The end of school was approaching with quick steps, and as I heard all around me speak with joyful anticipation of how they would spend the holiday weeks, a spirit of gloom, which I could not shake off, would settle upon me.
Jimmy had, indeed, written to Lord Henry Wilmot, as he had said he would do, but only to learn that his uncle was away in the East and would not return for some months. The disappointment was a severe one to me, as I had settled my hopes on this visit which Jimmy had painted in forecast with such glowing colours, and now I saw nothing before me but a wretched vegetation of some seven or eight weeks at home, which would be all the more repelling in its sombre dullness, after my taste of the living fount of life at school. Rutherford, de Beaupre, Jimmy, all were in high spirits, and the more I strove to overcome my despondency, the greater it became. Though I tried to conceal my feelings, the dimmed brightness of my temperament could not but be apparent, and my companions did their best to console me. Bob extracted a confession from me as to the cause, and I undertook to try and get me invited to his home, but he was not going thither for the first part of his holidays, as his people were in Scotland, so even in this direction I could not look for immediate relief.
At last the fatal day came when I had to bid farewell to my comrades, and I do not mind confessing that my eyes were rather watery as I found myself alone in the railway carriage on my way home. The word had no affectionate associations for me, and called up no pleasurable feelings as I reflected upon it. There would be no smiles to welcome me, and I might have been going into a weary exile rather than to my father's house for all the joy I experienced at the prospect.
A servant awaited me at the station, but his was a new face, and I only recognised him by the livery he wore; so that even my first impression was not calculated to dispel in any way the dismal forebodings of my mind.
As I expected, my parent's manner towards me displayed no change. Beyond a few curt words; he never spoke to me, and after the dinner-hour he retired to his library and left me to myself. The housekeeper, Mrs. Denison, however, was more kind, and made me tell her of my doings while I had been away. I spent the remainder of the evening in her sitting-room, glad of someone to talk to, and she told me that Mr. Percival had written a letter to my father, praising me very highly and stating how pleased he was in every way with my progress. Mrs. Denison was, of course, perfectly well aware of how my father regarded me, but she had far too much tact to touch upon this subject, her only wish being to make things more comfortable for me as far as she was able, and I shall ever remember her gratefully for this.
The first few days of the vacation I passed in object misery, but then my natural buoyancy of character began to assert itself, and I took more interest in my surroundings. Visiting all the well-known haunts of my childish days, swimming and rowing on the lake, or going for long rides. It is due to my father's memory to say that he imposed no restrictions upon me, and allowed all my wants to be provided for; although he held aloof altogether from my society. The smart little bay cob, Crusoe, which Jenkins, the head coachman, had got leave to obtain for me about twelve months before, was still in the stable; looking sleek and well- groomed; and I passed a good many hours on his back; cantering over the level grasslands of the park; or trotting down the leafy lanes, accompanied by Saunders, my especial favourite among the grooms. I was very popular with all the servants, the whole of whom inwardly sympathised with me, and blamed my father greatly for his unnatural disposition in my regard.
I received several letters from Rutherford, but, though I was glad indeed to hear from him; and to know that he was enjoying himself so much at the place in Perthshire where he was staying, hearing from him only made me feel more dissatisfied with my own lot. The duke and de Beaupre also wrote to me in the friendliest way possible, and I warmed to them more than ever for their kind remembrance, but all the time I was very unhappy in my desolateness, and the days dragged on with leaden feet.
I think I should have sunk into the worst state of utter dejection, but for one or two incidents which served to enliven me a little, and afford food for interest.
One day, as I was rambling aimlessly about the house, seeking something to occupy myself with, I turned my steps toward the domestic quarters, which was the only part of the place where any signs of life were apparent. As I neared the servants' hall I heard sounds of a scuffle, followed by laughter. Curious to know what was taking place, I walked noiselessly to the door, which was ajar, and through the crack on the hinge side I could see plainly into the interior. The sight which met my eyes was one which.I had scarcely looked for, but it was sufficiently interesting to make me remain watching it. Two of the housemaids had got hold of Joe, the boy who helped in doing light work below stairs. As I peered in upon the group, I saw the two maids pick up Joe and lay him on the long table in the middle of the room. He struggled to getaway, but they were too strong for him, and held him down in spite of his resistance. Then, with a great deal of giggling, they opened his breeches and laid bare his cock. Walter, the under-footman, was also present, looking on with much amusement. He laughed as the maids unbuttoned Joe's trousers, and, telling them to wait a moment, he went to a shelf and fetched a pot of blacking. Dipping a little brush in this, he daubed it all over Joe's member, while the two girls shrieked with merriment as they kept him fast during the time this was being done. They released him the next minute, and he sat up and regarded his soiled body with a rueful face, casting reproving looks at his late assailants, who only replied with broad grins.
I did not wait to see any more, but the following day I overtook Joe as he was walking down the elm avenue which led to the lodge-gates, and I smilingly told him what I had seen. He coloured up, and seemed to be somewhat nervous, but I assured him that I had no intention of saying anything about the episode, and he soon got communicative.
"Those girls, Nellie and Alice, are always up to something," he said; "but I believe Alice is the worst. They won't let me alone, and are always at some games when they get a chance and Mrs. Denison or the upper servants are not about."
"Have they ever done it to you before, Joe?" I asked, wishing to prolong the conversation, and being glad to have found some sort of living interest at last.
"Yes! lots of times," he replied. "They are too fond of it. It doesn't do much harm, but I hate being pulled about by a lot of girls. You wouldn't like it, would you, sir?" I replied in the negative, as he appeared to expect me to do, but I wasn't quite so sure in my own mind. Such a thing might easily be the prelude to greater events, and I flattered myself that if I had been in Joe's place in a case of that sort I would have got something back in return for my own discomfiture. I did not tell him this, however, as I was not lacking in a certain amount of prudence, and it is not well to lay oneself open too much to the observation of one's own servants. I therefore devoted myself to the encouraging of him to further confidences.
"It's nothing to have your cock taken out," he continued, as I drew him on. "I couldn't count all the times I've had it done to me. The boys at Warburton"-referring to the little country-town a mile or two away where he came from-"used to think nothing of it. When we were playing in the fields someone would say, 'Let's cock him!' and they would drag you down and have it out before you could say Jack Robinson. It was a regular thing at haymaking time, too, especially in the evening, and dozens of times when I have been going home I've seen chaps pulled down and cocked and sometimes by girls, for they are just as bad as the fellows. There was a little path between two big walls just near one end of the High Street. We used to call this 'Cocking Lane' because it was such a place for it. I remember sometimes two or three big chaps who were fond of playing about would wait for us boys when we came out of school, as a good many of us used to go through there. A couple of big fellows would stand at each end, and get perhaps a dozen of us inside. They would then close up, and take us one by one, and pull out our cocks and spit on them. But we got more careful after a time, and if we saw anybody hanging about there we used to take another way, which was a bit longer, but got us home quicker in the end.
"Alice comes from Warburton, as you know, sir. I was coming down this lane I'm telling you about one night, and came across her talking to two chaps. She was always a saucy girl, and she caught hold of me and said something as I went by; I pulled myself away, telling her to leave me alone, and started to run off home. She shouted out to the fellows with her to catch me, and they came after me and brought me back. "Let's pull his breeches down!" she said. "You'd better let me go, or I'll kick!" I replied. But the two chaps got hold of my arms and legs, and held me out straight. "There you are, Alice!" said one, "he's safe enough now. We'll see that he doesn't kick." With that the hussey clapped her hands, laughing, and took my trousers right down, unbuttoning my jacket as well. She wasn't satisfied with this, but she got the chaps to dip my bottom in a pool of muddy water, and while they did that she put her hand in it and splashed it all over my cock and belly. Then they let me go, and told me to get off as fast as I could. She hadn't forgotten about this when I came up to the manor, and she told the other people about it, for they were always chaffmg me at first. I was in the scullery once, helping her to wipe some dishes. Walter was there, and she was telling him all about it. 'I wonder if he's got the marks still?' she said. 'shall we have a look?' said Walter. 'Yes.! we will!' she cried; and they got hold of me and let down my breeches. Walter held me still, while she had a good look at me, and pulled my cock about with her wet hands.
"Walter is rather fond of her. I caught them one day in the pantry; he had his arm round her and was trying to get his hand up her clothes. I gave a shout to frighten them, and then slipped off into the servants' hall.. When I next saw Walter he shook his fist at me, and swore he would pay me out. The same afternoon I went up to the stable loft, and found Walter there talking to two of the grooms. As soon as he saw me, he remembered about the affair of the morning, and made a dart for me. I knew what he was after, and ran for the stairs, but before I. could get to them I was caught by one of the grooms, who asked Walter if he wanted to get me. Of course, he said yes and it was all over then for me. Walter told the others what I had done, making a lot out of it, so as to get them to side with him. Well, they undressed me, and tied me up to a beam; then Walter got a bucket of flour and water, and pasted me all over with a big brush. While the stuff was wet, they threw a lot of chaff and chopped straw over me, and this stuck to my skin and I dare say made me look funny, although I couldn't see the joke at the time. When they got tired of playing about with me, they made me wash myself; but, I can tell you, sir, I didn't feel comfortable for two or three days afterwards."
"Does Nellie treat you in the same way as Alice does?" I asked, full of curiosity.
"She's not quite so bad as Alice," he replied; "but, I don't think she's very much better. You see, she hadn't seen me until I came to the manor. She's never tried to do anything to me herself, but she's always ready to help Alice. She doesn't carry on with the men, though, like Alice does. Why, one night, rather late, I saw Alice standing talking to one of the under-gardeners behind the stables. They didn't know anyone was near, but I could see them; the gardener had his thing out, and Alice was holding it."
Joe's information served to excite my interest, and I kept a watch after this on Nellie and Alice. They were both strapping girls about eighteen or nineteen, and had a good deal of pertness about them, especially Alice. Beyond the time when I had seen them in the servants' hall with Joe, however, I never observed them to do anything of a like nature. I took particular care to keep my eyes open, as it gave me something to do, and prevented me from brooding over these depressing holiday times. I learned that both maids slept in a room together, so I made up my mind that it would be an amusing thing to try and have a peep at them when they were going to bed, I had no knowledge whatever from personal experience of girls, and was not a little desirous of having a glimpse of a female form. De Beaupre's tales had served greatly to arouse my inquisitiveness, and I would often lie awake at night, thinking of them and longing to have similar opportunities to those which my fortunate friend had had. The prospect seemed, indeed; a very remote one, but it would be a step in the right direction if I could only carry out my purpose with regard to Alice and Nellie.
Accordingly, I made my plans with this object in view, and taking the first favourable occasion that offered itself, I waited till the household had gone to bed, and then very quietly crept upstairs with only my nightshirt on. The room which the maids occupied was on the top floor of the servants' wing and at the extreme end of the passage, an ante-room, used as a storing place for boxes and lumber leading to it. The door of this was open, showing me that it was unlighted, and I stepped silently in, my bare feet making not the faintest noise as I did so. The bedroom door was shut, but I could hear sounds of movement within, while a ray of light came through the keyhole. I bent down, and put my eye to the latter. Nellie was standing before the mirror, looking at herself. Her arms were bare, but she had her chemise on, so I could see nothing of what I wanted; Alice was not within view, but one of the beds was out of my line of vision, so I concluded that she must be there: it never occurred to me as strange that Nellie should not speak; nor turn towards her companion's bed. I was so much interested in watching, and so anxious for Nellie to make some movement that would reveal something of her form to me, that I was deaf to all else, and never heard a soft footfall coming along towards the room. It was Alice, who had probably been to the lavatory or perhaps to speak to one of the other servants, although the former was more likely to be correct, as she was also in her nightgown and bare-footed, like Nellie. She was not aware of my presence until she was close upon me, but as soon as she caught sight of my form she gave a little scream. I was equally startled, and rose upright with a frightened bound. Alice did not faint or go into hysterics or anything of that sort; on the contrary, as soon as she realised that this "peeping Tom" was only a boy, she seized me and, opening me door, dragged me into me bedroom, while I was too much overcome by the shock of my discovery to say a word.
"Look here, Nellie!" she exclaimed. "What do you think? This little brat was outside, looking through the keyhole. I just caught him." Then, as her eyes rested on me, she cried in consternation, "Good gracious! It's Master Charlie! Why, I thought it was Joe!"
I hung my head abashed, finding no answer, for had I not been caught red-handed?
Alice quickly regained her self-possession, and, turning towards me, said; "This is nice behaviour, Master Charlie! Aren't you ashamed of yourself to come and spy upon us like that? What will the master say, if we tell him?"
"Oh! we mustn't do that," interposed Nellie. "I don't suppose Young master meant any harm."
"That's all very well, Nellie," continued Alice; "but if you don't mind being treated in this way, I do! If I don't speak to the master, I shall to Mrs. Denison. The idea of a boy like that looking at us just as we were going to bed!" and she tossed her head indignantly.
Nellie laughed, and said, "No, Alice! don't let us make any unpleasantness. Master Charlie has always been very nice to us, and I shouldn't like to get him into trouble. I'm sure he will promise not to do it again, if we ask him; won't you, Master Charlie?"
With an effort I found my voice, and replied eagerly, "Yes, really! I'll promise you! indeed, I will!"
"There you are, Alice!" cried Nellie. "It's all, right. Let him go, and don't say anymore about it."
But Alice was not to be appeased so easily. "It's not a nice thing," she said, "To feel mat people may be looking at you through keyholes. I don't like that at all."
"Don't be a goose!" exclaimed Nellie. "If it had been one of the men, or even Joe, I should have been as vexed as you are; but I'm quite ready to forgive Master Charlie, as he's never been cross or unkind to us. You must too, Alice-just this once, at any rate. Do, now!" she added, entreatingly.
Alice reflected in doubt for a minute. Then she replied, "Well! I'll let him off then, this time. But I think we ought to give him a smacking, don't you?"
"Oh, no, Alice!" answered Nellie in alarm. "What are you talking about? You wouldn't dare to touch Master Charlie, would you?"
"Why not?" said Alice. "He deserves it, doesn't he?" And she stuck to her guns. "Don't you think you ought to be slapped, Master Charlie?"
"I don't know. Perhaps I do!" I responded, a faint smile twitching at the corners of my lips. "That settles it, then! You must let me give you a slapping," she answered quickly, and it dawned upon me that her indignation had been forced all along in order to lead up to this. However, I was unable to say anything, being glad to get off at any price, so I let her put me across one of the beds, and turn up my nightshirt. Nellie stood by, laughing, and from the way Alice joined in, I saw still more plainly that her anger had been more or less of a pretence. They both spent a few seconds regarding my bottom, and then Alice administered half a dozen light slaps to it. "There!" she said, when she had done. "I hope you won't ever do anything like that again, Master Charlie."
She assisted me to rise, and, whether by accident or design, her hand slipped round my thigh, and rested for a moment on my cock, but I appeared not to notice this, and she did not make any remark about it.
"I shall stop this keyhole up," said Alice; as I left them. "We won't have anybody looking at us another time. Just fancy, if Joe were to take it into his head to do such a thing! We should never hear the last of it."
Thus ended my adventure, in which I had come out very poorly, but although I was sorry then, I did not regret it afterwards, for when I got to a time of greater discretion I saw that I had done a very foolish action, and put myself in a ridiculous position. Still, I was rather sore at the moment that I had not carried out my intention. However, I did not make a further attempt, and determined to wait until a more fitting opportunity occurred for making myself acquainted with the mysteries of the female form.
I used frequently after this to have a talk with Joe, whenever we happened to find ourselves together, and at such times he would invariably favour me with more of his experiences. Before coming to the manor, he had worked a few months for a baker at Warburton; and he had something to relate about this portion of his history, as well.
"Mr. Simms"-that was the baker's name-"was a very dirty chap," said Joe. "There was another fellow, much bigger than me, called Billy, who worked for him too. When we were all in the bakery together, Mr. Simms would call out to Billy to help him, and they'd get hold of me, lay me on the bench or on the floor, and take my cock out. They never got tired of this, and I believe there was hardly a day when they missed doing it. But once they put me on the bench like that, and undid my trousers. Mr. Simms was laughing, as usual, and took hold of my thing. As he did so, I suddenly let fly, and pissed all over him. You should have seen him jump back. He was very careful afterwards, and never gave me a chance to do it again. In the hot weather, we often used to work with nothing on above the waist, and sometimes they would tie my hands behind my back, stand me up against the wall, and let my trousers down; and then they would amuse themselves by throwing little lumps of dough or yeast at me-they called my cock the bull's eye, and used to bet against each other how many times they could hit it. Mrs. Simms nearly caught them at this once. She scarcely ever came down to the bakery, but she happened to do so this day. Mr. Simms just had time to push me through the door at the other end before she entered, and Billy came out to me afterwards and undid my hands. Old Simms was afraid of his wife; she was a big woman, and often used to row him; but he never said a word back to her.
It wasn't only me Mr. Simms used to play about with but he would do the same to any other boys who might chance to look in on us, as very often one would. I remember one time he got hold of a little kid called Johnny Brigson, and rubbed some stove-black on his cock. Little Brigson went away crying, and told his mother; She came to the bakery and went for poor old Simms like anything. She frightened him so much that he was all of a tremble, and in the end, to pacify her, he gave her a big bag of sweet biscuits to take to Johnny. He almost went on his knees to beg her to forget all about what he had done."
It afforded me a great deal of pleasure to extract all these choice tidbits of information from Joe, bur so far he was the only one I could enjoy this treat with. However, fortune favoured me in another direction later on.
I was out riding one afternoon with Saunders, and our talk turned on horses. He was telling me something about breeding, and I then learned for the first time, that nearly all horses, except those specially kept for stud purposes, were gelded. At my request, Saunders explained to me the operation as he had seen it done, telling me how the animals were thrown on their sides, and their legs secured by chains, while the doctor removed their testicles, either by cutting or by burning away the connecting glands with a red-hot wire. I thought the practice a cruel one, but Saunders did not appear to regard it in the same light, saying that it was done with the best motives, and that stallions-as entire horses are called – were very dangerous brutes to have to deal with. He also informed me that not only horses but other animals, such as oxen, were treated in the same way.
"It doesn't seem very nice, Saunders, all the same," I said. "You wouldn't like it, would you?"
"Me sir? No fear! I would just as soon be killed straight away," he answered.
"Have you ever had anything to do with girls, Saunders?" I asked, thinking it a good opportunity to turn the subject to my own purposes.
"Oh, yes! Of course, sir! Perhaps you haven't yet? But you will before you are many years older, I'll warrant."
"Tell me something about what you have done," I continued, anxious to keep up the conversation. "Tell you something, sir?" replied he. "I'm not much good at spinning yarns. What do you want me to tell you about?"
"Oh! anything, Saunders," I answered. "You see, I don't know much about girls, except from hearsay; and I should like you to tell me a bit of what you've experienced yourself."
"You're in a lively mood today, sir!" he exclaimed; "I thought you didn't understand anything about such things yet. If you want me to oblige you, I will; but I'm sure I don't know how to begin.
"I was always fond of the girls, from the earliest time I can remember. When I was a little nipper at school, I used to keep company with one called Lizzie Johnson. She was a merry little maid and we had some rare games in the woods. She used to put her hand in my breeches, and I would shove mine underneath her clothes. Of course, we were too young to do anything properly, but I would put my thing against her little crack, and we would rub our bodies together. We never got any further than that, and I've not been sorry since, as I shouldn't have liked to have worked her any mischief which I might easily have done then without knowing it. She left the village when she was about thirteen, and I've never set eyes on her since. I've often wondered where she is, and how she is getting on, for I was rather fond of her."
He stopped, but I urged him to go on. "Tell me of something that happened after you had grown up, Saunders." He laughed, saying, "so many things took place that it's a job to think of any one in particular. When I was about fifteen or sixteen, I was very mad on finding a girl who would let me do what I wanted. But it wasn't so easy then as when I was younger; you see, sir, they were being to be afraid of the consequences, as I was a big lad, and very forward for my age, too. There was a Mrs. Best came to live in the village. She used to do needlework for a living as she was a widow. I don't suppose she could have earned much at this, but she always used to dress pretty, well and look smart; so I began to listen to the rumours that she earned money in other ways, by receiving visits from men. From what I could see, I fancied, this must be the case. I determined to make up to her, and by always speaking a word whenever I met her, and soon, I struck up an acquaintance. One afternoon, I was walking along the street, and she stood at the door. I stopped to talk to her, and after a time she invited me in to have a cup of tea. We got very friendly, and she started chucking me under the chin and telling me what a decent-looking chap I was, as women will when they want to get round you. Well, the end of it was that I clapped my arm round her waist and gave her a kiss. She never minded at all, so I got bolder, and put my hand under her petticoats. She was waiting for this, and when I had gone so far, she made me come into the bedroom with her, where she flung herself on the bed ready for me. I never saw, before or since, such a crack as she had, and I've seen a good many, sir, I can tell you! It was that big I could have got my fist in, and although I was fairly large- made, youngster as I was, I could hardly feel the great thick lips as I slipped in. She enjoyed it all right, but there wasn't so much fun for me, and I made up my mind that I would look round for someone younger after this. She had taken such a fancy to me that several times afterwards she tried to get me to come and see her again, but I never did as she wasn't quite my stamp having had too much use for me. I don't much care about a woman who is always ready to lay herself down to the first man she comes across.
A few afternoons from the date of the foregoing conversation I was walking by the lake in the park when I saw Joe coming towards me. I stopped to wait for him, and as he approached I noted signs of great excitement in his face.
"What's the matter, Joe?" I asked, seeing that he had something to tell me.
"I've been wanting to let you know what happened the day before yesterday, sir," he said. "You remember Florrie Jennings, the head coachman's daughter? Well, I've often had a few words to say to her, and we've got rather friendly. On Tuesday I had leave to go to Warburton, and in coming across the fields on my way back I overtook Florrie. She's very fond of a game and we've often romped together, so we started to play 'Touch' as we came along. When we got into Bonsor Copse, she came behind me and tripped me up, so that I fell on the grass, and she knelt on my legs and started tickling me. I pushed her off, and as she rolled over, her skirts flew up, showing her drawers. I gave her a smack on the bottom before she recovered herself, and then I held her down and tickled her like she had done to me. In her struggle to get away, she threw her feet up, showing her drawers again. 'What fat legs you've got!' I said. 'That's nothing to do with you, Master Impudence,' she replied, with a saucy smile. Playing about with her had made me feel up to a lark, and I think she did, too; so I said, 'Let me have a look at your thing, Florrie!' 'Dear me, no!' she cried; but I could see she was laughing so I put my hand up between her legs and tried to get my fingers inside her drawers. She kicked about such a lot that I couldn't get at her, so I took my hand away. 'Go on, Florrie!' I said; 'show me yours, and I'll show you mine.' After a bit, she gave in, undoing her drawers and lying on her back so that I could have a good view. I had never seen a girl properly before so I had a good look while I was about it. It is a funny thing, just like a crack; I don't think it's so nice as a cock, though! Presently, she got up and made me take mine out for her to see. It had got on the stand while I was feeling her, and she seemed to be very pleased with it, as she pulled it about. This made me feel very funny. I had heard about chaps putting their things into girls, and I asked her to let me have a try. She said I could, so I lay over her and put my cock against her crack. It wouldn't seem to go in, though, and when I pushed hard she told me I was hurting her, so at last we gave it up. I mean to have another try, however, as soon as I can get a chance to go out with her again. Anyhow, it's something to have seen a girl's thing, isn't it? And now she has let me once it won't be hard to get her to do it again."
When we were sauntering back through the fine growth of huge oaks and beeches that clothed the banks of the lake, I said, "Let me have a look at yours, Joe! I should like to see it."
He did not display any objection, but immediately took his cock out and exhibited it to me without reserve. It was not very big, but his thoughts, as they dwelt on the events he had been telling of, had acted in such a way on it that it stood up firmly and proudly for all of its small size. I took hold of it, and began to rub.
"What will that do?" he asked, as he watched my actions. He was evidently unacquainted with the operation so I saw an added pleasure in store for me by observing the delighted surprise he would be certain to evince presently. Making him sit down on the turf, I squatted by his side, and set about carrying out the task I had undertaken. He experienced a new species of joy altogether as I went on, and expressed himself to this effect more than once. As the end came, he was carried away entirely, and his eyes sparkled, as he caught my hand.
"Stop, sir, stop! I can't stand it any more, really! What have you done? I can't tell you what I feel like."
"You would have felt something of that sort if you had done what you wanted to with Florrie Jennings," I said, endeavouring as I spoke to find out whether any liquid had come forth from his cock; this, however, did not appear to be the case. "The next time you are out with her, and if you can't do anything else, you get her to do this to you. Don't you like it?"
"Yes, sir! Rather! Thank you ever so much for showing me what to do."
I was on the point of asking him to perform a similar service for me, but on second thoughts, decided not to and turned my steps towards the house.