My father was a very poor man who worked as a saddler in Josef City. We lived in a tenement house away out in Ottakring-at that time a new house- which was filled from top to bottom with the poorer class of tenants. All of the tenants had many children, who were forced to play in the back yards, which were much too small for so many. I had two older brothers. My father and my mother and we three children lived in two rooms- a living-room and kitchen. We also had a roomer. The other tenants, probably fifty in all, came and went, sometimes in a friendly way, more often in anger. Most of them disappeared and we never heard from them again.
I distinctly remember two of our roomers. One was a locksmith-apprentice. He had dark eyes and was a sad-looking lad. His black eyes and lark face always were covered with grime and soot. We children were very much afraid of him. He was a very silent man, never saying a word. I remember one afternoon, when I was alone in the house, he came home. I was then only five years old. My mother and my two brothers had gone to Furstenfeld and my father had not yet returned from work. The locksmith took me up from the floor, where I was playing, and held me on his lap. I wanted to cry, but he quietly told me: “Be quiet, I won't hurt you.” He then laid me back, lifted up my little skirt and “examined” me. I was badly frightened as he viewed me naked upon his lap, but I remained perfectly quiet. Then he heard my mother coming, putting me down on the floor, he retreated hastily into the kitchen. A few days later, he again came home early. Mother was about to go out, so she asked him to look after me until she returned. This was a commission which he accepted gladly. As soon as Mother was gone, the knave again held me on his knees and began examining my naked underparts. He did not utter a word; he just stared at the tender organ constantly. I did not dare say anything. He repeated this performance on many occasions as long as he roomed with us. As a child, of course, I had no idea of its import, and did not give the matter a second thought. Today I know different, and often I call this fellow my first lover.
My two brothers, Franz and Lorenz, differed greatly in temperament. My oldest brother, Lorenz, four years older than me, was quiet, industrious and religious. Franz, the younger one, who was a year and a half older than me, was just the opposite-happy, carefree, and much more affectionate to me than was my other brother. I had reached the age of seven when, one day, Franz and I went to visit some neighbor's children. These children were always alone. Their mother was dead and their father was away at work. Anna, the younger, then a girl of nine years, was pale, thin and light blonde, with a split lip. Her brother, Ferdl, was thirteen years old, robust and also blond, but red-cheeked and broad-shouldered. We were innocently playing, when Anna remarked: “Now, let's play 'father and mother.'“
Her brother laughed and said: “She always wants to play 'father and mother.'“ But Anna insisted. Going to my brother, she said: “You be the man and I will be your wife.” Ferdl came and took hold of my arm and declared: “Well, then, I'll be your man and you be my wife.” Anna immediately got two pillow slips and made two rag dolls, handed me one, saying: “Here is your child!” I began to fondle and caress the doll, but Anna and Ferdl began to laugh at me, saying: “That is not the way; first you must make the baby, then you must be pregnant and then you must give birth to the baby. Only then you can fondle it.” I naturally had often heard people say that a woman was in the “family way” and soon would have a baby. The story about the stork I had long doubted, and, when I saw a woman with a big stomach, I imagined what that meant. But, of course, I was ignorant of the actual facts, as was also my brother Franz. Consequently, Franz and I stood bewildered and helpless and at a loss whether to proceed with this new game or not. But Anna stepped up to Franz and, reaching for the opening in his trousers, said: “Come on, take your 'pipe' out!” At that she unbuttoned his trousers and removed his little stem, while Ferdl and I looked on, Ferdl with amusement and I with astonishment, wonder and anger (yet with a strange, exultant feeling which I never had experienced before). Franz stood like a statue, not seeming to realize what was happening. At Anna's touch, his little device stood up stiff. “Now, come,” I heard Anna whisper. Then she threw herself on the floor on her back, and, lifting her skirts, spread her legs far apart. At this moment Ferdl grabbed me and said: “Lie down.” Immediately I felt his hand between my legs. I willingly lay down and lifted my skirts as Anna had done. Ferdl rubbed his rugged little plow against my untilled furrows.
I had to laugh, for his ministrations tickled not a little as he rubbed against my belly and thighs and all over me. He was breathing hard and he laid heavily upon my breast. The whole proceeding seemed foolish and laughable. Yet a strange feeling which came over me-one which I cannot describe, and which induced me to lie still. Now I became quite serious. Suddenly Ferdl jumped up. I also got up. He showed me his instrument, which I took in my hand. A small drop of liquid was visible on the end. Ferdl drew back the tiny spear's soft flesh covering and a little, red head appeared. I pushed the covering back and forth several times and thought it great sport to see the head, like the head of some small animal, appear and disappear. Anna and my brother still lay on the floor, and I saw that Franz was excitedly pushing back and forth. His cheeks were red and he was breathing hard, the same as Ferdl had done before. Anna was completely changed. Her pale face was colored, her eyes were closed and I feared that she was ill. But suddenly both became quiet, laid on each other a few seconds and then got up. We sat together for a while, Ferdl with his hand under my skirts, holding my “susie,” Franz doing the same to Anna. I had Ferdl's “pipe" in my hand, while Anna held my brother's, and it was all very soothing to me. It did not tickle as before, but created a pleasant feeling which seemed to go through my entire body. This proceeding was interrupted by Anna, who gave me one of the rag dolls, keeping the other. We placed them under our skirts, next to our bellies. “Now,” Anna said, “We are in the family way.” We walked up and down the room with our bellies sticking out, laughing. We then “gave birth” to our babies, fondled them and handed them to our “husbands” so that they could admire and wonder at them. In this way we played for some time.
Presently Anna conceived the idea that we must nurse our babies. She unbuttoned her waist and pulled down her undershirt so as to let the baby reach her breast. As she did this, I noticed that she already had a good-sized pair of globes, with large nipples-with which her brother promptly started to play. Franz, seeing this, also began to play with them, remarking as he did so that it was too bad that I had not “titties” yet. Then we were enlightened by Ferdl as to what the proceedings had been all about. We found out that what we had just done was called “intercourse,” and that our parents did the same thing to each other in bed, and that women became mothers of babies as a result of the operation. Ferdl seemed far advanced in these matters, informing us girls that our openings were still grown shut, which was why he and Franz could only rub their “tails” around on the outside and not put them in. He also informed us that when we grew bigger we should have a lot of hair grow there. I did not want to believe it, but Anna declared that Ferdl knew all about it and was very positive, as he had experimented with Mrs. Rhinelander in the attic, and, when he did so, his “tail” went clear up into her “hole.” Mrs. Rhinelander was the wife of a street-car conductor, who lived on the top floor of our building. She was a short, dark-skinned woman, small and pretty and always friendly. Ferdl told us a story about her, which I will relate in the next chapter.