It was 4:30 when I arrived at Cindy's apartment. I don't recall whether it was a feeling of affectionate nostalgia or passion that ran through me when I first saw her. She was such a tall beautiful blonde with a figure that was absolutely unbelievably gorgeous. She stood there in the door smiling at me a moment, dressed in tight stretch slacks and a low neck blouse.
“Hi, darling,” she said, broadening her smile and looking me over so nicely that I got goose-pimples, “Come in and unload your problems. I knew you'd need me some day. Remember what I told you.”
I honestly had not remembered all that she had told me that night we had spent together. I was quite high and quite sleepy, and I only remembered that she had made love to me and told me how much she liked me. But she had also stressed that she did not believe in involved love affairs. I had remembered that part, and I suppose it had contributed to my reluctance to call her those past two weeks.
“I know that I need a friend and… I'm desperate for sex, Cindy,” I became resignedly frank as I sat down uneasily on the sofa, “If you… well, if you want me to be a customer, I can… pay…”
“You silly darling,” Cindy laughed gaily in that soft and melodious voice I loved. “I could eat you all afternoon and love it. Fact is-why don't we take care of that little detail first, and then you'll feel more relaxed and we can have a drink?”
“Oh, Cindy-oh, Cindy, you're so wonderful,” I cried, breaking into tears.
She sat beside me a moment and we embraced, very tightly and very longingly. There was as much normal affection and feminine longing to it as there was sex. At least for a few moments Cindy rubbed her cheek against mine, reaching up to brush aside her long blonde hair. My arms were around her waist, while one of her arms encircled me at my midriff and the other one was over my shoulder.
I felt her warmth so strongly through our clothes, the delicate scent of her body as if her very flesh were a kind of smoldering and heady incense with an aphrodisiac quality. My breathing became faster when she bared my breasts and cupped one of them in her hand.
“Denise, darling… you've got the craziest breasts,” she said with a warm smile, enjoying the feel of me in her hand, “Oh, hell, I've missed you, honey. I don't know who needs who most… mm-mmmm.”
Suddenly her whole mouth was over my nipple and sucking on it with a pleasant kind of violence. She made loud noises and deep groans. She would lose suction and there would be loud liquid pops and little frustrated gasps as she sought to retrieve it and pull it deep into her mouth again. I rolled my head back and forth in delirious ecstasy and spread my legs so that I could lead her fingers to my crotch.
“Oh, how I've missed you, Denise,” Cindy told me with a fiery hot intenseness, giving vent to the uninhibited outspokenness I had remembered before, “Oh, I've wanted you again a hundred times, darling. Crazy… you know me, I let go with everything when I have something I like-but I don't get involved. Can you remember that, sweetheart? Be my friend. Be my special one. Just don't fall in love, okay?”
“Okay, Cindy,” I readily agreed with a smile, and we walked hand in hand into the bedroom and undressed.
I lay down on my back and Cindy came up beside me, both of us naked. Her breasts were bigger than mine, and I reached down to toy with them as she began to lick my tummy and go down. The feel of her tongue exploring my pubic area was wonderful, a beautiful prelude to the touch of her lips on my inner thighs, the soft kisses that advanced slowly until her whole mouth was on my crotch.
“Oh, Cindy… don't stop… don't ever, ever stop!” I shouted with pure unadulterated joy when her tongue began playing over my clitoris.
My orgasms began almost at once. I was arching my hips to press my vulva as tight as possible against her lips. In a moment, she stopped me from moving around so much and placed her mouth full on me again, then began to suck and suck and suck. It was a feeling I had not experienced before, not a direct stimulation but a wonderful tease and titillation.
The rest of Cindy's body was right alongside me, slightly raised as she rested on her knees. I enjoyed smoothing my hands over her nice flesh, around the orbs of her buttocks, her long thighs and right up to her clipped nest of pubic hair. I smiled when I remembered that she told me one time she kept them trimmed because some of her clients were always complaining that they got caught in their teeth otherwise.
“Cindy… oh, darling, you have no idea what you're doing for me…,” I half moaned in ecstasy.
I just had the most wonderful, the most languorous feeling, that I felt I had to do something in return. I wanted to do something in return. I had never been fond of going down on a girl, although I had done it at parties. But this wasn't just any girl out for kicks. This was Cindy, who was doing so very much for me.
Working very easily, and in just a wonderfully relaxed mood of continued stimulation, I pulled Cindy's left leg over my head and then put my arms around her buttocks, bringing her crotch down to my face. I had the feeling that I would enjoy this. It was not a hot, dirty, violently passionate feeling, but something akin to affection or maybe even love. I know that I felt a great desire to reciprocate.
“No… no, honey,” she objected when my tongue tried to enter her, “You… you don't understand how I feel about you.”
“But why?” I asked her, warming so wonderfully to her embrace as she came back up to lay beside me, feeling my own warmth from her lips that kissed me hard. “I want to make you feel happy too.
“Denise, this may sound funny as hell to you,” Cindy said, holding my face in her hands and looking at me in the tenderest and most loving way, “I have a funny thing about you… about any woman I've ever liked. I don't need reciprocation… not that way. Denise, I've been a dyke before. I put in a whole year in the one hundred percent gay crowd. I went through the whole bit-the nervous breakdown, the psychiatrist, all that jazz. I'm cured. I don't need women anymore. Only there's a little bit left over you never can get rid of. If you need me, honey, I can need you. Understand?”
“No… I don't think so,” I answered her honestly, “What… or how, do you get your pleasure if you just go down on me?”
“Oh, hell, I can't explain it, Denise,” she threw up a hand in a gesture of resignation, then took two cigarettes from a pack on the night table and lit them. “I guess… I know how much you need it, because I've been down that road before. I know what loneliness is. I know what it means to be had by people and have your whole life torn apart because men have used you. We're pretty much alike in a lot of ways. The only difference is I've found a way to beat it and you haven't.”
I tried to think this over, parting my lips briefly for her to insert the lighted cigarette. Was she implying that I was really a Lesbian? I was afraid to delve into the subject further, but I was really interested in knowing what she had found out about herself with this psychoanalysis.
“Do you think I'm really a Lesbian, Cindy?” I decided to ask her outright.
“Darling, we all have a homosexual component to our personality,” she answered me in a way that was designed to casually placate my fears. “With some of us, it's greater than with others. If you worry about the thing, you can get a lot worse hang up than if you just give in to the urge when it comes along. What I mean is, don't go out looking for a girl to screw. But if it comes along, and you like it, then have all the kicks you can get.”
“Oh, great,” I commented with a nervous laugh, welcoming her kiss on my forehead. “You mean, I'm the nut because I came to you looking for it. You… you're all right since you didn't go hunting for a girl.”
“Denise, darling, I don't say that either one of us is right or wrong,” Cindy said seriously, propping up on an elbow to look at me with an admiring smile. “You needed some loving because you were starved for it, and I was the most available thing. I gave you an open invitation a long time ago. And I like you, honey. I like you too damn much, but I'm smart enough now to get the most out of a good thing and not get a hang up.”
“Why… why don't you want me to reciprocate?”
“I don't know!” she raised her voice a moment, then smiled apologetically and lifted one of my breasts to her mouth for a kiss, “I guess it's a hang-up with me. I know I just adore eating you and I could stay down between your legs all day. In fact, I can think of some more comfortable positions. I think we should stay here and sleep together, and I'll go to sleep with my head right down there and if you wake up and need me, you just hit my butt a couple of times and I'll suck you off again. Yeah, I think it sounds crazy too, Denise, only that's the way I feel.”
“You only want to please me… make me have orgasms? You don't even want me to finger you?”
“Not particularly,” Cindy confessed frankly. “I get so much satisfaction you wouldn't believe it, when I eat you or get you off some other way. I mean, I really want to do it, honey. I dunno. I like you, I guess. But I wouldn't want it to get serious.”
“Well… who do you get serious with, Cindy?” I asked, still puzzled, “How do you get your kicks?”
“With my boyfriend,” she replied, hugging me so that our breasts pressed against each other and rolled around. “He eats me a lot and he screws me a lot. Some of the clowns who come in for their 50 dollar sessions can make me go off too… sometimes. With you… I just like doing it to you. Want some more?”
“Later maybe,” I answered so naturally, stretching my arms and feeling so good.
“Okay, so we'll have a drink and talk now. Oh, hell! There goes the door, honey. It's this guy from New York, he wants about a ten minute blow-job. I'll do it in the living room. You wait here.”
When Cindy had finished her business with the man in the living room, I had taken a quick shower and was sitting on the edge of the bed in just my slip. She brought in two tall frosted Collins and I chatted with her briefly while she showered too. She told me she had cancelled her other dates for the afternoon and we could have supper out together and then come back here.
It was really a wonderful evening, and I got absolutely everything off my chest that was bothering me. Cindy agreed that Bob had taken me for a nice ride the past summer, but there was a doubt in her mind that he had actually had a sex relation with Kathy. It could have been her way of showing resentment, by telling me she had been with him since she knew that I suspected it.
We stayed up talking until midnight, plotting my new course of getting back into the mainstream of life. Cindy felt that the best thing for me to do was to pick right up where I had left off and start swinging and seeing men as clients on a part-time basis again. She promised to put me in touch with the right people as a starter and invited me to two good parties that upcoming weekend.
“What was it the psychiatrist told you, Cindy?” I asked as it was getting so late I knew I had to be going. “Did he discover why you were the way you were?”
“Everybody's different, only I guess we do have a lot in common. Sometimes you don't even like to admit or talk about the things from so far back.”
“But tell me, Cindy! You're making it sound horrible… filling me with suspense,” I pleaded with her. “You think you know what my trouble might be, don't you? You know why I'm this way…”
“When was the last time you saw your mother?”
“My mother?” I questioned her seriously, “Why… almost a year, I guess. I've never told her any of my problems. She wouldn't understand. I was a spoiled brat. You know what I mean-her darling sweet baby-doll and all that.”
“Did your mother ever try to eat you when you were very young?”
“Oh… oh, Cindy!” I almost shrieked back in pure disgust, “What an awful thing to say. Of course not.”
“Mine did,” she offered as a casual explanation, shrugging her shoulders as if resigned to whatever it was. “When I was three years old, she used to eat me every night when she gave me a bath.”
“Cindy… no! How… how could you even remember what happened when you were three?”
“I never did… until I was psychoanalyzed.”