By eight o'clock in the evening we had everything prepared, and as we were to start at daylight, Celestine, under pretence of going to a ball, came and passed the night with me in my chamber at my uncle's.
At daylight we set off with all the speed that four good horses could give us.
My companion made a very handsome-looking boy, and was the cause of our having some very amusing adventures on our journey.
At a small town on the frontier, at which we stopped, on showing my passport to Monsieur le Maire, he insisted on our staying at his house for the night, which I at last complied with.
He was an old man about sixty, grey-haired and bald. After arriving at his house, he sent a servant to inform his wife that there were strangers in the hall below, and desiring her presence.
In a few minutes, to our agreeable surprise, there entered the room a very charming, rosy-cheeked, vivacious-looking young woman, about twenty-two years of age.
In the course of the evening I observed by the almost scornful manner in which she regarded her husband that the union with him had been a "marriage of convenience," and furthermore, from the glances I perceived passing between her and Celestine, I knew she wanted but the opportunity to give her husband the slip, so I determined, if the chance offered, to repay M. le Maire's hospitality by making an addition to his bald pate in the shape of a pair of horns.
On retiring for the night, my mistress informed me that she had an engagement with our host's wife. That she intended to drug a glass of wine for her husband on going to bed, which would ensure her freedom for at least ten hours, and that as soon as her husband was fast asleep she would go to her room.
Telling Celestine to undress and get into my bed, I went into the room prepared for her, and stripping myself perfectly naked, awaited in darkness the coming of the charming hostess.
After waiting for an hour I heard a light step advancing towards the room, the door opened, and she entered, and whispering Rudolph, the name Celestine had taken, advanced to the bed. Slipping the bolts in the door, I caught her in my arms, and found she was as naked as myself. In kissing her she knew immediately by my whiskers that I was not the person she expected to meet, and fearing she had made a mistake in the room, she gave a slight scream, and struggled violently to free herself.
But I retained a firm hold of her naked waist, and drawing her to the bed, explained everything to her. How that my page Rudolph was my "chere amie," accompanying me in this disguise.
After calming her fears I lighted a taper that stood on the table and after a careful survey of her beauties, while I pinched and kissed everything, especially a dear hairy little cleft at the bottom of her belly, I found her to exceed the expectations I had formed at the supper table.
She could not resist my handling her person, but freely gave herself up to my touches.
The game was getting too exciting to stand dallying very long, so turning her on her back, I plunged my weapon into a bath of hot juicy flesh, and gave her a luxurious feast of the fruit of which she had had before but a very slight taste.
Five times that night did I put her through the manual exercise of love, and five times did she die away in the most ecstatic enjoyments, the pleasures of which she declared she had only known in imagination.
It was with sincere regret that Madame le Maire parted from me at dawn of day, to join her sleeping husband, to whose brows had just been added a pair of horns. They were short to be sure, but there appeared every prospect of their branching out into large antlers.
Before leaving me she made me promise to stop on my return.
After breakfast in the morning I returned my host my sincere thanks for his hospitality, assuring him that the entertainment I had received in his house was far beyond my expectations.
I ordered my carriage, and followed by my page, took the road to Vienna.
(To be continued.)
SALLY'S MISTAKE.
Sally, the servant-maid of Mr. A—, was accustomed to walk in her sleep. She one night came into her master's room, went into his bed, laid down and slept between him and his wife.
In the morning Mr. A— got up according to his usual custom, a little after five o'clock, after having performed (as he thought) the part of an affectionate husband, not suspecting that there was anybody in bed with him but his wife.
He had not got downstairs before Mrs. A— awoke, and accosted Sally, whom she mistook for her husband, in the following terms: "My dear Mr. A—, indeed I am not surprised that we have no children, since you are so lazy. Come closer, my dear, pray my dear, come. I am sure I am young and vigorous and perform my part as well as any woman in the kingdom."
Here Mrs. A— paused a few minutes, waiting for an answer, but receiving none from the imagined husband (who lay all the time in a cold sweat, fearing a discovery, for she thought Mrs. A — was her gallant the shopman, who laid with her every night, as she was afraid to sleep by herself; but they never spoke to each other during their amorous interviews for fear of being overheard).
"Fellow, do you think me worthy of an answer; I'll be revenged — I'll never get into bed with you again!"
Here her breast swelled so with anger that she could not utter another word.
Fortunately it was not yet light, so Sally jumped out of the bed and ran up to her gallant, to whom she imparted the whole affair.
This was the first time they had ever broken silence during their amours, and they were overheard by another maid who slept in the next room. She watched for the shopman's coming out of Sally's chamber, and made him go into hers to gratify those desires which I leave the reader to guess.
They all arose at their usual time, and Mrs. A— being informed that breakfast was ready, went downstairs into the parlour, and had just seated herself when Mr. A— entered the room, and accosted her in the following words:
Mr. A. — "Well, my dear, what do you think of me now?"
Mrs. A. — "That you are as incapable as a eunuch."
Mr. A. — "Nay, my dear, I thought you seemed so much pleased with our gambols this morning that we should have been very great friends all the day, but, alas, I find there is no satisfying a woman!"
Mrs. A. — "I'll tell you, fellow, I'll have a divorce. Not even answer me, scoundrel. Did I not make a man of you?
Had it not been for me, you would have had to carry you: cod-piece to a beggar woman ere this — whilst I know by your unnatural abstinence you have a gay woman in keeping— some painted little bitch or flaghopper. Not a civil answer, when I offer you my love? You shall repent it, sir, you old whoremonger, thus to neglect your virtuous wife" (clapping her hands in fury).
Mr. A. — "My dear, I did. As I love my money, will you have it cut off and preserved like a snake in a bottle — or do you want it twice before breakfast?"
Mrs. A. — "Your money is my money, and so ought your — to be, but you take it elsewhere, you old adulterer!"
Mr. A. — "Nay, nay, my dear, but I believe you're too loving, my jewel, as soon as breakfast is over I'll lock the door and we will—."
Mrs. A. — "Now, indeed, my dear, you speak like a man of mettle, and I forgive all that is past."
When breakfast was over he performed his promise. Madam was pleased, and harmony once more reigned in their loving abode. Sally also was equally happy in having escaped from her dangerous predicament, her fellow servant in having gotten a gallant, and the shopman two fine girls to play and toy with at his pleasure.
Moral. — "It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good."
PLEASURES AFAR.
discovery of the longitude.
A merchant of Genoa, leaving wife at home,
Kiss'd a little whore, in the town of Rome;
"You, my dear," said he, "tried full many a nation,
Then say who had the longest tool of generation?"
Said the merry girl, "Oh, that's soon decided,
You, who cross the sea, are the best provided;
What a length of tail, though the seas you roam,