Ecstatic as the occasion may have been, I was all too aware of its darkly ominous portent, aware now of Zoe's need to use me, to degrade me, to carry me into the realm of total perversion. And yet there could be no turning back, I knew, regardless of the thousand-and-one doubts that rose to plague me, doubts about myself, mostly, about what I had become. About what I might become. I had never really been in love before, how could I even dream of walking out on her now?
Anyway, the fascination outweighed the fear and I quit trying to guess what the future might bring, relaxing my uneasy mind enough to enjoy the present. Taking care of my dull clients for money and living from date to date with my exciting lover for pleasure. And it wasn't until the night we went to the theater together that I finally had to come to grips with myself. What a night that was, truly a time of crisis!
One of Zoe's old Johns had given her a pair of tickets to a Broadway opening, certainly a generous gift, the guy was one of the backers, apparently. For women like us the opportunity was too good to miss, so we avoided any commercial dates that evening and got all dolled up in our best finery and traipsed off to the theater in style.
Actually the show was an oldie from way back, a nostalgia-type revival of an almost legendary musical comedy, full of clever skits and lyrical songs and lithe-limbed dancers cavorting merrily about the stage. Well-known stuff mostly, especially the music, some of the tunes were now standards in the pop field. Familiar as it all was, though, I saw everything through newly awakened eyes, always conscious of my companion's reaction as much as my own. Even the dancers took on a different aspect, and I found myself watching the near-nude feminine bodies from a sexual viewpoint the same way she did. They were beautiful, the girls up there on the stage bouncing and kicking in orgiastic frenzy, and I couldn't help but wonder how many of them had toyed affectionately with one another during the long months of rehearsal.
But Zoe was beautiful, too, and only her presence really mattered. The showgirls were half-naked 'but remote, all part of a fantasy that was taking place on the other side of the footlights. And my lover was right here next to me, far more impressive than the distant performers even with her clothes on. Besides, there was the perfume she used, its fragrance created an aura of enchantment that surrounded us both and seemed to draw our bodies together like magic.
"Hey… " She was whispering in my ear. "Remind me to tell you something later. Something pretty important."
"About Јhe show? Tell me now."
"No, not about the show. Something else." She reached across the armrest and patted my knee. "It's about the old boy who gave me the tickets. I'll tell you at intermission."
The touch of her hand was like a jolt of electricity and the warmth of her breath upon my ear sent shivers racing through me. I kept my face turned resolutely in the direction of the action on the stage, afraid to meet those dark eyes gazing at me, amused eyes, more than likely, twinkling at my spontaneous response; oh, it took so little to light my fire!
When the first-act curtain came down, everybody moved up the aisles in a mass effort to get at least half a cigarette smoked before the show resumed. In the lobby and out on the pavement, they milled around and discussed the performance in guarded tones that expressed only guarded opinions, preferring to wait and let the critics do their thinking for them. Everybody took that course, apparently. Everybody but us. Of all the people there, we were probably the only ones with something more important to talk about and mull over. And for reasons of our own, we spoke in tones even more guarded than the rest.
"A little vacation? Oooh, when? And where?"
"Don't get so steamed up, kid. Yeah, I figured it might appeal to you. A little trip to the mountains, how does that sound? I've been offered the use of a cabin for a week."
"Sounds fine, but tell me more."
"Same guy that gave me the tickets, you know? It's like a standing offer; he asks me every year, every spring. This'll be the first time I'm taking him up on it, though, so you should feel honored. The place is empty now, he doesn't go up there himself till summer, which means we can make quick plans and leave anytime."
"Just the two of us? You're sure he's not including himself in? I wouldn't want to be turning tricks-"
"Private party, honey, just the two of us. Guaranteed. And we won't be roughing it exactly, the cabin is supposed to be pretty comfortable. Sort of a wanky hunting-lodge, originally built by some millionaire. And all ours for a week, not bad, eh?"
"Simply fabulous. My idea of a perfect vacation."
She chuckled slyly, sneaking a little pinch of my bottom. "You might not think so after we're there awhile. The two of us all alone like that, who knows what might happen? I could get on that bossy kick of mine and make you suffer."
"Hah! So what? You know darn well I'll love it. And since when do we have to travel to the mountains for that?"
"You'll see. To really go on the kick, well, we have to be alone and away from the rest of the world. Sure, we're alone in my apartment, but there are neighbors all around and the walls are thin. Up in the mountains there'll be nobody within hearing distance and we can let our hair down."
"Oh… "
"S'matter? Are you scared? Scared of freaky Zoe?"
"Of course not. Just anxious."
"Come on, kiddo, you should be scared. A little, at least. With nothing to stop me, I might get pretty wild, you know?"
"Wild? Like what?"
"Well… uh… " She shook her head, grinning. "Oh shit, why ruin the suspense? Let it be a surprise… Or even a shock. Let's just say it'll be exciting, huh?"
"Tell me, tell me."
"Nope. You'll just have to wait. Show time, anyway."
The warning buzzer had rasped intermission's end. Along with the crowd, we got rid of our cigarettes and went back inside for the big windup, more songs, more jokes, more chorus cuties. The show was less than a smash hit but still pretty good entertainment, and we were both in high spirits when it ended. Moving up the aisle, Zoe said something about a quick stop in the lounge, "Kid, my back teeth are floating!", that was how she worded it. Crude but sincere. I told her to let them float until we got home. It would only be a little while, right? She nodded and looked kind of quizzical, but nothing more was said on the subject. Nor was it mentioned in the taxi, either, instead she started talking sexy, purring, whispering in my ear again.
"I've got an itch, honey."
"So scratch it."
"An itchy pussy?"
"You can scratch that too. Just make sure the cabdriver isn't watching the rear-view mirror."
"Thanks a lot. But it's not that kind of itch. You know what my pussy is itching for? I'll tell you. That pretty mouth of yours, that's what."
"As if I didn't know."
"Kid, I'm getting all wet down there just thinking about it. Can't that damn hackie go any faster?"
"Hush. He'll hear you."
"Who cares? The bastard hasn't missed a red light yet. Fine way to treat a poor gal with a cunt-itch."
She went on making crazy remarks like that, stressing her impatience for sex but never once mentioning the bathroom. Nor would she divulge anything more about the mountain vacation either, cutting off my inquiry with a shrug, obviously interested only in getting home in a hurry. And I soon became just as impatient; by the time we reached the apartment I was one steamed-up young lady.
Once inside I. thought Zoe would stop and undress first, but she just loped on ahead into the bathroom, shedding only her outer garment, a light coat. I rather expected her to call me in then, but no, she didn't do that either. That piqued me. But I kept remembering all that sexy chatter in the taxi and became doubly conscious of my own raging passion, and in a matter of moments I had stripped naked and was racing in to join her.
What a sight! It was so strange seeing her sitting there with her clothes on. Her panties had been removed and tossed aside, but other than that she was still completely dressed. High-heeled shoes, nylon hose, garter straps running up the tawny thighs, visible only because the hem of her gown had been rucked high, it seemed almost incongruous that she should be here like that. I had never seen her on the toilet in anything but her bare skin. My own nakedness even became a source, of embarrassment to me.
But that vanished quickly as I took a few steps toward her and felt my limbs go weak. I slumped to my knees and crawled the rest of the way. Her thighs were spread only a few inches, turning the crotch area into a soft shadow, a mystery, an enticing mystery that I simply had to explore. Everything else was so sharply defined under the bright light, making that shadowy place even more seductive, and I just couldn't hold back any longer. I humped over the toilet seat, wriggling and inching forward eagerly as her legs widened and the silver-blond bush came into view.
"Kiddo?"
"You, you didn't call me."
"I know. Only because I couldn't wait any, "
"All that sexy talk in the taxicab made me so hot! I can't wait either, I've got to suck your cunt."
"Dana, no, you'd better not."
But I was already bending low and sobbing my need, a sob that met its own hollow echo somewhere on the downward arc of my head. And then the touch of my lips upon flesh brought another sob hers this time, dispelling my every last shred of caution and inspiring me with impossible courage.
"Oh hell, I was going to save this for our vacation. But if we're going to do it, let's do it right! Open your mouth. Wide. Open your mouth and suck, baby, suck like you've never sucked before. Come on. Now! Suck my cunt!"
I did it. Blindly. Panting for breath, I obeyed her and dove headlong into depravity. But not so blindly that I didn't know what was coming. It was depraved, all right, depraved and degenerate and unspeakably exciting, a madness with no name, exciting enough to make the mind strain for sanity, exciting enough to bring my deeply buried long-delayed climax to the surface. Just thinking about it, just knowing…
"Hey! Kid? Don't cop out, you hear me?"
She didn't have to say that. Especially with her fingers snarled in my hair like a set of claws, a grip too powerful to break even if I had wanted to. But she was still talking up there, way up above me, and I strained to catch the words. All garbled. But all on one subject, one specific subject, and with more excitement than I had ever dreamed possible. Excitement for both of us, driving me crazy as I sloshed my face around inside her cunt. I didn't even notice whether her hands were still hanging on, it scarcely mattered any more, oh no, we were both feverish with some sickness beyond comprehension, both sharing this secret desire of hers, both sharing and loving the same thing. And yet how could a sickness give me such a thrill?
But a thrill it was, of course, unique and indescribable, and even in my delirium I felt myself yielding to what could only have been my preordained destiny. I was in love with this woman and always would be. From here to eternity. And if that kind of love labeled me lesbian, so be it!