I was just eighteen, and had been in Paris a week. Paris!
To me a strange delightful place — with manners and customs so free, easy, and uncontrolled, compared to what I have seen in Birmingham, where I have passed nearly all my life.
Well, I lived in a little avenue branching from the Rue SaintHonore — a street resembling the Strand in London — here a friend had taken a lodging for me; and I went out and in just as I liked. The apartments at public hotels are generally kept in order by the garcon, but I being a stranger was waited upon by the maid servant, the niece of the landlady, who I call Maria, simply because it sounds easier than the confounded French Marie. As I had nothing particular to do, I passed my time in sauntering about nearly all day, seeing what was to be seen in the gay city. When I came in at night I found the bed made and the room tidied up. The house — although three stories — was comparatively empty. The lower part being occupied by my landlady, on the first floor there was none but myself-on the upper portion — an old Italian artist, and a little French woman, a widow.
One afternoon, whilst walking in the Champs Elysees, a woman accosted me in broken English, and asked me if I wanted to purchase some "funny pictures." As I felt rather curious to know what she had to dispose of, I asked her to show them to me; and I can safely affirm that I never saw such things before or since. The cool easy sang froid with which she exhibited them I shall never forget. Of course, the reader will understand that they were not precisely the style of engravings you would cover your office screen with, or paste inside your sister's prayer book. I purchased of the old hag a small book filled with these plates for two francs, being glad to get rid of her, and then hurried home, and rushing upstairs was about to enter my apartment, intending there to examine my purchase. The room was all in a disturbance, and I paused at the door, for I heard someone inside muttering "Sacre-diable-peste." amp;c, and peeping through the crack of the door I saw the little French girl, who, with her back towards me, was busily engaged hunting for one of those essentials to a French lodging-house — a flea.
What a hunt-what a rummage there was. I am married now, and father of a goodly stock of matrimonial fruit; and, of course, have seen many a flea-hunt since then, but never shall I forget that of the little French girl, how she tossed her clothes up, around, and about her. Finally, the villanous insect was caught, and a snapping, cracking sound, with the finger and thumb upon the edge of the table, proclaimed that the rude little vagabond had hopped out of this world.
With her back still towards me, I found that her troubles were not over, for her garter had become untied. Unconscious of my presence, she gave herself plenty of room to fasten it comfortably. The view to me was pleasing-for what is more pleasing than a pretty foot and nicely turned ankle. If the reader thinks I acted wrong, I am sure he will forgive me when he remembers that I was only eighteen, and the girl about my own age. There she stood, with her tiny foot upon a chair, her small ankle, well rounded calf, neat white stocking, and her garter — a ragged one, by the by — plainly shown in the large looking glass that faced her. Pulling down the stocking, she commenced scratching her plump little calf, the red mark left by the nasty flea showing plainly upon her white skin.
I don't know how long I should have stood looking, but the confounded door (reader, whenever you go upon a love excursion, always oil the door) creaked on its hinges. Maria turned round, and seeing me, blushed, as I believe any and every woman would have done, English, French, German, or American. Before she could say one word, I seized her round the waist and kissed her two or three times. In the confusion the little picture book I had purchased fell upon the ground.
In stooping to pick it up Maria broke away from me; not, however, before she had seen a portion of its contents, and evidently annoyed, she rushed out of the room.
The next day I bought a very beautifully worked pair of garters, intending to present them to Maria, but it was nearly a week before I again caught her in my room. Upon my doing so I told her that I thought she wore very unbecoming garters, and produced those I had purchased, told her those only were fit for such a pretty leg as she had, and that she should have them provided I was permitted to put them on. She looked very mysterious, then laughed, and snatched one of them out of my hands. I was advancing towards her when there was a slight tap at the door, and before I could recover from my confusion she seized the other garter, and laughing rushed out of the room upstairs to her own apartment. Her room being immediately over mine I could hear her rapping upon the floor and laughing at having conquered me. To add to my mortification I could not find who it was had disturbed me by knocking at the door. Two or three times in the course of the day I saw Maria, and upon each occasion she laughed at me, and once, whilst talking to her aunt, she, unseen by her, shook the garters at me. At supper time she inquired, to the surprise of her aunt, if she knew where M. Larpour, the name of the maker of the garters, lived, as a person of that name had been inquiring in the neighbourhood about some goods which had wrongly been delivered. It needed not this last piece of raillery to confirm me in a determination I had made to have my revenge, which I executed after the following fashion.
I mentioned that Maria's room was immediately over mine, and that in the afternoon she went upstairs to change her dress. The door of this room I knew remained unlocked during the day time, accordingly, watching my opportunity when the house was quiet, taking off my shoes, coat, and vest, I slipped upstairs, as I thought unseen, and concealed myself in a closet in Maria's room. After about half-an-hour's fearful suspense in waiting, I heard her upon the stairs, and almost immediately after she entered the room. Unconscious of there being anyone in the apartment she commenced removing her clothes, and had taken off her gown when suddenly she recollected something she had left in the closet.
Her astonishment may be better imagined than described when I jumped from the closet upon her. She struggled violently, and in the confusion the chair fell down.
'Tor heaven's sake," she exclaimed, 'leave the room, my aunt will be here directly, and should she find you here, I am ruined."
The words had scarcely escaped her when I heard footsteps outside the door, and someone trying to open it. I rushed to it for the purpose of preventing their entrance, whoever it might be; but before I could do so it was opened, and a female attempted to come into the apartment. It was not Maria's aunt, but the lodger in the storey above. So plucking. up courage I forced her from the door; Maria crouching behind it so as not to be seen. At the same time I said — "You cannot come in, madame, a gentleman — a friend of mine — is here dressing."
"It's no gentleman you've in the room," she said, sharply,
"but a woman, and I know who it is."
The conversation had been in French, but I answered instantly in good English, "I'm damned if you do"; and before she could prevent me 1, laughing, seized her round the waist, carried her upstairs, and deposited her upon her own bed.v I was leaving the room when she called out- "If you go away in that manner I'll tell Maria's aunt all about the garters."
Here was a pretty go! What was I to do? For a few more sentences convinced me that Madame Dufour had been an eavesdropper, and knew all about the garters. As I looked at her the idea struck me that she would not have been very unwilling to receive such a present. She was a pretty black-eyed little French woman, apparently about thirty years of age, with a countenance that betokened her anything but one who tells tales out of school, or spoilt a bit of love.
"So you'll tell Maria's aunt?" I said, advancing towards her, and laughing.
"Yes," she replied, with a roguish leer, "unless you give me something that will keep me quiet."
"A pair of garters, for instance," I continued.
"A fig for your garters! Give them to your silly girls. A woman like me wants something better than garters," she answered.
"Perhaps," I replied, "I cannot satisfy you; for you must know I am only eighteen, and while I have been here I have been rather extravagant."
"I will not put you to much expense," she answered. "I should like something of genuine English manufacture. Something that I should be certain came from that country; and as you are an Englishman you might oblige me."
I told her I felt flattered by her respect for my country.
"I have taken a great interest in you," she continued; "and if you will stay here a short time I will give you some instructions that will be useful to you as long as you live. If you pursue the path I put you in, you can never miss the road to true happiness."
I found the widow as good as her word; and I believe, sincerely, that all she preached she practised, for a better instructress no man could wish for. She did not tell about the garters; but before I left Paris I was so pleased with Madame's tuition I thought it my duty to impart a portion of the information I had received to my landlady's niece, who, I trust, profited by-it.