No-no NO, this is entry 36. Thirty-SIX.
Aunt Isobel has been gone five days. I have formed the habit. I can't leave myself alone.
But I have had a long, long talk with myself. I've got to stop this. It's wicked, evil, against everything I was brought up to know and to do and believe.
Going around the house stark naked!
Fondling and playing with myself!
Hating to wear a bra, because it is hot and tight and irritates my nipples… and if they're to be irritated I had rather do it myself.
That's awful! I know it is. I believe the things I was taught. I must. Without those values, what am I, what will become of me?
Erik came over. "To see if I was all right," he said.
I noticed his hair and everything he wore and his eyes and I listened to his voice and remembered the night I heard him and Aunt Isobel doing their sort of litany of lust and slavery. I can't get that out of my mind!
He said I should not be here alone this way. He actually invited me over to stay at his place while Aunt is away!
I gave him a look. "I'm a single girl," I said. "And you are an unmarried man. I can't stay over there with you, Mister Parker."
He smiled and waved a hand, and somehow I felt childish. Which is the way he wanted me to feel, I imagine.
"Oh good Heavens, Tory," he said, "there is plenty of room over there. And of course Lois and Miles are right there with me. There is a bedroom we don't even use. It is small, but you'd find it comfortable. And you wouldn't have to eat alone and be alone all the time. Too, there's a lower floor, an old cellar that I renovated, long ago. I'm sure you would find that very comfortable, too."
Did my eyes betray me? Did I shudder? I don't know. I do know that just the mention of that cellar, that basement, that below-ground torture chamber, that dungeon of his made me shudder inwardly.
"I shall be fine," I told him. I was trying not to move. I had not expected him. I was wearing a blouse and skirt, but… I had no bra on. Tory the femlibber!
"Your aunt asked me to keep an eye on you," he said. "Be certain, at least, to keep your doors locked."
"Thank you, Mister Parker. I certainly will keep my doors locked! There's no telling who may happen to be wandering about in the woods, is there?"
His face did not change expression. The man has just superb control! "No," he said. "There's no telling. Well. I am going to send Lois over. As a companion!"
"I don't WANT or NEED a companion!"
"Sh sh, easy, Tory dear. Please don't argue or be angry with me. I made a promise to your aunt, and I am concerned about a young girl all alone in this big house. Now I'm afraid I sin going to pull rank and age and insist. Lois will be over. She'll stay with you until your aunt returns."
Somehow I was unable to speak. He was staring at me. Big dark eyes, burning, piercing right through my blouse and studying my nakedness beneath.
Naked under my clothes! What a silly phrase! Isn't everybody naked under his clothes?
Silly Tory!
But I don't WANT companionship. I don't want Lois hanging around. Who needs company?
Erik started to leave, then asked me to come over and join them… he added only a slight emphasis to the words "with us". But I refused, politely, saying I already bad supper on, which was a lie. Even Erik didn't dare invite himself to stay and eat with me.
Less than an hour later Lois was at the door. I opened it and stood there gazing at her as coldly as I knew how. I knew what she would say before she said it.
"Erik says I'm to stay here until Isobel comes back."
"I-I don't need you, Lois."
She wore dark hose, in boots, and a short skirt and a light jacket over a scooped-neck poor-boy blouse. When she moved, and the jacket, I saw that her breasts were bare beneath the blouse. I clearly saw the thrusting outline of a nipple.
She returned my gaze with complete confidence and steadiness. "Erik says I am to stay here with you."
What could I say to that? Erik Says. Around here that was more important than the old childhood game, Simon Says! What if I turn her away, I thought (CAN I???), and HE comes back, angry? I couldn't cope with that, and I knew it.
I stepped back and Lois came in. She has now been here three days and nights.
Who needs her?