The three of us were now firmly tied together in our desire to eliminate the threat of my mother. Once Lonnie had finally decided to join our conspiracy, his commitment was total. He even made acute suggestions and certain refinements on our plan that Mai and I realized were basic to making it work.
Late afternoon and early evening were consumed by the discussion and practice of our project. If for any reason we failed in reaching our objective, the consequences we would have to pay would be heavier than any one of us was prepared to suffer. That's why we were constantly going over the plan. That plan was the key that would unlock our gloomy present, and free us to a brighter tomorrow.
It was evident that Mai and Lonnie were as nervous as I was. Never in my young life had I made such an irreversible decision. Although I was filled with the almost numbing fear of failure, I was surprised that I was not hit with the all-powerful emotion of guilt. When I asked Lonnie if that was the case with him, he admitted that he, too, was surprised by the absence of guilt. I guess it showed how little Mother meant to us.
The key to the success of the plan was the fact that Mother was so caught up in the possibility that either Daddy or Lonnie was sexually interested in my developing body. If she reacted to the scene we were about to play out, her natural inclination to rage out of control would seal her fate. It was a very simple plan that needed only one harmless-looking but important prop. We were ready to proceed.
I went up to my mother's room, bringing her, her nightly meal. Mai said that I was to dress as I usually would for these new occasions, and not give her any hint of what was to happen. Since I was going to play the major role, we didn't want to prematurely put the events in motion before everyone was set up.
"Here is your dinner, Mother. I hope you enjoy it," I said.
I could tell immediately by the look on her face that she had not forgotten what had taken place earlier that day.
"Thank you, Lana. I'm glad to see you're on time this evening. From now on, I no longer want your father to bring me my evening meal. This way, I'll be able to examine you at the same time every day," she instructed. "Why don't you strip off your clothes, and we'll get it over with. Okay?"
"Oh, Mother, are you really going to go through with this?" I asked in a whining voice, wanting to appear as natural as possible.
"Yes, Lana, we are going to go through with this. Every goddamn night, we are going to go through with this. Now get rid of those clothes before I get angry!" she ordered.
All I was wearing was a pair of denim overalls with a pair of plain panties underneath. I knew that once I removed the garments, I would be totally naked and the plan would be in effect with no turning back. Outwardly, I tried to appear as uncomfortable as I could, not wanting to give Mother reason to be suspicious. Thankfully, I didn't have to try very hard to maintain my guise. The fact that our project was underway and I was standing naked in front of my mother made me look uncomfortable.
As ordered, I stepped from my overalls and rolled my underwear down and off my legs. But instead of immediately walking to the side of her bed and allowing her the access to the most intimate part of my body, I stood out of her reach, staring down at her.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked, impatience creeping into her voice.
"When you did this to me this morning, it hurt terribly," I answered. "Isn't there a less painful way to do this?"
"Just come over here, and get it over with," she insisted.
"What if I turned myself on, first? It would definitely make things easier and a lot less painful. Maybe if you could gently play with me, I might even get to like these nightly exams," I suggested, maintaining a straight face.
Instantly, my mother's face registered with the horror of what I was saying.
Mother was growing increasingly more agitated. Her face was mottled by frustrated rage and her body trembled. She threw the bedclothes from her withered person, and made an attempt to rise from the bed. Her first try was unsuccessful. She fell back into the soft mattress, exhausted by the effort.
She did finally succeed in standing, and the look of terror on her face frightened even me. She stumbled to the door, screaming about devils and how God Himself would present me to hell. She said that if I continued to be controlled by the devil, then there would be no chance of forgiveness.
She went out of the doorway and down the stairs. I called to her, pleading with her to stop, but she was uncontrollable. I saw Mai and Lonnie standing in the dining room, and neither of them made an attempt to stop her. At the time, I did not have any idea what a fatal mistake this would be, but by the same token, it would be a blessing. My mother, had been an emotional drain on me and the family for too many years.
She ran out of the door, into the night. Suddenly a truck turned onto our street, and Mother ran into its path. I believe she knew it was the only way. I didn't look.
It was obvious that the angle of her head in relation to her body spelled instant death. Her entire weight must have been concentrated on her brittle backbone and neck when she landed.
The three of us stood rooted together in the street, and looked down in awe at the fatal results of our plan. Nobody said a word. We were successful, but none of us wanted to cry out in triumph or wallow in elation. Mai, Lonnie, and I had killed my mother with sane premeditation. It was a totally selfish act, but to the three of us, it was undeniably necessary. Even Lonnie, after all the pain we had put him through, knew how necessary it was, and agreed we had come up with the only possible solution.
My brother and I finally turned our backs on the dead body. It was no longer our mother and hadn't been for quite some time. We went to our rooms and got dressed while Mai called the police and an ambulance service. Mai also called Daddy. She said that he sounded upset on the telephone, and was returning immediately. The efficiency she displayed in taking care of all the details only increased our admiration for her.
We had agreed beforehand that the impression we wanted to give the authorities was that Lonnie and I were in deep shock over the tragic accident. This way, Mai would be justified in giving us a couple of tranquilizers, making it impossible for the police to question us so soon after the incident. We would have at least twenty-four hours to have our stories down pat. The possibility that Lonnie and I would make a mistake was greatly reduced.
By the time Daddy arrived home, Lonnie and I had slept off our supposed sedatives, and the case had been closed by the police-labeled as an accident. We never did answer any questions. Mai took care of that end.
Daddy did not suspect a thing. He constantly praised Mai for the tremendous help she had been to the family during the time of crisis. As a matter of fact, she continued to help, making the funeral arrangements and answering the telephone calls of well-wishers.
Even though Daddy was now in the process of closing a very unhappy chapter in his life, it was apparent that he was still filled with guilt. Fortunately, the prospects of starting a new chapter with the beautiful Mai Widner went a long way in making his sorrow tolerable. We, the three conspirators, also maintained sad and solemn demeanors. It would have been insane to screw up what we had accomplished by gloating over our success.
Mother was gone. Now, all I wanted in life was to take Daddy as my first true lover. He would be the one who I thought could best prepare me for a full and happy sexual life. If I could commit murder, I figured, seducing my father should be easy. I knew that as long as this remained a fantasy, the more obsessed I would become.