My name is Mai-Lin, and you have no doubt seen my face in magazines and fashion journals. Yes, I'm a very successful model, and right now I'm at the height of my career. It is all so wonderful, so exciting, because I have a great deal of money and people recognize me on the street, and I've been asked to test for an upcoming film in Hollywood. But I'm missing something, something I need and want so very badly. I'm missing a man to love me.
Oh yes, I have many men to share my bed, to make love to me. But I don't have love, a man who is willing to give me everything. Lately I've been feeling terribly depressed, and so very lonely. I am not frustrated sexually, for I have a great sexual need and I satisfy it. But I am frustrated for the emotional, the inner feelings of loving and caring, and this is why I have decided to talk to you, hoping you will be able to give me advice.
I will go back to the beginning, I will tell you about my love life, for I feel my particular desires in sex have something to do with the reason no man stays with me. I'm inclined to oral sex only, although I will gladly submit to "normal" intercourse if the man wants it badly, and I think this scares many away.
I was born and raised in Chinatown, in San Francisco. We were very poor and lived in what we would now call a commune – many poor people sharing the same house and cooking. My father was a merchant, and very opposed to the "Americanization" of our family – this reminds me of the musical, Flower Drum Song, which I saw so many years ago – but there was nothing he could do. We were young Americans now, and we were becoming attuned to the ways of the world. San Francisco was a good place to begin a sexual education.
It wasn't often that we were able to leave the small section of the city that was Chinatown, but that didn't matter, for there were always many tourists walking up and down Grant Avenue, peering into the shops, eating in our little restaurants. Handsome young men would look at me, and at my sisters and friends. We liked it, and we learned how to be sexy, how to tease. It was quite an education, really.
My mother was an incredible woman. My beauty comes from her – she was exquisite in every way. Tall, slender, dark and soft-spoken, she was the perfect wife and mother. She had four children, and I am the youngest, the baby. But as soon as I was old enough to understand, she taught me about sex and impressed one thing on my mind – that I was always to make my man happy. I knew it was my duty, as a woman, to give a man pleasure in every way. And one of those ways, she told me, was with my mouth.
One day when I was fifteen years old, after I had returned home from school, my mother gave me a very graphic lecture about oral sex. I understood everything she was saying, but I wanted more; I wanted to see the act, to watch it carefully, and then to perform it myself. I told her my desires and she said, in best Chinese tradition, "Be patient, little flower, the time shall come and with it will be your man."
That night was one I shall never forget. I was talking with my sisters about what my mother had told me, and I told them also of my desires to see the oral act performed. My oldest sister began to giggle and we knew she had a secret she had not yet shared with us.
"What is it?" I asked. She didn't reply. She just laughed and brought her fingers to her mouth. After great prodding, she finally spoke up.
"You know the young man, Kim Sing, who works at the laundry across the street?" she asked.
I knew him well, we all knew him well. "He is very good-looking," I said. My sister agreed, and then my oldest sister told us the secret:
One day I took a short cut through the alley be hind the laundry, just at closing time or a bit after. I was walking slowly because I had bundles in my arms. I heard a noise, a moan, coming from the window of the laundry room. I thought perhaps someone was hurt, so I stopped and walked up to the window, quietly – I suddenly thought perhaps someone was making love, and I would be embarrassed to come upon them. What happened was almost worse!
I didn't understand. "What do you mean?" I asked, my eyes wide.
"Kim Sing was in the laundry room, and it was quite dark except for one area where he was kneeling."
"Kneeling?" my older sister asked in surprise.
"Yes, he was kneeling, and another boy was standing in front of him." My sister blushed and turned her head. "Kim Sing was performing oral love on this boy, in the corner of the empty laundry room."
I could hardly believe it. I looked at my sisters, and we all began giggling in a very girlish manner. I wanted to know more. "Did you see it all? What happened? He was actually doing this to another man?"
"Yes, Mai-Lin, he was doing it to another boy, about his age, only he was an American. I have seen him many times – he drives a delivery truck to the laundry."
I remembered now – yes, I had seen the boy who drives the truck! He was very handsome. I nodded my head and my sister continued.
"Kim Sing was on his knees and the boy's penis was in his mouth. It was huge and thick, but Kim Sing put all of it in his mouth. I don't know where it went! And the boy was feeling great pleasure; I could see it on his face. His pants were down around his knees, and Kim Sing rubbed his testicles and his thighs as his mouth sucked on his penis. I was very excited just watching, and I knelt in the shadows of the building until it was over."
"Did Kim Sing take his orgasm in his mouth, as Mother has told us to do?" my other sister asked.
"He certainly did. The boy grabbed Kim Sing's hair, and pulled it, and shouted when it happened, and Kim Sing worked harder than ever to swallow every bit of his semen. I felt hot between my legs at that moment! I thought if only I could be doing it instead of Kim Sing!"
"Hmmmmm…" I mumbled, "I'll bet the delivery boy would like a woman to do it, but he can't find anyone, or perhaps he's shy." I don't know why I said that; I guess it was instinctive. We didn't discuss it any longer that night, and the next day all three of us went over to the laundry to see if we could catch a glimpse of the strange act that had excited us so – but Kim Sing only locked the doors and went home.
It was a week later when I figured out that the delivery boy only arrived on Tuesday and Thursday, and the next Tuesday we hid in the alley until it was time for the laundry to close. The delivery boy did not leave at the regular time, so we knew we were in for a treat.
We were very lucky. Kim Sing knelt on the floor of the big laundry room and the other boy opened his pants. But before he could pull them down, he suggested they move near the window, where some laundry bags were piled on the floor, so Kim Sing could kneel on them.
They were only a few feet from us, and we watched in fearful and excited expectation of the scene. The delivery boy pulled his pants to his knees, and then his undershorts. His penis was half-hard already, and Kim Sing smiled and took it into his mouth. He only sucked on it for a few minutes, and suddenly it was hard as a rock and about ten inches long! Then he took it from his mouth and started licking at the boy's testicles and rubbing his fingers down the crack of his ass. They had their profiles to us and we were breathing heavily on the window pane.
Kim Sing took the boy's penis in one hand and held it in front of his face as he started sucking in swift, regular movements, back and forth, as Mother had instructed. I was amazed at the expression of pleasure on the delivery boy's face – he was in heaven! He undulated his body and moved his hips back and forth, driving his long, hard penis deep into Kim Sing's young throat. I pictured myself in Kim Sing's position, and I trembled in pleasure. Then Kim Sing took his own penis out of his pants and started beating it up and down swiftly.
In a few moments, the delivery boy was sweating, and he looked as if he were about to pass out. He shoved his penis in and out of Kim Sing's mouth so fast, it was nothing but a long blur of flesh. Kim Sing's hand moved the same way on his penis, and all of a sudden white spurts of fluid shot from the swollen tip and his hand stopped moving. His cream gushed from the tip as his face still moved back and forth on the boy's hard organ. At that moment I couldn't resist the temptation to place my hand on my vagina – and I did, lifting my skirt just high enough to do so.
The boy moaned out loud and his body stiffened. His eyes flashed and he looked down to see Kim. Sing sliding his lips along his penis, holding his ass cheeks with his strong hands. Then he shoved forward and grabbed Kim Sing's hair. At that moment, the exact second his orgasm hit, he turned to the window and his face lit up in surprise at discovering his audience, as well as from the excitement he was experiencing in his loins. My sisters were horrified to have been caught, and they jumped up and ran out of the alley so fast you would have thought someone was trying to kill them.
I stayed and I watched. I don't know how I had the strength to do that, but I wasn't about to let the moment go for anything. The delivery boy looked straight into my eyes as he pumped his load into Kim Sing's mouth. I watched as a river of semen dribbled down Kim Sing's chin and fell to his soft penis, which was still sticking out of his pants. Kim Sing never saw me, but the delivery boy remembered me well, as I was to find out. When the boy pulled his penis from Kim Sing's mouth, I watched for just another moment until Kim Sing licked the last few drops of moisture from the huge organ, and then ran down the alley to join my sisters at home…
A week later, the following Tuesday, I was waiting outside the laundry when the delivery truck arrived. The boy was surprised to see me, and happy too, for he smiled. He walked by me and stared at me, without a word. I guess he didn't know what to say to a young Chinese girl who had watched him in a homosexual act the week before.
I went to the alley and at closing time, I crept to the window. I saw the delivery boy enter the room and Kim Sing signed some papers for him. Then they had a short discussion:
"Do you have time to stay?" Kim Sing asked, placing his hand on the boy's crotch.
"No, not today, although I am really horny. Maybe Thursday." Kim Sing looked very disappointed, but he didn't pursue the matter. He smiled at the boy and they disappeared through the front of the store.
I left the alley, disappointed that I wouldn't be able to view the scene which had excited me so, and in a moment I found myself walking next to the delivery truck. The boy was in the driver's seat and he was staring at me. I stopped – wondering for a moment if he may have planned it this way, if this was why he had refused Kim Sing – and then stood staring into his big blue eyes.
I thought I had fallen in love – it was all so new and exciting. He asked me to sit in the truck with him, and I did so, and in a moment we drove into the deserted alley and parked. No one could see us, but we went into the back of the enclosed truck just in case someone should wander by.
His name was Joe, and he told me the most exciting moment of his sexual life had been seeing me watching him at the moment of his orgasm. He told me he had thought about it – relived it – ever since.
"Mai-Lin, I want to do whatever you want. I know you are a virgin, and I will not take advantage of you…"
I stopped him by placing my fingers lightly on his lips. Then I bent my head forward and kissed him, the first kiss that ever held any meaning for me. This was to be my first sexual experience and it would be something I would never forget.
"I should like to do what Kim Sing does, because I know it gives you such joy. It is my desire to make you happy."
"Oh, Mai-Lin, you make me happy just being here with me." He eased himself into a position where I could place my hands between his legs, which I did. I felt the warm hardness of his organ and I trembled at the thought of actually touching it, holding it with my hand and my lips.
"You don't have to do this," he said to me in a gentle tone, but I assured him it was what I wanted. So he lay back and closed his eyes and said, "I always heard Chinese were good at this – Kim Sing was good – but I know you'll be better. I've never had a Chinese girl before, and American girls don't know how to suck at all. That's why I go to Kim Sing."
I listened with one ear only. The rest of me was tuned in to his thoughts, to his electricity, to his sexuality. He was an extremely handsome boy, rugged, dark. He wore jeans and a shirt that exposed a very hairy chest. I unbuttoned it all the way and he took it off. Then he opened the belt on his jeans and undid the zipper. I did the rest.
I opened the flap of his pants and saw his white undershorts staring at me. I rubbed my finger over them and saw the darkness of his pubic hair at the elastic band. Then as he lifted his ass, I tugged on his pants till they came down around his thighs. I don't know what I was thinking about at the time my head was spinning! It didn't seem to matter that he wasn't touching me, or kissing me, or whispering words of love in my ear. All I wanted to do or think about was performing the act of oral love that had been so firmly etched in my mind for so long.
I saw the outline of his penis through his white shorts. I reached out and rubbed it with my fingertips, and it sent a chill up my spine. It seemed to lengthen and grow even stiffer under the caressing tips of my fingers. I had to see it, to put my hands around it and hold it there in my palm.
I pulled his shorts down to his thighs and his penis flopped out. It was larger than I remembered, larger than I could believe. I had never seen a man's organ so close, not even in pictures. I was amazed at the size of the head, how dark red and rounded it was, like a helmet capping a beautiful soldier.
The shaft was so long and thick! I touched it lightly and was amazed that the skin was so smooth. The organ was so rigid and hard, and yet the skin was soft to the touch. It was incongruous, and even more intriguing. I looked at the heavy testicles between his closed legs. They were covered with dark hair and were very full and heavy. I brushed them lightly also and watched them move in excitement.
"Mai-Lin, let me take my pants off. You've really got me going…"
He slipped his pants off and I watched as he spread his naked legs on the floor of the trick. His scrotum hung low between his legs and his penis reached far up his taut belly. I knelt between his legs and placed both of my hands around the thick shaft of his organ. I whispered a short prayer that I might be good, that I might please him, that I might do well.
Then I pulled his penis from his belly and pointed it toward me. I saw the little slit in the tip looking at me, with a drop of pearly white liquid sitting there waiting for my lips. I bent my head down and my hair brushed his thighs and testicles, and then flicked my tongue out over the rounded swollen tip of his penis, and took the drop of white into my mouth. He groaned as he watched in fascination.
I kissed his penis and let it fall back to his belly. Then I stroked it with one hand and rubbed his testicles with my other. He groaned again and mumbled, "Oh, Mai-Lin, take my cock. Please, beautiful baby, take my cock in your mouth…"
Mother had always used medical terms with us, and when I talked of sex with my sisters we often used those terms, only using the vernacular on occasions when we wanted to giggle or feel very decadent. But now, hearing him call his organ his "cock", I was very excited and wanted to say it myself. I did.
"Joe, I love your cock, your big cock!" I said, like a baby saying her first words. It excited him. He moved his hips on the floor of the truck and moaned again. "I want to suck your big cock and feel your balls," I said, feeling very daring now.
"Mai-Lin baby, yes, suck my cock till I fill your mouth with come! Grab my balls! Hard! Hold them tight!" I grabbed his balls and squeezed them. He liked it and his cock rose another inch, or so it seemed. I was going crazy now – I had to take it into my lips!
I grabbed the base with my right hand, still keeping my left on his balls, and lifted it to point at my face again. Then I opened my lips – I was shaking, trembling with the fear that I would bite it or hurt him or be less than he was expecting (and I wanted to be better than Kim Sing!) – and took it. I clamped my lips around the huge head and let my tongue slide over the slit in the tip. I'm sure I tasted another drop of his semen again. I held there, with my eyes open, looking up at his face, seeing the exquisite look of pleasure there – I knew I was doing well.
I pushed my lips farther down, moving slowly till the tip hit the back of my throat. I gagged a bit, but soon learned how to take it there without any trouble.
"That's it, baby, just slide up and down, hold it with your hand and suck it, honey, suck it, suck it good…"
I sucked with all my might. I felt my tongue crawling along the shaft and then the head floating almost scraping across the roof of my mouth. My hands worked themselves around the base and his balls, exciting him all the more. He sighed and banged his feet on the floor and muffled shouts of pleasure.
I was putting him in rapture, and the more I heard him groan in excitement, the more I worked on his cock. I was doing well and it was only my first time. I was very pleased.
I began sweating – I thought of Kim Sing sweating – just before Joe reached orgasm in his mouth and this only drove me to work harder. I was obsessed with the feeling of his manhood in my mouth. I felt the ridge under the glans, the hardness of the shaft, the thickness near the base, the soft skin of the rubbery head. I held his balls in my hand and squeezed as hard as I could, not afraid of hurting him, knowing he was liking it. I wanted him to reach his peak, to come in my mouth. I wondered what it would taste like? I wondered how much there would be? How hot would it be? How long would it last? Would I be able to swallow it?
All of a sudden Joe lifted his feet in the air and slammed them down. Then his buttocks rose off the floor as he called out, "Mai-Lin, I'm coming!"
My mouth was filled with hot cream! My cheeks filled, forcing me to swollow. It was difficult because the head of his cock was deep in my throat and I was afraid I would swallow that too! But I did it, and as each spurt of come boiled out of the tip of his beautiful penis, I drank it down, never spilling a drop.
I loved the taste, loved the feeling, loved the knowledge that I had brought a handsome young man to sexual orgasm the first time I tried. I knew then that I was born to perform fellatio on men, that it was the right thing for me. I wouldn't let go of his cock! I wanted it never to leave my mouth. Tears rose in my eyes when I finally had to release it, soft and gentle, from my clasping lips. I felt so wonderful when it was in there, and without it I missed something, and desired it again with all my might.
I played with Joe's penis for a time, licking it, watching it curl and move and flop around on his hairy groin. I fell between his legs and I licked it and his balls at the same time, and then he turned over and spread his legs, pushing the tip of his cock down under his balls. I faced everything he had – his asshole, his cock and his balls. I didn't know if he wanted me to touch his asshole at first, but as soon as I licked his balls he said, "Go up a bit, yes, suck my ass for a minute…"
Another facet of excitement – his asshole – came into my world of sex. I licked his asshole and tried to stick my tongue up it, but it was too tight and the position was wrong. But his cock grew long again crawling along the floor, and I soon was sucking on the tip, licking it as it was captive there under his tremendous balls…
Then Joe moved up on his knees and his cock flipped under him and hung down between his legs. I started to move around him, to suck it from the front, but he stopped me. "Mai-Lin, pull it under my nuts, suck it from behind like you were doing!"
"But it will hurt, will it not?" I asked, concerned.
"Yes, a bit, but that will be exciting! Please, pull it to face you and rub my asshole with your fingers." He spread his legs, anticipating. I grabbed his cock and pulled it down under the hanging sac and took it in my mouth. I moved my head back and forth in rhythm, and each time my nose struck his hairy balls. I brought one finger up and played with his asshole, but then I finally pushed just the tip in. He groaned again, and I felt his cock stiffen even more. I knew he was going to come again.
I grabbed his cock with my hand just as he started shooting and pulled my head back a few inches so I could watch the come shoot out of him and catch it with my face. I wanted to bathe in his semen, so I let it hit my face – all over, my cheeks, forehead, my hair, my lips and nose – and I watched the tiny slit in his cock open and shut at least ten times as he spurted what was left of his love cream onto my face. As soon as it was over, he fell to the floor, and we both rested there for what seemed like a long long time…
"And that's how it began. I sucked Joe off every Tuesday and Thursday for almost a year. Poor Kim Sing didn't know I was his competition, and he never figured out what had gone wrong. But my older sister told me he found more boys over the following months, so he was satisfied."
And so was I. I was participating in a sexual act which was often not talked about, often not discussed, often called strange and even abnormal, but it was the thing that gave me most pleasure, I never thought much about my own body, about my sexual needs, about intercourse and such. I masturbated, thinking of the cocks I had sucked, and for me this was very satisfying.
But I had to grow up, and as I moved around the country and began to get my career in modeling going, I realized sex was not all there was to life. My friends fell in love and married, but I only found men to suck off in the night. And it is no different today.
"I'm afraid a lasting relationship cannot be built only on an oral relationship, that a marriage cannot have as its sexual base a completely oral interest. No man I have ever met has been interested in me past a sex relationship, because I'm orally inclined. And this often makes me want to be otherwise, but I cannot lie forever, cannot fake things forever. I only wish I could."
Mai-Lin is a heterosexually inclined young woman, but she is evidently fixated at the oral stage of her psychosexual development.
Her mother's early instruction of her in the arts of pleasing men was quite unusual, even in a woman of Chinese ancestry. This, however, remained merely academic knowledge until, with the aid of her sisters, Mai-Lin was able to observe an act of homosexual oral intercourse between a neighbor and a strange young Caucasian man. This aroused her sexually as well as arousing her curiosity, and she could hardly wait to tryout what she had already learned at first hand.
From this point in her life she became an ardent oralist. First she had an oral affair with the young Caucasian she had witnessed earlier. When this relationship ended, she met another young man with whom she had a sexual relationship. This young man, however, wanted "normal" genital-to-genital-intercourse, but Mai-Lin found that she received little pleasure in the union of their genitals.
The first stage of psychological development is the oral-erotic phase. At this level, the infant's sexual and ego instincts are united. In other words, sexual pleasure issues from the labial zone, the same zone through which the infant receives its first nourishment.
Freud writes:
If an infant could speak, he would no doubt pronounce the act of sucking at his mother's breast by far the most important in his life. He is not far wrong in this, for in this single act, he is satisfying at once the two great vital needs. We are therefore not surprised to learn from psycho-analysis how much psychical importance the act retains all through life. Sucking at the mother's breast is the starting-point of the whole of sexual life, the unmatched prototype of every later sexual satisfaction, to which fantasy often recurs in times of need. This sucking involves making the mother's breast the first object of the sexual instinct.
During this phase when the instincts are fused, the infant does not recognize the breast (the primary object of both nourishment and sexuality) as an object. He believes it to be a part of his own body. From interuterine life, the child has received the prototype of self-sufficiency, where everything wished for was simultaneously provided. He carried this conception with him after birth, and only after much disappointment does he come to recognize first the breast and later the rest of the world, as objects external to himself. This revelation on the part of the child represents a transition from the autoerotic stage of ego development, when the instincts are fused, to that of object-love, when a separation is made between the instincts of the ego and the sexual instincts. When these instincts are "defuse", both the aggressive ego instincts and the sexual instincts seek a fulfillment from objects in the external world.
The ego now directs the instincts of self-preservation towards the outside world, in which it attempts to find the gratification necessary to maintain its own existence. Freud terms this energetic standpoint of the ego "interest" when he discusses this point in his introductory lectures on psychoanalysis.
The sexual instincts, in both men and women, find their first object in the external world in the person of the mother. The little girl remains attached to the mother until she is confronted with the "genital trauma". The genital trauma occurs from two situations. Firstly, there is a buildup of aggressions against the inhibiting forces of the external world which denies the child immediate satisfaction of all his desires. When the little boy encounters this situation, he discharges his aggressions through genital masturbation. The little girl, lacking an organ which can serve for such release, is forced to regress to the anal and oral phases of development until she experiences vaginal penetration. When, through observation, she becomes aware that she lacks an organ that little boys have, she develops what has been termed by psychoanalysis "penis envy". This penis envy is the second element in the genital trauma. At this time, the little girl discredits her mother, blaming her for this loss, and transfers her libido to her father, unconsciously hoping to receive a child from him to compensate for the loss.
Since Mai-Lin's father plays an insignificant part in her development, she is forced to remain sexually attached to her mother. In her fear of the homosexual inclinations inherent in this situation she must defend against her own homosexuality. Freud, in The Ego and the Id, advises that the universal rule for giving up a love object is to identify with this love object. Mai-Lin has been forced into an intense identification with her mother. In this identification, she repeats all that her mother has taught her that is oral-eroticism.
The consequences of this regression make it impossible for Mai-Lin to achieve coitus. In all her love relations, she is incapable of giving herself to her partner. She remains fixated at a stage where nutrition and sexuality were "fused" together. For Mai-Lin, the penis has become a symbolic substitute for the nipple.
Deprived of her father's love, Mai-Lin was never able to appreciate the family situation which is so important for later development. This is quite ironic, for before the great revolution in China, the family was the most important priority in life and, in the Chinese ethic, almost consumed the whole of the individual's existence.
If the dissolution of the family unit in China produces individuals like Mai-Lin, there will be no need to worry about Malthusian expansion in the future, as China's population will surely decrease.
I developed my technique of modeling over the few years I have been in the business, and at the same time I have developed and refined my technique in cocksucking. I would say I am the greatest female oral expert in the world, but that is saying too much, I'm afraid. I do know I am as good as the best, for I have never displeased a man.
A strange thing has happened to me lately. I have been enjoying a new wave of popularity since President Nixon visited China. You have recently seen me modeling all the new fashions with the Chinese influence, and I have been very proud to do so. At the same time my popularity as a person has increased and my sexual activity has never been more intense.
I wonder if it has anything to do with my work. When I do not work for months, I do not find as great a need for sex. When I work like crazy, I need sex like crazy. And the more I want to find a man to love me, to settle down with me, the more I find myself inclined to be like a whore, to take any man available to service him, hoping he may be the right one, the one who will love me forever… but it never turns out that way.
Just the other day I finished a long session of photographs with winter clothing. It was hot in the studio and I was sweating and I had a headache. The head photographer was a man I had wanted for a long time. The sight of him drove me insane with lust – and on this particular day he happened to be wearing tight blue jeans which were worn and faded. His cock was all but visible through the tight material and often during the session, when he stood above me on a ladder, or when he spread his legs to get a good shot, I wanted to rip his pants off and take his cock into my mouth and suck him till he dropped!
When the session was finished, I went into the dressing room and drank cold water and took a few Excedrin. There was a knock on the door and Phil entered – the photographer – dressed only in his jeans. No shoes, no shirt; no camera around his neck.
"Mai-Lin, it's hotter than hell in here. I was just going to take a shower. I wanted to tell you you were terrific, honey. All the magazines will grab them up!" He sat down in a chair near me and put his head back.
"Fur coats under those lights, Phil. God, I'm ready to pop. I've been nervous all day." I didn't know what to say or do. He just sat there, with his legs spread, showing me that outline of his big cock. I was going crazy underneath, dying to get my mouth on it. It was better than going home to an empty apartment!
We sat there for a few minutes without saying a word, shy, afraid. Then I did an impulsive thing – I jumped up, fell to my knees and all but ripped the buttons off his fly. He said something, but I couldn't understand what it was. All I knew was his cock was getting harder by the second and he was helping me get his pants off his body. I worked it up with my hand for a moment and then sucked it all the way into my mouth. He shoved his hips forward and lifted his feet to the front of the chair, slouching. I worked on his cock so hard I don't think he knew what hit him.
It was very thick, and not too long, so it fit just perfectly down my throat. I could get my lips to the base and swirl my tongue around in his pubic hair. I played with his balls and his asshole and he was almost in tears by the time he was ready to come.
I sucked with firm, even, maddening strokes, stopping each time he got too excited. I wanted to work him up, work the semen up, hold it back till it was ready to burst like a volcano and then take it all in my mouth. Each time he was ready to come, I pulled my lips off it and watched the bit of sperm squeeze painfully out of the tip of his glans, and then I went back and worked him up again.
Finally, he shot off. It was a beautiful load thick and very hot almost burning. He pushed my head to his crotch so hard my lips almost were cut by my teeth. He shot in long heavy spurts, with low agonizing groans. I felt good – not lonely any more, rather satisfied and full.
All of a sudden the door opened. Jack the assistant stood there with his mouth open. In a moment his pants were also open and I was kneeling there, in the doorway, sucking his cock for all I was worth. He had a long slender penis, and I sucked. It with ease gently, lightly rubbing the tips of my finger's over the bottom of his testicles. He spread his legs and bent forward and came easily without a sound, and then collapsed to the floor.
While I was sucking Jack, another of the men who had worked on the session with us, an older man walked by and saw the amazing sight. He pulled out his cock and started beating off in the hall, but he hadn't come when Jack fen to the floor, so I opened my mouth – still dripping with Jack's semen and allowed the man to pump himself off into my waiting lips. Phil was hard again this time and he sat playing with himself as the older man came into my mouth.
Phil got up and called the two other guys – young hippie types – who were in the studio and invited them to "get sucked off by the most talented girl in the business" – and I don't quite know how he meant that! They walked in the rooom and couldn't believe their eyes – the star model is kneeling in the middle of the room, Phil is bare naked with a stiff cock in his hand and older man's penis is still dripping with come, Jack is sitting on the floor, his pants around his ankles… They immediately took their pants off. No one allowed themselves to think or to question we were all very charged up and to think about it would have been to destroy it.
I took the first kid's cock – which was rather small, but nicely formed – in my mouth and worked on his friend's with my hand. I felt Jack start rubbing my pussy lips under my skirt – I had no panties on – and Phil played with my tits, rubbing them gently through the material of my robe. Soon they stripped me and covered my body with licks and kisses. This was exciting, but not nearly as exciting as the feel of the boy's cock in my mouth. He came easily, like Jack, and stepped aside so his friend could have me. I opened my lips, and he stuffed it in – it was huge – and started fucking me in my face. He came with great shouts and shudders, which excited everyone even more.
I asked them all to line up against the wall in the hallway. They obeyed, and I got on my knees again, and looked down the line. Their cocks were standing at attention and I was in ecstasy! Five male organs, all ready to come for the second time! I wanted them to choke me, to flood me, to give me their life-giving sperm! I needed them more than I had ever needed anything. I felt as if I were suddenly loved, as if I were suddenly not so alone.
I sucked on Phil as the others watched. The hippie with the big cock came to help me, licking Phil's ass and rubbing his balls as I sucked. He was very cool and uninhibited, and when Phil came we moved to the next person, who was the other hippie boy, and as I sucked his cock, his friend fucked him in the ass! I couldn't believe it, but it excited me because it was different and perverse and new for me. Each time the hippie with the big cock shoved it up his friend's asshole, the cock slammed into my throat. The older man stood next to me, beating his meat again, and came all over my naked shoulders.
The hippie came, and his friend evidently came in his asshole, because he shouted in pleasure and then sort of collapsed on the floor with his friend. I went on to Jack, to his long slender cock, and sucked it passionately until he too came for a second time!
I was drunk on come, dizzy from the beautiful white liquid! I lay back on the floor and Jack sucked my pussy while Phil licked my tits, but I didn't feel a thing. My head was still between all their legs and I started remembering Joe and the many Chinese boys I had sucked off in Chinatown before leaving San Francisco. From the alleys behind Grant Avenue to a photographer's studio on Fifth Avenue in New York City, I was doing the thing I knew best, sucking the male penis for all it was worth and all I was worth.
I'm nuts about it, nuts for it, and sometimes, lately, I'm beginning to think I'm really nuts. I have dreams of men beating me with their cocks, of them standing above me and slapping me across the face with their big hard organs. I see handsome young men dressed in blue jeans pulling out their cocks and pissing on me. I see Chinese men opening their pants to me, American men, all kinds of men. I dream of cocks, big and small, circumcised and uncircumcised, hand and soft, filling my mouth. I'm obsessed to the point where I'm beginning to be afraid of myself.
I met a guy – Paul – about five months ago. We dated, and I let him fuck me because I cared about him; I had fallen in love with him. When he wanted to fuck again the next night, I told him I would rather suck his cock, and then maybe the next night I would let him fuck me again. I was sure I could win him over to my side, the oral side, if I had the time. But he refused. He wanted to fuck. So I let him fuck me, night after night, till I was sucking off the elevator boy in my building just to keep from going crazy! Soon I couldn't take it any more and we spent a night of nothing but oral sex, and it was wonderful.
The next night, however, it was back to regular vaginal intercourse. I put up with it for another week, with oral foreplay but never an oral orgasm, until I realized I was so in love with him I had to either tell him the truth or spend the rest of my life being miserable with him. I knew he was going to ask me to marry him.
I blew it, if you don't mind the expression. I told him I needed oral gratification, I explained it was a need stemming from childhood, that it was something that was completely natural to me, something my mother had taught me. He couldn't understand, and although he had compassion and said he still loved me, he was afraid such a marriage would never last and that I would not be a proper mother with suck a deviation.
It isn't a deviation, is it? Am I a freak? How can I be so beautiful, so popular a model and person, and yet be so sick? I'm not sick! I'm not! But I'm afraid that I'm one of a kind, that there is no one like me in the world, and I will never find a person to love me in the way I need to be loved…
But I go on. I visited my parents – still in Chinatown – recently, and I told my mother of my problems, and she did not know what to tell me. It seems no one can offer advice or guidance, I don't want to change, I don't want to stop sucking cock because I honestly love it, but I do want to be accepted, to be loved.
Last night I met a man about my age, very good looking, very well-built. He told me he loved Oriental girls and knew that they were the "best cocksuckers in the world"! I was excited, pleased, knowing he wanted what I was best in giving. His cock was magnificent and I sucked on it half the night. He came three times and ate my pussy out so well that I even came! But today, when I talked to him on the phone, he told me he was dying to throw a good fuck into me. I told him I didn't want that, I told him oralism was my bag. He politely excused himself from our date this evening, and then told me that Oriental girls are supposed to fuck too.
I know we're supposed to fuck too and so I want to know why can't I? I can do it if I force myself, but it is a painful process, one that is not worth lying about. Mai-Lin, beautiful and successful Oriental model, expert at fellatio, rich and pleasant – but very unhappy.
Fixated upon the oral stage of development, Mai-Lin never developed the feelings of disgust which serve to moderate oral eroticism. As we observed in the case of Tony, Mai-Lin is also entirely concerned in her sexual activity, with an act that should have been superseded in importance by coitus and the propagation of the species. This is the highest development of the individual's sexual instincts.
Mai-Lin is therefore perverse because she has never developed the resistances from which a healthy sex life evolves. It is quite likely that Mai-Lin will never attain full sexual maturity.