I instantly arose, and was about to take my leave, at the same time observing that, as I was in the habit of occasionally sleeping with a friend, I should repair to his house in preference to disturbing my mother at that unseasonable hour. This she strenuously opposed, and being assured that my mother would suffer no uneasiness from my absence, made up a bed for me in the front room and then retired to her own chamber.
I now addressed myself to sleep, but in a short time was awoke by a slight noise in the room, and on rising to discover the cause was highly astonished to see the door open and Miss Jane in her nightdress enter the apartment.
Ere I could recover from my surprise at her unexpected appearance, she proceeded to inform me that her mother could not rest while I remained in such an uncomfortable situation. The fire in the bedroom had not been extinguished, and if I would remove my bed thither and place it before the stove I should at all events suffer less from cold than in the large apartment I at present occupied. I lost no time in complying with her request, and my thoughts being perfectly innocent, notwithstanding the peculiar situation in which I found myself, I was soon wrapped in the downy arms of sleep.
I awake-for now in trembling accents I hear my name pronounced!
With tender sighs and faltering tongue she expressed her anxiety.
"My God!" she said, "never till this moment did I feel how very dear you are to me, never could I forgive myself should your health be injured in consequence of the uneasy manner in which you are compelled to pass the night."
In vain did I assure her that I felt perfectly comfortable; she begged I would allow her to quit her own and share her daughter's bed; this I would by no means suffer, and wishing her goodnight, I once again addressed myself to sleep. Not so, however, did the widow, for after a pause of some moments she thus resumed the conversation.
"My dearest boy, think me not imprudent when I say I cannot sleep in quiet while you remain in that comfortless position. It shall not be, I will not sacrifice to false delicacy the health of him I hold most dear.
Why should I doubt your honour? Have I not already proved it in the many hours we have passed together, and alone? Can I forget the many opportunities my fondness hath yielded you, which you have not attempted to abuse, then why should I doubt you now? Promise me, then, promise me faithfully that you will not abuse my weakness, and share my bed till morning."
I did not hesitate to make the desired promise, and the next moment she received me in her arms.
As I found upon pressing my lips to hers that she uttered no complaints, but even condescended to return my kisses, I forgot my usual caution and, encouraged by her innocent caresses, was proceeding to still greater liberties when, with a sudden effort, she forced herself from me, exclaiming in a voice more stern and decided than ever she had used to me before, "Is this the way you keep your word?"
She turned from me as she spoke, and, inexperienced as I was in the ways of love, it is impossible to describe the chilling effect of these words, uttered in anger, as they really appeared; and, strange as it may seem, yet not more strange than true, I drew myself to the utmost verge of the bed, and lay till morning without again daring to approach her.
Soon after daybreak, I heard my bedfellow preparing to arise, but still I feared to speak or look; the words she last uttered were still ringing in my ears, and shame so overpowered me that I thought it was utterly impossible I could ever look on her again. At this moment, having dressed herself, to my great surprise, she walked to my side, and kissing me with the greatest fondness thus expressed herself: "My dearest love, I can judge by your feelings how hard a victory you have gained over your passions; your conduct this night has rendered you more dear to me than ever. It must be my care to avoid such temptation to us both in future."
With these words, and a kiss still warmer than before, she left the room.
I instantly arose, we breakfasted together, and I departed to excuse my absence in the best way I could to my mother, who never suspected the truth of the story I invented.
My visits to the widow were now repeated more frequently than before; all our former toyings were acted over and over again, and as each day made me somewhat bolder so each day would I venture some trifling encroachment on the freedom I had been permitted on the preceding one; and I at length came to the determination, should fortune favour me with an opportunity similar to the one I have but now described, that I would avail myself of it to the fullest extent.
The wished-for period at length arrived; I had learnt several new songs, which I had sung with the greatest applause at several morning and evening concerts, and on the night in question, being entirely disengaged, I told my mother not to be alarmed if I did not return till the next day as I had promised to sup at the house of a patron, who would in all probability insist on my taking a bed, the party usually being a late one.
I had not seen my love-stricken widow for two days, and her joy was excessive when I informed her that it was in my power to spend the evening with her. Her daughter Jane, being rather unwell, retired to bed soon after tea, and we were left alone.
She had seen by the concert bills where I had been engaged, and gently chid me that I had not previously sung them to her, begging I would not deprive her of the pleasure a moment longer. I drew my chair close to hers; and as, in the intervals of singing, I perceived tears of pleasure trickling down her cheeks, I would clasp her slender waist and stop her breath with kisses.
The clock now striking one recalled her to herself; and she started up, reminded me of the hour, and urged me to depart. I gave her what I termed a parting kiss, put on my hat and gloves, and proceeded towards the door; when, suddenly assuming a look of extreme vexation, I exclaimed, "Can anything be more unfortunate! I find I have forgot to bring my key and my mother is now absent on a visit."
She was evidently confused for a moment, but her confusion speedily gave way to fears for my safety, as I said: "Well, no matter. Good-night!
I can amuse myself by walking through the town till morning."
She hastily seized my arm, exclaiming, "Oh, not for! worlds! Exposed all night in the open street, what dangers may not menace you-I shudder at the thought. No, since it has so happened, I will sit up with you and converse till daylight."
After some further parley, I suffered myself to be persuaded. We sit awhile. It is now my turn to entreat her to retire; but long I strive in vain; the recollection of the former night deterred her. My entreaties are renewed:
"It will make me wretched to deprive you of your rest; let me prevail, my love. What should you fear? I feel no way fatigued. Go, dearest, and when you are in bed, I'll sit and read you to sleep. I did not rise till late this morning; believe me, I require no rest. You ought to trust me.
Have I not given you powerful proofs that I can be prudent?"
She threw her arms around my neck, and softly answered, "That you have, indeed. Well, then, I will retire."
In a few minutes I followed. I seated myself on the bed and, taking her hand in mine, began to talk of love; then, reclining on the pillow, I pressed my lips to hers. She begged me to desist.
"Nay, my love, surely, you do not fear me thus? When once before I lay within your arms, I could obey you, and surely, even though you are now completely undressed, you cannot be in danger."
She sobbed convulsively, and faintly said, "It is true, indeed, I ought to feel secure."
I interrupted her.
"You are secure; nay, so fervent is my love that I could lie for weeks within your arms and not abuse your confidence! Once I have proved my faith; now give me leave to prove it a second time."
But during the foregoing dialogue I had, unperceived by her, contrived to disencumber myself of my clothes in such a manner that in less than a minute after I said these words the candle was extinguished and, without further parley, I leaped into bed, clasped her in my arms, and parting her lips with my tongue drove it far into her mouth where it encountered her own in a caress of unparalleled length and sweetness.
So sudden was the action, so great the surprise, that she was unable to repulse me; and when she strove to speak my kisses stopped her breath and robbed her of the power. In the end, despite her tears, reproaches and resistance, I found myself between her thighs, and though she only ceased to oppose when her experience assured her she had nothing left to fear, the fact remains that my yard, tense and elongated beyond all bounds by the protracted struggle, at length buried itself to the root within the velvet depths it had so long striven to penetrate and poured its treasures into the delicious receptacle from whose hidden stores fell the reciprocating dew of love in a soft and simultaneous shower. From this moment restraint was at an end and-to quit for an instant the polite forms of speech to which my chaste reader is accustomed-we enjoyed one another at every hour of the day and night, in every conceivable and inconceivable position and upon almost every article of furniture in the house. In this last category must be included the mantelpiece! Perching herself on its broad ledge thegay widow, dressed in an outrageously low-cut gown, would lift her silken petticoats to the waist, open her legs to their widest extent and lock them around my loins as I stood on a chair between her thighs. In this quaint and original position the spear of love was pointed to its goal, and scarcely needed the guidance of her dainty fingers (which, however, was invariably given) to plunge between the smiling rosy lips that lay open and pouting to receive it.
The first check to my happiness was occasioned by the death of my only remaining parent; and it is no more than justice to declare that the endearments of my amorous widow tended greatly to assuage the grief I felt at this irreparable loss.
But as a long continuance of perfect happiness is not to be expected in this vale of sighs and tears, I soon found out that love, with all its sweets, was not unmixed with bitters-which flavour, however, at the first, infused with moderation, was not unpleasant, and rather gave a zest to the luscious banquet; but, like good wine, which gathers strength with age, the bitters every day did more and more preponderate, until at length the sweets entirely evaporated; or in other words, the kind attentions of my charmer became confoundedly troublesome.
In fact, we never walked abroad but she discovered, or what was worse imagined she discovered, some wondrous cause to rouse her jealousy, and then her rage exceeded all description. If I but turned my head, it was to gaze upon a female; if a girl at all decent in appearance enquired the way to any place or person, it was a planned thing; if a single word escaped me, that word conveyed an appointment; and if by chance; I met a woman of my former acquaintance and spoke but barely civil, it would afford the source of discord for a fortnight at least.
At length my patience was entirely exhausted and I determined to embrace the earliest opportunity to break the trammels that confined me and once again be free.
But this was easier resolved upon than executed; for, like my shadow, she eternally pursued me; aye, even when necessity compelled me to certain necessary duties which daily called me to a small retreat at the extremity of the garden; on my return I never failed to find her, sentinel-like, posted at the door-for I should have observed before that on my mother's demise I had had my furniture, etc., removed to the widow's house and entirely resided with her.
One happy morning-and blessed for ever be that day! — the breakfast equipage was on the table, the toast prepared, and I was sitting at the table not dreaming of the happiness in store for me, when I was compelled to answer a call which king and beggars equally obey. On my re-turn-can I believe my eyes! — the doors were unguarded- the road to freedom lies before me! The thought, the deed, was but a moment's work. Swift as an arrow's flight I gained the street; and, coatless as I was, — heeding not the flaky snow that was fast falling around me-I ceased not running till I had reached the house of an old companion and schoolfellow, situated near three miles from the now hated object whose pursuit I dreaded.
It would be tedious were I to relate the various times I changed my lodgings during the short space of six weeks, or the apparently wonderful manner in which she never failed to discover my abode (which I afterwards found was owing to the treachery of a pretended friend); I shall therefore content myself with stating the means by which I eventually escaped her persecution.
I had taken a single apartment in the house of a fishmonger in an obscure part of the town, where I had not resided many days before I observed that his daughter-a pretty girl of sixteen, with flaxen hair and melting soft blue eyes-seemed studiously and at every opportunity to-throw herself in my way. At first I was induced to impute this to the curiosity natural to young females; but her attentions became too pointed to be mistaken; yet I took no advantage of the discovery, her youthful appearance having induced me to consider her as a mere child; but she was not of a temperament to suffer me long to linger under this delusion.
One night, about half-past seven, I had locked myself in my room, as was my constant custom, to prevent myself from being annoyed by the sudden intrusion of the lady I had so recently quitted-for she had as usual found my-hiding place, and had only on the day previous left me on a promise that I would meet her at the end of two days in order to make arrangements for our reunion-an appointment I candidly confess I never meant to keep. As I before stated, I had locked myself in and was engaged in the study of a piece of music in which I was appointed to take a part on the ensuing evening, when I was suddenly startled at hearing a gentle tap at the door. Experience having made me cautious I eagerly enquired, "Who's there?"
A soft tremulous voice replied, "It's me. Have you gone to bed?"
Convinced that it was not the object of my hate, I instantly unlocked the door; and there-blushing like a rose — stood my host's fair daughter!
She entered, and without apology accepted the chair I offered her. I must confess I felt myself embarrassed and at a loss in what manner to begin the conversation; for I had then for the first time observed a most delightful bosom that heaved tumultuously, as though impelled by no common agitation. I cast a look of enquiry on my fair visitor; her eyes met mine; she smiled; her cheeks assumed a scarlet hue; she seemed confused-held down her head and sighed. Momentary as was this transient glance, it was sufficient to convince me that her beauteous eyes were beaming with soft desires. I drew near her, and as I took her hand and gently pressed it in my own, I expressed in flattering accents the pleasure I derived from such an unexpected condescension. She begged I would pardon her the liberty she had taken, as curiosity was the only motive; from the moment she first beheld me, after I became an inmate of her father's house, she felt persuaded we had met before, although at a distant period; and as our mutual diffidence each moment became less, she soon convinced me that we had received the rudiments of education at the same school. After some trifling conversation, from which I ascertained that her parents were in bed, and of course believed her in her chamber, she rose to take her leave; but now, emboldened by our increasing familiarity, and espying a thousand charms that till this moment had escaped my notice, I passed my arm round her taper waist and begged the favor of a parting kiss.
She smiled consent; I pressed my lips to hers with transport and for some moments held her in my arms and pressed her to my bosom, covering her lips and neck with my fervent kisses. She faintly strove to break from my embrace, and whispered, "Oh, pray let me go! I did not think- My father will be out by break of day; some other time we'll meet again."
"Fear nothing, lovely girl! Exhausted by his daily toil, your father sleeps securely. Let us not slight the favourable hour kind fortune now affords us-nay, fear me not, worlds should not tempt me to do you an injury. Thus to enfold you in my fond embrace-thus to exchange sweet kisses of pure affection, is all I ask."
Assured by these words, she seated herself upon my knee, and as the excitement of the moment rendered me more eloquent, her scruples grew gradually weaker; until at last they vanished altogether and gave place to an outburst of erotic frenzy which was vastly more to my liking. I was now to learn that my charmer had a fair knowledge of the French language, and having lately read several books in which the amorous exploits of that gay people were described in detail, she was all for putting into practice some of their quaint and bizarre pastimes.