Harry groaned as I paused mid-Pussy. The staccato beat of implement on flesh thwacked on in a brisk duet with a heartfelt female yowl.
"I swear that's Boner with a light oak paddle! I never did care for blunt implements."
"Don't tell me the dynamic duo are right next door! This is getting positively incestuous. What are the odds against this kind of coincidence happening, anyway? Our respective exes meeting and hitching. It's mind blowing."
I dismounted and pressed one ear against the cabin wall.
"I'd know that rhythm anywhere. It's Boner all right. Listen. You can just hear Howard Stern in the background. 'Seven Brides For Seven Brothers.' He can't get the beat right without a yodel in the background."
My partner snorted in mirth.
"Hee! Hee! Well, I just can't believe that old Frip is game for a spank. She always loathed anything other than straight sex in the missionary position. Talk about vanilla. She wouldn't even try fellating me. Said it was absolutely disgusting."
I looked at my friend and couldn't imagine why a woman wouldn't want to savor his toothsome knob. He has a lovely cock, simply perfect for sucking. However, bitter experience had shown me that some prefer a slurp-free path.
"Well, that's obviously one thing they have in common. An oral aversion. Poor dears. They don't know what they're missing. Life without licks is like dried fruit. No juice."
Harry nodded and we exchanged sorrowful glances at the thought of such a Spartan existence. Meanwhile, the spanking session seemed to be reaching an ouchy climax and Frip's squeals were turning me on.
"Get the toothbrush tumblers from the bathroom and we'll listen in! I still don't believe that's my ex in there."
I was just heading off to fetch the water glasses when there was a protracted and somewhat piercing orgasmic shriek accompanied by a veritable taradiddle of paddling and yodeling. Then there was silence and a gruff male voice said:
"Next time, you won't forget that final stomach crunch, will you?"
A soft female voice murmured an unintelligible but contrite-sounding response.
Harry looked incredulous.
"Bloody hell. She never came like that with me! And she'd sooner have had her wisdom teeth extracted without an anesthetic than go over my knee for a spanking session!"
I took my husband's hand and led him back to the sofa. All was quiet on the next cabin front.
"So, why did you marry Frippery, darling? I've heard of the attraction of opposites and all that, but you're such a confirmed bon vivant and she's so prim. Was it that old chestnut about Caesar's wife being beyond reproach? I'll bet she was a virgin when you met her, am I right?"
Glumly, Harry nodded.
"You got it, smart ass. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I really thought I could teach her all the tricks of the trade, mold an innocent girl into the wanton love slave of my dreams, like that wicked chap in 'Dangerous Liaisons'. All I got was six months of dry sex and a very expensive divorce. She found a good lawyer. Now you know why I'm nuptial shy."
I kissed my husband on the forehead.
"It's all right, angel. You just have a bit of a Pygmalion complex. It's every man's dream to create the perfect partner for himself. Now, take Boner, for example. He's a prime exponent of that particular syndrome. You wanted to know why he called me Jaylene? Why, when we were living together, he defined my whole existence, from the number of laps I swam in the morning, to what I ate for lunch, to my very name itself. To merely call me Jay was to leave me unmarked. I'm lucky I escaped without a B for Boner brand on my bum…"
Harry grunted.
"I thought you liked all that kind of thing."
"Well, yes, my love, I do, but it kind of got like kinky boot camp after a while. Too regimented and somehow lacking in joy. I like a varied diet."
My partner smiled and pinched my well-rounded thigh.
"Talking of food, pass me a banana from that fruit bowl, will you? Dinner was rudely interrupted and the breakfast buffet is still a few hours away. Tomorrow, my dear spouse, we drop anchor at Saint Martin. We'll need to keep our strength up for the tropical treats onshore."
"Aha."
If I knew Harry Neptune, those treats would be both dark and sweet…