John also said that he was now obliged to fuck Jane behind, because her belly sticking out quite prevented his approaching the front.
He told me that he had a special message from Jane to me which was to be sure to do my pee just before getting on the coach, as I should have to ride for many hours and it was very painful to be obliged to hold your water.
"So," says John, "you had better squat down at once, and I can see your little cunt at the same time."
So I got close to some bushes and had a good pee and John had a good look at my cunny, and afterwards kissed and sucked it. Just then we heard the guard's horn announcing the near approach of the coach. So I had only time to give John's prick a farewell kiss, and then we hurried to the little ale-house at the crossroads.
The coach was full inside so I had to take an outside seat, and as there was no ladder I climbed up as well as I could. But I felt John's hand on my thigh as he stood beneath me.
When the coach started I looked at my fellow passengers and saw there were two gentlemen — one evidently a clergyman and the other, from remarks made, was his son, apparently about my own age. He asked me how far I was going and I replied, to Scotland.
"Have you never been there before?"
"No, sir," I replied;
"They have some very curious customs in Scotland," he said.
"What are they?" was my enquiry.
"The wearing of the kilt, for instance," said he.
"I do not know what a kilt is," was my reply.
"I will show you a picture of a Scotsman dressed in his kilt," said he, taking a book from his coat-pocket, and turning over the leaves, he showed me the picture of a tall man with naked knees and a short petticoat which he explained was the kilt.
I laughed at the odd figure in the picture and asked: "Do
the Scotch girls and women dress like that too? If so, they must be cold."
"I wish they did," said he, "don't you, father?"
"Well, my son, it would have a very delightful effect, no doubt," said the clergyman.
I interposed: "But the poor man must feel very cold here."
"Not at all," said the clergyman. "When I was at college as a young man, I wore that dress once at a fancy ball and found it very comfortable."
"Did you waltz in your kilt?" I asked.
"Yes, certainly, and why not?"
"Because I should think the whirling motion of dancing would cause your kilt to fly up and expose your. ." and I stopped suddenly — laughing.
"Bottom, you were going to say, my dear! And where would be the harm in that? Ladies like to get a glimpse at a man's bottom sometimes," said he.
"I'm sure they don't," I replied.
"Oh," said the son, "you think the ladies would rather look at him before than behind, eh? Well, what do you say at this picture," and he moved aside the kilt, which was a separate piece of paper, and showed me the Scotsman's prick in full erection.
"That's more in your way, my dear," said he. Then speaking to the clergyman, he said: "Father, this young lady, evidently, from her blushes, thinks a man's prick is more beautiful than his bottom."
"I am very glad to hear it," said he, "for it proves that her education has not been neglected and that she has learnt from her catechism: 'What is the chief end of man?'"
(To be continued.)
FLUNKEYANIA; OR BELGRAVIAN MORALS.
by charles.
chapter IV.
That I have not ere this alluded to the Earl of Pomeroy, by whom I was specially engaged and to whom my services were due as well as to the Countess, must be attributed to the fact that almost immediately on my entering upon my duties, as recorded in this veracious narrative, His Lordship had joined a shooting-party at the Duke of Dashwood's, with whom the Earl was particularly intimate. Indeed, common report went so far as to say that His Lordship was still more intimate with the Duchess and that his Grace seemed to be perfectly indifferent on the subject.
Report as a general rule is a sad liar, but I strongly suspect (indeed, I had reason subsequently to know) that in this instance there was a good deal of truth in the rumour. Be that as it may, their Graces, accompanied by their daughter, the Lady Georgiana, were making a return visit to the Earl and Countess of Pomeroy, both of whom (very sensibly, as they might have need of my services) took care to make me acquainted with certain peculiarities of their noble guests.
As the Countess's remarks and suggestions were by far the more concise, I shall take them first in order.
She commenced by saying that she hated them all three. Father, mother and daughter. His Grace she described as a great heavy man, fond of good eating, hard drinking and riding, and that in matters pertaining to women he was a gross sensualist.
People had even been kind enough to couple her name with his, which she need not say was a base fabrication.
"Of course, my Lady," I ventured to interrupt.
She then went on to say that nothing would induce her to have anything to do with such a brute and that she would leave him to his liaisons with chambermaids and housemaids, whom he had the bad taste to prefer and to whom he conducted himself in such a style as to render him a nuisance in any country-house where he happened to be staying.
"On the last occasion when he was here," my Lady continued, "he had the impudence to make improper advances to my maid Justine, but I very soon put a stop to that. Indeed, I think that Justine herself had too much good taste to permit such a thing."
Here I may notice, en passant, that while I cordially subscribed to Justine's good taste as far as I was personally concerned, yet I had my private doubts about that young lady resisting temptation, especially if a heavy bribe were offered.
But I am interrupting the course of the Lady's remarks.
"If his Grace condescends to make paramours about the girls' bedrooms, generally it's no business of mine, as long as the housekeeper does not call my attention to the degrading circumstances. If the girls get into mischief I am sorry for them and they must leave, that is all."
This was all my Lady had to say about his Grace of Dash-wood, and pretty much too, you'll say.
The Duchess came next in consideration. She, it appeared, was very handsome, though dark. This was quite true, her Grace presenting a marked contrast in appearance to my mistress, who, as I think I have before noticed, had bright brown hair. The head and front of her offence was, in Lady Pomeroy's opinion, not only that she, the Duchess, kept up a constant and most undisguised improper intimacy with the Earl, but had the effrontery to presume to be on the most affectionate terms with herself, the Countess.
"Just as if," continued that indignant lady, "she could fancy me so stupidly blind as not to perceive what was going on almost under my very nose. Why, the very fact of not concealing it is an insult in itself!" And I must say that I quite agreed with her there.
As to the Lady Georgiana, my mistress considered her a handsome aristocratic young lady, who had nothing but the accident of her birth to justify her excessive haughtiness and who affected to consider all other people, and the male sex in particular, as so much dirt under her feet.
"That part of the business," continued my Lady, "I am convinced is all sheer nonsense, and in reality she is as sensually inclined, body and soul, as either her father or mother, and that will be found out someday, I feel perfectly certain." As the Countess emphasized the last remarks, I could not help fancying that she glanced at me in a peculiar way.
Could it be that she had designed me as the instrument for lowering the pride of the haughty Lady Georgiana?
As to the characters of the gentleman's valet and the lady's femme de chambre, she merely premised that they were a trifle worse than usual among persons in their situations. The rest I might find out for myself.
Then reminding me of my pledge of secrecy and the peculiar bond by which she had secured my fidelity, we forgot for a few minutes our relative positions as Lady and servant.