I've always considered myself a pretty gutsy guy. I mean, there's not many guys I wouldn't stand up to in a fight and I've done a lot of brave things in my time. But now I had a new problem and for the week following the action with Lois and Tony I grew more and more uncertain.
It was just that I didn't know how to approach her with the pictures and scheme. What I mean is, I knew what I was doing was a rotten thing. I could never have even thought of it if I wasn't so unhappy and desperate to better myself.
I knew that nothing could happen; the most she would do would be to scream and cry and hate me. But that was what I dreaded: the look she was gonna give me and the disgust she'd feel for me. I mean, I may have been doing a lousy thing, but I got a conscience just the same.
So for the next week I brooded and tried to figure how I'd work it. I thought of mailing one of the pics to her with a note, but decided not to. I didn't want to take the chance of having it fall into the wrong hands – like Herb's, for instance. Then I thought of stopping by her place when Herb was at work, leaving the picture and note with her in an envelope to open after I was gone. But I dropped that; it was too chickenshit. I still had to live with myself.
After a full week of brooding and thinking and not sleeping, I called Lois and set up a meeting at her place on Tuesday afternoon. Nothing could be worse than what I had been putting myself through.
On Tuesday morning, before leaving for work, I took one of the pictures – a good, clear one of her face – and carefully cut my own face out of the shot. In case she figured I wouldn't go through with it for fear of getting myself mixed up in anything, this would let her know I meant business.
Then I slipped the photo into my wallet and went out. The morning was a total loss. I didn't get much of anything done and was glad Tony and I were on separate jobs. For the whole week, he had been pestering me about when I would set him up and so on. This morning I just wanted to be alone. When I finished up the work on this lady's stopped kitchen sink, it was twelve-fifteen and time to head for Lois'. She was probably fixing me lunch and everything. I hoped not, because her being nice would only make it harder, but knowing Lois, she was probably fixing me lunch.
When I stepped out of the truck in front of her house the sun was directly overhead, beating down like a bastard. I squashed my butt under my heel on the drive and walked slowly toward the front door. Before I was halfway there, she opened it and smiled out at me.
"You're really dragging," she said. "It's hot out, isn't it?"
"Yeah," I said.
"Well, come on in. I've got the air conditioning on and I've fixed us a nice salad and ice tea."
I almost winced at the words. She was so damn nice!
"Great," I said, half-heartedly. I went into the house.
As soon as the door was closed behind me, Lois threw her arms around my neck and started licking my ear. "Ummmm," she sighed. "We're gonna have a good lunch, aren't we?"
She pushed her big tits into my chest and writhed around against me. I took her by the shoulders and pushed her back from me.
"I, uh – I don't feel too good today," I mumbled, avoiding her eyes.
She stepped back and looked at me closely. She was wearing a pair of tight white shorts and a green halter, and was looking sexy as hell. But that was the last thing on my mind.
She ran a hand through her black hair. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing, nothing," I said. "I've been working my ass off all morning, that's all."
Then she laughed and skipped her arm through mine. "Sure," she said, leading me toward the kitchen. "And it's hot, isn't it? You'll feel better after you eat."
The kitchen was a bright, modern room filled with shining chrome and green plants. I sat down at the counter on a high stool. The Formica table already had two servings of salad and two tall glasses filled with ice.
"Just start," Lois said, "and I'll get the tea."
I didn't have any appetite but I managed to fork up a mouthful of greens as I watched her take the teapot from the stove.
"Good?" She smiled at me, flashing those big, perfect teeth, as she sat down across from where I was and poured out the tea.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, real good," I said. I forced myself to fork up a big bunch of lettuce and sliced ham and an anchovy. All I could think of was that picture in my pocket.
Lois, still smiling, dug into her bowl with the fork. "I feel great today," she said. "In fact, I've been feeling great all week, ever since we got together. Sex is wonderful, isn't it? I wish I could get Herb into shape. Then I wouldn't have to rely on you so much." She opened her mouth and chomped down on her fork.
I guess I must have had a funny look on my face, because she looked at me and quickly continued, "Not that I mind, of course. You're always welcome around these parts, honey." She winked at me and I tried to smile.
"Pete, what is the matter? You're acting very funny today."
I took a deep breath and put my fork down. "Lois," I said, this time looking her right in the eye, "let's say you were trapped somehow. I mean, in a situation you couldn't stand and there didn't seem to be any way out. Wouldn't you do anything you had to, to get out of it?"
She raised her eyebrows and looked at me closely. "I don't understand," she said. "Are you in trouble of some kind?"
"Yes, in a way," I said. "But, look, answer my question. If you were in a bad situation that was driving you nuts, wouldn't you do just about anything to escape?"
"I guess so. Pete, what is it?" She had an expression of such genuine concern that it took all I had to keep looking into her eyes.
"Well," I said. "I don't know how to explain exactly, but I feel trapped. I mean, I hate working for my boss – there's no future in it and I don't want to wind up like all the town jerks down at Ed's with years of work and boredom with nothing to show for it. Hell, I'm already pushing twenty-five and where am I? Nowhere."
She was all sympathy as she looked across the table at me. "I never knew you felt that way," she said. "You always seemed so happy and content with your lot, just another…"
The words trailed off. "Just another town jerk, with no ambition or interests other than drinking and screwing," I said.
"Pete, I…"
"No, no, it's all right, Lois. It's not your fault, thinking like that. Hell, if I were you I'd think the same thing. What am I, anyway, judging from my job and the guys I hang around with? No, it's OK, I understand. But can you understand that even though I seem like one kind of guy, deep down I'm another and this life is beginning to get to me?"
"Yes." Oh, was she ever solemn and serious and understanding. I was beginning to feel a bit better. Maybe she would understand and not mind so much after all. Right at the moment, she was stroking my forearm with her fingers.
"What do you want to do about it, Pete?"
"Well, like I was saying, wouldn't you do just about anything to get out of a situation like that?"
"Well, I don't know about anything," she said. "But, well, yes, I'd do an awful lot."
Then I had a brainstorm. "Like sleeping with me all the time," I said. "Like cheating on Herb." This was a bit strong, but it would drive home my point and maybe she wouldn't feel so used and betrayed if she realized she had used her husband in the same way, in a way. I mean, my blackmailing her was no worse than her cheating on poor Herb, was it?
At my last remark she flushed slightly and her hand froze on my arm. Then she resumed stroking. "I guess I understand what you mean," she said slowly. "But you're leading up to something, aren't you? What is it, Pete? What are you going to do?"
My heart began beating faster and I felt my skin begin to tingle all over. "Well, I want to save up enough money to go into the plumbing business myself. But it'll take too long getting the money I need through normal means. I mean, I can't save enough in less than a couple years time and then it'll be too late. The town's growing like crazy now and I want to get in on it."
"So you have a plan for raising the money in less time," she said. "And this plan is not exactly legit. Is that it?"
"Something like that," I said. My voice was cracking and I let my eyes drop momentarily. One thing, though, she was certainly making it easier for me.
"What's your plan, Pete?" she asked.
I looked right into her eyes and reached for my pocket. This was it. I found myself going through the motions mechanically, opening the wallet, slipping the picture out, and laying it in front of her on the counter. Her hand froze again. This time she removed it from my arm.
After looking at the photo for a long while, she raised her eyes and looked at me. Whatever understanding she had shown before was gone now. Her eyes were cold.
"Where was he hiding, Pete? In the closet? One of your young buddies, no doubt."
"That doesn't matter," I said. And with a burst of guts, I blurted the rest out, glad to be rid of it. "What matters is that I got eleven more just like this one and they'll stay under wraps if you just do me a favor."
"Yes." The way that word hissed out of her, you'd have thought she was a snake.
"I'm gonna be needing some money," I said, still with the nervous cracking to my voice. "Now, I know you ain't rich, so I don't expect a fortune. Just whatever amount you can manage each week. And you don't have to worry that I'll soak you because I got other women on my list. So if you can handle ten or fifteen a week until I got what I need, I'll give you the pictures back in a year or so."
Her eyes were narrow slits of hate. She pushed herself away from the counter and stood. "And if I don't?" she asked.
"Look, Lois, why be like that? I'm not asking for so much, a lousy ten or fifteen a week. Hell, you can manage that; just cut down on a six-pack here and a magazine there and you got it. And if things go the way I hope, hell, in a couple of years I'll even pay you back. Why don't you just figure it's a loan, that's all?"
She had her hands on her hips and was looking at me like I was some kind of lower life or something. "And if I don't?" she said. Her voice trembled.
"Lois, shit, don't talk like that. Why wouldn't you want to help me out? I'm not asking so much, really. Be reasonable. I mean, once I make it big you and me, we'll live it up good. I'll take you to the best places. Come on, will ya?"
"For the last time," she said. "And if I won't?"
"But why wouldn't you, Lois?" I said. "I mean, what's a lousy fifteen a week compared to all this?" I waved my arm around the room. "Do you want to give all this up? Maybe you'd have to, Lois, if Herb got a look at the pictures. I mean, from what I know about him, he's a pretty simple, old-fashioned type guy who would get real upset knowing his wife was playing around."
Once the threat was out, I felt relief. The worst was over. And I didn't feel so guilty anymore. Hell, didn't I offer to show her the best once I made it big? And I meant it, too. I liked Lois. I wasn't blackmailing her, exactly, just hitting her up for a loan.
But she didn't figure it that way. Her face was dark and mean now, and she stared at me with eyes that dripped hate.
"You sonofabitch! You dirty pig bastard mother-fucker! You…"
"Take it easy, will ya?" Christ, she was wild. I never thought Lois could talk like that; she was such a nice, even-tempered woman. I took a step around the counter and made for her, to try and calm her down but she backed away.
"Keep away from me, you prick! Get away!" She was in the corner now, with her ass against the edge of the stove.
"Lois, please, be reasonable, I…"
"You dirty snake!" she hissed in almost a whisper. "And to think I thought you were a good guy. You've got some nerve, coming around here with your sob stories. Why don't you go out and better yourself like a man? What kind of a man are you, anyway? God, how I've misjudged you! All the time we were making love I thought it was for fun and you, you dirty, filthy, unspeakable bastard, you were planning to…"
"That's not true!" I broke in hotly. "I didn't even think of this till a few weeks ago. Before then, I was loving you for yourself. Why can't you see…"
She took a step forward. "Fuck yourself! That's right, Goddamn you! Fuck yourself. You rotten bastard, oh, I can't believe…"
She burst into tears and sagged against the stove. I went to her to calm her down and make her understand, but as soon as I touched her she screamed and started swinging and scratching. I beat a retreat.
"You keep away from me!" she cried through her tears. "Don't touch me!"
"Lois," I said, "keep it down, will ya? You want the neighbors over here?"
"I don't care!" She wiped her eyes on a paper towel hanging from a roll next to the stove. "Why don't you just get the hell out of here?"
"What about our deal?" I asked.
"There's no deal!" she hollered. "Get out, get out!"
She wasn't thinking right. I knew that after she calmed down she might change her mind. So I grabbed up a pencil and slip of paper and wrote down my box number at the post office.
"I'm leaving this for you," I said, dropping the paper on the counter, "in case you change your mind. I think…"
"Get out!" she hollered again, turning her face away.
Now I was getting pissed. I had tried to be reasonable and she had no call to yell at me like that.
"Listen," I said, "think it over. I want ten a week mailed to me or I'll make sure Herb gets an eyeful, you understand? And let me tell you, I could have asked for fifteen but since we're friends, I'll let it go for ten. But don't think I won't get the pictures to your husband if I have to, I will. Think it over. You don't wanna lose everything just for a lousy ten a week. And I guarantee…"
"Get out of here! I don't want to hear it!" She glared at me.
"And I guarantee that when I get enough money saved up I'll give you the pictures or burn 'em, whatever you want."
Once that was out and finished, I turned and walked quickly through the kitchen door and through the living room. Just as I put my hand on the knob of the front door, she screamed again.
"Bastaaaaaard!"
I ducked out and made a dash for the truck. There was no telling what she'd do in her state. I wasn't in the mood for a big scene right there in the drive where all the neighbors could see and hear.
I was in a bad mood for the next few days. I got a conscience, no matter what anybody might think, and it bothered me. I mean, I was sorry Lois got that shook and, in a way, I guess I could understand. But I had to do what I had to do.
Every lunch hour I went down to the post office and checked my box. On Friday there was still nothing there and I started getting nervous. Lois was a test case; if she didn't come through, maybe the others wouldn't. Tony was pestering me like crazy to set up another session, but until I knew whether this was gonna work or not, I held him off with excuses.
By the following Monday I was really depressed. I was beginning to give up all hope. So when I opened the box and there was the envelope. I made a loud noise of glee and several people looked at me. But I didn't care.
I ran out to the truck and when I was behind the wheel, I ripped open the envelope. There was a ten dollar bill and a note inside. The note was typed; there was no date or Dear Pete, just the following:
You could have asked me for a loan. I would have managed it and we'd have kept our relationship going. Now, I don't want anything to do with you. You say you want to better yourself and become something more than the other townies. Well, I've got news for you. You're worse than the worst of any of them and no amount of money will ever change that. And to think I actually made it with you. My flesh crawls at the thought.
I didn't like it, what she said, but I was so happy at getting the money that by the time I finished opening a savings account at Chemical, I had forgotten all about her words. Before I went back to work I called Betty Ayres. She and Hope were next on my list.