Meanwhile the marchioness had contrived during her visits, which had become almost as frequent as my own, to let me know that a visit to her home in Grosvenor Square would be duly appreciated; and as I was by this time getting somewhat satiated with Mrs. Finch, I determined to pay the other lady a visit.
The marchioness was young, pretty and plump, and she received me very graciously. I sought no favours from her till our third interview when, after a little pretended resistance, she allowed me to give her, on the sofa in the drawing room, an evidence of my manly powers. From that hour we might be said to have become artists in love matters-it became with us a study in which position we could best partake of it in order to obtain from it the greatest amount of rapture and delight. The marchioness was no novice either in love or intrigue, and she soon taught me that she understood these affairs as well as I could teach her.
In one thing only did I astonish her-my vigour. She confessed that I could do what she never before believed to be possible in any nobleman in England-satiate her. The splendid creature never dreamed for a moment that I was anything less than what Mrs. Finch represented me to be-a French count spending a few months in London on a lark!
The marchioness introduced me to her friends as "the most charming Frenchman out of France," and I became quite a lion-at least among the ladies.
My friend the marchioness was, however, apt at times to give way to fits of jealousy; since she had given herself up to me she insisted that I should give up all other women, To this I agreed, but only on the condition that she should renounce all other men. The marchioness was indignant at such a proposal. She pretended to be exceedingly virtuous, declaring that with the exception of her late husband and myself she had never known what it was to exchange amatory dalliance. As I had nothing to win by contradicting this laughable statement I affected to believe her, and agreed to reserve myself expressly for her love. Unfortunately, she detected me, two days afterward, in a position with Mrs. Finch which left no room for doubt in regard to the nature of the tie which subsisted between the charming wife of the wealthy tradesman and myself. Trembling with jealousy and rage, the marchioness turned from the apartment and tore homeward, biting her lips with passion till they bled. From that moment all friendship between Mrs. Finch and herself ceased. As for the poor Count Stophet, on encountering me in Regent's Park a week or two afterward, she satirically wished me joy of my conquest of the merchant's wife but notified to me that, as for herself, she was done with me.
"Pho-pho!" I exclaimed.
"To show you, sir," she said, "that I am in earnest, I will inform you that there is to be a rout at my house tonight, and that the Count Stophet is not invited!"
"Nonsense, my pretty marchioness!" said I. "Have done with me?
Impossible! We were made for each other, and what Providence has done, you cannot undo. Although not invited, I shall do myself the honour to be with you at two, you may depend on it!"
"The doors will be closed against you."
"I will break them open."
"The other guests in my house shall, by force, remove you, impertinent villain."
"I will fight them and kiss you, my dear marchioness; so don't say another word about it."
With these words, I lifted my hat, made her a low bow, and passed on with a quiet smile.
A plan had entered my head, while the pretty marchioness was venting her spleen upon me, which I silently determined to carry out.
At one o'clock the next!" morning I left my lodgings and proceeded towards the mansion of the marchioness. On coming in sight of the building I beheld, as I had expected, a train of carriages of nearly a quarter of a mile in extent in waiting. Picking up a pebble and aiming it at the nearest coachman, who was drowsing, half asleep, half awake, upon his box, I fired it, and with such force as to knock his hat from off his head. In an instant he was awake.
"Who the deuce did that?" he demanded fiercely and in a tone that roused the half slumbering jehus near him to their feet. "Who did that?" he repeated, springing down from his box. "I can thrash the rascal, whoever he is, in two minutes!"
"What's the matter, what's the matter?" asked a dozen coachmen, approaching him. "Who hit you, Mike?"
"Stop this noise-stop this noise!" cried a burly watchman, stepping from his box and approaching the group. "The peace and quiet of the city mustn't be disturbed in this unchristian way. Silence!"
"Silence yourself!" returned the aggrieved coachman, storming with rage, "or I'll give you something to make you crow in another fashion!"
"What!" shouted the indignant guardian of the night, "Do you dare to threaten one of His Majesty's officers? I'll give you sum'at for this! Come along, you rascal! to the watch'us!"
"Rascal yourself!" roared the jarvey, foaming with rage. "Take that!" and he gave the burly watchman a blow in the breast that made him reel.
The latter sprung his rattle and calling on all around in the name of the king to aid him in the arrest of the 'Violator of the king's peace," rushed forward to capture the assailant.
In an instant all was uproar and confusion-many of the coachmen siding with their enraged brother jarvey and pushing back others who took the part of the guardian of the night. In a few moments the jehus all along the line sprang from their boxes and came running towards the scene of strife. A few minutes later and the guardians of the night, summoned by the roar and din, approached from all quarters and mingled in the fray.
Meanwhile, I remained quiet, looking down the street in the direction of the watchman's box which stood a few paces from the main entrance of the marchioness's dwelling. By and by, the door of this box opened and its occupant, alarmed by the noisy din which was gradually increasing, stepped out and, springing his alarm rattle in his flight, ran rapidly in the direction of the throng. The moment I saw this I darted forward to meet him and purposely ran against him with such force that he lost his balance and fell like one stunned.
In an instant I had his huge top coat off and threw it on myself. Then seizing his club and rattle, I ran down the street shouting "Murder!" On reaching the house of the marchioness I darted up the steps leading to the entrance and rang the bell with a sudden violence that brought the servants to the door in a crowd.
"Murder!" I cried, in answer to their looks of inquiry and surprise and pointing at the same time with an energetic gesture up the street.
"There's murder and riot going on up there and I summon you in the king's name to give assistance to the servants of His Majesty! Hark! don't you hear the roar!"
They darted down the steps in a body, and while some ran off to mingle in the melee, the remainder stood gazing in the direction of the throng.
Taking advantage of their interest in the event to which I had thus called their attention, I quietly slipped into the hall and passed into a dressing room, the door of which was open, where, throwing off my disguise and arranging my hair and dress in a presentable trim, took a glance in the glass at my appearance and then passed out into the hall, where I encountered a party of eight persons; they had just arrived, all laughing and talking very loudly, for they had come from some other entertainment, where they had not been very scrupulous as to the manner in which they had sacrificed Bacchus; mingling and slipping up along with them, I reached the door of the saloon without being noticed by any of the marchioness's attendants, who were all perfectly possessed of the fact that upon no pretence whatever was the Count Stophet to be admitted.
While the others were being announced, I quietly slipped into the rooms and lounged about my ease. I well knew that, although the marchioness might give stringent orders regarding me to the servants, she would say nothing to her guests of such an affair; so I was not at all impressed at the calm manner in which I was welcomed by those whom I encountered in the gaudy saloon.
But it was the marchioness herself that I looked for, and her ladyship was in an inner saloon, with what she called a select circle about her.
No doubt she fully believed that she had taken such steps for my exclusion that evening, that it was impossible I could triumph over her by making my appearance in spite of her interdiction.
"Ladies," she said, "of course you have all had lovers of all kinds and descriptions, some impertinent and some modest; but a young friend of mine lately spoke to me about a lover of hers in a way that quite surprised me."
"Indeed," cried everybody.
"Yes, my dear friends," said the marchioness. "It appeared that this lady had done her lover the honour to invite him to an entertainment, but preceding the night upon which the entertainment was to take place, she discovered something that induced her to alter her mind with regard to him and to forbid him from coming to the party."
"And very proper too," said three ladies in a breath.
"No doubt of that," said three more.
"But that," continued the marchioness to the admiring throng which pressed closer around her in the hope of hearing some bit of scandal of the most delightful character, "that was not the difficulty, ladies; and what perplexed this young lady was that the wretch said, that having no invitation to the entertainment, he would attend it in spite of her."
"In spite of her?" said eight ladies.
"Yes. He said come he would, whether she liked it or not; and that she had no power to keep him out. Now, ladies, as this young friend of mine is in great distress upon this account, I would fain seek your advice by asking you what she had better do under such extraordinary circumstances?"
"Keep him out, by all means," said the whole lot.
"Yes, ladies, that is quite agreed; but the means of doing so? That is the question. What would you do, and how far would you go in strong resources provided he should have come to the door and make an effort to force his way past the servants?"
"Really, my dear marchioness," said the ugliest of the party, "I should call upon some gentleman to draw in my defence, for there's no saying how far such a man might go."
"I should give him to the watch," said another.
"And I," said a third, "should stand myself in my hall with a drawn sword and run him through if he persisted in entering the house without my permission."
"But the lady," resumed the marchioness, "has plenty of servants to keep the fellow out, and surely they ought to do it."
"But what," said I, suddenly making my way into the circle of ladies,
"but what, my dear marchioness, if he came down the chimney?"