There had been protestations on the part of Therese's grandmother, and I myself had had to be obstinate. Nobody was to know the whereabouts of the summer resort where we were to spend our honeymoon. But, after the manner of a board of enquiry which classifies the counterfoils of cheques, my future wife's family began to collect all sorts of indications, such as the beach-pyjamas ordered by Therese, the canicular preoccupations revealed by my own wardrobe, and the characteristics of the motor-car I had purchased. On the basis of these indications a legend took form and, favoured by my own semidisclosures, it finally crystallized into a certainty around the name of Juan-les-Pins.
Moreover, on the day of the marriage, we took advantage of this; for those "in the know", fearing the length of the journey by road, urged us not to tarry unduly. And thus, at four o'clock-I was at the wheel, with my wife and our luggage aboard. The members of the blessed family were lined-up on the causeway and became odiously noisy in that almost deserted quarter of Passy. The way in which I started up the motor was commented upon mockingly; bantering good-wishes were showered upon me; and then came a final salvo of familiar advice,"Don't go too quickly!" — "Don't run the whole night!" — "Be sure to break the journey at Dijon!" — Followed by laughter-already distant, but which grated on my nerves, despite the fact that I did my best to drown it by treading on the gas. And, as I carried off the woman I had conquered, the primitive joy of being able to take flight mingled with the roar of the motor.
Seated by my side, Therese remained silent. A white beret, set awry, gave her a spurious air of assurance, while her slightly turned up nose added a suspicion of the provocative. Nevertheless her features remained passive and somewhat tense. When, begging for a look, I leaned forward, she responded with a smile, but the limpidity of her blue eyes was veiled by a shadow of anxiety. Whereupon I mused on the fact that we were indeed, as partners still uncertain of each other, on the point of entering on a delicate ordeal.
Therese was certainly virginal and, despite the maturity of her mind, had remained very much a young girl. I realized-and this she was to confirm later-that she had voluntarily avoided certain acts of curiosity. She was certainly aware that marriage resolved itself into physical contact; but the little she had guessed on that subject left such a fringe of uncertainty and the unknown! She had certainly often said to herself: "My husband will explain to me"; and so she left to that distant personage-the future- the task of elucidating the fleshly mystery. But now she was faced by the future, and it was so suddenly near that the fringe of uncertainty appeared to her tremendously enlarged. And now that the husband had come, Therese did not dare to question him.
Hers was an unexpressed anguish, but easily to be divined. "Should I dispel it by some piece of pleasantry? — reduce the mystery to the proportions of a somewhat ridiculous formality?" Instinctively, I was warned that that would have been a supreme error of judgment. As I knew her-affectionate and reflective-my wife would accept fleshly love as a religious act, presided over by serious rites; or she would turn away from it under the impression that it was a downfall.
She was the possessor of an ardent temperament, certainly, and apt, under a slow initiation, of rising to the most subtle heights of voluptuousness; but she likewise had a delicate soul, and an imprudent word would suffice to provoke a hostile feeling of disgust. Therefore I preferred to remain silent. A recollection of my uncle's advice came to me and I was the better able to understand its profound wisdom.
Had Therese believed, like the others, in the Juan-les-Pins legend? In order not to prevaricate to her mother, she preferred not to ask me for any precise information. And now, absorbed by problems which were otherwise serious, she doubtless troubled herself hardly at all over the question of our mysterious destination. Yet she appeared to awaken from her day-dream when we were about to cross the St. Cloud bridge.
"You've not made a mistake as to the route?"
"Ah! I lay claim to a forfeit: you have forgotten to say tu when speaking to your husband."
Whereupon I culled my forfeit from her lips. Therese-now thoroughly awakened-disengaged herself, laughingly, and declared I was an imprudent driver. Then she returned to her question.
"All the same, this is not the way towards the Midi?"
"Clearly it isn't."
"Well then, what about Juan-les-Pins?"
"I let that be understood. But I'd thoroughly made up my mind not to allow our love to stew in the neighbourhood of that public bathingplace.
Come now, guess where we are going."
She enumerated some of the beaches on the western coast, — and to one after the other, by a simple gesture, expressive of disdain or disgust, I took exception to them. When she had definitely confessed her incapacity to guess correctly, I uttered, triumphantly, the solution of the enigma: "Versailles! — Versailles-les-Bains." Therese has no great fondness for fashionable beaches. Though their picturesque medley of colours may momentarily amuse her, like a well-staged sketch, she becomes quickly tired of their somewhat vulgar worldliness. However, at the mention of Versailles, she was unable to hide her disappointment.
"Not really?" she questioned, with a forced smile, which badly attenuated a little frown.
"Nothing more correct."
"But why Versailles at this time of the year?"
"Why Versailles? First of all, because I wanted to spend our holiday in a place of safety, undisturbed by the incursions off the members of thy family. They would have sought us out at Juan-les-Pins, — at Deauville, — nay, on the very summit of Mont Blanc. On the other hand, Versailles, in the summer, is much too far away for them."
"But, dearie, the temperature will be infernal."
"On the contrary, the temperature will be paradisian, — similar to that which protected the amorous nudity of Adam and Eve." Feeling, immediately, that I could have kicked myself for this premature piece of stupidity, I went on to speak of something else. "As far as I'm concerned, you know, it's not the heat which troubles me. Moreover, the place is very shady and when you're wearing your beachpyjamas…"
"Oh! I say, you don't really picture me in pyjamas in the park of the Grand Roi?"
"Certainly not, darling; but in our private garden I do."
"You possess a garden in Versailles?"
"An ideal garden, my dear, — a veritable lover's nest. An extensive park, — a most comfortable villa, — and a garage."
"What about the staff?"
"Like the Kobolds of German legends: a couple of old gardeners will watch over us, discreetly. As a matter of fact, they'll remain in their own little habitation so long as we don't evoke them by ringing."
"Quite charming. But I can't quite make it out."
"Yet it's all very simple… like every genial idea. You are aware that Albert is in garrison at Versailles?"
"Didn't he send in his resignation after his wonderful heritage?"
"Not at all. He remained in the army. Horse-shows and the rest. He's immensely fond of all that."
"More faithful than you are to the cult of Mars… But continue."
"As proof of his fidelity to the god Mars, he has raised one of those little temples to Venus! A model bachelor's establishment. And, zealous high-priest that he is, it is rumoured that his altars have not lacked for beautiful victims."
"You wish to add me to the list?"
"Oh! no, — what a shocking thing to suggest. But the priest of Mars and Venus has thrown open his residence to us. That is where we are going to install ourselves."
"In such a house of ill-repute? That's a fine thing, in the case of a young married woman."
"Would you prefer a bedroom in an hotel? I can telegraph from here, — 'Require for young married woman bedroom having sheltered only rosieres or other virtuous maidens. Kindly furnish guarantees or attestations.'"
Therese began to laugh.
"Well, after all," she said, "a good work will have been accomplished.
By our legitimate union we shall have rehabilitated that place of perdition."
"And, in close proximity to the Temple of Venus, we will raise a little altar to the Cupid who presides over regular households."
"With a saucepan and a feather-duster to mark his attributions.
Apropos of the household, are your horrible bachelor's quarters fairly comfortable? I mean for a fairly lengthy stay?"
"The best of everything in. its way. As regards this particular bachelor's home, don't imagine a diminutive and obscure ground floor, as in the bad books which Sainte Barbe, your grandmother, allowed you to read. On the contrary, picture a well-trimmed park…"
"The Parc aux Cerfs!" (1) (1) An old quarter of Versailles which gave its name to a house, situated in the Rue Saint-Mederic, which Louis XV purchased in 1755 as a residence for his many transitory mistresses who were brought there by his valet de chambre Lebel.
"If that is what they taught you in preparation for your degree in history, I shall begin to doubt of the virtue of our so-called true young women."
"Fortunately we still have left the exquisite politeness of our so-called well-behaved men." As she uttered these words she smiled at me, while momentarily hesitating; and then, slightly blushing, continued:
"If they had asked me what Louis the Well Beloved did exactly in his Pare aux Cerfs, I should have obtained very bad marks. I had better warn you."
"I thought as much and… I love you. But let us return to the question of Albert's house. I was saying that there is a well-trimmed park, — the villa is spacious, — there is a room at each of the four, points of the compass, so that one can choose according to the season, — there are two bath-rooms; and all the rest is on the same scale."
"But what are you doing as regards the master of the house?"
"There now, you've said vous again, instead of tu. Another forfeit…"
She refused me her lips, exclaiming:
"Not now, impudent driver!"
"Imprudent?"
"Imprudent and impudent. But that's not the question. I mean to be alone with you, otherwise back I go to the home of my grandmother, Sainte Barbe, as you so respectfully call her."
"Clearly, you would give her great pleasure by doing so. But your venerated grandmother- God preserve her soul! — will, alas! be deprived of that joy. For the master of the house is a model of discretion; he thought he was under the obligation of accepting a mission in Africa."
"That was nice of him!"
"That's a heart-felt cry which would touch poor Albert."
We continued along a most quiet avenue, provincial to perfection,past modest villas, and then lofty hermetic walls behind which one could picture convents. Two children were playing marbles and a dog was fussing around some boundary-stones. They appeared to have been placed there of set purpose by a skilful stage-manager, in order to emphasize the peaceful solitude of that suburban landscape. I stopped opposite a closed gate-way; but doubtless our arrival, amidst the silence of the deserted avenue, had been heard from afar, for the gates immediately opened, disclosing a fairly long and very shady park-like carriage-road. At the end of this tunnel of verdure the house appeared, astonishingly luminous, and with its white facade brightened up by purple blinds.
So, while the family into which I had married was deploring my excessive speed along roads leading to Juan-les-Pins, we rolled slowly along in that Versailles garden, — very slowly indeed, as though we feared that the luminous apparition at the end of the drive might vanish on our approach. Somewhat disturbed a short time before by my wife's objections, I was now wholly reassured as to the fortunate choice of our holiday-place. Dumb with astonishment, Therese snuggled up to me and, with a movement in which admiration was mingled with a suspicion of unformulated fear, stretched out her clasped hands towards the house.
I left Therese oh the flight of steps, — white marble steps adorned with red geraniums, and while the gardeners were discreetly seeing to our luggage I went off to garage the car. The garage was quite near, yet I purposely dawdled over my job, the prey to a disquietude which wrung my heart and loins. For the sight of that house in which, for weeks past, I had placed my amorous dreams suddenly let loose in me a maddening series of erotic visions.
My sexual impatience, dormant during the carrying out of ordinary daily duties, was suddenly awakened and already whispered its pernicious advice in my ears.
The day before, again, I feared the necessary yet brutal act which was to seal my union with Therese definitely. This fear was comparable to physical anguish, incessantly mingled with the warp and woof of my dreams; and just as I succeeded in momentarily eluding it, it returned, more lancinating than ever, to interpose itself between our bodies, which in thought I had united. Some people will laugh at this fear of mine and consider it hardly manly; but others will understand me,those who regard a young woman as something more than the possessor of a pair of bubbies and Callipygian buttocks.
Far from growing indistinct at the approach of marriage, this dull anguish of mine increased, on the contrary, as! began to appreciate better the delicate purity of Therese. But all at once it was dissipated, at the sudden appeal of my desire; and arguments crowded to my brain to justify this volte-face. What should I gain by deferring an act which alone could give us access to fleshly delights? Was I going to succumb to a morbid fit of sentimentality? — make myself ridiculous in my own eyes by omitting to exercise, that very night, my rights as a husband? Would it not be better, at the cost of a transitory suffering on Therese's part, to awaken to-morrow side by side with the body of a real woman, capable of appeasing my desire? A shiver passed through me and in response came a violent tension of my sex. My thoughts were concentrated on a narrow, voluptuous image, — that of my flesh tenderly imprisoned by the flesh of my beloved. The preceding rape had already lost all importance in my eyes;-it was nothing save a rapid and indeed insignificant act; a brief pain which would quickly evaporate amidst the fire of immediate sensual enjoyment.