instant and was sucking it for all I was worth. From the corner of my eye I could see at least a dozen other mouths duplicating my action.
The guy I was sucking really wanted a mouth-fuck, and began moving his hips right away in my drunken hominess I reveled in his brutal thrusts, savoring every welt his cock-head raised along the sensitive tissues of my esophagus.
Usually I close my eyes when I'm having sex. But not this time. What was going on around me was too delicious to miss.
A glorious tableau of eager women sucking cock filled my eyes. There wasn't a timid mouth in the bunch.
I can't tell you how proud it made me of my sex.
We slurped and suctioned in unison, going down on our men to the balls. It seemed as though every woman in that room had a mouthful of prick and a faceful of pubic hair.
Pretty soon we'd all have bellies full of cum.
As a matter of fact, Gloria undoubtedly had already achieved that objective. Lucky girl.
I say that because the corners of her cock-engorged mouth were already spewing cream.
Jason had speared her face to the ultimate, and now she was reaping the delicious results. It only stood to reason that a goodly amount of hot spunk had graced the pit of her stomach before the excess began oozing from her lips.
While the rest of us were still milking our phallic udders for fresh milk, Gloria was already advancing to the next step. You can spell that one F-U-C-K.
Her shapely legs were spread, and Jason's cock was out of her mouth and heading for her flexing snatch. Since she wasn't wearing any panties her hairy curt was right out in the open for anybody to see.
There's nothing more inspiring than a naked cunt about to be speared by a hard-on. The sight of Gloria's good fortune encouraged me to get the mouth fucking over so I could move the dick splitting my face down to the number-one orifice.
Pistoning my lips along the throbbing shaft of the hard-on I was sucking, and grabbing the guy's hairy balls at the same time, I quickly brought forth the explosion I craved. As the cum splashed down my throat into my hungry belly, I was already thinking ahead about how good the thick phallic girth would feel engorging my wet cunt.
Before a minute was up, I was on the table, joining my friend Gloria. Pulling up my skirt with one hand, I ripped down my panties with the other, spreading my legs so my knees practically touched my ear lobes.
I felt like a bombing target as the missile of my partner's cock zeroed in on my gaping slit. The froth was gushing so copiously from my hot gash that the lubrication would send his spear in to the hilt on it first glorious thrust.
"Sllluuurrrpppp!" my pussy seemed to say as it was abruptly penetrated.
"Ooommmppphhh!" my fucker added as he slipped deeply within me. "Oooohhhhh!" I completed the coital trinity. Now the table was rocking as Gloria and I fucked up a storm on it. Side by side we humped, bumping and grinding, writhing and wriggling in our cock-engorged splendor. Performing as a team one last time.
But we were not to hold the spotlight for long. Other women, not to be outdone by our daring, were hauling their stiff-cocked partners onto the flat surface for more facile fucking action. Within minutes there would be a sea of pricks pumping within spread, hairy cunts.
There was enough grunting and groaning going on for a blind man to mistake the banquet room for the hold of a slave ship. And, come to think of it, I guess we were slaves at that – slaves to the unparalleled joys of fucking.
I looked through the writhing bodies at Gloria to see how she was doing. Fortunately, I had a perfect view of ha cunt and could see it wasn't leaking cum yet. Meaning, thank God, that even though she had a head start on me, I still had a chance to be the first one on the table with a sticky pussy.
"Come in me, son of a bitch!" I yelled. "Come in me or I'll twist your fucking cock off at the root!"
Then, just as my partner was protesting that he was doing the best he could after all the drinks he'd had, his cock got him off the hook. Surging that tell-tale increment up my fuck-hole, its stony tip abruptly dissolved into a fountain of blazing goo. All of a sudden my cunt was dripping with hot cum.
Ahhhh, my pussy was the first on the table to be full of sperm, and needless to say I was busting with pride as well as with spurting cock. Everybody else could come all night long now, as far as I was concerned, and I'd still feel unique because I'd drawn first spunk.
With my own twat gushing cream, now I wished my sisters in fucking nothing but the wettest of pussies. "Make the bastards come!" I cried. "Make them fill you to the brim!"
Suddenly the room sounded like a truckload of hissing cobras had just been dropped into it. Cocks were unleashing their hot venom, engorging every snatch in sight with endless spurts of male elixir.
Before a minute had passed, the table-top was slick with spilled jizz. Then the overflow reached the proportions of a swamp and we were all virtually swimming in the gloppy ooze.
With no traction, humping couples began to slide around like they were on ice, more than one pair toppling unceremoniously to the floor. It was chaos. Wonderful chaos.
A good time was had by all.