Among the many manservants who continually paid me their compliments was a handsome, robust young groom who rated my special attention. His off-the-cuff compliments were always in the special language of his profession and he claimed that he never rubbed down his charger without thinking about me. Whereupon I would answer that I never worked on a pair of trousers that did not remind me of Monsieur Pierrot (that was his name). We were quite serious and paid each other many other similar compliments in elegantly turned phrases which I can no longer remember. It is enough, dear reader, for you to know that Pierrot and I quickly came to an agreement and a few days later we were to seal our covenant in the back room of a local tavern upon the altar of Venus.
The place of this sacrifice was furnished with an old table and half a dozen chairs that had fallen into decay. The walls were covered with indecent scribblings as is the custom of love-sick couples when they are in a good mood. Our banquet was entirely in keeping with the simplicity of our place of consecration. A small jug of wine for eight pennies, cheese for two and some bread — the entire amount, after careful calculation, was not more than twelve pennies. Nevertheless we celebrated our High Mass with such pleasure as if we had feasted for a gold louis per person at the famous Dupare Inn. One does not have to be surprised at this. Even the coarsest meal becomes a repast when love is a guest.
Finally we had finished. Next we had to solve the difficult problem of how we could make ourselves more comfortable. We were smart enough not to trust either the table or any of the available chairs, so we selected the only remaining possibility: trying to do it standing up. Pierrot made me recline against the wall. Oh, powerful god of the fields! It scared me when I looked down upon what he showed me. Those thrusts! What an attack! The wall creaked and moaned under his monstrous assault. I had made up my mind (because I did not want to have to reproach myself later) that this poor boy was not going to be the only one to suffer from exhaustion after so much hard work. But despite these good intentions, our perseverance and mutual courage, we still had not even made fair to middling progress, and personally I had begun to have my doubts as to whether we were ever going to be able to crown our efforts with some sort of achievement. Then Pierrot got the marvelous idea to wet his enormous tool with some spittle. Oh, Nature, Nature! How marvelous are thy many secrets! The hiding place of love opened itself and he penetrated… what more should I say? I was good and thoroughly — as it should be — deflowered.
From that time on I slept much better. Thousands of flattering dreams ruled my sleep. Monsieur and Madame Tranche-montagne could make the bed groan as loudly as they wanted during their amorous entanglements… I no longer heard them.
Our innocent love affair lasted for almost a year. I adored Pierrot and he loved me. He was quite a man indeed, whose only fault was his continuous lack of money. And since among good friends the rich help the poor, it was I who had to supply him with whatever he needed to pay for his expenses. Though the proverb states that a true cavalier would rather eat his stirrups than accept support from a lady, my boy friend, to the contrary, consumed the proceeds of my business because he loved to drink and gamble and obviously wanted to spare his stirrups. Soon I was even forced to sell my mending coop.
My mother had long since noticed that my business had fallen off sharply and she reproached me sternly. To make things worse, she soon learned from gossip in the neighborhood that my innocence had been thoroughly ruined. But, dear mother did not say anything about that. However, one morning, when I was still in a deep sleep, she armed herself with a brand new cane, and after she had sneakily pulled my nightshirt over my head, she set my buttocks afire before I had a chance to defend myself. Just imagine the incredible humiliation for a grown girl to wake up being punished like that! I was so furious that I decided right then and there to become independent and try to make my own living as I saw fit. And since I had made up my mind, I waited for an opportunity when my mother would be out of the house. I quickly put on my Sunday finery and said goodbye forever to the home of my mother.