I accompanied Therese to the threshold of her room and took leave of her.
She protested: "Ah! no."
"What? You don't want to say good-night to me?"
"I shall say good-night to you in my bed". She became more precise: "In our bed. Why do you still want to abandon me?"
"But I do so on your account, dearie; so as not to be indiscreet." This appeared to me to be rather a feeble argument; but I was so little of a mind to be in the right. "Yesterday and the day before I acted in the same…"
"And you did quite right, darling. I should have loved you less had you thrust yourself upon me on the very first night. I should have been vexed with you-a little-if you had been a brutal husband, too sure of your rights and incapable of realizing certain differences of meaning. But to-night, dearie, I should suffer if I were left alone."
"You would be as wretched as that?"
"Yes, yes. Your little girl would weep all night. And at dawn she would come to you and slip into your bed."
"Suppose I drove her away?"
"Oh! she would be all a-tremble with cold… and humiliation. You could never resist clasping her in your arms. And since you would be eaten up with remorse, you would have forgotten all your fine resolutions before the cock crowed thrice."
"Well, now I'm forewarned!"
She threw her arms around my neck.
"Come, darling! Should you fear our folly, we will place a sword between us, — like Tristan and Yseult, you know, in the Forest of Morvis. Come, and I will tell you that beautiful story, which I have read so often."
She made me sit down on the edge of the big, low bed, And, standing before me, she recited Bedier's prose, more poetic than so many poems:
"Under the protection of the green boughs, and on ground prettily carpeted with grass, Yseult was the first to stretch herself. Tristan lay down by her side and placed his sword between their bodies…" Therese told me-without a lapse of memory-of the old King's visit, the awakening, and the lovers' flight.
Then she remained silent, with her hands stretched towards me, as though awaiting her reward. Amidst her disordered hair, two long golden tresses were hanging, enframing her face. I remained in a state of ecstasy in the presence of so mediaeval and so pure a figure, expectant of my desire.
With infinite precautions-and putting a check on the growing feverishness of my hands-I undressed her. Still motionless and with half-closed eyes, my beloved Yseult was gradually transformed into a Pagan goddess… Soon, from amidst the clothes scattered around her, her snow-white body appeared, — like Botticelli's Venus from her shell. Once she was stark naked, my arms were entwined around her waist, and my hands were pressed upon her buttocks passionately, while I placed a long, long kiss on the silky triangle which her nudity offered to me. Finally, I overturned her on to the bed, where she surrendered herself-panting the while-to my caresses.
For a hundred times, already, my lips traversed her body, — for a hundred times my hands felt and caressed her, turning her over this way and that. But I could not satisfy my passion for her beauty. Many, many details, hardly perceived before, intoxicated me with their perfection: the immaculate whiteness of her slender stomach, the lissom plenitude of her haunches, the clear curve of her thighs, and the elegant length of her legs. It was towards these sweet novelties that, first of all, the whole ardour of my lips and tongue was directed. But they also tarried in the neighbourhood of the fleshy roundness of her rump, and amidst its warm shadows, — spots which up to then my hands alone had explored. I amused myself by tickling with my tongue the two adorable dimples which emphasized that rump. Comparable to two indiscreet arrows which a roguish hand might have traced there as sign-posts towards the most secret of voluptuous pleasures! Then I turned her lovely body (which bent between my arms voluptuously) over again, to enter on a voyage with my lips along her supple thighs and smooth belly. Meanwhile. Therese's breasts, pointing their tiny, rosy nipples, transmitted towards me a silent yet provocative appeal; they gave me the impression that they reproached me for having abandoned them. So I responded to their appeal. And the repetition of a multitude of caresses, which I had taught them on the previous night, was hardly sufficient to make them forget the impatience of too long a wait.
Therese thrilled ardently; and at the same time with absolute sincerity, incapable as she was of feigning an inexperienced sensation. Some particular caress which I imagined was the quintessence of voluptuousness remained without an echo; whereas another, inspired by an almost unconscious reflex, made her quiver like an asp. At times her whole supple body writhed on the bed, as though maddened with the impossible desire to offer herself, wholly and simultaneously, to the pressure of my hands and lips. Meanwhile, if my fingers or tongue, descending the whole length of her belly, sought to surprise and penetrate the most shady and private nook of her sex, she refused to submit, by suddenly pressing her thighs together. Doubtless she feared that a spasm of desire, similar to that of the preceding night, would drag from her an irresistible appeal to my body, to that body which, however, she wished to know before the supreme gift of her flesh.
Divining her thought, I resisted the temptation to force open her legs and crush her sex under the pressure of my lips. I resumed my incursions towards other regions of her body. But soon I returned to the attack, thirsting still more to refresh my lips with the forbidden, voluptuous moistness; once more my mouth was placed on the golden fleece which attracted it; and once more Therese's legs came together, preventing my going any further. Gradually, however, I felt her resistance grow weaker; and then, rapidly, with a great thrill, Therese confessed that she was defeated. Her legs slowly opened, still hesitative, yet docile to the pressure of my caresses; then they suddenly spread wide apart, presenting the ruddy nudity of the flesh to my eager lips.
Indifferent to Therese's modesty, which too long a resistance had, moreover, weakened, I let her body slip to the very edge of the bed, in more immediate proximity to my mouth. Then, amidst my vertiginous and tender folly, I began to mould that still virginal flesh. The prolonged suctions with my lips alternated with multitudinous teasing touches from my tongue. Or else, I covered it entirely with my mouth, which, starting from the dimples on her rump and delicately touching the whole of her sex, finally blossomed on her stomach.
At last I was forced to stop, so tired had my loins become through the irritating tension of my Phallus; while Therese stretched herself, as though she were dragging herself from a dream. But, all of a sudden, her consciousness returned. With a quick movement she covered her sex with one of her hands and with the other gently pushed me away, saying that "we were really too crazy." She sat on the edge of the bed, with her hand pressed, shiveringly, between her closed legs; and, gathering up a piece of clothing from the heap on the carpet, she sought to veil her nudity with it. But she succeeded very badly. Still dazed through her state of prolonged voluptuousness, she was touchingly, comically awkward; so that, indocile to her efforts, sometimes it was a breast that re-appeared, sometimes the blonde tuft adorning her sex. Meanwhile, I felt sorry for her and the re-awakening of her sense of shame. Raising her in my arms, I stretched her on the bed and covered her up.
A travelling time-piece on a bed-side table gave forth its rapid tictac.
It was already one o'clock in the morning-time indeed to interrupt our gambols.
My wish was at least to obtain a momentary respite for both of us. But, involuntarily, I went off into a dose in my bath. From the adjoining room came my wife's voice, calling out to me:
"You have forgotten me, naughty man!"
Hastily slipping on a dressing-gown, I returned to her.
She had switched off all the lights. From the sofa, near the open window, a childish voice directed me thither: "Cuckoo! darling. This way!" There was less luminosity than on the previous night, — nothing of that phosphorescence with which that feminine body, straining towards the awakening of her flesh, was surrounded. For the stars, under the tread of many clouds, had been crushed one by one.
Nevertheless, their luminous soul still exhaled in the form of diffused light, so that the whiteness of her neck, through the opening in the dark dressing-gown she was wearing, stood out. I placed my hand there: a movement rather of tenderness than of lust, since my Phallus was dormant. But Therese stopped me immediately.
"No, my darling! No more to-night. Do you realize the state into which you have thrown me? Moreover…" Leaving her sentence unfinished, she merely added: "Snuggle up to me, — quite close to me, dearie."
Seated on my right, she placed her head on my shoulder with a movement already familiar to her, and one I loved. Her hand, lightly touching my chest, sought for the opening in the garment, and she trembled slightly on coming into contact with my skin. Then she remained absolutely motionless. Around us was no other movement than the distant scud of the clouds. Therese would soon fall asleep.
Sorrow for her lassitude came over me, and I decided that, after a little while, I would carry her, as though she had been a child, to her bed,carry her with infinite precautions, so as not to frighten her.
But the hand resting on me began to awaken and finger me. Then, with a slow and very delicate progression, it descended along my body.
Mighty waves of voluptuousness were awakened by its contact and rippled down to my loins, while my Phallus, in its turn, was aroused from its slumbers and came to life in a series of rapid pulsations.
Despite myself, I held my breath; and one might almost say that, of our two bodies, only her hand and my penis were alive, in the double expectation with which they trembled. Under the light material of my dressing-gown, her hand continued to advance. Now it slid along my stomach, and appeared to be astonished when it came into contact with a fleece similar to her own, only rougher. Divining the nearness of my penis, Therese's fingers began to grope about, feverishly. But when she suddenly touched it she momentarily hesitated-astonished by its burning hardness. Uncertainly and somewhat timorously, she began to finger it, — to ascend to the point where my desire was concentrated; and then her hand closed and became immobile around its delicateskinned prey. In a grave and far-away voice, — an infinitely tender voice, — Therese murmured words of ardent love in my ear. Amidst a strange relativist complex, Time and the fleeting clouds became confounded: neither of us could have said whether they were quartersofan-hour or Eternity.
Meanwhile, Therese was touched by the marked pulsations of my Phallus, and as though to calm them her hand, with instinctive, tender movements, became caressing: still unskilfully, yet infinitely delicate.
Then she resumed her course, curious to know me better. Momentarily she strayed amidst the curly swell which surrounded my sex and advanced between my legs; but there — on coming, unexpectedly, in contact with the proofs of my virility-she stopped immediately.
Therese questioned me in a low voice. She "caught on" at once as to the delicate physiology of these organs, — and was astonished at their fragility, which contrasted so strangely with the proud rigidity of the penis. And then her fingers, ever so lightly, began to envelop my testicles with a long caress, as though she wished to be pardoned for a piece of awkwardness, due to her ignorance.
Again her hand began to wander about, less timid than before, — nay, impatient to traverse in all directions the living kingdom she had just conquered. Already she knew where to find, once more, such or such a fleshly nook whose softness she had liked; already she recalled the itineraries marked out by the more striking reactions of my voluptuousness. But her backward and forward movements, at one and the same time quicker and more delicate were too often impeded by the garment which still covered me, so I threw it off and at last gave myself up to the sensual delight of being entirely nude in the presence of the woman I loved.
Accustomed to the semi-darkness, her eyes now divined every detail of my body and followed the convulsive movements of my penis, which was athirst for tenderness. Having ceased her caresses, she now looked at me most eagerly and I could hear her murmur, repeatedly: "My beautiful body! My beautiful, beloved body!" Then she rose, in her turn cast aside her garment, and came to crouch at my feet, — amorously hiding her nudity between my parted legs. Her gaze was centred on my Phallus, quite close to her; she wreathed it with her smiles, enveloped it with these tender words: "You fill me, still, with a little fear, yet I shall adore you 1" At last her lips advanced towards me and, in the expectation of a caress which I had not the strength to refuse, my desire made me wince. But at the supreme moment her timid hand thrust aside my penis and she buried her face in the bushy hollow of my groin. She was still a timorous neophyte in the presence of the idol which she did not dare to touch ever so lightly with her lips, but of which, some day, she would be the ardent priestess.
A gust of wind, portending a storm, banged to the window and made Therese shiver.
"Get up, darling," I said. "You'll catch cold. Besides, it will soon be dawn, and you must really rest."
A pale light was appearing on the horizon: dawn which, since the War, I have never been able to behold without sadness, at the recollection of the anxiety we experienced on the occasion of day-break attacks.
Suddenly filled with something approaching shame at our nudity, we hurried towards the bed and, shiveringly, pressed one against the other.
Therese curled herself up with her back to me. With breast, belly and thighs I enveloped her closely, — moulded my body to hers. My still unappeased sex found a refuge-a warm and dangerous refugebetween her legs. Again Therese became aware of its throbbing, whereupon her hand placed it in the most secret hollow of her flesh with a movement which, at first, she wished to be expressive of pity and appeasement. But she was surprised by such softness in that contact between my flesh and hers. So she increased her pressure, — repeated and increased it, without knowing that she exasperated my lust to the verge of paroxysm…
I closed her hand again upon me-that hand which she now refused to open, — the jealous guardian of the warm and abundant offering which my love poured forth before her.