Loretta Christine filled her glass with brandy and sat by the warm fire while Richard, her husband, was concentrating on some business papers at his huge furnished desk.
Loretta wanted to laugh to herself, watching him trying to cover up for the fun he was having with Elsa, and from the reports the "maid" had given her, everything was going just fine.
Look at him! He probably has a hard-on, thinking about that dumb cunt upstairs, and who was making beds and cleaning the house. How she ever got a whore to do the housecleaning, she'd never know. Could the three grand a week she was getting be the reason…?
"Richard, how can you possibly be interested in those dull sheets of paper when I have been away for five days and have just returned?"
"I'm sorry, darling," he apologized, and pushed them all aside. "How stupid of me."
Loretta picked up her drink and sat on his desk top while he remained seated in front of it.
The bastard! He stunk of cunt! So he forgot to wash the pussy juice off from the quickie he had with Elsa about five minutes ago, did he?
"How was your trip, dear?" he asked. "Paris must be wonderful this time of year."
"Oh." She turned from him slightly, her voice lowering, "Paris is… well, Paris. You don't expect it to be any different, do you?"
"I guess not."
She waited for him to speak first. She certainly didn't have anything else to say. What did he expect her to ask: Oh by the way, I hear the new maid fucks and sucks. tell me, is she any good? How well can she give blow-jobs? In that case, are her tonsils removed?
Richard was so Goddamn dull. He just sat there and fiddled with those fucking papers. Why should he care? He was getting the best piece of ass in the house, there she went again, putting herself down!
"Well, then, what did you do while I was gone?" she asked suddenly.
His facial expression did not change. "Not too much. Lots of paperwork, you know."
Paperwork! What the hell was that whore made out of? Toilet paper? Mr. Whipple, please don't squeeze the charmin!
Richard got up. "If anybody wants me, I'll be in the study upstairs. Lots of important work to get out of the way, and I can't be bothered."
In a second, he was gone, ignoring the fumes that were igniting in her head. He wasn't dumb. He could tell she was pissed off about something. But it couldn't be about he and Elsa. That was still a big secret, and something she would never find out about.
As he walked into his room, he bolted the door and flicked the switch of the tape recorder that rested next to the phone. A jack was hooked up on the phone so that if any important phone calls came in, Richard could turn the tape recorder on and get it all down in case he forgot something. Most of the time, he left it plugged in, and once he picked up the phone, the tape recorder would begin taping the conversation, because he usually forgot to turn the damn thing off. Besides, he was expecting a call from one of the buyers at a rival business firm that was ready to sell out on a property deal.
He had to get all the info down pat.
Whatever the hell was giving Loretta a bug up her ass, he could give a shit.
Loretta lit up five cigarettes and ground them out just as fast as she took a drag from each.
That motherfucking bastard!
She could tell the way he was acting, he was satisfied keeping Elsa on the side and would never give her a divorce. Oh, she knew the shrewd businessman in him. He couldn't be swayed. He'd be positive on the idea of having a little extra pussy on the side.
Sure, his cock got too big for everyone, so why bend it in half when he can have it all.
Her whole plan was down the drain! If he didn't crack after five days of fucking and sucking, nothing would do it. And that meant that she would have to do the other thing she had in mind: find him while he was fucking Elsa. And she had to have a witness to testify he was fucking chicks behind her back. Who the hell would that person be?
What a pissy-assed piece of shit she got herself into!
Elsa told her that Richard rejected all the suggestions of divorce, saying it was better to wait and see what happens. That he would think about it. Think about it! Shee-yit! He would think about it, all right. You know what that jack-off was? A cunt! A lousy, smelly cunt!
The phone rang. At first she didn't want to answer it. Who the hell could that be, anyway?
Rrinngg!
She let it ring for a while. Why should she answer it? There was a maid in the house – let that Prickteaser get it. Oh fuck it!
She reached for the receiver and said, "Hello?"
"Baby, it's me!"
"Eric! Why are you calling me at home… I told you not while Richard was around."
"Screw it, doll. I got big news! I got that letter from that book publisher, the one I've been waiting for four weeks. They said…"
"Not right now, Eric. Not while he's home…"
"Why, what's wrong?"
"I can't really talk now, Eric. I… oh the hell with it! I don't care any more! I just don't give a shit. He isn't falling for it. That thing with Elsa…"
"Elsa?" He couldn't remember.
"The whore I hired from Madame Ling's. The one that is supposed to be the new maid I hired. Richard didn't change his mind about anything. I thought if I left them home alone for a few days, she might talk him into getting a divorce, and I'd get sixty percent of his stocks and real estate. Baby, we could have lived on it for…"
"But that's why I'm calling you, baby. The book! They bought my book! I'm getting a lot of bread for it. We won't have to worry about your milking that dork for all his dough. I'm calling the shots now…"
"Bullshit! Those crumbs you'd make from that book wouldn't keep you dressed in those clothes I bought for you, the little presents I've been giving you… you won't be able to afford all the luxury I've shown you."
"Are you saying… I've been wasting my time writing?"
"Oh, come off it! So you've sold a book! Big deal! You'll never be able to do it again, not with the tight financial situation those assholes…"
"You fucking cunt! You're saying I can't write. That's like cutting my balls off!"
"Up your ass! You always wrote like shit! I never once liked anything I read of yours. I only felt sorry for you. That's why I kept you on the side."
"All you wanted was some cock, baby. You were always a meat-eater, and you came to me every time. For two years."
"Who says I need you, you fucker! I can get a bigger prick than yours, easy. Money talks. I'll buy myself a foot-long hot dog faster than you can see that Goddamn book!"
"You're gonna be that way, you bitch. Okay. Don't come crawling to me in a few hours when your jaws start bothering you. Talk about nicotine fit, you'll be getting a jism fit!" He slammed the phone down.
She threw it down, too.
Fuck that! She didn't have to take that shit. Not from anyone. And definitely not from some two-bit writer who can't write worth shit. And she didn't have to stay here, either.
So why was she standing there, getting mad? There were millions of pricks out in that world, just waiting to get fucked and sucked, and she had her choice of any. So why settle for pork chops when you can get sirloin?
Angrily, she thundered out the door.
Richard put the phone down slowly. He had thought that call was the one he had been waiting for. Who was that – Eric? Who the fuck was Eric?
It didn't matter. Loretta had been screwing around behind his back after all. So she wasn't all that bad, after all. There was hope for her. She wouldn't turn out to be such a bad lay, then.
But she set him up for something. With Elsa. Only Elsa wasn't just a friendly little maid; she was a fucking whore and Loretta wanted him to divorce her. Get most of his money and live with that stud in some cozy hideaway. But not any more. Eric had given her the brush off, said he had a book coming out, that he didn't need her any more.
It wouldn't stop Loretta; she'd pick up where she left off with some other nice lean cock. And for TWO YEARS!
He went to sit back at his desk when he noticed the reels of his tape recorder turning around and around. His mind stopped. Did he… was it possible that he…
He walked over to his tape recorder, flicked the stop button, put it in reverse, then let it play.
There was some static.
"He isn't falling for it. That thing with Elsa."
"Elsa?"
"The whore I hired from Madame Ling's. The one that is suppose to be the new maid I hired…"
Richard stopped it, put it in fast forward, then let it play.
"All you wanted was some cock, baby. You were always a meat-eater, and you came to me every time. For two years."
"Who says I need you; anyway, you fucker! I can get a bigger prick than yours, easy!"
He shut it off.
He had it. All down. Word for word.
So Loretta wanted a divorce, did she? He'd give it to her all right. After all, didn't she want one so badly? Of course, the tape he made would help with the property settlement, alimony.
"So there you are!" Elsa called out. "My great big hunk of beef!"
He pushed the tape recorder away and slid it into his desk drawer, locking it and getting rid of the key before Elsa caught him.
"Yeah, baby, where have you been? I have a friend that wants to meet you."
"Anyone I know?" she giggled.
"Naturally. He's big, dark, tall and handsome."
She pressed her hands on his crotch. "I thought I knew him! And here he is!"
He unzipped his fly. "Peek-a-boo!"
"He's winking at me!" she laughed, and fell to her knees.
"Blow-job, baby?" he asked.
She nodded. "Only I have a little extra something to put on it." With that, she pulled out a can of whipped cream. "That has got to top the cock! Yummy, yummy."
"Ahh, you're giving me my just desserts!"
She sprayed a lot of it on his stiff dick. At first, she did it hurriedly, then slowed down and took her time, making it look as presentable as possible.
He was getting harder and harder, watching her bend on her knees, putting the stuff on him, and thinking of her slurping it all up.
"Hurry, baby…" he told her.
"I've just started!" she said. She pushed the can of whipped cream aside. "Now for the next part."
She pulled a can of crushed nuts out of her apron. "Got to make this all delicious." She twisted off the top and sprinkled them all over his prick.
"I already got nuts, baby."
She laughed. "Not crushed ones, thank God! Anyway, I've had such a taste for a banana split today."
"So where's the banana?" She smiled. "Guess."
"Ohh…"
She finished with the crushed nuts and poured hot chocolate syrup on everything. "Yes, this will be just FINE."
"If you say so."
"And a cherry for the tip." She put one on the top of his cock, already transformed to the banana split she had been DYING to eat.
"I'm ready for you."
She took off her clothes so fast, she almost strangled in them. "Christ, I've got to suck that!"
"Eat hearty! Bon appetite!"
"I hope to hell I don't hear from Baskins amp; Robbins about THIS!" she said before she shoved her dessert into her mouth, lapping up the melted chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and crushed nuts. "Mmm… not bad, if I do say so myself!"
"That's right, baby, take it all. It's all yours."
He spread his legs wider and let her get more eating area. She went at that decorated cock with such starvation that he hoped she wouldn't cause him to add another topping in just a few more minutes.
Man, for a whore, she was the best. Real good. So what if Loretta hired her, and so what if she wasn't a maid? She'd stay as long as he could keep the truth hidden, that he knew about Loretta's plans, and that he… Goddamn, baby, keep going… that he had a few tricks up his sleeve, too.
That cunt wouldn't get away with it. Maybe she could keep… Sweet Lord, what a tongue, what a… ahh, a tongue… she could keep a piece of meat on the side. There were always a few slabs around somewhere.
Sure, let her have her barbecue or weenie roast, or whatever the hell she wanted. But when she was ready for the Goddamn divorce, she'd get it. And everything she was asking for, including a kick in the ass, and a hammer in the cunt.
"Mmm… this is so good, I just might start writing a cook book… Elsa's bone-nana split. Treat! Treat!"
He jerked his body so that more cock would go into her mouth. "Take it, baby… come on, suck it good… yeah, that's it, doll… there's no way you're ever going to get out of doing this, with you knowing your way around the dick… my sweet little cock-sucker… sink those jaws in… yeah, you know how to do it…"
"Just don't kick, honey," she told him. "I don't need the battering-ram bit!"
"You're gonna get it all!" He forced more cock into her mouth. "Suck it down to the balls!"
His hands reached down and grabbed her tits, which were brushing against the insides of his legs near his crotch. Lord, they felt good, that nasty meat hanging from her chest. And he was sticking his toes into her cunt. Great, it was nice and sopping wet. What a sponge! That's what he liked, mighty muff!
Now his toes were dripping with pussy juice. Nice, fresh, thirst-quenching.
"Here I cum, ready or not!" he yelled.
"Ready willing and able!"
"Okay, catch!" he said, then dumped his jism into her mouth in heaping tablespoon amounts, clogging up her throat and possibly blocking her nasal passage. Too bad, you cunt! You wanted every drop, you get it. And don't say you didn't ask for it.
"Don't move, stay right where you are and take it like a woman!"
He emptied himself of his cum.
She swallowed it all, and sat back, licking her lips.
"How did you like it?" he asked.
"Well… it sure as hell wasn't Campbell's Chicken Soup, but it was mmm-mmm good!"
He zipped up his pants and stood up. "Baby, I got lots of work to do, and if you keep bugging me, I'll never get it done."
"If you're rich, why don't you hire a secretary?"
"That isn't it. I have contracts and documents to sign and approve. My lawyers have advised me what and what not to sign, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't go over everything to make sure."
"Sorry I asked," She grinned and got her maid's uniform on. "See you later."
As she shut the door, she thought about him. Damn it, but she got horny by just looking at him. Why Loretta Christine wanted to divorce that delicious hunk of meat was outrageous! She'd love to take him off her hands if she could. And would, if possible.
Of course, there was the nasty little thing she pulled on that rich bitch, and that was telling her that Richard refused to think of divorce. Elsa was having such a fucking good time that she "forgot" to bring it up. In fact, she did it on purpose. That dude could give her a nice trip, sex-wise. He was like Thor's mighty hammer, and when it struck, there was lots of thunder.
So, if she could keep lying to that loaded bitch, then she could still have lots of fun with her husband, and still make the same bread she was making.
Three grand goes a long, long way…