CUNT ON CO-OPERATIVE PRINCIPLES.
It has been suggested to the Editor of the pearl that there is a great necessity for a club where gentlemen might get their greens much cheaper and better than at present.
Women are so dear, and at the same time so deceptive in appearance, that one often pays heavily and yet only gets a stinking article for his generous outlay.
To obviate this, it is proposed to start a club, where at least twenty pretty governesses would be engaged at salaries of Ј100 per annum; there would be French, English, German, Russian, Italian, and even Zulu and Hottentots, so as to assimilate to every variety of taste. These ladies would accommodate the members whenever they might visit the club, and everything in the shape of dress and generous living and indulgence would be extended to these houris, to make them as agreeable as possible, and happy and contented with their fucktious situations.
Gentlemen members would have to pay a subscription of Ј1 per week, wines and refreshments of course being extra, but supplied at the lowest possible prices compatible with economy and efficiency.
Gentlemen desirous of submitting their names for admission as members, should do so at once to the Editor, Pearl Office, Cock Lane, London, E. C., as the number will be strictly limited to one hundred.
CHARACTERS OF HUSBANDS.
If a husband came home and found his wife being had by another man, what would he do?
That depends on his disposition.
The Polite husband would beg 'him not to draw until he'd spent.
The Considerate husband would offer soap, towel, and warm water, as soon as he drew.
The Funny husband would cry "Boh!" and tickle his arse with a feather.
The Good-Natured husband would remark that he liked buttered buns.
The Ceremonious husband would wait for an introduction.
The Just husband would sneer at the size of his balls.
The Modest husband would think his balls looked larger than his own.
The Refined husband would pull his shirt over his bottom.
The Cautious husband, with a large family, would ask if he had on a French Letter, and if not, request him to spend outside.
The Jealous husband would be annoyed, although he had on a French Letter.
The Suspicious husband would make his wife wash afterwards.
The Excitable husband would begin to frig himself.
The Shy husband would blush and walk away.
The Avaricious husband would want to charge for it.
The Mean husband would look to see if he'd used his cold cream.
The Epicurean husband would gamahuche his wife immediately afterwards.
The Conscientious husband would fear that he had neglected his wife.
The Cynical husband would be surprised that anyone should care to fuck his wife.
The Prompt husband would be up his arse before he could say, "Jack Robinson."
A poet, whose water taps had been stolen, as well as those of his landlady and another neighbour, affixed the following to a board in his front garden:
My landlady's cock has been stolen away;
As well as my own, and also my neighbour's.
Let us hope in contentment they lay,
Released for a while from their watery labours.
Bad luck to the rascal that cut off our cocks;
Surely one was sufficient his water to pass.
The bugger deserves to be stuck in the stocks,
With a cock in each eye, and the third up his arse.
BEFORE.
Thou heavenly sun whose golden light
Displays the hills with verdure bright;
Sink thee, oh sink thee, in the west,
And bring the hour I love best.
This evening shall my bosom prove,
The richest ecstasies of love.
Soon as thy glorious light retires,
I look for her my heart admires;
A matron she of sober grace,
With wisdom printed on her face.
This evening shall my bosom prove,
The richest ecstasies of love.