He hardly looked at me while I was getting dressed. I might as well have been a punching bag. The sonofabitch. That's the trouble with most men; the only thing a woman's any good for is punching their dick into. When they've got their load off, they couldn't care less!
I got out of there as fast as I could. My bra wasn't any good without the shoulder straps, and I carried it in my hand. There wasn't anybody in the hall and I just went down it to my apartment. I was inside but hadn't quite got the door shut when I heard that whiny, super-perfect voice of Nancy's. I stopped to listen.
"… Right in his apartment! Alone!"
I poked my head out to see who she was talking to. The hallway was still empty, but I realized Eric's door was open and her voice was coming from there.
Eric's voice cut in, icy and calm. "You there?" he asked.
"I just told you she was in there alone with him!"
"Then get lost. I won't listen to back fence gossip."
There was a sort of pause. When Nancy spoke again, she sounded reluctant.
"Well… well, I…" And then her words tumbled over each other. "I did see them! There's a sort of angle where the porch roof…"
"You spied on Duane."
"Welllll… Eric, it was awful! She let him tie her out on the table! And she did terrible things! She was like a wild woman! She even…"
"Get… out… of… here! Now!!!"
I hardly had time to get out of sight. I closed my door almost all the way… just left it open a crack so I could peek. And Nancy backed out of Eric's apartment with her face the color of a ripe tomato. She was stammering and trying to make him listen, but his door shut right in her face. So she whirled around and stomped down the hall to the stairs. She shot a black look toward my door and disappeared.
Eric's door opened again and he came out. He stood there for a minute looking toward Duane's apartment, then mine. And finally he came toward me. I shut the door in a panic. What was I going to do? I leaped across to my bed and shoved my bra under the pillow and Eric was already knocking.
I tried to keep from shaking as I went to the door.
"Lee, I…" He hesitated while he studied me.
My mouth felt dry and stiff. I couldn't even smile. And Eric looked terribly uncomfortable.
"I… Look, Lee. I'm sorry about what I said downstairs this morning. What… How did it happen?"
"Would you like to come in?" I stammered. When I saw his glance go around the bedroom I added quickly, "To the sun porch, I mean. It's the only living room Mark and I have."
"Oh. Well…"
I stepped back, hoping. I felt as if my heart were going to jump right out of my chest while I wondered if he'd accept the invitation.
"Well… yes."
I led him through the bedroom. I was ashamed of the mess it was in but he didn't seem to notice. The sun porch looked better and he took one of the rattan armchairs Ma let us have because they were too beat-up to go anyplace else. For awhile he didn't say anything, just sat with his forearms resting on his legs and studied me some more.
He finally asked again. "How did it happen?"
"Will. Mark went out to mess around with a football… some of the kids on the street. Only in a few minutes Will came and said Duane had him in his apartment… accusing him of taking something. So I was scared what Duane would do to him… I went with Will and… and…"
He was mad; I could tell. His lips got tight and pale and a hard, round little lump appeared near the back of his jaw. His eyes got real narrow, their blue looking icy cold. He started talking, more to himself than to me. "Been a plain damn fool. Hear stories and think you're shrugging them off for gossip, but they settle to the bottom and stay there rotting and spoiling everything else." He looked up at my face. "Remember when I first came here, Lee…? That time we were going to drive up to Topeka for a steak dinner?"
Did I remember! You couldn't have reached me with a pole, I was so high then! Only something had ruined it. He'd said things about an unexpected meeting with the higher-ups, but I'd known he'd begun hearing those stories.
"I remember," I said, my voice kind of chokey.
"I blew that one," he said. "Blew the hell out of it. Look, you think after all this time we might try that again?"
"You… you really mean that, Eric?" All of a sudden I didn't dare let my voice rise; I had to keep it low and soft.
"Yeah. The fact is, I've been fighting myself. Hell, Lee, there's something about you… I mean, it's been like having something real special right in front of you and being scared to touch it. Everything I see makes me want you – tells me you're the right girl. And the lousy tongue-waggers kept scaring me off. I'm sorry! Think maybe you could forget what a Goddamn jerk I've been?"
Omigod! I thought. Omigod, that's right next door to proposing! He's not just talking about a date in Topeka!
"Eric… Oh, Eric! I know! I understand, Eric! I'm not mad at you!" But there were things in my background. Sure, the stories he'd heard were lies, but things had happened that were maybe just as bad. I felt like I was cutting my heart out and throwing it on the floor, but I had to be fair with him. "Eric, things do happen to a girl… I mean…"
He shrugged and looked me right in the eye. "So?"
He stood up, still staring into my eyes, and I got to my feet and went to him. I think they could have taken the floor right out from under me without my noticing; my feet didn't even touch it. And there I was, where I'd wanted to be ever since he'd come to Ma Conner's. His arms were just as big and warm as I'd dreamed they would be. And he kissed just as hard and gently as he looked like he would.
But it was awful knowing I hadn't even gotten to take a shower since coming away from Duane's apartment. So I pulled away as soon as that first rush of love eased enough to let me breathe. And I realized how my boobies were tingling where they'd been crushed against him without a bra to keep them in.
"I've… I've got to…" I stammered, then stopped confusion. How do you tell a man you've got to take a shower before you can kiss him any more?
I didn't have to. He seemed to have something on his mind. A grim expression came over his face and he squeezed my shoulders. "Something I've got to do, honey," he said. "Maybe it would be fun to go for a walk in a little while. See if the cats are jumping clear out of the water like Nigg says."
He meant walking a block to the north edge of town and the half mile or so to the river to see if the catfish… Well, anyway, that was a sort of offhand way of saying it was a nice day to spend an hour or two by the river. And it was!
When he left my apartment he didn't even stop at his; he went right past it to Duane's. And he only had to knock once before Duane opened the door. Eric didn't say anything I could hear from where I was peeking through the crack at my door. He just went in with Duane backing away before him. And they didn't shut the door.
There wasn't any noise I could hear. No crashes or grunts of pain or angry voices. Nothing. And I realized I was being pretty sneaky to spy on them. So I took the shower I needed so badly. And Eric came back for me and we went for our walk.