Beverly waited for Cecil in the Ajax Terminal. Her eyes flickered anxiously as she glanced expectantly at each new arrival through the terminal doors. She hoped that Cecil would not be late! Beverly felt ill at ease in this strange part of the city. The young girl sitting beside Beverly on the waiting room bench, turned her head, spoke: "Hello, Bev."
She started, turned, then stared. "Cecil!" she murmured his name with wonder. "I'd never have guessed " she drew in her breath quickly, "Cecil," she whispered, "you look cute!"
Beverly giggled – but Cecil felt as pleased as any girl would at receiving a compliment. "Thanks, Bev," he murmured, smiling, "so do you!" They giggled together like two schoolgirls just let out of class, then Cecil asked, "What d'you want to do, Bev?"
Her eyes shone mischievously. "We could go to a dance… " she murmured, "see if we get picked up."
Cecil smiled with her, then his voice became serious as he mouthed softly: "That'd be something, wouldn't it, Bev?"
She nodded, then said: "I'd like to go to a movie."
He said okay, so they got up from the bench then arm in arm, like a couple of girl friends having a night out, they strolled to the nearby cinema.
Beverly held Cecil's hand as they huddled close together in the theater. As the feature film was ending, she leaned towards Cecil, whispered into his ear, "Happy? D'you feel happy?"
"Yes," he murmured, "I like to be with you, Bev."
She squeezed his hand in appreciation, then Cecil asked: " How do you feel?"
Surreptitiously, in the darkness, she thrust his hand under her short miniskirt. His fingers felt warm flesh, brushed on short hairs, then felt soft, moist lips move… "I feel like it," whispered Beverly wetly, her voice thrilling with emotion, "Just like it!"
Cecil felt a stirring at his crotch. His body wriggled sinuously in his seat. "Where where could we go?" he hissed with restrained emotion. "I don't know any place near… "he broke off as a man, leaving the theater, brushed past them. As he squeezed past, the man's eyes went down and caught a glimpse of white thigh and Cecil's hand… He drew in his breath noisily, paused for a fraction of a second, then he mouthed: "You girls oughta be in the Eros Cafe." There was a sneer of anger in the words.
Cecil stared at Beverly, blankly, when the man had gone.
"What's the Eros Cafe?" Beverly asked.
Cecil shrugged, withdrew his hand guiltily, then gave Beverly an intimate smile. "We'd better be good girls," he murmured.
As they sidled down the row of seats to leave the theater, Cecil felt a hand thrust under his skirt then hard fingers squeezed a piece of flesh, painfully. He half turned, a smothered sound of protest on his lips, and stared into the face of an elderly man. He closed his mouth firmly and followed Beverly in silence. When they were outside the theater, he told Bev what had happened.
She smiled complacently. "Now, you see," she said, a small smirk on her pretty face. "How'd you like it?"
Cecil thought before he answered. "I I didn't like it, Bev," he murmured, slowly. "I didn't like it at all!"
"That's what we have to put up with all the time," said Bev, linking her arm in Cecil's. "We girls, " she added, smiling wickedly into his eyes.
The cafe was right across the street from the theater, less than a block from Benny's, Cecil realized. Beverly saw it first.
"Look!" she said suddenly, pointing, "The Eros Cafe!"
"The place that guy said," muttered Cecil, remembering.
"Yes," Beverly whispered, "I wonder why?"
Wordlessly, they crossed the street, stood outside the entrance and stared inside.
"It's just an ordinary cafe," said Cecil.
Beverly's eyes seemed brighter. "We could go in " she murmured softly, "have coffee."
Cecil looked intently at Beverly, then nodded in agreement.
They had intended to sit at the counter but the hostess had seated them in a booth before they realized it. It wasn't until they had ordered coffee that Cecil noticed something, nudged Beverly, then whispered: "They're all girls in here there aren't any men!"
Beverly's eyes flickered around the cafe… Cecil was right. All the customers were girls! She glanced at the staff. Waitresses, hostesses even at the tiny bar in the corner the attendant was a girl. Then she stared at the couple in the opposite booth. A very young girl and a woman an older woman. Beverly saw the woman whisper into the girl's ear and they giggled together then the older woman's head went down and the young girl wriggled her body, squirming, twisting herself as she was kissed deeply, passionately on the mouth. "It's a lesbian club," said Beverly quietly, a thrill of excitement in her voice. "All the girls are lesbians!"
Cecil stared at Beverly's face. She seemed all worked up! Bev didn't get excited very often. He glanced at the couple that had aroused her… Saw the woman's hand on the girl's thigh… Saw and understood. He looked at Beverly again. "You been in a place like this before?" he asked.
"No," Beverly took a deep breath, "There there aren't any around where we live but I’ve heard of them!" Her voice was pent – up with emotion.
Later, Cecil glanced at the time. "I've got to go to Benny's to change," he murmured, "I can't go home dressed like this." He gave a small laugh as he thought of his mother's reaction if he did. "Will you be all right waiting here " he glanced anxiously at Beverly's face. "I mean Bev all right?"
"Yess," she whispered in a long, drawn – out sigh.
"I mean," he said, "we can go back on the bus together. I’ll only be a minute."
Beverly turned her strangely bright eyes on him. "Yes, Cecil," she repeated, "it's all right – I said it's all right."
He hesitated, feeling unaccountably anxious all of a sudden, then he rose to his feet slowly. "I’ll be as quick as I can," he said before he left.
Cecil hurried back towards the Eros Cafe. Benny was a pretty good guy, he thought. The little man hadn't delayed him. When he'd told him that Bev was waiting he'd contented himself with a hot, deep kiss on Cecil's lips after he'd entered the shop then when he was changing, Benny had thrust his hand inside the new pink panties, inserted his finger with a sensually sweet probe into the eagerly opening mouth of the star that nestled so snugly between the softly throbbing cheeks.
"Delicious, Benny," Cecil had crooned, squirming his buttocks ecstatically, "deee-licious!"
When he was leaving the shop, he said, "I’ll be back very soon." And Benny had stared after him with a strange new longing and yearning etched on his face.
The woman at the door of the cafe stopped Cecil. "Sorry, feller you can't come in here."
Cecil stared at the woman. He didn't remember noticing her before. He glanced through the glass door of the foyer, then told the woman: "I'm meeting someone who's in here. She's waiting for me."
The big woman frowned. "What's her name?" she asked, "I’ll tell her you're here and if she wants to see you okay " she gave Cecil a hostile glance, "if she doesn't want to see you you'll get out of here fast. We don't let anyone annoy our customers!"
Cecil told the woman Beverly's name and his own name with restrained anger then watched, irritably, as the women pushed open the door and went into the cafe.
He glanced towards the booth where he had sat with Beverly, thinking how crazy it was that he couldn't go in to her now… now that he was dressed as a male then he noticed that Beverly wasn't there. Cecil felt a small sense of shock. Had Bev got tired of waiting and gone home by herself? He glanced at the time… He hadn't been long! It didn't seem reasonable that she'd go! He craned his head – and then he saw her!
She was in another booth… with another girl. A girl who had her arm around Bev's shoulder who felt under Bev's skirt with a hand that was doing unspeakable things that made Bev laugh, wriggle her prim little body, and press her cheek against the other girl's face.
Bev! Cecil felt stunned. Bev? He saw the big woman who guarded the door approach them, she bent down towards Bev, murmured something, smiled… Bev looked up, started then she dragged at her skirt, guiltily, reluctantly until it was neatly, primly in place. He watched Bev get up, lean towards her companion and say something… Then Bev's head went down and he watched her kiss the other girl deeply, passionately sickeningly.
Oh, Bev!
"Too bad you had to wait out here," said Beverly when she found him standing outside the club where he had moved to after he'd seen Bev kissing her.
"It's okay," he said.
Her face was flushed and he'd never seen her eyes so bright, so alive…
"It's a nice place," she said, "the Eros Cafe."
"Is it?" he asked.
"Why yes, Cecil," Beverly put her arm through his as though it was something she didn't want to do but felt she should… "Is something wrong, Cecil?" she asked very quietly.
"No," he shrugged slightly, "nothing's wrong."
And they walked to the terminal in silence.
Beverly was staring through the window as the bus hurried them back home, when Cecil spoke: "Beverly," he began, "Do you like girls?"
She didn't move. ''Well be home in a few minutes," she said.
He stared at the back of her head.
She moved then, turning her head slowly and staring into his eyes for a long, meaningful moment before she said: "Maybe I don’t know, Cecil!"
He let out his breath in a long, sad sigh.
She touched his arm with her hand: gently, gingerly. "Would you – you mind if I was?" she asked.
He stared at her again. Mind? would he mind? How could he answer a question like that? He shook his head helplessly. "I don’t understand," he muttered.
"Neither do I " then Beverly's voice came to life again, "But I hope I am!"
He looked at her, incredulously. "Hope you are?" he repeated.
"Yes I hope I am!" she let the words slither from her lips… And when he looked at her face she looked different. Not like the old Bev!… the Bev that he knew… but a new Beverly… a Beverly that he'd never seen. She looked like a different girl!
"Cecil," she said quietly, "I – I felt something back there in the cafe that that I've never felt before… not with anyone anytime… not even with you, Cecil " her eyes searched his face with a trace of sadness.
He listened to her words and looked at her face and tried to understand.
"It was never complete, was it, Cecil?"
He stared, wordlessly.
"What we did together was was good, but… it wasn't complete," she said.
Wasn't complete! He felt the dull ache start in his stomach. Not because of Beverly but because the words cut too deeply, too truly… It was never complete! Not for him, Cecil. He thought of them all: Alma, Blanche, Donna, Beverly, and Benny… It was never complete… Never could be.
"I met a girl in in the cafe," said Beverly, softly, "and and I felt as though as though I was in love with her " her voice trailed off.
Love! Beverly loved some unknown girl whom she'd never met until a few hours ago! Love? He, Cecil, could never love anyone. Not that way. Not like that! Benny! he thought of Benny. Maybe maybe Benny thought that he was in love with him, Cecil… but he loved him as Cecile… as a girl… He, Cecil, could never feel that way towards Benny because… because he wasn't queer… he didn't like men… he liked girls but… he wanted to be a girl!
Beverly could never want him really want him because she wanted a girl. She was lesbian it wasn't necessary for her to tell him… He knew. His female intuition he thought with a bitter taste in his mouth. But he wasn't female enough to fulfill Beverly's craving! And he wasn’t male enough to satisfy another kind of girl, he thought with a new bitterness.
Too damned small! Alma! the words he would never forget could never forget because they were true… So where did it leave him… what was he?
"She came across to my table after you left," said Beverly, as he tried to drag his attention off the chaotic thoughts that kaleidoscoped through his mind, "and and she told me that she knew I was I was one."
Cecil could feel the sweat on his forehead. "What?" he asked. "One what?"
"Lesbian," said Beverly softly, "She knew I was a lesbian."
Cecil breathed deeply, painfully.
"I'm gad," said Beverly. "So glad."
"Why?" he muttered.
Beverly gave a deep sigh, then her voice sounded normal and relaxed when she said: "I’ve never known what I was. For so long I’ve wondered. I I didn't like men… you know that I told you yet, I never thought of of girls never really thought of it " she stopped talking for a moment, then her voice went on: "I I liked what you did," she lowered her voice, "like like kissing me making me have an org orgasm, but it it wasn't complete, was it, Cecil?"
He shook his head.
"Maybe I just liked that what you did because I'm a lesbian!" She said it calmly now, as though she accepted it… welcomed it!
"Maybe," he whispered softly, feeling a sense of loss of not belonging, "maybe.