I woke up next morning with joy in me. Arid the knowledge that there was no stopping now. I was far beyond that. So I gave up thinking about it. I must go ahead and discover; then think. I went down to breakfast as soon as I had dressed. I knew it would be difficult seeing Mother after last night, after her knowing about Gunilla and me watching her. If I thought about it, I would be too shy to move. The only way not to be shy was to act, not to think. I went down.
Even so, when I entered the dining room and saw Mother sitting there I nearly stumbled. Her reaction to seeing me was a sudden flush of pink. I hesitated, then lowering my head, went in and sat down. I muttered a hello to Mother and to the girls, all of whom were nearly finished, and dug into my grot. Mother smiled at me and said good morning, but again there was a brief rush of color in her cheeks. She went on talking to the girls for a few minutes, and even managed a few things to me, but her manner was self-conscious and a little nervous.
After a few minutes, they all left. Mother, smiling a little, bashful smile, put her hand on my shoulder for a moment before hurrying out. Finishing my grot, I went back to my room.
I closed the door and went to the mirror to see if I looked as confused as I felt. The door opened and Gunilla put her head in.
“Hello, lover, did you like my present last night? Did it live up to what I promised you?”
I grinned. “It was more even than you promised, Nilla.”
She laughed. “Well, Lars, you'll find today's present out on the balcony in about ten minutes!” The door closed. I started after her to find out more, but she was gone.
I fixed my eyes on the electric clock by the bed. In seven minutes, I opened the French windows and stepped out on the balcony. It was deserted. I scanned the sweep of the lawn below. Nothing. The balcony circled the house. I walked toward. the corner, eager with anticipation.
I passed Mother's room. Nothing. Turning the corner I glanced at Gunilla's window, remembering last night. Still nothing. I went on. Suddenly a curtain was pulled aside revealing Gunilla. She motioned me to be quiet and watch.
I sat down and peered cautiously through the crack in the drapes that she had left. It was Louise's room. A little girl's room with the usual dolls, toys, pictures from magazines stuck up on the wall, nursery room furniture, and the rest. Gunilla was sitting on the bed with Louise standing in front of her. Louise was unconsciously hugging a large teddy bear. She was wearing the same white frock; it came to just above her knees, and fitted tightly showing the slightness of her body: the small waist and narrow hips, and even the tiny buds of her breasts. Her body was almost a boy's. No, a beautiful child's. I realized how fragile and small she was-and how pure! All linen, and whiteness, and cleanliness. Her red-gold hair hung straight on her back. I looked at her face-that radiant pure light in it-that look of total child-innocence!
The window was a little open, so I could hear perfectly. Thanks, no doubt, to Gunilla.
“What is it that is wrong?” she was asking Louise.
The child looked down. “Nothing,” she said shyly. A trifle withdrawn.
“But something must be wrong. I found you crying out in the arbor before breakfast and now, again, I find you up here crying.”
Louise half turned away. “I was just crying, that's all.” She kept looking at the floor.
“Come, dear, there is some reason why you were crying. What is it, Lou?”
“Nothing, I told you.”
“Has it something to do with my kissing you on our walk in the woods? You acted a little strange, but then you did seem to like it a little. Sweetheart, I'm your sister and I love you. That's why I kissed you. But if you didn't like it you should tell me about it. You know you can talk to me about things.”
“I… well… I guess the way you kissed me was so strange. When you kissed me I… I felt so peculiar. Girls in the convent didn't kiss each other. And you with your… tongue and all. I felt so… so dizzy and… and excited in a way I didn't understand and I loved you and prayed to God you loved me like you said you did… but I didn't know if it was right. Then you told me you loved me and I liked it more and more… wanted it more and more. But something kept telling me I shouldn't. I don't know…” She trembled. Gunilla drew her into her arms and began stroking her hair and back. Little Louise looked such a child with her thin body in the midst of Gunilla's opulence.
“There, there, precious, love is always good. That was just love, dearest.”
“I prayed it was love. I want you so much to love me. I…” Her head lifted and she looked at Gunilla with a great look of purity and longing combined. She wet her lips. It was difficult for her to speak.
Gunilla looked into her eyes and smiled. “I love you, little Lou. I love you. Just put your head on my shoulder and rest, precious, like you do when you fall, and I'll take care of you. We'll talk about it after you're calmer, and I'll explain everything to you, and everything will be all right.” She ran her hand through Louise's hair stroking the back of her head. The child, with a convulsive sob, buried her face in Gunilla's neck.
“But, Nilla, that's not the real thing.” The words were muffled. “The reason I was crying was because of Lars.” Gunilla grinned at me over Louise's shoulder. “When I look at him, I feel like when you kissed me with your tongue… I… I want him to kiss me that way. When he looks at me, I get all strange and faint and shivers go up and down my back.”
“But what's wrong with that, Lou? Don't you like it when he looks at you?”
“Oh, yes, Nilla. But he looks at my… body! And I'm sure the things I feel are the bad things the Sisters warned us about.”
Gunilla laughed scornfully. “Those wicked old maids-the idea of them poisoning you with such nonsense! Look, sweetheart, you've been locked away in that convent school out of touch with real life for five years. I am your sister and I love you. You can trust me. Don't you? If you can't trust your sister Gunilla, who can you trust? Please trust me to teach you what is good and what is bad. Don't believe all the things those old maids tell you who can't have life and want to ruin it for everyone else.” Louise was looking up at her now, her eyes searching her sister's face. “Won't you trust me, Lou?” Gunilla asked her.
“I… I'll try. I need someone to love me so much-someone I can trust. I felt so strange and happy when you kissed me… so holy about it; and I love Lars so much… I love it so much when he looks at me that way. Oh, Nilla, I want him to kiss me so much!”
“He will kiss you, Lou. I'll arrange it. But, Lou, he'll want to do more than just kiss you. You know how you feel? Well, he'll feel that way too. And when a man feels that way, he does other things.”
“What kind of things, Nilla?” Louise's voice was very tiny.
“Why, he touches your body.” Louise shuddered. “Would you want that, Lou?”
“I… don't know.”
“Well if I get him to kiss you, will you let him touch you?”
“Would it be all right, Nilla?”
“It is the finest thing in the world, Louise. It is the greatest thing a woman can do for the man she loves.”
“Oh, then, I want him to touch me. Even if it hurts. I… think I do want it, Nilla. My body wants Lars to touch, it… but wouldn't he be disappointed. I'm still only a little girl and, well… you…”
Gunilla laughed and hugged her. “Well, I don't know actually. We'd have to see what there is to touch. Do you want me to see if your body would please him?”
“Is that part of love, Nilla?”
“Yes, darling.”
“And does that make it all right?”
“Lou, love is the only thing that means anything in life.”
“The Sisters said holiness was.”
“Sweetheart, nothing is as holy as love. Nothing. You are young, darling. God made our bodies to love!” Her hands were on her sister's sides now, gradually working to the front of her dress.
“Our bodies? But I thought we loved with our mind and our soul?”
“Our minds and souls feel love, but it is through our bodies that we know love. Through them we can reach the ultimate communication of love. You are too young yet to fully understand this but you can begin to learn. In our bodies, sweet, are secret springs that release love for us. It is in us but is all tied up. We have to release it, and touching is the key. By touching and stroking each other-giving love through the body, the hands-we give great joy to each other and release more and more love! Like when I kissed you, you felt weak with love, didn't you?”
“Y-Yes. But was that love?”
“Yes, dear. Love… And now as I touch you, don't you feel closer to me?” She was stroking the girl's little buds of breasts through her dress while she talked.
“Y-yes, Nilla.”
“Well, then. Now let's see whether you could please Lars.”
Gunilla began to unbutton the dress slowly from the top. When the girl looked confused, she pulled her close and kissed her, pressing more and more on her back. The child trembled. After a moment she returned the kiss. Gunilla softly muttered meaningless endearments and unbuttoned the dress to the waist.
Louise relaxed and stood there, letting Gunilla do what she wanted. Gunilla kissed and kissed her. Louise let out a little gasp, stiffened momentarily, then completely relaxed as Gunilla gently put her tongue into her mouth. Now Gunilla slowly got up and turned Louise toward the window. She was going to show her to me! She pulled the dress wide.
Louise wore nothing under the frock but her little-girl panties. I could see the pink nipples of breasts hardly larger than my own chest. I saw the fine fine ribs, the delicate bones and the rose-white skin. Louise stood there with her eyes shut and her teddy bear dangling from one arm. It was this that made it especially depraved. Her face was flushed and her breathing heavy. She was shaken with desire, as was the face above her. But I was startled by the contrast. Desire in Louise was somehow still “pure”! It was not lascivious and lustful as was the desire of Gunilla.
Louise was whimpering: “Please let him love me, please let him. Please…”
“He will, Louise, now lie back on the bed so I can tell whether you are pretty enough for him.”
Louise sank back completely limp and under her sister's will. Gunilla slid the pants off without disturbing her except for a weak protest. Then she opened the legs and stood to one side so I could see everything.
What a strange cunt it was. There was only a light growth of hair-like the down on my face. I could see the smooth white flesh narrowing to a slit and a fold of darker skin. It. was so small and dainty and desirable. It was exquisitely lovely in its own way. Gunilla was stroking it.
Louise opened her lips. Her face was a mixture of confusion and desire. Gunilla wet her finger and slowly stroked the slit. She managed to get it in a little-though evidently not into the hole. She was content just to wet and softly stroke, muttering how pretty Louise was and how much she would please me. Then she bent down and licked the tiny nipples.
“O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,” moaned Louise in a small, dying voice.
“Do you want Lars to do that, Lou?”
“Yes, oh yes!”
Gunilla sucked gently at each breast in turn.
“Would you let him, Lou?”
“Yes. Yes!”
Gunilla looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. She gestured, showing what she was giving me. My present for the day. There was the child lying back on the bed with her eyes squeezed shut and the forgotten teddy bear still in one hand. Her red hair spread over the Raggedy-Ann doll by her pillow; her child-legs dangled over the edge of the bed, spread by Gunilla so I. could see everything. The dress was pulled wide so I could. see the delicate new breasts shining with the wetness of Gunilla's kisses. And the baby cunt between her childish thighs! Hairless and clear, a crisp small mound with its pink slit. A beautiful thing that you could hold in your mouth like a morsel. As I watched, Gunilla slowly spread the cunt with her finger tips so I could see the clear color inside. She flashed me another smile and then went back to stroking the slit and sucking the breasts, all the time murmuring about how Louise would let me do these things to her. Louise moaned and twisted slightly from side to side in obvious pleasure, chanting, “Yes, yes, yes, God, yes.” Gunilla began working her finger a little into the bottom of her cunt. She wet her finger repeatedly and gently worked the tip into the hole. She got in a little way. Louise's chant changed to, “Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, sweet Jesus, oh Jesus…” and I could see Gunilla was getting excited herself. Finally she fell on her knees and kissed Louise's cunt. Again and again. Louise, shuddered and suddenly covered her cunt with her hands.
“No, no, Nilla. Please, no. I can't…”
“But darling, what's wrong?”
“Nothing. I don't know… but that I can't; not now. Maybe later… but I can't.” And she sat up, pulling her dress together. She looked around dazed.
“But, Lou, honey?”
“Not now, Nilla. It's too much. I've got to…” and jumping up, she ran out of the room, trying to get her dress buttoned.
Gunilla looked after her a minute and then came to the window. “She's lovely, Lars. She tastes like morning. And she's ready for it. Her little baby cunt was beginning to suck at my finger. She got all wet. She's going to be great for you! Now go get her.” She kissed me passionately. Gunilla was obviously aroused by Louise. She let me go. I ran. Into the hall. No Louise. I ran down the stairs. Nobody.
The whole house was empty. I rushed into the yard. Nothing. Then I saw the grape arbor. As I approached it, I hard a low sobbing. I parted the leaves cautiously and peered through- There she was, sitting on the couch, her head in her arms. Her body heaved in great sobs. Something new- something deep in me was stirred by the sight of her. I entered the arbor.
At first I didn't know what to do. The shyness returned to me. I put my hand on her shoulder. “What's wrong, Lou? Can I help?”
She looked up at me, startled, then buried her head in her arms again and cried harder. I sat down. I didn't know what to do.
“Gee, Lou, I… Fm not very good for much I know, but I'd sure like to help if you'd be nice enough to let me.” The crying stopped abruptly and she looked up.
“Oh, but you are very good! Nothing is as good as you…” She stopped and blushed red. I didn't know what to say. “I just want to help, Lou, because… well, because I care…”
“D-do you? Do you really?” She blushed even redder. “Y-yes, Lou, I do!” I don't know which of us was more embarrassed, but her uncertainty gave me strength. I managed a smile and she smiled back shyly. “But what is wrong?” I asked. The tears burst from her again and she put her head against my shoulder. My arm automatically went around her. Her small body against me gave a feeling of protective power. I put the other arm around her, pulling her closer. With my left hand I began stroking her back.
Again the sobbing stopped. She lifted her head and looked at me. “Do you believe in pure love, Lars? Like Jesus had?”
I stared at her. I didn't know much about Jesus. Nor purity. Nor anything. But if she had asked me if I believed in Osiris and the return from the dead I would have said yes. ','1 don't know much about anything, Lou. But I know… I know I love you!” It had come out of me. It really had. I was becoming an operator at last. But when her response to this was to throw her arms around me and kiss me passionately, I knew I meant it-every word of it. My hand reached for her slender body, felt the slimness under my palm, slid over her narrow hips and closed on her thighs. I knew that I would possess her, violate her, own her! As Nilla had said. My brain was reeling. My mouth was kissing hers. All over hers.
Her flushed face looked hard into mine, brimming with joy. “Oh, Lars, I love you so much-have ever since I first saw you. I knew that you could love me purely. I want love so much. But it doesn't seem holy to me the way Gunilla feels it. I guess it is, really, but it doesn't seem… But we will find holy love, Lars. I just know we will. Holy love through God and the Virgin Mary…”
My head sneaked into the front of her dress where she had forgotten some buttons. “Yes, Lou. Holy love, through God and the Virgin Mary!” My fingers felt the edge of her breast. “Through Jesus.” My fingers crept on. The skin was the softest thing on earth. She began to tremble. “Through Jesus,” she gasped. My fingers reached her nipple. She gasped and went rigid. “Jesus. Jesus. Holy Mother. Mother of God,” she prayed. I played with the nipple while inside me a voice whispered: “You are feeling your little sister's nipples! Your fingers are stroking- stroking them. Your fingers are drawinglittle louise's nipples into hard little points of desire. this is your baby sister and you are gaining her confidence. afterwards you will use it to corrupt her, violate her. she will be your slave and obey every wish. she will put her little mouth on your big cock and suck it-suck it! when you come you will tell her to lick off the juice and swallow it. she is your baby sister and you will have made everything available to you. She will stick her little tongue into your ass, will let you do it to her in the ass. everything, everything…”
“Jesus wants us to love, Lou. In the eyes of the Virgin Mary and the saints and heavenly orders and 'powers. In the grace of God…” I kept saying meaningless things. She kept repeating “Oh Jesus, yes, the grace of God is our blessing.” I kissed her again on the mouth and as she trembled I slid my tongue deep into her mouth and twined it around hers, sucking. We fell sideways till I was half lying on her.
“Oh, Lars, will we get married when we grow up? Will I really get to be your wife?”
“Yes,” I breathed. “Of course, Lou!” I started to kiss her again but she drew her head aside. “Lars…?”
“Yes.”
“Are… well, all these things we are doing… like your hand in my dress and all… is all that holy? I seem to let everybody open my clothes now.”
Gunilla would have been proud of me. I said: “Of course it's holy, Lou. We are doing it. It is holy because our love is holy!” I slid my hand down her stomach.“Your hand is inside your baby sister's dress and she permits it. You are teaching your baby sister holiness.”
“Yes. Y-yes. I guess that is true, isn't it?” I said that it was. I realized I would have to stop. If I went too far too fast I would only frighten the child. But not yet. The voice-my own strange voice drove me on…
Lars, your finger is in your baby sister's little cunt, and she loves it. loves it! She's wet. she's completely lost now.
I heard my voice saying: “It is holy, Lou. This is real holiness. Our love, Lou. The way we feel towards each other and-uh-towards God. It is through love that we can truly worship God, like Jesus said. God is in all of us. When we love each other we love God. When we love each other… like this… stroking each other… we do reverence to God who made us and is in us.” My finger was stroking a little harder and faster. I covertly looked down at her lying stretched out with her dress all open and her nakedness bright in the full light. I realized suddenly how beautiful she was. Like the children you see running on the beach, their slim bodies looking like they had come fresh from God's hands that moment. So lithe and supple and slender and fresh and perfect.
“God approves of us then… of our loving like this?”
“Of course, Lou.” My voice was husky and thick. And inside: Your baby sister's crack-her cunt-juice, Lars. Your fingers are thick with baby's cuntjuice!
“I want so much to believe… I love God and Jesus and what is good… but this feels so good! I want it. Oh, I want it… want to have it… want it to be right so I can have it… I want it… want it. Ohhh!”
I moved my finger in her: “Remember how the Virgin Mary was pure, Lou?” I whispered: “Remember that she had a husband, but was pure! She loved her husband in that purity, Lou, and he loved her… loved her like this… as I am loving you! He put his fingers in her and the love grew and she loved it and gave herself up completely to it: to love… and to her husband, she thought, but it was really to God! And she got Jesus for it! For this, Lou! Mary got Jesus for giving herself up to love, to joy, to hands, to mouth… giving everything to love!”
My fingers probed and moved in her cunt. My thumb found the top of the slit and rubbed it gently. My mouth kissed the nape of her neck, her ears, her hair.
“You are finger-fucking your baby sister, Lars! She is yours-will be your slave! You are wantonly finger-fucking your baby sister while you whisper to her of holiness, and your hand is covered with baby sister's cunt-juice! Now you are licking, eating her little tit-your little baby sister's tit while your hand dips and revels in her little cunt and her cuntjuice!”
She jerked a little as I sucked at her nipple, and I realized it was far more sensitive than Gunilla's and more delicate. And rather than the resiliency of Gunilla's breast, there was an ineffable softness to Louise's.
I moved my loins against her hand and instinctively she touched it-moved on my cock.
“Soon she will learn to play with your big stiff prick, Lars. soon… soon… “Think of Mary, Lou, and her love with Joseph! We are Mary and Joseph, Lou-the parents of God! And little Jesus, Lou. Think of Mary and Jesus-his loving her like this when he was small-his little fingers in her cunt, like I'm doing to you. And her loving him, Lou. Think of that! Would you like to love me like Mary did Jesus?” I felt the power growing and growing in me, raging against my mind and my caution, writhing to take over… with each word she became more and more helpless and I more and more gripped by uncontrollable excitement.
She couldn't speak. She gasped and nodded. But I knew I had to stop. Any more and I might lose it. Lose everything with her. Might frighten her. Something told me I had reached just the last point… She'd had all she could take. And, curiously, I felt a great tenderness and concern for her. I wanted to violate her, yes. I was excited by the idea of making love to a child it was true, but I still loved her! I didn't want to do anything brutal. I wanted to do indecent things to that purity, but I wanted her to enjoy it. I wanted to protect her, somehow, even while I intended to have her. It was strange. She needed time-progression by slower stages. It must be a joy to her.
She seemed in a trance. I lifted her in my arms. She was so light, so small. I carried her to her room and laid her on the bed. I put her teddy bear in her arms. Her eyes opened and she looked at me with her soul. “I must go now, Lou. But always remember that I love you. And that our love is holy.”
She smiled at me with a radiance that stopped my breath. We stared into each others eyes. I could see a great happiness in her. I kissed her and left. I went out hungry for a woman. I was a lion. I wanted meat.